Fading Rose

by Tamrie Foxtail

  Jim ran a hand through his short hair. “I’m not sure how to process all of this.” His hand moved to the back of his neck and he began to rub it.

  “You look ready to drop,” he said. “I think you should take Tess up on her offer to watch the store while you take a nap.”

  His hands rested on her shoulders. She nodded, wishing she were sexy and flirty and could tease him into staying.

  His lips twitched. “Of course, you just got out of the hospital. Probably wouldn’t be a good idea to leave you alone so soon.”

  Her heart gave an extra little thump. Was he offering to stay with her? He made it clear enough Sunday night that he wanted to make love to her.

  He kissed her cheek, the corner of her mouth.

  She couldn’t go to bed with a man she barely knew. Could she?

  Of course not, she scolded herself. Still, the idea was tempting.

  “I could stay with you,” he said.

  Yes! No! She continued to stare up at him.

  His next kiss found her lips. They parted for him. His tongue traced her teeth, then played with her tongue. She nearly moaned aloud. It had been so long since someone had kissed her. He tasted of spearmint gum and cherries, an odd, but heady combination.

  “Stay with me,” she whispered, when they came up for air. “I mean—”

  He kissed the tip of her nose. “I know you’re too tired to make love. I’d be happy just to hold you for a while. I can let myself out when you fall asleep.”

  She’d never had a man offer to just hold her. “All right.”

  She took him by the hand and led him into her bedroom. She kicked off the flip-flops and scooted them under the bed.

  “They’re predicting snow for tonight and you’re running around outside in thongs?”

  “My feet were so swollen that was all I could get on last night,” she said, turning down the red, white and blue comforter her grandmother had made.

  She let out a gasp when he scooped her up. After a quick kiss he laid her in the bed. A minute later he kicked off his boots, laid down next to her, and pulled the comforter over them both.

  Aubrey closed her eyes, expecting the sheer thrill of lying next to Jim to keep her awake. That was the last thought to cross her mind for the next three hours.

  She was alone when she woke. Embarrassed that she’d left Tess by herself all that time, she hurried downstairs.

  Tess looked up from the electronic reader.

  “Hey, sleeping beauty.” Her lips twisted in a wicked grin. “He really must have worn you out.”

  Aubrey’s cheeks flamed. “It’s not like that.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  She opened the old cash register. “How much do I owe you for staying?”

  “Nothing. I told you when you called this morning that I’d bring my lap top and get some work done.” She held up the reader. “I finished and I’ve actually had some time to sit here and read.”

  “You probably had other things you could have—”

  “Aubrey, just stop it. You’re my friend and I care about you. It was the least I could do.” She tucked the reader into her purse and gave Aubrey a hug. “Take it easy and take care of yourself.”

  The frog let out a ribbit that died in mid-rib.

  Aubrey had no use for self-pity, but sometimes she had to wonder if she was going to die in mid-rib, too.

  She made a mental note to pick up batteries.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jim slipped in the door at five minutes till. Aubrey didn’t even turn to look at him. Her gaze seemed to be on the glass display case housing the scrimshaw doll. For a moment he had the odd sensation that the two were watching each other.

  The look on her oval face was soft and serene. From this angle her full curves were at their best advantage. He had left his camera in the car, so he raised his phone and snapped a picture.

  Aubrey whirled at the soft click. “Did you just take a picture of me?”

  “Guilty. I couldn’t resist. You looked so contemplative.”

  “I don’t really like having my picture taken.”

  “Why not?” She mustn’t have realized he’d snapped dozens of pictures of her on Sunday.

  She shrugged. “Pasty, puffy, take you’re your pick.”

  He caught her chin with his thumb and index finger. “You’re beautiful.” He pressed a kiss against her mouth. “Do you remember what I told you about pictures and emotions? That we take pictures to remember the emotions?”

  She nodded, her chin bouncing his hand.

  “I like the feelings I have when I’m around you. I take pictures so I can remember my feelings when you’re not there.” Too late he realized she might think he meant her death. “I mean when you’re not with me. When you’re here and I’m somewhere else.”

  She started to laugh. “It’s all right. I know what you meant.”

  “Good. Maybe we can back things up a bit.” He let go of her chin. Resting his hands on her shoulders he said, “Would you like to go to my house for—”

  “Shit fire!”

  Aubrey started laughing and couldn’t seem to stop. Jim thumped her back while he glared at the bird.

  “Have you ever thought of teaching him a few things that are more appropriate?”

  “He used to say ‘That’s my girl,’ because my grandfather said it to me all the time. I remember when I was a little girl he used to say ‘Give me a kiss.’ I haven’t heard him say that in years.”

  He slid his hands to her waist, pulling her close. “Come home with me. My dad’s fixing dinner.”

  “Are you sure he wouldn’t be upset by an unexpected guest?”

  “I’ve been talking about you since we met. He wants to meet you. He’s making frozen lasagna for dinner. It’s one of the few things he can actually cook.”

  “Liar, liar.”

  Aubrey tried to hold back a laugh and snorted instead. “I have to take Einstein upstairs first.”

  ****

  Jim knew Aubrey was nervous about meeting his father. Her grip on his hand grew painfully tight, and she hung back as they approached the front door. He stopped on the porch and pulled her into his arms.

  “Don’t worry. You and my father will get along just fine.” He tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. “Ready?”

  She chewed on her bottom lip, but managed a brave smile anyway.

  Jim pulled the door open, motioning for her to precede him.

  His father sat on the couch, watching a documentary about mummies. When he saw the two of them in the doorway he grabbed his cane and struggled to his feet.

  Jim made the introductions.

  “You feeling better? Jim said you’ve been a little under the weather.”

  She gave a self-depreciating smile. “I’m feeling better now, Mister Tanner.”

  He chuckled. “None of this ‘Mister Tanner’ business. You call me James. All right?” He led them into the dining room.

  “Dinner’s just about ready. Sit down. Jimi, you mind your manners and pull out a chair for her.

  Jim gave her a wink. His father had always done the little things for his mother, saying that God made man first so he’d be there to look after the women. Jim knew a few women who might not appreciate the thought.

  He slid the chair back, waited for her to sit down and pushed the chair back in.

  His father set three small salads on the table.

  “What kind of dressing would you like, Aubrey?”

  “None.”

  “You don’t like salad?” He looked crestfallen.

  “I like salad. I just don’t put dressing on it.”

  His father said the blessing. They managed the first few bites in an awkward silence before James said, “Jimi tells me you have a parrot with an unfortunate vocabulary.”

  By the time his father had finished asking questions about the bird they were halfway through the frozen lasagna.

  He couldn’t remember Vicki sharing a conversation with
his father.

  “You know,” James said, as he topped vanilla ice cream with a little crème de menthe, “You’re a very pretty young lady. Almost as pretty as my Beth.”

  She looked up in surprise. “That was my mother’s name.”

  ****

  “What are you giving him? A slab of concrete?” Tess set the package, wrapped in metallic red paper, back on the counter.

  “It’s a book of photos by Hume. She took all these beautiful photos of Native Americans, right in this area. I know Jim admires her work.”

  “So….today’s his birthday?”

  Aubrey’s cheeks flamed. “No.”

  “Valentine’s Day isn’t for another week.”

  “We’ve been seeing each other for a month,” she mumbled.

  “Ah, I get it. The one-month-anniversary. So this relationship is something special. Is it physical?”

  “Tess!”

  “Hey, I haven’t had sex in three years. Let me live vicariously.”

  “We don’t, I mean we haven’t.”

  “Yet?”

  Aubrey glanced at the clock. Ten minutes until closing. Jim would pick her up soon after.

  Tess gave her a shoulder bump. “Give.”

  “The first night we went out he made it pretty clear he’d like to have sex.”

  “He’s a man, girlfriend. They all want sex.”

  She shook her head. “Not from me. Ever since Jim found out about the ESRD he’s been the sweetest person, and the most attentive boyfriend, I could have asked for. But he hasn’t tried to get me in bed.”

  “Have you tried to get him into bed?”

  “Tess! You’re supposed to be the churchgoer.”

  Her friend groaned. “I know. I’m so terrible. Okay. Don’t have sex with him. You’re not married. It would be a bad thing.”

  Aubrey sighed. She had a hunch it would be a wonderful thing, not that it looked like it would ever happen.

  “I wouldn’t even know how to seduce a man. He doesn’t seem interested anyway.”

  “He’s interested. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Maybe he thinks you’re fragile and he’s afraid he might hurt you.”

  Aubrey pulled the gaily wrapped book out of her purse.

  “What’s this?” Jim asked, as she slid it across the table. “One month,” he said. “That’s it, isn’t it? We’ve been seeing each other for a month.”

  She nodded. “Open it.”

  “I didn’t get you anything.”

  “You didn’t have to. I saw a copy of this book at the library and it seemed like something you should have, so I looked for an excuse to give it to you.”

  He peeled the wrapping paper off. “Hume. I love her work.” He stood up, walking around the table to give her a kiss. Afterwards he moved his chair next to hers and took her hand in his.

  “While we’re on the subject of gifts, there’s something I’d like to give you. I’ve been thinking about it for the last couple of weeks.”

  She frowned. He couldn’t mean an engagement ring, could he? Of course not. He didn’t want to make love to her, let alone marry her.

  He reached across the table, hand open. She placed her hand in his.

  “I want to give you one of my kidneys.”

  Chapter Twelve

  She shook her head and started to pull her hand from his. He tightened his hold.

  “Listen to me, Aubrey. This isn’t something I’m jumping into. I’ve given it a lot of thought. I have two kidneys and I only need one. You don’t have a working kidney at all and you only need one. Let me do this for you. Please.”

  “I had a transplant years ago,” she said, her voice quivering. “I was twenty. I’d been on dialysis for almost four years.”

  “What happened?” he asked, forehead crinkled.

  “It was a three antigen match. That’s not bad. That’s about what you’d get from a sibling.”

  “So…one of your brothers gave you a kidney?”

  She shook her head. “There are certain occupations that transplant doctors don’t like to take donations from. Occupations where injury might take the remaining kidney. Firefighters, police officers… One of my brothers is police officer, the other one is in the military.”

  “They can’t donate without giving up their careers, and you wouldn’t ask them to do that. Not even if it means saving your life?”

  She cleared her throat and took a small sip of water. “I told you the transplant I had was a three antigen match. I rejected it ten months later. What if I’d taken a kidney from one of my brothers? They would have given up a career they loved just so I could get off of dialysis for ten months.”

  Of course only someone who’d been on dialysis could understand what a gift ten months off the machine had been.

  He squeezed her hand. “I’m not a police officer, a firefighter, or a solider. I’m a photographer. I’m not likely to lose a kidney in my line of work.”

  She stared at the white table cloth and bit her bottom lip so hard it hurt.

  “Aubrey. I am crazy about you.”

  She looked up into his blue eyes and saw the truth there.

  “I wake up in the morning thinking about things I want to say to you. I fall asleep at night wishing you were in my arms. This is new to me, and it’s sweet and fresh. For the first time in my life I’m with a woman I couldn’t bear to be without. I feel angry and cheated thinking that a few months may be all we have together.”

  His voice was tense, his eyes bright. “A kidney is a very small thing to give, to keep the woman I love with me.”

  “Most people wouldn’t think it’s a sm— Wait a minute. You love me?”

  “You didn’t know?”

  She shook her head.

  “Well, now that you do, will you let me do this for you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Aubrey, it’s as much a gift to me as it is to you. It’s a chance to keep the woman I love alive and with me for years to come.” He grinned and she found herself smiling back although she had no idea what he was going to say next.

  “I like the thought of there being a little piece of me inside of you.”

  The first tear spilled, rolling down her cheek to be joined by others.

  Aubrey took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. She nodded.

  “I love you, Jim Tanner.”

  “In that case, will you do me the honor of accepting one of my kidneys?”

  ****

  She called her transplant doctor first thing in the morning, letting him know she had someone wanting to be tested as a possible donor. She didn’t call her brothers, preferring to wait until she knew for certain if Jim would be able to give her a kidney.

  She told Tess, who hugged her so hard she thought her ribs would crack.

  “When?” Tess asked when she finally let Aubrey go. “I know you’ll have to be in the hospital and then you’ll be recovering for a while. I’ll watch the shop for you. The boys can come in after school and give me a hand. They won’t mind a bit. They’ve both been praying for you to get a kidney.”

  Aubrey laughed. “Not so fast. I just agreed to accept the kidney last night. We still don’t know if he’ll even be able to donate.”

  “When will you know?”

  “He had to go over to the transplant center this morning and pick up the paperwork. As soon as he fills that out he can begin testing.”

  ****

  She knew something was wrong the minute Jim walked in the door of the shop.

  “What is it?” she asked, flipping the open sign to closed. “Is your father all right?”

  “Dad’s fine. I need to talk to you though.”

  “All right.” She put Einstein on her shoulder before leading Jim upstairs, the weight on her heart growing with each step. She unlocked the door, put the parrot on his perch and turned to Jim.

  “Now are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

  He led her to a chair, sat down and pulled her onto his lap.r />
  “You know I love you?” he asked.

  She nodded, feeling the muscles in her throat begin to grow tight before he said another word. Whatever he had to say, it wasn’t going to be good.

  “I picked up the paperwork at the transplant center and filled it out. I turned it in the same day.”

  She nodded, pressing the palm of one hand against his cheek. “Are you all right?”

  He tried to say something, the words coming out choked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “It’s my blood type. I’m B negative.”

  She was O positive.

  “So you can’t donate to me,” she said, proud of how calm she sounded as her hopes for a future crashed around her.

  He held her tight, his cheek resting against the top of her head. “Please don’t give up. Someone told me about a type of exchange. I can’t donate directly to you, but there may be someone out there needing a kidney who has a family member that can’t donate to them but could donate to you and—”

  “I know someone who received a kidney that way,” she said, trying to sound upbeat.

  “It’ll be all right,” he said. “We’ll find you a kidney.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Then it’s okay?” Tess said. “I mean, you won’t get Jim’s kidney—but you’ll get someone’s kidney.”

  Aubrey stared at the scrimshaw doll in the display case. She could swear one corner of the doll’s mouth tipped up in a knowing smile.

  “Did you ever notice that?” Aubrey asked, motioning to the doll.

  Tess glanced up from the computer. “Notice what?”

  “The doll. Doesn’t it look like she’s smiling?”

  Tess leaned to the side, studying the doll. “Now that you mention it. It’s one of those ‘I’ve got a secret’ smiles.” She reached for a cup of coffee that had to be cold by now and took a swallow. “And don’t change the subject. I want to hear about this kidney exchange.”

  Aubrey watched Einstein admire himself in the antique mirror next to his perch. She wondered if the parrot would miss her, then pushed the thought aside. She refused to spend the months she had left being negative.

  “These things can take months to coordinate. There has to be someone who needs a kidney and is compatible with Jim. Then, there has to be someone else who is compatible with me and willing to donate a kidney. This will most likely involve more than two donors and two recipients.”