Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy)

by Michelle Dennis Evans

  ‘Mum, I really don’t want to keep dancing. I know you’ve paid for the year but—’

  ‘That’s a shame, love. But if that’s what —’

  ‘Are you annoyed with me?’

  ‘You said a while back you weren’t enjoying it. I’d rather you be honest with me. Maybe that’s why you twisted your ankle.’

  ‘No, I just made a mistake.’ I flexed my foot to stretch.

  ‘But you were doing something you weren’t enjoying.’

  I nodded. ‘I was enjoying that dance though. I think I just got overconfident.’

  ‘You can stop if you like. We won’t force you to finish the year.’

  ‘Really?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Thanks, Mum.’

  She was such a treasure. I had great parents—which made me think of Stephanie. Hers weren’t as caring. I must ring her.

  ‘Hi, Steph, how are you going?’

  ‘I’m dreading my report card.’

  ‘Not going well?’

  ‘I’ve been really distracted.’

  ‘Distracted? Jason I bet.’ Here goes. Another trip around the mountain.

  ‘He’s away with his mates this week. I really miss him.’

  ‘I’m sure you do.’ I sighed, pulling my hair out of a hair tie. ‘Have you got round to talking to your parents about you coming down here next year?’

  ‘I did bring up moving back, but Mum shrugged me off, telling me I’d eventually find friends here. As if! Mum suggested you come up and stay the week before Christmas. Can you? You can meet Jason. He can’t wait to meet you. You’ll see how amazing he is. He’s the perfect boy—’

  ‘We’re going to our unit on the central coast that week. Steph, are you going to ask them, or should I tell Mum and Dad it’s not going to happen?’ Spitefulness echoed in my words. I’d had enough of her going on and on about Jason. Talk about being obsessed.

  It took everything in me to stop willing them to break up. I mean, I was happy to see Stephanie no longer depressed, but I was sure he wasn’t the right guy for her. Maybe I just needed to meet him.

  *~*~*~*

  After swimming laps at the local pool, my energy fluttered like a butterfly. I was keen to go out for the night. I’d sat at home for long enough.

  ‘Hey Mum. Janet wants me to go to a party with her tonight.’

  She frowned at me. ‘Your father and I are concerned after the last few parties you’ve been to.’

  ‘But you also know I’m the responsible one.’ She had a point. Did I really want to clean Janet up again?

  ‘Hmm. As long as you stay that way.’

  ‘Of course.’ I smiled and hoped I wouldn’t regret tagging along with Janet.

  The party was at a friend of a friend of a friend’s house. Janet didn’t even know who they were. She’d stuffed her backpack with cheap wine coolers.

  ‘Did you have to bring so much?’

  ‘I’ll share some with you.’

  ‘You know I don’t.’ I raised my eyebrows.

  She shrugged.

  I’d brought a bottle of candy soft drink and was ready for my sugar high.

  Janet downed her coolers in record time, turning her face a strange shade of green. I was back on duty and left the candy soft drink to rest in the bag. I found a facecloth in a drawer while she found the toilet. After each spew, I wiped her chin, her cheeks. GROSS!

  ‘Janet, you’re disgusting.’ I could say anything to her, there’s no way she’d remember tomorrow.

  I pushed my way through the party to the kitchen. Thankfully the coffee jar was on the bench next to the jug. I scooped two heaped spoons of the instant powder into a cup, filled it with boiling water and pushed the spoon through it a couple of times. Slapping her cheek gently to snap her back to life, I fed her the thick brew. She kept drifting off.

  ‘Janet!’ My attempt to keep her awake failed. This time I was ringing her parents. ‘Mr Range?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Janet’s not feeling so good. Could you come and pick us up?’

  ‘Not at the moment. I have my hands full.’

  ‘Is Mrs Range there?’ I tapped my fingers on the phone.

  ‘No, she’s out for the night.’

  ‘Can you please tell me her mobile number?’

  He rattled it off quickly and hung up before I could say thanks. Mrs Range’s phone was turned off.

  ‘Janet, what do you want me to do?’

  Silence. Scary non-responsive silence.

  Like, if it was the first time, it wouldn’t have bothered me so much, but we’d been there before. And I didn’t like playing nurse.

  A trickle of drool rolled onto her chin.

  ‘Geez, Janet! I’d rather not ring Mum and Dad. They were already concerned about me coming out tonight. But if I don’t, we’re stuck here.’

  ‘Don’t worry sweetheart.’ A stray Mr Macho walking by stopped and gave me a sly grin. ‘I’m staying in a room upstairs. You’re welcome to sleep over. I’ll share my sleeping bag.’

  Ewww. Cheesy gross.

  ‘Janet, we have to get out of here.’ I looked into her back pack and found her purse. A twenty dollar note peeked through the folds. Good. I had ten dollars. That should be enough to get us home.

  ‘Just try to stand for me.’

  I shook her and tried to pull her to her feet, but she was a dead weight. I looked to the sky, almost ready to abandon hope when she leant forward a little. I pulled again and she rocked up onto her feet leaning on my shoulder. The two of us shuffled outside where I rang and ordered a taxi.

  We arrived back at Janet’s house to hear the kind of noises I didn’t want to hear coming from her parents’ bedroom. Flip! I was sure her father had said her mum was out. I had to get out of there. I pulled out my phone and rang Mum.

  ‘You ready to come home already? I thought you were staying the night.’

  ‘So did I, but I don’t feel comfortable, it’s … I just want to get out of here.’

  ‘Be there in ten minutes, love.’

  I tucked Janet into bed fully clothed, on her side with a bucket nearby and waited outside.

  CHAPTER 13

  I sat heavy on the couch, weighing up whether to call Janet or not. Her father’s attitude and the details of last night plagued my thoughts. What would I say? So was your mum home last night? Because, ahem, I heard them. Well, if it wasn’t your mum ... who was it? Who wanted to hear that?

  As I rubbed the dead skin now peeling off my finger from the steam burn, the phone rang. Stephanie. Her boyfriend had gone overseas for three months.

  ‘So did you break up?’ It seemed the obvious question.

  ‘Why would we?’

  Just hoping. ‘Did he ask you to pine after him while he’s away? Or did he tell you he would stay faithful?’

  ‘No. Neither. Why?’

  I couldn’t shake the possibility of Janet’s father cheating.

  ‘Aren’t you scared it won’t last over the holidays?’

  ‘No. He said we’d be okay to start where we left off when he comes back. He’s hoping to get into university in Sydney. So if I move to Sydney ...’

  ‘Didn’t he say Sydney, or Melb …? Anyway, you know how big Sydney is.’ With all those uni girls swimming around him like fish, did she really think he’d still want her?

  ‘Meh.’ She squeaked.

  I had to let it go and let her live her own life. ‘Hey, you won’t believe what Janet did to me.’

  ‘Sorry, Tabbie. I have to go. Mum’s calling.’

  Before I could finish, she’d hung up. Sure, Steph, I wanted to yell, I’ll listen to everything you have going on. I’ll listen to all of your dramas. But hey, don’t worry about me, everything’s fine. I won’t bother you with anything outside your little world.

  How had my best friend become just as demanding as Janet since she moved to another city? Where did that leave me?

  Inhaling deeply three times, I held the last breath and looked to the
ceiling. Shelly—I hadn’t seen her since I’d been on crutches. It would be good to see her again. Now that the crutches were gone, I’d be able to move around without tripping someone up at youth group.

  I needed to get out and burn some energy. Was Stephanie really planning to follow Jason? What if he went to Melbourne? Would she follow him there? My stomach pulled into a knot. I needed to stop the ember igniting into a full-blown fire inside me. I’d give anything to run and pound the concrete for a while, then pummel my feet into the grass around the oval. But my ankle was still too weak. I grabbed my swimmers and towel, kissed Mum goodbye and caught the next bus to the indoor heated pool.

  Change room lights are the worst. I knew I look like a pear, but seriously, why would they put full length mirrors with bulge-illuminating lights in change rooms? I took one quick look to make sure all the important bits were covered, dumped my bag of clothes into a locker and threw my towel over my shoulder. Churning pit of frustration—get ready to be burnt off.

  Ropes fenced off the shallow end where kid’s clung to kickboards with instructors correcting their style. The centre lanes were filled with seasoned swimmers lapping each other.

  I dropped my towel onto an empty chair and dipped my toes into the water. The chill sent goose bumps up my thunder thighs. Wasn’t this pool meant to be heated? Freezing my butt off with a shiver, I walked towards the ladder to elegantly lower myself into the water as I glanced across the pool ... Danny? Blinking, I glanced in his direction again. He lifted his hand to give me a slight wave.

  My toes caught the drainage grid, jarring my body to a halt. I reached for the railing, grabbed it with one hand, but slipped. Stupid shiny thing hadn’t helped me in any way. I face planted. My stomach slapped across the lane ropes. Willing myself to die, I pretended I hadn’t seen him and faced the other direction.

  It would’ve been pointless to climb out straight away. Everyone in the entire swimming complex had fixed their eyes on me. I ducked underwater for a minute.

  When I came up for a breath, Danny stood right in front of me, dripping. He still looked ridiculously like Mr Biceps, only slightly smaller. Perhaps he didn’t see me? I could live in denial.

  What, in the name of love, was I even thinking about Danny for? And why was I here? To burn off all of the agro-at-my-best-friend energy. I needed this swim so I could be the best friend I’d always been.

  With cheeks still burning I found a vacant lane and swam. Face down. Freestyle. Breathing every eighth stroke to keep my face in the water as long as possible. I punched every stroke. Angry at Steph. Angry at me. Angry at the world.

  After ten laps, every stroke became more like a paddle. A paddle downstream. A paddle to dry land. A paddle to kindness. To love my best friend. To get to know more people like Shelly and Priscilla. To make an effort to go back to youth group. Gosh I hadn’t been for over a month. My muscles soon tired and I took breaths every second stroke. I’d released the anger. A sense of peace and calm washed through me. I swam back to the ladder and climbed out.

  He was sitting right in front of me, holding my towel in his hands. Hands attached to the ends of those arms with those biceps. Danny.

  ‘Hi,’ he said, glancing at me then back to the pool.

  ‘Thanks.’ I ripped my towel out of his hands and quickly wrapped it around my body to hide my thighs. I was thankful he’d kept his eyes focused on my face. ‘You waiting for something?’

  ‘Yeah, just catching my breath after laps. I was about to head off.’ He stood. Our eyes locked on a level horizontal gaze.

  ‘Oh.’ I pulled a little tighter on my security towel.

  ‘Well, I guess I’ll see you around sometime.’

  ‘I guess.’ I raised my eyebrows.

  That boy was so flipping weird. Sure, he had the looks of Mr Biceps, but he was seriously nerdish and just weird. I shuddered as we peeled off in opposite directions, him towards the door and me towards the change rooms.

  My left ankle had already ballooned again. Shades of purple streaked the sides but I refused to resort to crutches and hobbled my way around for the last few weeks of the school year. My perseverance was spent. Every spare moment I had my head down and ankle up.

  Janet was getting more messed up daily. That bothered me. I had a feeling she was sneaking drinks at night while her parents weren’t watching. She said her parents were fine and they’d sorted out their differences.

  Suzie retreated, becoming quieter by the day. That bothered me too. Her parents pulled her out of everything except school. I wracked my brain, searching for a way to help her, but came up with nothing every time.

  At least my end of year results were the best they’d ever been. Thanks to a stuffed ankle.

  CHAPTER 14

  On the first day of Christmas holidays, the sun streamed through my window, waking me up early to swim some laps, pack and eat breakfast before Peter had even shown his face.

  The first night he’d slept in his bed for months. He told us it was so he didn’t have to wake up extra early. But I had a feeling something had happened between Phoebe and him.

  ‘Is that all you’re taking?’ Mum glared at my small roller bag.

  ‘Sure, three swimsuits, towel, pyjamas, strapping tape and a novel. What else do I need? I’m chillaxing this holiday.’

  ‘Guess you deserve to relax. You did work hard this semester.’

  ‘Tabbie.’ Dad shuffled on the spot. ‘Can you go wake up Peter? It’s a long drive. We really should get going early.’

  I rumble knocked with both hands as hard as I could on his door. ‘Up, up, up. We’re off on our family journey. Come on. Up, up, up!’ Dr Seuss, eat your heart out.

  ‘Seriously, Tabbie.’ He pulled the door open, rubbing his eyes, squinting. ‘Way too perky for this time of day.’

  It took him another half an hour to pack before we piled into the family car to head to Terrigal, on the Central Coast. When we entered the apartment a few hours later, I flung open the balcony doors to see the ocean. We were close enough to check out all the hot boys. The only annoying part—I had to share a bedroom with Peter—a serious snorer!

  ‘Are you really going to have a sleep?’ I asked as Peter fell onto the bed. ‘We just got here. It’s beach time.’

  ‘Sleep,’ Peter mumbled. ‘More sleep.’

  Leaving him on the bed, I found my cutest red bikini and slipped into the bathroom to change. Then I strapped my ankle to keep it from further damage while walking on the sand.

  ‘Do you have a beach cover or something, love?’ Dad looked up from the paper as I walked through the unit.

  ‘Yeah, this.’ I wrapped my towel around my waist. He had a point. I didn’t need to show off my thighs. ‘Need to get a tan. I’m so anaemically powdery white.’

  ‘Do it gradually love.’ Mum stood in the doorway. ‘How about I rub some sunscreen in before you head out?’

  I had no choice but to accept the sunscreen application before leaving for the beach.

  Day one: expectation of meeting Mr Dream-Boy—high.

  But the beach was bare. Everyone must have stayed home out of the wind. The sand kicked up, stinging my legs as I searched for a spot to lie. Just when I found the perfect position, my towel wouldn’t stay flat until I lay on it. Within minutes another gust came and the sting of sand pitted into my skin, gluing itself to the sunscreen. Not comfortable at all. A sand-coated Tabbie was definitely not the look I was hoping to achieve.

  I stretched my ankle backward and forward a couple of times before I jumped up. My towel blew over and over, rolling down the beach until I caught it and pushed half of it under the sand. I jogged towards the surf, jumping over the small curls of water until it was deep enough to swim past the wave break.

  I bobbed up and down on the ocean side of the crashing waves, watching for any interesting people to arrive on the beach. No hot boys, but plenty of interesting people. A large man with an overhanging stomach stood knee-deep watching kids in full sunsuits splash in
the shallows. Over-weathered women power walked on the hard wet sand. They must have spent every hour of their lives on the beach.

  Perhaps tomorrow would bring some hot boys.

  We ate dinner together then Mum pulled out Trivial Pursuit. Peter, the brother of all trivial knowledge, blitzed it and won the game before I had a chance to get any questions right.

  I was over it and pushed my chair out. ‘I’ve had enough family fun. I’m off to read a book in bed.’

  ‘Or look out the window and perv,’ Peter called after me.

  ‘As if!’ I called back without looking. My face glowed. How did he know?

  But that’s exactly what I’d planned to do. I took in the fantastic view from our window. With my novel open on my lap, I sat on my bed, leaning against the window, watching everything that happened on the street. Not much. And again, no hot boys.

  ‘See, I knew you’d be perving on someone.’ Peter sprung me with my forehead on the window.

  ‘Just people watching.’

  ‘When are you going to get a boyfriend, sis?’

  ‘They’re way too much trouble. I’ll just dream about the ‘one day when’ of having one for a while longer.’ I smiled as an image of Danny flashed in my mind. With a few rapid blinks, I cleared it away. ‘What’s happening with Phoebe anyway?’

  ‘I don’t know. We want different things.’

  ‘Does she want to get married?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Peter shook his head.

  ‘And you don’t?’

  ‘Nah, no way. Not yet.’

  ‘But what if she was the one?’ I closed my book.

  ‘I’m way too young to even think about it.’

  ‘Guess she is too, then.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Peter looked away with glassy eyes.

  ‘You love her though, don’t you?’

  ‘Yeah, I do. It’s hard to stop loving someone.’

  ‘So what’s the problem?’

  ‘I know we shouldn’t be together.’ Peter lay on his bed. ‘She doesn’t want to go to uni, or come with me to Melbourne next year. Best we call it off now. Who knows, maybe after a break we’ll work it out again.’