For the Love of Nick

by Jill Shalvis

There was far more to his touch and kiss than that, and she had to admit, far more to hers. “Nick.”

  “See me, Danielle. Hear me. Stop shutting me out and feel me.” His hands slid down her back to her hips, binding her to him as the kiss deepened, somehow tender despite its wild demand.

  She met and matched his passion, mating her tongue to his, giving him her own affection and need and temper and frustration, as she suddenly couldn’t get close enough, feel him enough.

  “You wanted me to be gone when you got back,” he said, his breath uneven, pulling back to nuzzle at her ear. “You want me gone now.”

  “Nick…” How to explain when she didn’t understand herself? All she knew was that the only place she’d ever felt safe and sound and at home was here, in his arms.

  How could that be?

  “I know we started fast,” he murmured. “But I don’t want to finish fast.” He slid his hands up her ribs, his thumbs just brushing the undersides of her breasts.

  She opened her mouth to say she liked fast, but all that came out was a groan. Encouraged, he moved his hands beneath her top, cupping her breasts, stroking her nipples until she shuddered, pressing shamelessly against him while his mouth feasted on hers. This man…no one had ever touched her like this man. Fascinated, needy, her hands explored him too, slipping beneath his shirt, feeling the muscles in his back hard and tense under her touch.

  “I want more,” he said, and his fingers slid down her back and dipped under the lace of her panties. She shifted, making access easier, loving the sound that came from his throat when he found her wet for him.

  “I can’t walk away,” he said hoarsely, running his busy mouth down her neck, his hands still in her panties, his hips pressing to hers. “You should know that.”

  “Yes…” She could hardly stand. “And you should know…” I’m halfway to orgasm. “You scare me to death.”

  At the words, torn from her throat, he took his hands from her and went utterly still.

  “Not physically,” she added quickly, linking her arms around his neck, pressing even closer. Don’t stop. “Never physically. But God, Nick…” She managed to look directly into his eyes. “You threaten my heart. Surely you know that.”

  “I only know you threaten mine.”

  “That’s why this won’t work. We—”

  “Kiss me, Danielle.” His voice was rough with regret, need. “Just shut up and kiss me.”

  “I can do that.” She heard the sound of impending loss in her own voice, too, and tried not to. Her fingers tightened in his hair as she drew his mouth back to hers. Then, when they could no longer breathe, but neither wanted to break away, Nick rested his cheek against her hair. She felt his heart thundering, felt her own matching it.

  She could love him.

  With so little effort, she could fall good and hard. With a little sigh for what might have been, with a sigh for what might be her last night with him, she let him back her to the bed.

  NICK LOST HIMSELF in the moment, concentrating on binding Danielle so tightly to him that for once she wouldn’t be able to rebuild that wall around her heart afterward. He was shameless about it, using his lips, his tongue, his teeth, making her tremble and buck and arch beneath him.

  “I’m having trouble breathing,” she informed him, trying to crawl into his body.

  Good. He couldn’t breathe, either.

  The night had come upon them. The low-burning lamp by the bed made her skin glow, made her eyes soft and dreamy, and he knew he’d never forget how she looked right in that moment, sighing with the pleasure that he gave her. He wanted to overdose her on that pleasure, wanted to keep her pliant and weak with desire.

  For him.

  They were down to their underwear, kneeling on the bed, mouths clinging. Nick’s plan was to make her wild, but she turned the tables and did it to him as she ran her hands over his body.

  “You’re so beautifully made, Nick.”

  “Mmm, not like you.” Bending his head, he licked the smooth curve that plumped out of her bra, inhaling the warm female scent of her as his fingers slid along her rib cage to the back, unfastening the hook so that her breasts spilled into his waiting hands.

  “Still need more,” he decided, and stripped away their remaining clothing, easing her down on the bed, coming against her as the sheets shifted beneath them, as the evening breeze drifted in the window and over their skin.

  Naked flesh against naked flesh. Moving, touching, holding, tasting in slow, erotic intent, reveling in the mutual delight. Mutual joy.

  He definitely found more than he sought. More than he intended, as his senses soared, his soul stirred and his heart opened.

  “Nick,” she whispered as he slid into her, her voice filled with all the awe he’d already discovered.

  “I know.” Joined, vulnerable yet strong, he moved. She moved with him, and the passion rose, consumed, taking him unaware, the hunger made all the more poignant by the accompanying fear that this was unique. Theirs.

  Forever.

  DARKNESS HAD FALLEN outside, but for Ted, that darkness went soul deep.

  He stood outside some godforsaken bed-and-breakfast inn called Twin Oaks.

  Hell, is what he would have called it. He’d seen them. He’d stood outside, cloaked by the night, and watched them embrace through the glass picture window.

  Danielle and her new boyfriend. She’d gotten herself a new boyfriend.

  She’d be punished for that.

  Even the moon had gone to bed while Ted stood there in the woods. Watching. The window went dark.

  Which meant right at this moment, somewhere inside there, lay Danielle with another man.

  The fury nearly blinded him, but he forced a long, deep breath. Nothing had changed. She would come back to him. She would.

  He would make her.

  14

  NICK SLEPT with Danielle that night, and the next, both against his better judgement.

  But he was discovering, when it came to Danielle and his emotions, there was little better judgement to be found. They made love, they talked, they laughed.

  And continued to play at being engaged for Nick’s family.

  But though staying had been his own choice, it turned out to be incredibly difficult, because with each passing day he became more and more sure of the one thing Danielle wouldn’t want to hear.

  They were meant to be together.

  One morning, he woke up to an empty bed. When he surged up with a moment of panic, Sadie opened one eye from her perch on the floor and sent him a baleful stare.

  “Well, if you’re still here, she must be, too,” he decided, relaxing.

  Without comment, Sadie closed her eye, ignoring him.

  But when Danielle came out of the bathroom, fully dressed, Sadie leaped up to be petted.

  “Hey,” Nick said softly, still prone. “Come back to bed and wake me up.”

  “You look awake to me.”

  “I’m having a nightmare. Comfort me.”

  She reached down and clipped Sadie’s leash. “Sadie needs to be walked.”

  With a sigh at leaving the warm, cozy bed, Nick rose, jammed his legs into his jeans and came up behind her. “How do you do that?” He stroked a finger over the shoulder left bare by her sleeveless sweater.

  “She has to go—”

  “Love me with all your heart during the night, then in the light of day pull back. Distance yourself.”

  She went very still. “I don’t do any such thing.”

  “Really?” He turned her to face him, and looked into her cool gray eyes. “You’re doing it right now. Working up a temper to avoid the real issue.”

  “Which is?”

  “Us.”

  “Nick—”

  “Why is that, Danielle? Why do you let me in only when I’ve got you naked and writhing and desperate for me to make you come—”

  “I’m never desperate.”

  She tried to turn away again but he pressed her into t
he door. “Wanna bet?” he asked silkily, his thumbs brushing the barest of touches on the very undersides of her breasts, a spot he knew by now made her stretch and purr like a stroked cat.

  Her eyes fell closed. “That…won’t work.”

  “Uh-huh.” He’d heard the helpless hitch in her voice, and made the movement again, this time reaching slightly higher, nearly to her nipples.

  At the base of her neck, her pulse raced. He put his mouth there, tasting the spot, and she let out a little whimper.

  “This is…” She trailed off to gasp when he dotted hot, wet, openmouthed kisses down her throat.

  He lifted her, just enough to press his erection against the V of her shorts.

  “Nick…what are you trying to prove?”

  He could hardly remember. “Something about making you desperate for me,” he muttered, his mouth still full of her flesh.

  “I’m…never desperate.”

  But the words sounded satisfyingly weak when he ran his hands up the backs of her thighs, spreading them open so he could step between them.

  By the sound of her, she could barely get her words together. Good. Neither could he, damn it.

  “The records,” she managed. “They should come today.”

  He knew that, he’d wakened up knowing it, just as he knew she’d be out of here when they did arrive.

  “This is it,” she said. “We shouldn’t—”

  “Damn right, we shouldn’t. But we are.” Not wanting to hear all the reasons they were being fools, his mouth covered hers.

  He knew the reasons, every one of them. The kiss obliterated it all from his mind the moment she surrendered with a cry and started kissing him back, hot and hard and wet.

  He felt a blinding need, an intense stroke of emotion, and heat raced through his body, so that if he didn’t take her now, he would die. Then her shorts were gone, his jeans opened. Lifting her higher yet, he surged into her, making them both cry out. He wasn’t sure how he could continue to want her this way, this all-powerful, earth-shattering way, but the wanting consumed him.

  “Nick…” It was a sob, torn from her throat, telling him she was consumed, too.

  “Wrap your legs around my waist…there. Yeah, there.” Using the door, he thrust into her glorious, giving body, until with another keening cry, she came. Watching her fall apart, shuddering, mindless, his name on her lips, he followed her over the edge.

  It was several moments before he could move, but he finally lifted his face from where he’d planted it against her neck.

  Danielle’s head was thrown back against the door, her eyes closed, and he could feel her limbs still shaking. He would have touched her, but as his own limbs were still trembling like crazy, he was afraid to let go of his two fistfuls of her bottom, or he’d drop her.

  Eyes still closed, she squirmed until he loosened his grip, then she reached for the clothes they’d scattered across the room.

  Sweater held to her breasts, she turned to him, eyes miserable. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  “This, as in making love?”

  “This, as in playing house.” She shoved her legs into her shorts. “This pretending to be engaged.” She pulled on her sweater, forgetting her bra. “This…” She gestured to the door that they’d just done it against. “That.”

  Before he could respond, there came a knock at that very door.

  “Nick?” Maureen called through the wood. “Honey, Clint and I just opened some champagne with breakfast. A gift from our distributor. Bring your soon-to-be wife down, we’ll have a toast.”

  Nick looked at Danielle, who gave him a long, solemn, sorrowed look that said see? It’s wrong.

  “Give us a minute,” Nick said.

  Danielle just shook her head.

  She didn’t want to play the game anymore, but that was okay, because neither did he. And it was time to tell her. He watched her search for a sock and find it. “I want the real thing, Danielle.”

  The sock fell from her fingers. “You what?”

  “I don’t want to pretend anymore, either. I want to sleep with you at night, wake up with you wrapped around me. I want to share your life, and have you share mine.”

  “You’re crazy,” she whispered.

  “Maybe.”

  “You can’t want to share my life. I don’t want to share my life.”

  “I love you, Danielle.”

  Her expression shuttered and she turned away. Walking to the window, she stared down at the gardens, so alive with color. “That’s ridiculous. You don’t know me.”

  “I think I do,” he said evenly, which was difficult, as she’d cut him deep with her disbelief.

  “Okay, then.” Danielle’s shoulders were stiff. So was her neck. Hell, her entire body felt so tight she was going to crack and fall apart, limb by limb. “I don’t know you.”

  “Just because you feel like your back is up against the wall,” he said, more quietly now, “isn’t a reason to lie to me.”

  She whipped back to face him, a hot retort on her lips, but it died when she saw that while his voice had sounded confident, he was far from sure of himself.

  Above all else, his love for her was shining in his eyes. “Oh, Nick.”

  His jaw tightened. “You’re thrilled.”

  Terrified, more like. How could facing his love be harder than facing Ted’s hatred? “We lead very different lives.”

  “So?”

  “So…you’ve told me yourself, your job takes you far and wide. You’re rarely home.”

  “And I’ve also told you, I’ve enjoyed this break. So much that I’m thinking a little lifestyle change wouldn’t be a bad thing. I can still write, Danielle, and not vanish for months at a time.” His gaze deepened. “If it’s permanence you’re looking for.”

  “That’s just it. I don’t know what I’m looking for.” Liar, liar, pants on fire.

  “Yes, you do. You just don’t want to admit it. God forbid you share yourself—”

  “I’ve tried that, thank you very much!”

  “Not with me, you haven’t.” His eyes were hot. “Don’t lump me in with him, Danielle.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “I’m tired of beating my head against the wall to get you to trust me. To want me.”

  “I want you, Nick. That’s never been the problem.”

  “I’d rather have your trust.”

  Her ribs felt too tight. Her stomach hurt. She needed air, badly. “I don’t do trust.” She found her shoes, shoved them on.

  “You do at night.”

  Damn it, where was Sadie’s leash?

  “You trust me when it’s dark,” he said behind her. “When you can fool yourself into believing it’s just sex, it’s just comfort, it’s just temporary.”

  The leash was already on Sadie. Grabbing it, she faced Nick, seeing all his anger and hurt, which made her heart clench tighter.

  “But it’s in the light of day that the challenge comes,” he guessed correctly. “Well, guess what, Danielle? I’m not like him, and I’m never going to be. I’m never going to shove you into some mold, force you to do things you don’t want to do. I’m not interested in changing you, or asking you to be someone you’re not. I want you, just as you are.” He put his hand over hers on the door handle. “But I won’t have you look at me with that look, the one that says you’re wondering how long before I show my true colors, the one that says that no matter how often you let me make love to you, you’re still going to hold back a portion of your heart.”

  “Nick, stop. Please stop.” God, she had to think. Breathe. She hauled open the door.

  Sadie whined, not happy with the tension, and Danielle gave a little tug on the leash. “Come.”

  Sadie merely ducked her head and used her weight to tug back.

  “Running, Danielle?” Nick asked while she played tug-of-war with the dog.

  Damn him for not understanding. This wasn’t easy for her, it—

  With another
whine, Sadie sat on Nick’s feet.

  “You’ve run before,” Nick noted, putting a hand on Sadie’s head. “Hasn’t worked for you yet. Why don’t you take a stand and work this out?”

  Danielle glanced down at her dog, who—she couldn’t believe it—refused to budge.

  “Go ahead,” Nick suggested. “Run. Keep on running. Don’t let me in. Don’t acknowledge how I feel for you. You’ll be happier that way. Right?”

  What did he know about it? “Come on, Sadie.” She stepped outside the room, but Sadie didn’t.

  “Leave her.” Nick’s eyes dared her. “If air is all you need.”

  “You don’t even like her.”

  His eyes roamed over her before he shook his head. “Still not seeing me, I see.”

  She stared back at him, tough and tense. He thought he loved her. My God. Loved her. She couldn’t breathe again, and dropping the leash, she ran for the trails.

  Alone.

  As always, alone.

  NICK LOOKED DOWN at Sadie.

  From her perch on his feet—which were quickly losing circulation—she shot him a reproachful, hurt look, as if this mess was all his fault.

  “Hey, you’re the one who decided to stay here,” he pointed out.

  Sadie butted his stomach with her head, tilting her face up to blink huge, melting eyes at him.

  “Oh, no. Don’t give me that. I’m second fiddle and I know it. You should have gone with her.”

  Sadie let out a long sigh. A pathetic sigh. A poor-me sigh.

  “Ah hell.” He shoved his fingers through his hair and crouched down. “You know I’ve grown stupidly attached, right? To the both of you?”

  Sadie leaned on him, knocking him to his butt on the floor, and something inside him warmed slightly as she crawled into his lap. “Fine mess, huh?” he muttered, trying to be tough but it was hard with a hundred and fifty pounds of dog sitting on him. Giving up, he wrapped his arms around the damn dog—not an easy feat—and gave her a hug.

  The big oaf put her head on his shoulder and let out a long strand of drool, right down his back. He hardly noticed. “It’s going to be okay,” he told her. Somehow.

  But how? He could still picture the glitter of tears in Danielle’s eyes as he told her he loved her.