Haunted Summer

by Joanna Mansell

  'I think you know exactly why I'm here,' she said bluntly.

  'Of course,' agreed Nathan. 'You've come to lecture me about last night.'

  'You're right about that!'

  'What do you want me to say about it? That I'm sorry?' He gave a small shrug. 'But I'm not. It was just something that I felt like doing, and so I did it.'

  Rose glared at him. 'And because you felt like it, that made it all right? No matter how I felt about it?'

  His eyes met and held hers. 'I got the impression that you didn't mind too much.'

  'How would you know?' she demanded hotly. 'Did you stop to ask? Did you even care?'

  He slid his fingers slowly through the dark, tousled strands of his hair, as if he didn't really want to carry on with this conversation any longer.

  'I didn't ask because I didn't need to,' he said at last. 'I know when a woman is—or isn't—enjoying it, when I kiss her. And did I care?' His shoulders moved briefly in an uncharacteristically uncertain gesture. 'I suppose I must have, or I wouldn't have kissed you in the first place.'

  Rose was finding it infuriatingly hard to remain angry with him. She tried to stoke up her indignation again, but it was very difficult now that she was actually face to face with him. She always seemed to see things in a rather different light when she was this close to him.

  She walked over to the open windows, and stared out at the gardens. There was still a lot of work to be done, but she could see the curved outlines of the lawns and flower-beds now, the glint of water from the pond, and the great splashes of colour from the flowers that had been liberated from the choking clumps of weed.

  Finally, she turned back to face Nathan again. She realised that he had hardly taken his eyes off her since she had walked into the room, and yet it didn't make her feel uncomfortable any longer. In fact, she rather liked it when he looked at her.

  'What are you going to do now?' asked Nathan at length. 'Pack your bags and leave?'

  'If I had any sense, I suppose that's what I'd do,' she said slowly. She let her own gaze drift over to meet his. 'What did you mean last night, when you said that you wanted someone who wasn't cool and wasn't blonde?'

  'I think you know perfectly well what I meant,' he replied, after a short pause.

  And because Rose had had plenty of time to think about it, she was sure that she did. Jancis Kendall— the girl who had sung his songs, who had been the other half of their hugely successful singer/songwriter partnership. She was a blonde.

  Rose gave a soft sigh. What was she getting into here? Something deep and complicated, that much was certain. And was it something that she would be able to get out of again easily, if she wanted to?

  She stared out at the gardens again. They seemed particularly tranquil this morning, basking in the hot sunshine that blazed down from the clear blue sky. Birds sung cheerfully in the nearby trees, the ducks quacked more raucously from time to time, and there was the soft hum of bees as they hovered around the roses that climbed all over the walls of the manor.

  'Do you want me to stay?' she asked at last, keeping her back to him.

  'A few days ago, I'd probably have told you that I didn't care one way or the other. But I'm beginning to realise that you've brought a little sanity back into my life. I don't know quite how you've done it, but I think I'd like to hold on to it for a while longer.'

  At that, Rose finally turned round and looked at him. 'Would you be saying all this if you were completely sober?' she asked bluntly.

  'Probably not. Does the fact that I'm slightly drunk make any difference?'

  She didn't know. But she did know that it might be a very long time before she found him willing to talk like this again. If there was anything she wanted to know—and when she thought about it, there were quite a lot" of things—this was the time to ask him.

  'If I'm going to stay, then I want to know a lot more about you,' she told him.

  'Up until last night, it didn't really matter, because there wasn't much contact between us. Things seem to be changing, though, so I think it's time you filled me in on some of the details.'

  'What do you want?' he asked with the first glimmerings of a dry smile. 'My life story? It isn't very interesting.'

  'That's hard to believe! You've done so much, written all those gorgeous songs, travelled just about everywhere. You were famous. Well, you still are famous. Your songs are played all over the world. Why did you stop writing them?' she asked curiously.

  'There didn't seem much point after Jancis and I split up,' Nathan said in a flat tone.

  It was the first time she had ever heard him say her name. In fact, she had the feeling that it was a very long time since he had actually said it out loud. His voice had seemed to linger over that one word, as if he was carefully testing his own reaction to it.

  Rose thought that it might not be a good idea to ask him straight out about Jancis Kendall. He might just clam up again, and she would never be able to find out anything. Instead, she decided to lead up to it gently.

  'How did you get started as a songwriter?' she asked. 'It must be difficult to get a career like that off the ground.'

  'I guess I was lucky,' said Nathan. 'I used to write all the material for a local group in my home town. They sent a demo disc to a record company, and ended up with a recording contract. They had good management and good publicity, and they eventually made the charts. Other groups and singers liked the stuff I wrote for them, got in touch, and asked if I'd write something for them. For a couple of years, I had almost more work than I could handle. Then I met Jancis.'

  He seemed to find it easier to say her name this time. Even so, he hesitated for a couple of moments before going on.

  'She had a good voice, deep and wide-ranging. And, just as important, she knew exactly how to put over a song. She hadn't yet made the big time, but she was already a professional to her fingertips. I knew that, with the right material and careful handling, she could go all the way to the top.'

  'She certainly managed that, all right,' agreed Rose. 'At the height of her career, she must have been one of the best-known singers around. The two of you were an ideal team. You might have been made for each other.'

  'Oh, we were,' agreed Nathan cynically. 'At least, I certainly fitted all her requirements. I wrote her songs, I was always at her beck and call, and I kept her warm in bed at night—when she required it.'

  With an effort, Rose succeeded in keeping her face fairly expressionless. Nathan lightly raised one eyebrow. 'You don't look particularly shocked.'

  'Why should I be?' she replied, somehow managing to keep her voice fairly steady. 'I never imagined, for one moment, that you had a strictly platonic relationship.'

  'No,' he confirmed softly, 'it certainly wasn't platonic. But-it was fairly one-sided.'

  He poured himself out another drink and quickly swallowed it. Rose had enough sense not to try and stop him. Anyway, if he began to sober up, he might stop talking, and she suddenly felt a strong need to know exactly what had happened between Nathan and Jancis Kendall.

  'One-sided on your side, or on hers?' she asked in a low tone.

  'Oh, I was the one who was obsessed,' Nathan said rather harshly. 'I was the one who came when she called, stayed away when she didn't want me, and arranged my life so that it fitted in with hers. She was always cool, always in control of everything. I grew to hate that, when I was so out of control.'

  Rose stared at him in growing amazement. 'I can't imagine you behaving like that,' she said at last.

  'No one can, until it happens to them. I certainly didn't think I could ever be so dependent on such a twisted relationship,' he said with some bitterness.

  'And she knew exactly how to keep my obsession going. If it looked as if I was getting so frustrated that I was likely to explode or walk out, then she would invite me back into her bed for a while. I don't think she particularly enjoyed sleeping with me. In fact, I don't think she actually liked sex very much. But in a way, that just
turned it into more of a challenge. I kept trying harder and harder to make her like it. I always thought that, next time, I'd finally get that response I was looking for. Next time, it would be as good for her as it was for me.'

  He took another drink, as if he needed the strong alcohol to dull the memories. Rose bit her lip. When she had come looking for him this morning, she hadn't expected to hear anything like this. It was so personal, so private. He was allowing her to share the darker side of his life, his failures and his most intimate memories—and she didn't know why.

  'How long did all this go on?' she asked at last, in a very subdued voice.

  'From the day we met until the day that we finally split up,' he answered in a taut voice. 'Nearly two years in all. Most obsessive relationships burn themselves out in a few months. Mine burned deeper than most, so I suppose that's why it took longer.'

  'Who was the one who finally walked away from it?' asked Rose. She didn't know why, but it seemed very important for her to know. 'You? Or Jancis?'

  'I was the one who walked away. Although, by then, she was quite happy to let me go. She didn't try to stop me. Her career had hit new heights—she didn't think she needed me any more. There were other good songwriters around. As far as she was concerned, I had become replaceable.'

  'Where did you go? What did you do?'

  'What did I do?' Nathan repeated. 'I didn't need to do anything. I had more than enough money to live on, and the royalties from my songs kept pouring in. Where did I go? Abroad, for quite a while. Several months, in fact. I kept travelling around—I couldn't seem to settle anywhere. Then I got tired of living out of a suitcase, and decided to come home. I wanted to live somewhere secluded, though. Somewhere Jancis couldn't find me—if she ever decided that she wanted to. The estate agents finally found me this place.'

  'I suppose you felt safe here from reporters, as well,' Rose said slowly. 'They must have hounded you, after the break-up-. Even in America, there were a lot of stories in the Press. I didn't read them, but I remember seeing them.'

  'I was the one who walked away, but Jancis told everyone that she was the one who decided to break up the partnership. She told the Press a lot of other things, as well. She hinted at money problems, even fraud. She gave the gutter Press a lot of behind-the-scenes details that should have stayed private. And what the Press didn't actually get out of her, they made up for themselves. For a cool lady, she certainly enjoys publicity and being the very centre of attention,' he finished tightly.

  'What happened to her after you split up?' asked Rose. 'I mean, I know she's still around, but I don't know how she's doing. I'm afraid I'm not very up on the current music scene,' she said a little apologetically.

  'Her career's on the slide,' Nathan said shortly.. 'The blaze of publicity after our break-up kept things going for her for a while, but she hasn't been able to find new material that suits her style of singing. Good songwriters aren't as common as she supposed,' he said with grim satisfaction.

  'Is that why you're still hiding away down here?' Rose said perceptively.

  'You think she'll reach a point where she wants you back?'

  'She won't want me. But she'll want my songs— and she'll do whatever she has to do to make sure she gets them.'

  'You're afraid she'll try to start the, affair up all over again? That she'll call you up, and you'll go running back to her, the way you always did?'

  Nathan's slate-grey eyes took on a new brilliance. 'I'm never running back to that bitch again! I'm free of her now. It's taken me a hell of a long time, but I've finally got her out of my system.'

  Rose's gaze rested uneasily on the almost empty bottle standing in front of him, on the piano. 'It's very easy to exchange one addiction for another,' she said hesitantly.

  For the first time, the glimmerings of a smile touched the taut corners of his mouth. 'You think I'm turning into an alcoholic? That it's the bottle that I can't leave alone now, instead of Jancis?'

  'You do seem to drink a lot,' she told him, not quite sure where she was finding the courage to talk to him like this.

  'Occasionally, I drink a lot,' he corrected her. 'But I often go for weeks now without even touching the stuff. And I'm not an alcoholic. I'd know if I were— and admit it. Hell,' he went on tiredly, 'if I can admit to my addictive obsession with Jancis Kendall, then admitting to alcoholism would be child's play.'

  Rose moved a little nearer, so that she could see his face more clearly. 'Why did you tell me about Jancis?' she asked curiously.

  'I don't know,' Nathan said with unexpected frankness. 'When you first turned up here, I thought you were just a nuisance. Then I gradually began to get used to having you around. And last night...'

  'What about last night?' Rose said uncertainly, as his voice trailed away. - He gave a small shrug. 'I'd told myself that I wasn't interested in you. That you weren't my type. And that was the truth. Now—I'm not so sure.' His faint smile suddenly turned into a full grin. 'Want to stick around, to find out how all of this turns out?' he challenged her, his gaze catching and holding hers.

  'I don't know.' Rose moved away from him again, unexpectedly disturbed by this entire conversation. She had never thought, for one moment, that things would go in this direction. And she wasn't at all sure that she could deal with the situation.

  'Do you know how long it is since I've touched a piano?' Nathan said, changing the subject.

  'No,' she said.

  'Not for nearly eighteen months—not since my split with Jancis. This morning, though, I've been picking out tunes. Nothing spectacular, but they're the first ideas I've had for songs for a very long time.'

  'And you think that's something to do with me?' she asked warily.

  'I've no idea.' He looked up at her. 'What do you think?'

  Rose thought that she had had about as much of this as she could cope with at the moment. There were a lot of things that she needed to mull over, and she wanted to do it well away from this man, who seemed so very good at springing surprises on her.

  'I think that I've got a lot of work to be getting on with. I also think that I might still want to leave,' she added honestly. 'I'm not at all sure that I want to be a cure for all your problems.'

  The smile he gave her this time was a very confident one. 'I don't think you'll walk out on me, Rose. Not yet.'

  And the really disturbing thing was that she had the feeling that he was right.

  Rose spent what was left of the morning in the garden, hacking away at the water-weed that was choking the fountain and the ornamental pond that surrounded it. The sun was bright and scorching, and she was soon very hot, sweaty and tired.

  She had come out here into the fresh air because she had needed to get away from Nathan for a while, and also because she had wanted time to think over all the things that, amazingly, he had told her about his relationship with Jancis Kendall.

  She had to admit that she hadn't enjoyed listening to all the details. She didn't want to know that he had been obsessed with Jancis. And then there were all the details that he hadn't told her, but she could too easily imagine for herself. The rows, the accusations, the fraught scenes—and Nathan and Jancis in bed together, him full of a heated need, while she allowed him to do whatever he pleased, without ever giving anything of herself back to him. Rose shivered violently, despite the humid heat that surrounded her. Stop thinking about it! she ordered herself sharply. It's over—he said it was over. But she didn't see how a relationship like that could ever be completely over. The memories would be too vivid, the uncontrollable intensity of feeling would surely always haunt you. And any other kind of relationship must seem dull and insignificant in comparison.

  She hauled the last tangle of weeds from the pond, and dumped them in the wheelbarrow. Then she straightened up and rubbed her stiff back. Her jeans and T-shirt were muddy and dirty, and her skin was damp with sweat after her exertions. It hadn't been necessary to tackle the job with such vigour, but Rose had felt the need to work of
f some of the turmoil that was churning round inside of her.

  She turned round, ready to trudge back to the house for a bath before lunch. Then she saw Nathan standing in the courtyard, almost as if he was waiting for her.

  Rose didn't hesitate. She shot off in the opposite direction, disappearing from sight in just seconds. She had no idea why she had suddenly felt she couldn't face him. Nor did she have any idea where she was going. She was almost at the boundary of the grounds to the manor now. There were no fences, only a stretch of shady woodland that covered the central part of the valley.

  A clearly discernible path led through the woodland. After only a moment's hesitation, Rose followed it. The trees sheltered her overheated skin from the sun, and the silence of the wood was soothing. The only sounds she could hear were a jumble of different bird songs, and the gentle hum of insects.

  The path wound on for quite a way; then the trees thinned out and she could see the rest of the valley stretching ahead of her. Sheep grazed on the steep hillsides, and a small river ran along the floor of the valley. The path followed the river, which glittered in the sunshine that was beating down on Rose's head again now.

  She hardly noticed the blazing brightness of the sun. Instead, she just kept walking. After a quarter of an hour, she reached the end of the valley, and discovered that it opened out into a small cove. She had reached the sea. Rose hadn't realised that Lyncombe Manor was this near to the coast. The cove was sheltered on both sides by outcrops of rock, which made it completely private, and the sea looked incredibly cool and inviting. Without hesitation, she walked towards it, pausing only to strip off her sweaty, mud-stained clothes at the water's edge. Finally, wearing just a tiny pair of cotton pants, she stepped into the water.

  She gave a small yelp as its coldness hit her hot skin. Then she plunged on, savouring the sharp contrast in temperature. After a while, it became too deep for her to wade any further, and she began to swim.

  Since she wasn't feeling particularly energetic after her exertions of the morning, followed by the long walk, she swam fairly slowly. Then, after a while, she flipped over on to her back and just floated.