by Celeste King
Joan knew she just needed to get through the luncheon and she might have some time alone, likely to cry. She thanked people for coming and tried to be a gracious host in her home, even though she knew no one expected it of her. She needed to feel useful, but her attempts were half-hearted. For the most part her conversations with guests consisted of condolences and reassurances that someone would be there if she needed it. Joan had heard that phrase so many times in the recent months, but it still meant so much to her every time it was spoken.
There was one person Joan hadn’t spoken to during the luncheon. She noticed Beth sitting outside under a tree with her head on Eric’s shoulder. Joan hadn’t seen him at the funeral, but assumed he had attended. She watched as Eric wrapped his arms around Beth and whispered what Joan hoped were encouraging words. Joan tried to feel the gratitude toward Eric that she did everyone else, but she found it difficult. She felt disappointed in herself for having negative feelings about him. He had truly been there for Beth through this ordeal, after all. Maybe Beth would have handled things even worse if Eric hadn’t been there. Joan felt maybe she had let her emotions from the last six months cloud her view of Eric. She had an opportunity to start anew, not only with him, but with Beth. Joan was willing to give anything to have a relationship with her daughter again and if that was through her acceptance of Eric, then so be it. She would bite her tongue and give him another chance.
~ Chapter 4 ~
It had been two weeks since the funeral and though Joan had attempted to reach out to Beth, her attempts were in vain. Joan ate dinner alone most nights since Eric frequently pulled up to the house, honked the horn, and Beth ran out of the house without a word of where she was going. Such a delicate situation was difficult for Joan to maneuver. She was mourning the death of her husband and her daughter was unwilling to speak to her. The idea of grounding her for not being at home felt so harsh since Beth had just lost her father.
Joan needed someone’s advice. She desperately wanted guidance from her mother, but she had passed away years earlier due to illness. Her parents had divorced when Joan was young and her relationship with her father wasn’t a strong one. She didn’t want to burden David’s parents since they were grieving the loss of their son. Joan turned to her close friend and neighbor, Sandy, who had been so helpful during the funeral.
Joan walked a few houses down to Sandy’s home. Sandy happened to be outside cultivating her rose garden. They greeted each other as close friends do, with little formality, but lots of love. Sandy asked her typical questions she had been asking for months. Did Joan and Beth have dinner? Did Joan need help with laundry? Was Joan’s work still being cooperative in giving her the time off she needed? After Sandy was satisfied with all of Joan’s answers, they could proceed. Joan began to explain her worries about Beth. She had let Sandy in on the subject when Beth started spending more time with Eric, but hadn’t shared her feelings of the danger he might bring.
“She’s seventeen and has just lost her father,” Sandy said in her logical way, “Give her some time. Beth is a good kid and would never put herself in a dangerous situation. She’ll come back to you when she needs her Mom. All kids, no matter how old they are need their Mom.”
“You’re right,” said Joan not entirely convinced, “but it’s just Eric. I just can’t get past this awful feeling I have that he will do something to hurt Beth.”
“When you say ‘hurt Beth’ do you mean physically?” Sandy asked. “Or just breaking up with her at some point, because that’s inevitable. You can’t imagine they will be together for long. He’s a senior, right? So even if they date through next year, he’ll be leaving to college after that.”
“I really don’t know,” said Joan truthfully. “Maybe it is just him breaking her heart in the short term and I’m being too sensitive. It’s probably just a little motherly instinct.”
“Well, motherly instincts are powerful. If you really feel like Beth is in danger, don’t let her be with him. You would never forgive yourself if something happened to her.” Joan knew she was right. She was hoping Sandy would just talk her out of these worries she was having, but Sandy was too good at recognizing when Joan was sincerely troubled.
Joan felt minimally consoled following their conversation. She just couldn’t kick the thought that Eric might be of harm to Beth. She had been given no indication that this might be true. She had never seen Eric speak harshly to Beth or physically harm her, but she hadn’t seen much of him in general, either. Beth had never complained of him mistreating her. Joan didn’t understand why this feeling was still hanging around.
Joan walked into the house and immediately knew Beth wasn’t there. Her music wasn’t playing in her room and the house was very still. She sat in her living room, surrounded by the flower arrangements with her favorite pink roses and cried for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last two weeks. It was difficult to cry for her husband and daughter at the same time, one she had lost and one she felt she was losing.
After Joan calmed herself down and was able to think, she realized she knew whom to turn to all along. It was always so fascinating to her that when she needed help it took her awhile to realize God and his angels were always there. She had always been habitual in saying her prayers morning and evening; however, she still needed practice when it came to recognizing the need for prayer at other times. Nothing soothed her soul more than prayer. She knelt in the middle of her living room and mustering all of the faith she could, prayed for the ability to reach Beth, to protect her and help her. Mostly she prayed for discernment and the ability to know when Beth truly was in danger.
Once she completed her prayer she felt more cautious about Eric than ever before. She resolved the next morning she would have a serious conversation with Beth about her boyfriend. She wanted Beth to be close to her, but she was her mother, and her number one priority was Beth’s safety. She was done tip-toeing around the issue when her daughter’s safety was at stake. Beth might be furious with her and pull away even further in the short term, but it would be worth it.
Joan heard Beth come in the front door around ten o’ clock and go straight to her room. Joan knew she needed a good night’s rest before speaking with Beth so she could think clearly. Knowing Beth was home, Joan was able to quickly fall asleep. She dreamt of her David consoling her and letting her know everything would turn out for the best, even if it got worse before it got better.
~ Chapter 5 ~
Joan woke up refreshed the next morning. She was relieved about this since she might need a lot of strength to get through what she needed to say. In hopes of softening the blow, she decided to make Beth’s favorite breakfast of French toast. She knew no matter how upset Beth was, if there were French toast, she would come to the kitchen. Sure enough only ten minutes had passed when Beth appeared carried in by the aroma of the pan-fried egg-coated bread. It was punctuated by cinnamon, which Joan liked to put in the egg mixture to liven things up. Joan noticed Beth was already dressed and had her backpack with her. She didn’t want to have this serious conversation when Beth would be eager to get out the door, but she couldn’t wait either. It was far too important.
“Do you have plans this morning?” Joan asked. Since it was summer and school was out, Beth sometimes made plans early in the day with different friends. Unfortunately, Joan knew whom the plans likely involved.
“Yes,” replied Beth, not willing to give up any more information. She hung her backpack on the back of her chair before going to the fridge to pour herself a glass of milk. They sat at the kitchen table spreading butter and pouring syrup over their French toast for several minutes in silence. Joan realized she hadn’t the faintest idea of how she was going to bring up her concerns with Beth. She knew the wrong approach would likely send Beth running for the door. They each had made it through two pieces of toast before Joan could summon up the courage to begin.
“Honey, I really wish we could talk,” said Joan cautiously. Beth stopped eating, b
ut didn’t look up from her breakfast. “I’m worried about you for so many reasons, and with your father gone we need to figure out how to move forward together.”
“What do you mean move forward?” Beth said, tears immediately springing to her eyes. “You just want to forget Dad?”
“You know that’s not what I mean, Beth,” said Joan sternly. She understood Beth was hurting, but she was through being accused of not caring enough for her husband, who was her world. “We have to live in reality, and that means we need to start healing or we’ll live in grief forever.”
“Eric is so right about you,” muttered Beth under her breath.
“Excuse me?” Joan said, worried she had heard correctly.
“Maybe I want to live in grief forever. Maybe I don’t want to move on,” Beth shot back.
“I know you feel that way right now sweetie, but –“
“No, you don’t know! The only person who does know is Eric. He knew you were going to try and have this conversation with me and I’m glad he warned me.” The words stung Joan because Beth didn’t realize just how much she did know her pain. Joan knew Eric, who had apparently been trying to turn Beth against her all along, likely didn’t understand what Beth was going through and was probably bringing her further down. Joan knew she had to try and warn Beth and the conversation had already turned south. How much worse can it get, she thought.
“Beth, I know you don’t like what I’m going to say, but I feel compelled to say it,” Joan took a deep breath. “I don’t think spending time with Eric is the best thing for you. As you have become closer to Eric our relationship has suffered and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Over the last several months you have disappeared during important times when you needed to be at the hospital with your father. I don’t trust him. I think Eric might hurt you.” Beth stood up from the table so fast she almost tipped her chair over.
“Beth, where are you going?” Joan demanded. Beth grabbed her backpack from the chair and raced for the door. Joan saw Eric pull up through the window and her suspicions of who Beth had plans with were confirmed.
“You know what, Mom. I can’t wait until I have graduated and can get away from you. You didn’t protect Dad and you’re not going to protect me. You just want me to be unhappy! I’m not going to let you do this to me!” Beth slammed the door behind her and ran to the car. Joan flung the door open and ran out to the driveway yelling for Beth to stop, but Eric sped away from the house.
Joan was left standing alone on the concrete trying to process everything Beth had just said to her. She didn’t even feel angry about the mean words Beth had spoken. All she felt was panic and fear that Beth was in the car with Eric, the person who had managed to turn her against her mother. Joan knew she had to go after her, but she had no idea where they were going.
~ Chapter 6 ~
Eric drove his Jeep over the winding roads into the mountains. Beth’s backpack sat at her feet filled with food for the picnic she had planned for herself and Eric. She loved hiking and so did he. A lot of their time spent together over the last several months had been dedicated to finding hikes unique to both of them. Beth liked having places that only the two of them had gone, where she could talk about her troubles and no one else could hear. She didn’t even tell her friends which hikes they went on. She didn’t want them asking to go with her another time. They were special spots reserved for her and Eric. Eric typically planned where they would go and what time. She was always in charge of their picnics.
“I really hate my Mom,” said Beth venomously. “She could have done so much more to save Dad and she didn’t. I know there were doctors out there that could have saved him, she just didn’t look hard enough. You have been so right. She said everything you said she would.”
Eric smiled triumphantly. “So what started the argument this morning?” He liked when Beth fought with her Mom. Those were typically the days she would tell him he was the only person who understood her and that usually lead to making out in his Jeep or somewhere along their hike. He knew eventually it would lead to more than a make out session.
“It was so ridiculous,” Beth laughed. “She feels like I shouldn’t be around you. She thinks that you might hurt me.” Beth reached over and grabbed Eric’s hand. Eric rolled his eyes and shook his head, not even responding to the accusations. He pulled her hand up and kissed the back of it then turned and smiled at her. Beth could hardly resist those smiles. His handsome features were everything a girl like her dreamed of.
Being around Eric while having to cope with her Dad’s cancer had been a relief to Beth. As she thought about it, she realized how easy being around him had been. He always planned their time together and told her where to be and when. He even instructed her on how she should dress for each occasion. It was like she didn’t even have to think for herself. Eric had total control and she thought that was exactly what she needed right now.
“She just wants me to sit at home and be miserable with her,” said Beth, turning her thoughts back to her mother. “Dad would never have wanted that for me.” She thought of her Dad and how much he had wanted her to experience. If Beth wanted to take trumpet lessons he let her. When she got bored with it and decided rock-climbing was much cooler, he signed up for sessions with her. He always told her she needed to try a lot of different things until she found the one that made her heart happy. Beth tried to think of a conversation she had with her Dad about Eric and couldn’t recall. “Wait a minute. Did you ever meet my Dad?”
“Just once, the first time I came to pick you up for a date,” said Eric. “It was pretty soon after that you found out about his cancer. He was in and out of the hospital so much I never saw him.”
“Oh, I guess you’re right.” Beth realized how little her Dad knew Eric. She wondered if her Dad would have liked him. Of course he would have, she thought, he just wanted me to be happy. For some reason a little bit of doubt came into her mind about whether her Dad would have approved, but she immediately shook it from her thoughts.
The Jeep came to a stop at a trailhead and they hopped out. Eric grabbed a backpack from the backseat and flung it over his shoulder.
“Why did you bring your backpack?” asked Beth. “I have all of the food here. You never bring one and it isn’t a long hike.”
“I know,” said Eric in a matter-of-fact tone, “I just wanted to bring a few extra things for lunch.” Beth smiled with surprise. Eric never contributed to lunch and this was a pleasant change. She looked up and listened to the slight breeze in the trees around them. She typically felt so peaceful in the mountains, but the argument with her mother was still so fresh in her mind. The words Joan spoke about Eric lingered in Beth’s thoughts. She kept dismissing them as ridiculous. Beth looked at Eric as he walked around the car. How could she even give her mother’s words a second thought?
Eric was everything Beth wanted in a boyfriend. He was tall, handsome, outdoorsy. He played a lot of sports and she loved to go sit in the stands and watch him in action. He was a few years older than her, so when the school year started up again she would be dating an “older guy.” It was so romantic, she thought. As a girl who wasn’t involved in a lot of high school functions and wasn’t popular so to speak, she would pinch herself to make sure she was actually dating Eric. It was a high school girl’s dream-come-true. Beth convinced herself someone as charming and handsome as Eric could never hurt her, no matter what her mother said, and they made their way up the trail.
~ Chapter 7 ~
Joan had no idea where to even begin looking for Beth. She paced back and forth across the living room carpet, biting her nails, which she hadn’t done since college. In fact, it was David who had gotten her to stop doing it.
Joan remembered back to her General Biology class at the University of Montana. She was eager to do well and she had never been very good at science. It wasn’t part of her major, but a general class she knew she was going to suffer through. Joan sat at the front, in the middle, so no
thing could distract her. Her plan was thwarted as soon as she saw David walk into class for the first time. She must have completely stared him down as he walked along the second row and sat in the seat directly behind her. At this point, Joan had completely turned around in her chair, looking at this tall, handsome man who had just graced her presence.
“Hi,” said David with his gorgeous smile. Joan didn’t respond, but whipped forward in her chair completely embarrassed she had been so obviously studying him. It took a few weeks for them to speak again, but they would exchange glances when one of them would enter class or when the professor dismissed them. David would always flash his award-winning smile and Joan would flush red and put her head down. Her plan of sitting in the front row didn’t lend anything to her concentration. She was constantly aware of the love of her life sitting directly behind her.
Finally, during the third week of class, Joan couldn’t handle it anymore. She got to class early and sat in her regular seat. The night before she had practiced in front of the mirror exactly how she was going to introduce herself and suggest they go to the campus ice cream shop together. She had worn her favorite skirt and spent extra time on her hair that morning. She trained her eyes on the door and waited.
It was an excruciating ten minutes before David walked through the classroom door. Joan’s heart started to race, but there was no way she could back out now. She had lost too much sleep over him already. She sat up straight and waited for him to come down the row. All of sudden she heard someone yell, “David!” from the back of the room. She turned around quickly to see who was disrupting her plans. A beautiful woman who she had noticed in class on the very first day was sitting in the back row with her hand raised waving in David’s direction. Joan had noticed her because of how pretty she was.