by Kirby Hall
“No one’s trying to force you to do anything, Alexa. Stop being ridiculous.”
“I’m not. You asked, and I answered. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go. Mrs. Brale is meeting me up there. You always said being punctual is important.” She turned and hurried out the door before her dad could argue further. She wasn’t looking for a fight and she didn’t want to be sad. She wanted to work, no, needed to work and to focus her emotions into her character. Maybe it would help her block out the outside world and not think about her friends having fun at prom without her.
The door to the auditorium was unlocked. Alexa pushed it open and winced at the screech the metal door produced. It seemed louder in the absence of the rest of the cast. The stage seemed bigger, too. Her footsteps echoed throughout the room as she walked across the old wood marked with tape and deep groves from moving props. The piano was waiting at the edge of the stage and the CD player on loan from the school library was balanced on top.
Dropping her bag on the bench, Alexa sat down at the piano and flipped the music open to her solo in the finale. Of all the scenes, it was the one giving her trouble. She didn’t play the piano well, but she could read music enough to tap out her notes one by one. She sang softly, letting the music guide her frame of mind and the tone of the scene.
She rehearsed it twice and then stood and pressed play on the CD player. The disc inside started to spin and Alexa crossed to her starting position. She started on the third stair of the makeshift General Store and danced and sang her way through the ending, imagining her walk through the town and arriving at her character’s wedding. When the play was in progress, the scenery around her would change as the stagehands, dressed in all black and others as townsfolk, rolled the sets off the stage and replaced them with others using a little stage magic.
All that was left now was their last week of dress rehearsals and it would be time. It was also time for her big finish. She spun in place, opened her arms wide, and took a deep breath before trying for the last note. It fell flat. Cursing, Alexa stomped over to the player and hit the back button, ready to try again.
“I think you’re more than capable of hitting that note.”
She spun around and saw Mrs. Brale standing in the shadows of the stage curtains.
“I think it’s your frame of mind.” She crossed to where Alexa was standing. “You’re too disconnected with your character’s emotions.”
“So, how do I get in the right frame of mind?”
“Well, that’s up to you.” Mrs. Brale turned her body to face where the audience would be sitting and raised one of her arms. “Think about it. Your character is finally getting everything she wants. The entire journey has led to this moment. She’s beyond happy. She’s overjoyed.” Mrs. Brale moved from side to side, as if floating from place to place.
“The music is her happiness and love spilling out of her when she’s no longer able to contain it. That final note should become infectious to the audience.” Pausing, she turned back to Alexa. “Do you see what I mean? You need to let it fill you up. Find something that makes you happy and let it show through the music. Share it with us all.”
With her hands on her hips, Alexa walked in a small circle around the stage.
“You can do it, Alexa. I haven’t had a student more determined or more talented than you in a decade.”
Alexa stopped. “Th-thank you.”
“When you get ready, whether it’s this summer or next year, I’d be happy to write a recommendation for you if you so desire it.” She smiled and placed her glasses back on her nose. “Okay, well I need to go. I’m chaperoning tonight. Don’t stay too late.”
“Yes, ma’am. And thank you,” Alexa added when she found her voice.
Mrs. Brale waved a hand in the air and then she was swallowed up in the darkness.
Alexa stared out at the empty chairs. She’d been trying to convince herself she should stay in town for college. It would be better to stay close to her dad and to Graham, but standing on the stage under the lights in that moment she wanted New York more than she’d ever wanted anything else. And Mrs. Brale believed in her. Everything she wanted was within reach and she’d never been more confused.
Pressing the palms of her hands to her eyes, she stifled a scream.
Chapter 33
Between the dark lighting, red walls and black curtains, West decided the restaurant looked exactly like the entrance to hell should.
“How many?” the hostess wearing a red sarong asked.
West rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “I’m meeting someone, ah, David Howell.”
She scanned a screen which was casting a white glow on her face. “He’s already arrived. Follow me, please.”
West did as she asked and followed her through the maze of black tables and lava lamps, he assumed were there to offer more atmosphere. Only his dad would choose a place with lava lamps instead of fake flowers on the tables. When she stopped beside a table in the back corner, West waited until she left before looking up at his dad.
His shoulders relaxed a fraction when he realized Vicki wasn’t there and he slid into the chair across from his father’s. On his second look, he noted his dad’s hair had more gray in it than the last time he’d seen him, but he still wore it to his shoulders and had the whiskers on his chin to match.
“You look good,” David said in the same gravelly voice that used to read him stories at night.
“Thanks.”
“How’s your mom?”
West glanced down at his menu. This was going to be worse than he thought. “She’s fine. Working a lot.”
“Debbie always was a hard worker.” He swished the contents in his glass with one hand and draped his other arm over the empty chair beside him.
The way he said it, like his mom was dead and they were talking about her after a funeral made West’s blood begin to simmer. Much more conversation with his old man and his temper would hit full boil.
“Well, someone has to be.”
His dad paused to take a sip out of whatever cocktail was in front of him. “You know, son—”
“Don’t call me that.”
“All right, West. What I was going to say is that I tried to help your mom out for years, but she’d only rarely take the money. Only if she really needed it. She was too proud.”
Again with the past tense. “We don’t need anything from you, just like you don’t need anything from us. We’re doing just fine.”
“I can tell.” He took another drink. “So, tell me what’s new with you.”
West shrugged and swirled the ice water with a straw. “Nothing much. School’s the same. I made the track team and other than that . . .” he shrugged again.
“What do you know?” David laughed and hit the table hard enough to make the silverware rattle. “I never took you for a runner.”
“I’ve been running for years. You just don’t know me very well.”
A waiter appeared beside their table. “Would you gentlemen be interested in an appetizer?”
“No,” West said.
His father didn’t argue. They placed their orders and West prayed it would be ready quickly.
David cleared his throat. “Have you played your guitar much lately? I recall you used to be pretty good.”
“No, it’s not really my thing anymore.”
“That’s too bad.” His father clinked the ice together in his glass and after an awkward silence, took a deep breath. “West, I wanted to see you to tell you that your stepmom and I are getting divorced.”
West looked up from where he was picking a hole in the tablecloth. “What happened?”
“Well, you know,” David shifted in his seat, “she wanted kids and I didn’t.”
“No kidding.” West refra
ined from mentioning he already had one. There was no reason to call him out like he didn’t know.
The waiter appeared again, this time carrying a tray with their food balanced on it. West stared down at his plate. It was covered in food he’d never had and he was pretty sure it wasn’t the chicken he’d asked for, but he kept his mouth shut.
“So, what now?” West asked.
“Don’t know. I’m supposed to get back in the studio with some guys next week and lay down some tracks, but we’ll see. As far as Vicki goes, that is what it is.”
West bristled at the way his dad sounded so uncaring about the end of his marriage. He didn’t care about Vicki, but he wondered why it was always so easy for his dad to walk away like nothing affected him.
“So that’s it? Another marriage just done?”
His father set his fork down and looked at him. “West, it wasn’t the same with your mom.”
“Oh sure. That one took a few extra years, but you still left from what I remember.”
“Listen to me,” his voice was firm now, the laid-back attitude gone. “I loved your mother and you. I still do, but your mom and I, we couldn’t get back to where we’d been before . . . before your sister.” He couldn’t say it, he couldn’t say her name. “West, sometimes things happen or people come into your life and change you. Your mother did that for me. After I met her, all I wanted was to be with her and then we had you and your sister. I was happy. We were all happy, but after E- Elizabeth died we couldn’t get past it. Every time I looked at your mother I saw her, my baby girl and it nearly killed me.”
“And I wasn’t enough of a reason to stay?” The words were out before West could think about what he was saying. It was the question he’d wanted to ask his dad since he’d seen him pulling out of their driveway all those years before.
“West, it wasn’t a matter of you not being enough. It was me not being strong enough to stay.” David looked down at his food, unwilling to look at West. “I’m the coward here and I know that. It’s something I have to live with.”
“Correction, it’s something we all have to live with.”
“I know,” David looked at West in the eyes, “I’m sorry.”
West’s knee bounced under the table. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to be angry. To knock the table over and scream at his dad, but he couldn’t. When he looked at him now, he only saw a sad man with a lonely life. Not exactly a stranger, but not the same man who’d left him, either.
The guy sitting across from him wasn’t the same man who taught him to play the guitar and ride his bike. The man sitting across from him with the graying hair and extra lines in his face was someone different, but he was right about one thing. Sometimes people did come into your life who changed you and what you wanted.
West stood and tossed his napkin onto the table. “There’s somewhere I have to go.”
“You didn’t finish eating.”
“This can’t wait.” West started to leave and turned back. “Look me up the next time you’re in town. Maybe we can do this again. Maybe get to know each other how we are now.”
His father smiled. “I’d like that.”
~ ~ ~
The base from the music playing inside pounded through the walls of the rec center. West took a deep breath and headed inside. He had to talk to her. If she was inside dancing with a date, his stomach dropped at the thought, he’d cut in. He wasn’t going to look back one day and think about what might’ve been. Not the way his dad probably did every night.
The lights flashed and changed with the beat of the music, creating strange, throbbing patterns on the walls. The DJ manning the raised table at the front of the room was hard at work as girls wearing shimmering dresses moved and writhed on the dance floor. As he scanned the faces and it occurred to him that although he’d gone to school with these same people for almost three years, he didn’t know many of them. He shook his head. It wasn’t important. Alexa was the only one who mattered.
“Hey, West,” someone shouted.
West squinted his eyes and looked over the crowd again. Two hands were waving him over. It was Josh and, he did a double take, Bekah? Only she didn’t look like Bekah. Her hair was combed to the side. And for once it was tame.
He maneuvered through several couples who didn’t pay him any attention. “Hey, guys.”
“What’re you doing here?” Bekah eyed his lack of formal attire. “Are you making some kind of statement?”
He snorted. “Hardly. Hey, listen, is she here?” He didn’t have to explain. They knew better than anyone who he meant. He continued to survey the faces around them. If Bekah and Josh were here, Alexa wouldn’t be far away.
“She’s not here, man.”
He glanced down where Bekah’s hand was resting on his arm. “Did I miss her? Did she leave with someone?”
Josh shook his head. “No, like she never came. She didn’t want to.”
Bekah leaned in close to his ear so he could hear her over the music. “She said she was going to practice. She may still be at the school.”
“Thanks.” He slapped Josh’s arm. “I’ll see you guys later.” He didn’t miss the way Bekah grinned at Josh before he turned and wove his way back across the dance floor. It was entirely possible he looked like a complete idiot, but it didn’t matter. He was going to find her. He was all in.
Riding on the wings of adrenaline, he barely noticed the distance on his jog over to the campus. The school wasn’t far from the rec center. He had no idea what Alexa was going to say about him being there, but one way or another they were going to talk. He couldn’t stand the distance or anymore of the unknown between them. If she still cared about him the way he cared about her, they’d work the rest out. He’d find a way to be with her even if he had to go to her dad and beg.
The auditorium was dark. West cursed and hit the brick wall, sending a shock up his arm. He started toward the parking lot, but paused when he saw her car as newfound hope surged through him. He wasn’t too late. He circled around the building and found the side door the cast used. When it squealed open, he glanced over his shoulder half expecting her dad to materialize out of the shadows.
While waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness his nerves sprang to life. This was Alexa he reminded himself. The girl he’d spent hours kissing, holding and sharing breath with. There was nothing to worry about. Unless she rejects you, his mind whispered. West sped up and shoved the doubt aside. He wasn’t a coward.
When he reached the stage, he pushed past the first curtain and slowed. There was music playing and a moment later, he heard her. Alexa’s voice filled the room and all the air was forced from his lungs. He missed her voice like he missed the rest of her, completely.
The song ended and he clapped as he stepped out into the light. She jumped and a small scream escaped her.
“Nice chops, A-money.”
“West.” She pulled at her shirt and hit the stop button on the music player. “What’re you doing here?”
“I should think it’s pretty obvious.”
She looked out into the audience as though someone might be watching, and then eyed him.
He crossed the stage in a few long strides and stopped, leaving only a few inches of space between them. “Why didn’t you go to prom?”
Alexa dropped her gaze to where their feet were almost touching, his running shoes to her ballet flats. “You know why.”
“Say it. After months of silence and avoidance, I want to hear you say it.” He placed a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. “Tell me why you didn’t go.”
“Why would I go if I can’t go with you?”
He didn’t wait to hear more. West grabbed her face and lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her until he felt her arms weave around his neck. He slid his han
ds down the length of her familiar body and gripped her hips as she rose onto her toes and he reacquainted himself with the taste of her mouth. A moan escaped her lips, making him deepen the kiss until he wasn’t sure where he began and she ended.
“West wait.” She wrenched free of him and took a step back. Her breaths were coming out short and fast. “The truth is I’m no good for you. All anyone in my family has done is cause you trouble and you don’t need that in your life. You don’t need me.”
“That’s fair and you’re probably right. I’m sure I can go on without you.” He smiled. “But, I don’t want to. Alexa, I want you. I want every part of you. I want to talk to you every day and see you and touch you. And, I want this.” He kissed her again, but this time he didn’t start out gentle. He dove into the kiss allowing all the loneliness and hurt of months without her to pour into it, until it engulfed them both.
When he finally pulled back, he held her face a breath away from his own as they both gasped for air. “Alexa,—”
“We can’t. I can’t.” Her voice cracked. “It isn’t fair to you. You give me everything and I give you nothing in return.”
West placed a finger over her lips. “No. It’s my turn now. You’ve been making the decisions long enough and we’ve both been miserable. I want you to hear me out.” He took her hands in his. “What you said, it isn’t true. You have given me so much. More than I realized. You woke me up and made me want to live. I was a shadow before you came along.”
Tears filled her eyes, but she started to smile.
Encouraged, he continued. “Alexa, I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know what to do about your dad, but I want you to know I’m going to make things right with him. Just give me a little time.”