by Kirby Hall
After school, he didn’t bother waiting in the usual place for her to pick him up. It was clear she wasn’t going to. He cut through on the trail and then kept going all the way to her house. Even if she was pissed at him, they needed to review for the final. He wasn’t going to let one dumbass move on his part derail their hard work. He knocked on the door and held his breath.
“Hola,” Maria said and then called to Alexa over her shoulder. “Miss Alexa is in the kitchen.” She stepped back and let him pass.
She must not have gotten the memo about his banishment. He passed by the living room and saw Graham bent over the coffee table, colored pencil in hand.
“Hey, West.”
“Hey, man. What cha working on?” He was curious, but he was also stalling. He was in no rush to stand in front of the firing squad.
Graham looked up at him and knelt back on his heels. “I’m trying to draw an elephant, but I can’t get the eyes right.” He looked back at his work and West moved around the couch and sat down so he could see the work in progress.
“They look fine to me.”
Graham rolled his eyes in a very Alexa-like gesture. “No, they’re too far apart.”
“It’s better than having a cross-eyed elephant.” West crossed his eyes and Graham giggled. “Seriously though, it looks good. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” West glanced behind him toward the hallway.
“She’s in the kitchen,” Graham said, already bent back over his drawing.
“Thanks.”
West stood and headed into the kitchen. Sure enough, Alexa was sitting at the table with a book open in front of her. She didn’t bother looking up when he came in, so he took the seat beside her, careful not to touch her. He got the feeling he still wasn’t her favorite person.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d show up,” she said without taking her eyes off her paper.
“It’s our last week.”
Alexa didn’t comment further. She continued working out a problem, so he pulled a book out of his bag and began reading for history. The minutes ticked by and West forced himself to keep his eyes on his book. He should be happy. The way they were right now was how it was supposed to be from the beginning. Tutoring Alexa, the priss from class he’d noticed from afar and hadn’t had a second thought about.
The words blurred before his eyes as his mind wandered back to the way he felt sprawled out on her bedroom floor just being with her. And the way she’d looked on stage. And when she’d defended Bekah. And their kiss. He wished like hell he could go back to not knowing her, but it was too late.
“Alexa,” he said.
She looked up at him finally, her expression void of any emotion, but he would take what he could get. At least she was acknowledging his presence.
“I wanted to say, well, I wanted to—”
“Are there any cookies left?” Graham asked as he entered the kitchen. “Maria made some yesterday.”
Alexa held West in place another moment with her cool gaze and then turned to answer her brother. The opportunity lost. Idiot. He should’ve apologized as soon as he sat down. West slumped back against his chair and watched Graham search through the pantry for the elusive cookies. The kid couldn’t have had worse timing.
“Here.” Alexa slid her paper toward him then left him alone at the table to cross to where Graham was struggling to reach a high cabinet.
West studied her paper and realized as he scanned through her answers, she had them all right. He smirked.
“So?” she asked.
He tossed her paper back on the table and leaned back to look up at her. “Not too bad, A-money.”
She smiled and crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, then I guess I don’t need you anymore.”
The underlying backhanded slap accompanying her words stung. “Guess not.” He dropped his book back into his bag and stood. “I’ll see you around.”
“Yep.”
As he walked to the door he could hear her quick steps echoing off the marble floor behind him. This was it. After today, he wouldn’t be back in her house. He shouldn’t care. The same way he shouldn’t care what she thought of him.
He paused with his hand on the handle and glanced over his shoulder. She was there, as he knew she would be, with her hands resting on her hips.
“Good luck on your test.” He opened the door and closed it behind him. It would be easier this way. There was no need to tell her he was sorry. What would be the point?
The sky was already changing colors with the onset of the setting sun when he started for home. As he neared the street a Mercedes turned into the driveway forcing him into the grass.
Alexa’s father slowed and rolled his window part way down. “West, I take it we won’t be seeing you back here anymore?”
“Not after today.”
“Good.” Richard nodded at him. His blue eyes hidden by mirrored sunglasses. “Is she ready for her test this week?”
“Yeah, she’ll be fine. She’s smart.”
“Yes, I know.” Her father faced the house whose shadow loomed over them. “Well, thank you for your help, West. Goodnight.” His window made a quiet hum as it was rolled up and then her father sped the rest of the way up the driveway. No doubt he was annoyed he’d spent so much of his time talking to a lowlife like him.
West’s fingers dug into the strap on his bag as he put Alexa and her father to his back and started walking. He didn’t expect Alexa’s father to like him. And, the feeling was mutual. But, he’d been wrong. West couldn’t go back to his life before Alexa. She’d gotten to him. Working her way into his screwed-up head and planting herself there. He couldn’t un-know her any more than he could forget the day his father left him and his mother behind.
Chapter 18
The room was too hot and too quiet. She could hear the hands on the clock as they ticked by faster than usual. In class, it was as though the hands were moving through mud, but not today. Apparently for test day, the janitors cleaned the clocks and oiled the insides. A sheen of sweat covered her skin and she hoped everyone in the class couldn’t see her nerves in puddle fashion through her shirt. Thank God she’d decided against the silk button-up she’d been eyeing in her closet that morning.
Someone to her right got up and made their way to the front of the room. She didn’t look up to see who it was. She didn’t want to know. There were only five of them left now. Everyone else was finished with the final and had escaped through the door and toward freedom.
Focus, Alexa.
She re-read the problem and worked through it one step at a time. The way West had shown her. She ground her teeth. Now was not the time to think about West. She continued to write and the bell rang, signaling time. She hastily scribbled down the final step and stood. There was no time to re-check her work. She had to trust she’d done well enough to pull her grade up to passing.
When she stopped in front of Mr. Guin’s desk to hand him her paper, he smiled at her.
“I’ll be posting grades tonight, Miss Cross.”
“Okay. Thank you, sir.”
“Try not to worry.” He took a test from someone behind her. “You’ve worked hard. Now, go have a nice break.”
The hall was mostly deserted since it was the last day of finals. She blew out a breath. Fall semester was over. Now she could take it easy for the next few weeks and depending on how the test went, maybe she could find a way to tell her dad she’d signed up for Advanced Performing Arts in the spring.
When she pushed the heavy metal door open, sunlight blinded her, but she didn’t care. The fresh air and feeling of completion was enough to have her body humming with energy. She didn’t know if she wanted to scream or run, but one thing was for sure, she had to do something.
With the windows down and the music blaring she s
ped through town. Her hair whipped across her face, her eyes protected by over-sized sunglasses, as she sang at the top of her lungs. People in the square glanced toward her, but she didn’t care. She was free.
The song built toward the chorus and Alexa prepared to belt out the killer note. She took a deep breath as she turned onto the country road and then all the air left her lungs in a rush. Ahead of her on the side of the road was a figure wearing a green hoodie. A tall guy with a narrow waist and broad shoulders. One she would know anywhere. West.
The corners of her mouth turned down and her mood took a sharp turn toward Bitchville. Leave it to West to kill any happiness she might be feeling for the first time in a week. She hit the brakes. Enough was enough. It wasn’t okay for West to have this kind of power over her. Seeing him shouldn’t be enough to change the course of her entire day.
When her car bounced over the grass and stopped, he didn’t even have the decency to turn around and spare her a glance. Typical. Alexa flung the door open and started marching in West’s direction. As he disappeared through the gate, her blood began to boil.
For the last week, she’d done nothing but stress over him and math and her future, and there he was, walking along without a care in the world, and after the way he’d humiliated her. She ground her teeth together and imagined her orthodontist blanching. She’d never liked the old perv anyway. Her steps became more like stomps with each passing headstone and she wondered for the millionth time how she’d fallen down this rabbit hole. When had she started chasing boys? They came to her. They met in social settings. Classy environments. She didn’t chase boys. And, definitely not through cemeteries. And, yet, here she was doing the one thing she never in a million years would’ve believed she would do.
When she reached the top of the hill, she was panting and still he kept his back to her.
“You really had to make me walk all the way up here?” she paused to gasp for air. “You couldn’t be bothered to just stop down by the street I guess.”
West spun around and yanked his hood off, revealing wires coming out of his ears. Well, that explained that.
“Jesus Christ, Alexa. What’re you doing up here?”
Her eyes bulged in their sockets. “What am I . . . really?”
“You’ve barely looked at me in a week and now you’re here so yeah, I’m kind of wondering why.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and tilted his head to the side.
“I want to know why you did what you did.” She swallowed and stood up straighter. “Why did you kiss me and then push me away?”
“Oh. That.”
She laughed and the sound echoed down the hill making her sound even crazier than she already did. “Yes. That. I mean what was the point? You obviously hate me. You’ve been very clear over the past months that we are not friends and you’ve turned your nose up at almost everything in my life.”
“Turned my nose up?” he echoed as a crease formed between his eyes.
“Yes. You’re always making comments about money and my clothes and my friends. Did you kiss me as some sort of joke?” She took a step toward him. “Did you laugh at my expense?” She took another step. “Answer me, dammit.”
“Alexa, look,” West removed his hands from his pockets and rubbed them over his face. “First off, I never laughed at you. Secondly, I don’t hate you.” He shook his head. “I…I don’t know why I kissed you, I mean I do know why.” He pounded the air with his fists. “You make me crazy.”
“I make you crazy? Are you kidding me right now?”
“No. Yes. Just shut up a minute,” he shouted.
Her mouth fell open and then she did as he asked and remained quiet. While she waited for him to elaborate, she crossed her arms over her chest. She didn’t know what to think of West anymore. He had her confused and obsessive and she hated it, but standing in front of him all she wanted was for him to touch her. And, the feeling annoyed her all over again.
“Alexa, I kissed you because I wanted to. I thought that was obvious.”
Her heart flipped in her chest, but she remained calm. He’d still pushed her away she reminded herself. Can you say bad kisser?
“After the whole kissing thing, I kind of freaked out.”
“Kind of,” she mocked.
He glared at her. “We can’t go there. You and me.” he gestured between the two of them. “We can’t be anything. We’re too different. I’m messed up, Alexa.”
She smiled at him and he stopped mid-sentence.
“Why are you smiling?” he asked, the crease between his dark eyes deepening.
“You called me by my name.”
He shook his head and then his grin returned. “You drive me nuts.”
She took another step toward him. She didn’t know when she’d gotten so brave, but now that she knew for sure he’d kissed her because he wanted to, it changed things.
“So, you pushed me away because we’re different?” She was standing in front of him now. Level with him on the top of the hill with the town at their feet.
“Alexa, saying we’re different is like calling a lion a house cat, major understatement. I’m no good for you.”
“I think I can make my own decisions about what’s good for me.”
“You mean like you do at home? Where you hide who you really are?” He closed his eyes and opened them again as soon as the words were out of his mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She turned away from him. “West, aside from my dad being successful and having money, what makes you think we’re so different?”
“Everything, Alexa.” He turned his attention to the field below them so they were standing shoulder to shoulder. “My family is broken and I’m angry all the time. I have no drive to do anything or go anywhere. There are days I don’t want to leave my room at all.”
Alexa nodded. “And, you think you’re the only one who’s ever felt that way. That there’s no way I could possibly understand a broken family.” She wiped a hand under one of her eyes and tucked it back under her other arm. “I’m sorry, West, but you don’t have the market cornered on anger, either.”
A shudder ran through her. “Haven’t you ever wondered where my mom is? Or why I’m the way I am? Why I want out of here so badly, since my life is perfect?”
“Graham told me your mom died. I’m sorry.”
She waved a hand at him. “Everyone knows she’s dead. For years at school, I was that girl. The one whose mom died when she was a kid. The girl in town with the widower father and baby brother who would never know his mom. Poor pitiful us, right? Well, the sympathy didn’t comfort me, it ate me alive. I never wanted to go to school. I skipped more than I went. I all but lived at Bekah’s house because I hated my own. The place I’d watched my mom die. The place I’d helped take care of her. The place where Graham was. This annoying little kid who’d killed her.”
West’s head snapped in her direction.
“Not literally,” she added. “We found out she had cancer when she was pregnant with Graham and because of him, she put off treatment.”
West nodded once and returned to staring out over the trees, which she appreciated. It was easier to talk to him when he wasn’t staring right at her. She swiped another hand across her face.
“You know, the year you showed up at school was actually the first year I started trying again. Trying at school. Trying at home. And, it helped. I made life easier on my dad. I fell in love with Graham. And, I found something I love to do. So yeah, I may have it figured out a little now, but don’t act like I don’t know anything about being angry or messed up. I wrote the book.”
West shuffled his feet and turned toward her again. “I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t want to know me. You assumed you already knew everything there was to know.” She
laughed, but there was no humor in it. “It’s strange, you judge my dad pretty hard for how he treats me, but you’re a lot like him.”
He turned his head to stare at her, his brown eyes wide and disbelieving.
“You want to help, but you keep me at arm’s length. You’re there for me, until you’re not. Everything has to be on your terms.”
She started walking back down the hill and then paused. “Maybe someday you’ll tell me your story.”
“I don’t know why you’d listen to me after the way I treated you.”
She let her gaze roam over the moss-covered headstones around her. He had a point. After the way he’d treated her, she shouldn’t want to be near him. Images of the angry girl she’d been filled her thoughts. What would’ve become of her if no one had been there for her? If no one had cared enough to notice how sad she was? If no one had listened? Where would she have been without her dad? Without Bekah? She regarded West again and at his sad expression her heart softened toward him.
She smiled. “I owe you a favor, remember?”
~ ~ ~
When she got home, she changed into her favorite pajama pants and kitten T-shirt. The shirt was so worn you could almost see the individual fibers, but she didn’t care. It was beyond soft and after the day she’d had, all she wanted was to curl up in her bed and watch Pretty Little Liars. She didn’t want to think or feel. All she wanted was to turn her brain off and veg out.
She found what she was looking for on the TV and curled up against her favorite pillow. The picture on her nightstand caught her eye and reminded her of West. It was of her and her mother. She never intended to tell him her life story, but there it was. She’d buried him under her pile of drama and left. He was probably glad he’d pushed her away when he had. Only a crazy person wouldn’t run from her at this point.
The TV played on in the background and in what felt like minutes later, but must’ve been hours, her phone buzzed and woke her. She rubbed her eyes and glanced at the screen.