by Kirby Hall
She arrived at the window and turned on her heel. On the one hand, she didn’t want to bother him, but on the other, it occurred to her again as it had earlier that morning, she hadn’t thanked him for his help with the whole Bekah and Jay situation. She owed him at least her gratitude. Her reflection stared back at her from the full-length mirror tucked in the corner of her room and she wasn’t sure she liked what she saw.
She’d never been so torn up over a guy before. West made her stupid. She hoped he couldn’t see through her as easily as Bekah could. It was bad enough he thought she was book stupid, she didn’t need him to know she looked forward to him coming to her house, too. Or how hard she had to work to keep from staring at him in class. Or that every time she drove down the country road she looked for him and remembered how he’d pulled her to safety.
She tore her eyes away from the mirror and started walking again. She only had a little more time before her big test and then the semester would be over. Her life would go back to normal; West in his own little world doing whatever it was he did, and her refocusing and getting back into Performing Arts.
But first, she was going to go tell West thank you to quiet her inner drama queen who seemed to only be able to think about him. Then, she’d come home and study. She nodded. It was a solid plan.
“Dad, I need to make a run to the grocery store,” she said from the doorway of his home office. “Do you need anything?”
He stopped reading the document in front of him and eyed her over the rim of his reading glasses. “Why don’t you write whatever it is you need on the list? Maria can get it for you.”
“Dad, this isn’t the sort of thing that can wait.” She made her eyes rounder and her dad waved his hand.
“No, no you should go.”
Sometimes only having a dad had its perks. The one thing about men that never changed was their desire to know nothing about female issues. She turned and headed out the back door.
As she slowed to a stop beside the cemetery entrance, she strained to see if she could make out any signs West was there, but even with the missing leaves she couldn’t see anything. She turned off the car and rested her hands in her lap instead of reaching for the door handle and getting out. It wasn’t too late to leave. He didn’t know she was there. She could just keep driving.
She hit the tops of her thighs. Oh, get over yourself.
She grabbed her keys and made her way to the top of the hill. The wind pulled at her hair, sending it flying across her face and into her eyes. She tucked it back behind her ears for all the good it did and then froze when she looked up and saw West. His eyes were on her, but his face was blank. She swallowed. So much for her solid plan.
“What’re you doing out here, A-money? Miss me?”
She prayed her cheeks remained white and didn’t betray her by giving away the answer to his rhetorical question. “It occurred to me I never thanked you for last night.” She climbed the last part of the incline and stopped in front of him.
“And you didn’t think it could wait until tomorrow?”
She didn’t have an answer to that. There was always the truth. Yes, I missed you. I’m trying to get you out of my head here. Like when a song gets stuck in your head and the only way to get it out is to hear it again. Instead of spilling her feels out all over his shoes, she decided not to answer at all.
“You want to sit?” he asked after a few seconds of awkward silence.
“Sure.” She knelt down on the grass and checked the area to see where there was the least amount of dirt.
“I have a question,” he said after they were situated on the top of the hill. “Why do you dress the way you do? I mean, why not jeans or something? We’re in high school.”
“Yeah, I know.” She picked at a weed near her foot and let its torn pieces fall to the ground. “The truth is, my dad likes these clothes. He wants me to look nice in ‘tailored clothes’ as he puts it and since he’s paying for them…”
“His dime, his rules. I get it.” West wove his long fingers together and watched her with his dark eyes. “But, don’t you get tired of always playing the part? I mean, what does Alexa like?”
She fought the urge to squirm or look away. “I like simple.”
“Simple clothes. That would be a change.”
She shook her head. “Not just clothes. Simple everything.” She stared out over the pasture and smiled. “One day, when I’ve made it to New York and I can live the way I want to live, I’m going to have roommates and waitressing jobs and take subway rides.”
“You say that now, but once you’re in the middle of it, you’ll miss the posh life you’re used to.” He reached up to push his hair back from his face. “You only feel the way you do now because you don’t know any different.”
“I’m not saying I won’t miss my room and Maria’s cooking, but there’s something in doing it yourself. Finding your own way.”
He shrugged. “If you say so, A-money.”
“When I’m a waitress in New York, you won’t be able to call me that anymore.”
He grinned. “Sure, I will.”
She smiled, too. “West, seriously about last night. Thanks for that.”
“No problem.” He leaned back on one of his elbows and poked at a ladybug climbing the length of a piece of grass. “Big test this week.”
Alexa rubbed her hands down her arms. “Don’t remind me. The test anxiety is already setting in.”
He shook his head.
“What?” she asked.
“You.” He threw a few pieces of torn grass away, sending them down the hill. “You can get on stage and sing in front of a room full of people like it’s nothing, but a little test has you tied up in knots? Seems silly to me.”
“That’s because you’re smart.” She nudged his shoulder with hers.
His face grew serious and he locked eyes on her. “So are you.”
Heat crawled up her neck and into her face. “West, please. We both know that isn’t true.”
“Do we?” He pushed himself into a sitting position and leaned toward her until their bent knees were touching. “I’ve been working with you. I know you’re smart. I think you got lost early in the semester and instead of getting help, you tried to do it on your own and kept getting in deeper and deeper until you couldn’t hang on anymore.”
Her cheeks burned so hot she feared her makeup would evaporate, so she dropped her gaze to where their knees were touching. His jeans with the beginnings of a hole next to her designer slacks. They couldn’t be more different and yet, here they were.
He hooked a finger under her chin and she raised her eyes to his. “You’re a little bit of a control freak.”
He smiled and she laughed. She couldn’t be upset with him because he was right. She was a control freak who didn’t ask for help. With anything. Ever.
He let go of her chin and leaned back. “You’ll be fine. You’re ready.”
She nodded. “Thanks. It’ll be because of you.” She stood and brushed off her pants. She hated to go. If it were possible, she would stay with West on the hill all afternoon just talking, but her dad was going to start wondering where she was.
He stood up, too, and they stared out over the trees. The leaves had changed into reds and oranges, except for the pines, stubbornly green year-round. Unwavering and constant.
“You know something I’ve noticed?” she asked with her eyes still forward.
“What’s that?”
“I spend a lot of time thanking you.”
“Well, if you weren’t so needy all the time,” he teased.
This time he bumped her shoulder first. And, when he looked down at her and the heat crept into her cheeks again, this time, it wasn’t embarrassment. The air between them crackled as though alive. She was fro
zen in place hovering somewhere between leaning into him and touching his lips with hers and turning to go, and she knew he felt it, too. The same sensation of knowing the other person is thinking about kissing you at the same time you are thinking about kissing them. When it seems inevitable. Either kiss now or walk away in an awkward shuffle.
West reached a hand around her waist and pulled her to him. Their bodies so close she could feel the zipper of his jacket through her shirt. And then his mouth was on hers, warm, soft, and welcome. Her breath caught in her throat, but only for a second as overwhelming flutters of excitement flooded her body. She’d kissed a boy before, but never like this, never in a way that made her whole body spark to life. He felt good, too good. As the kiss deepened she blocked everything from her mind except his lips and the feel of his warm hands on her waist.
His mouth didn’t have a specific taste, but it was West and it was perfect. Her head swam as his breath moved into her and mixed with hers. She raised one of her arms to put it around his neck, but he gripped her shoulders and stepped back.
She blinked and stared at him. His chest was rising and falling rapidly and his expression was pained, but he remained where he was, separate from her.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he said.
Alexa cleared her throat as she tried to figure out what had just happened. Was it her breath? Had she sighed? Did she suck at kissing? Sure, it had been awhile, but . . .
“West, it’s okay.” She took a step toward him and he turned his body away from her. The gesture as shocking as a cup of cold water to the face.
“It’s not okay. It was a mistake.” His features twisted with anger and he ran a hand through his hair. “You should go.”
“I’m sorry, I—”
“Jesus, don’t apologize.” He laughed, but it was humorless. “Alexa, we have nothing in common. We aren’t friends. After this week, you’ll go back to your life and I’ll go back to mine. There’s no reason for us to start something neither one of us wants.”
She stepped back and stumbled over a patch of grass as though she’d been slapped.
“Just go,” he said with more force.
Tears welled in her eyes and a lump formed in her throat. To keep him from seeing, she turned and fled.
Chapter 17
He leaned against his door while he waited for his breathing to return to normal. The sprint home after his encounter with Alexa hadn’t helped as much as he’d hoped. The cold air hadn’t been enough to erase the taste of her from his mouth or the memory of how her soft curves felt pressed against him. He let his head fall back against the door and closed his eyes. “Stupid.” He banged his head. “Stupid.” He banged it again. “Stupid.”
“Hey, West, what’s the deal with the pounding?”
“Sorry, Mom,” he called.
He pushed away from the door and fell onto his bed with one leg left to dangle over the edge. He stared at the ceiling. He could remember a time when his bed had seemed so big. Like he could roll forever without falling off, but now, his feet touched the edge when he slept and he could touch both edges if he spread his arms wide. He wasn’t little anymore.
He definitely hadn’t felt little when he’d kissed Alexa. He’d wanted her. And, he wanted her still. He wasn’t sure if there was any amount of running that would be able to drive her out of his mind, especially now that he’d touched her. All he could think about was doing it again. Her expensive clothes were smooth to the touch and inviting, creating another texture he longed to touch, but none more so than her skin. His body reacted at the thought.
He growled and sat up. He needed to stop. That’s why he’d said what he had. It was the right thing to do. She didn’t need him in her life. A knock sounded interrupting his train of thought and for once, it was welcome.
“Yeah?”
“You got a minute?” his mom asked.
“Sure. Come on in.”
She stepped inside and pulled the chair out from the desk. “Are you doing okay? You seem agitated. Is it school or a friend?”
“Mom,” he shook his head, “don’t embarrass yourself.”
She folded her arms over her chest and leaned back in the chair, her way of showing she wasn’t giving up. After a few more minutes of stony silence, he rubbed a hand over his face and tried for the simplest explanation he could think of.
“School’s fine.” His gaze dropped to his hands and he began to pick at one of his fingernails. “But, there’s this girl I’m tutoring. Let’s just say she’s not what I expected.”
He glanced up at his mom and noticed her expression remained neutral. He appreciated her not going all crazy gushy on him. Not that she was that kind of mom. She’d had too hard a life to stay soft at the edges.
“Anyway, things with Alexa,” he paused while he searched for the right words, “are getting complicated.”
“Are you being careful?”
His eyes bulged. “Jesus, Mom. I’m not an idiot, and it isn’t even like that. She’s rich, okay?” He started to shout. “Not two cars in the carport, steak for dinner at least once a week rich. Like maid who cooks, marble floors rich.”
“How does she feel about you?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. After today, probably like killing me.”
She raised her colored-in eyebrows at him. “What’d you do?”
“Kissed her.”
“That doesn’t seem—”
“Then, I pushed her away.” He cut his eyes at his mom from under the hair hanging over his face. “And, I may’ve said some things.”
“Such as?”
He squirmed under his mom’s unrelenting stare. “It doesn’t matter. The issue here is that I was in the right. She doesn’t need to go there with me. She doesn’t know about my past, and I don’t think she’d be excited to hear about it. And, her dad . . . he’d have the locks changed or ship her off to a nunnery or whatever crazy thing dads do to protect their daughters from guys like me.” West ran a hand through his hair. This was the most he’d talked to his mother about his life in years. Another side effect of Alexa syndrome he guessed. Damn, she made him stupid.
“Sounds to me like you didn’t give her a chance to know you or to make up her own mind.” His mom stood. “Dinner’ll be ready soon.” She squeezed his shoulder as she walked past, and the little boy inside wanted to lean into her touch. He closed his eyes and steeled himself against the past memories trying to push their way to the surface.
He didn’t want to revisit that time in his life. Not now. He was having enough problems as it was. Again, he reminded himself he’d done the right thing. The image of Alexa’s confused expression tugged at his memory and guilt started to settle in his gut like lead. It hadn’t been his intention to hurt her. Why couldn’t she understand he was trying to save them both from the trouble that would inevitably come their way?
He stood and walked over to his computer. What he needed was a distraction. Cool, composed, graceful Alexa had melted away in the span of a few seconds. When he’d pulled back and looked at her, her expression had been soft, her eyes trusting. Her usual stiff demeanor had been traded in for that of a seventeen-year-old girl. The one he knew was buried inside her, under all the expensive clothes and ingrained manners.
He shook his head and put in his ear buds. With three taps of his finger, the music began to thrum loud in his ears, almost loud enough to drown out all thoughts of Alexa. Almost.
~ ~ ~
Mr. Guin took his place in the front of the room and Alexa’s desk remained empty. West glanced toward the door. He wanted to see her. He wanted to know things were okay between them. Maybe they could pretend the kiss hadn’t happened. As the final bell before class echoed throughout the hall, she skirted around the closing door and slid into her seat without looking at him. His stomach san
k.
Mr. Guin began class. Today was the first day they would spend reviewing the entire semester’s worth of work. It was going to be a boring week and a cold one based on Alexa’s entrance. West leaned back in his chair and studied a scratch in the plastic cover of his notebook. He’d gotten an early start on studying during his time helping Alexa. Even if he didn’t have the best grade in the class by two points, he wasn’t concerned about the final. After a few minutes his gaze wandered to Alexa’s back. The sun was highlighting the lightest streaks of her brown hair, turning them almost red. His fingers twitched, so he gripped his pencil tighter.
The guy beside him shifted in his chair. West broke his gaze and refocused on his notebook.
The rest of class droned on for what felt like an eternity and when the bell finally rang, Alexa was out of her chair and moving for the door. West slung his bag over his shoulder and cut through the crowd to try to catch up with her, but she wasn’t making it easy. The pink of her sweater appeared between two classrooms up ahead.
Without thinking, he called out, “Alexa.”
Several people turned to look at him, but not her. She sped up instead and then hurried into the girl’s bathroom. He kicked the base of some random locker. She was doing what he wanted her to do, or at least what he thought he wanted her to do, but he didn’t like it. He didn’t like being ignored by her. He should’ve expected it though. What did he think was going to happen? He debated on waiting for her to emerge, but when he saw two girls huddled together watching him, he walked away.