"Lord," she said aloud, "I believe you sent Nate into my life. I don't know what role you want him to play, but I do believe you sent him. So help me take it one day at a time. Don't let me start dreaming years into the future. Let me think friendship and not marriage. Nate is a good person; I believe that sincerely. And I think he'd be a good friend, even if we never move beyond that stage. Show me how to be a friend to him. Give me the courage to open myself up. I'm scared that I'm going to be hurt again, but I want to try."
CeCe turned off the overhead light, crawled into bed, and turned on her bedside lamp. Then she picked up the worn Bible on her nightstand. She took comfort in the Scriptures and then fell asleep.
Chapter 8
Nate felt a growing sense of pride as he walked toward the baseball field with CeCe and David by his side. CeCe was an attractive woman—the pale pink walking shorts and matching T-shirt that she wore today were no less flattering than the knockout dress she'd worn to the Gala. But his pride wasn't based on her looks. No, it was based on the person he'd glimpsed inside—the caring woman with the soft heart that she tried to hide behind her "I'm perfectly fine by myself" mask. It was that woman he wanted to get to know and that woman he believed he could come to love.
Love. A part of Nate wanted to turn and run for the hills at the thought of that word. When he looked at CeCe and David, though, those hills looked awfully bleak and lonely without them.
"He's overcome with excitement," CeCe said, referring to David, who was running ahead of them. Fortunately, his short legs didn't allow him to get too far ahead.
Nate quit his intense thoughts and kicked a pebble that was in his path. "I thought he'd enjoy himself. I'm just sorry his friend Timmy couldn't come today." On the heels of Mr. Towers's departure, Timmy's maternal grandparents had come for a visit, and the boy was spending the day with them. "I'd like to take David into the dugout with me, if you don't mind your menfolk leaving you alone. I think he'd get a kick out of it."
She placed her hand on his arm. "You don't have to do that, Nate. David is so excited that he's bound to get in your way."
He tapped his index finger on the tip of her nose. "You forget, I'm good with kids. I can handle him if you can handle us leaving you alone for a short while. Of course, we'll wave at you when we have a break from our manly activities."
He wasn't surprised when she playfully punched him in the ribs. She was a toucher, and he felt the affection in her touch. "You'd better watch your attitude around my son. He's impressionable, and right now you're at the top of his list, bypassing Mr. Towers."
Nate stopped and tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "I wonder where I am on your list," he mused. He wasn't disappointed or surprised when she lowered her eyes in embarrassment.
When she raised them, she thumped him on his chest. "You're going to have to keep wondering. I'm about to start believing that you're the baby in your family. Your sisters have spoiled you for all other women."
He laughed at her outrageous statement, and the pleasure of just having her in his life rippled through him. He ran ahead and scooped David up in his arms, lifting the boy high in the air. The child's peals of laughter were contagious, and soon both Nate and CeCe were laughing right along with him.
When Nate finally settled David securely on his shoulders, he scanned the bleachers for early arrivals. "Maybe you won't be alone after all. There are Anna Mae and Shay. Anna Mae's a regular, but it's been a while since Shay's joined us. I wonder if Marvin is here."
"I don't know, but I see Stuart."
He turned to her and frowned. "You would spot him first, now, wouldn't you?"
She batted her eyelashes in an exaggerated fashion. "You wouldn't by any chance be jealous, now, would you?"
"I'm not the jealous type," he said, giving her the once-over. "At least, I don't think I am, but we'd better not take any chances. Therefore, you should ignore Stuart today. Hey, you could pretend you've forgotten his name."
CeCe laughed. "Right. He's going to see right through that ploy, Nate. You have to come up with something better."
He patted the small sneaker-clad feet resting on his chest. "I could just punch his lights out and be done with it."
She laughed again. "You will do no such thing and you know it. I'm going to go right over there and thank Stuart for being so nice to me at the Gala."
She moved to cut across in front of Nate and make a beeline to Stuart, but Nate caught her arm. "I don't think so. We have to make sure Stuart has his own date before you make that move. 'Cause if he's here by himself, I could very well find myself going for pizza alone, while Stuart squires you and David around."
CeCe gave in with very little fuss and followed Nate to the section of the bleachers where Anna Mae and Shay were seated. Anna Mae had told her at this morning's workshop that she planned to attend the game, but Shay hadn't made an appearance, so CeCe was surprised—and happy—to see her. The bond of friendship between the three women had sprung up quickly but surely and was growing stronger every day. CeCe thanked God for bringing them into her life. She was especially glad to see their faces today. She needed the support of her friends. To tell the truth, she'd been a bit worried about her reception at the game. These people were Nate's friends, and she was an outsider. No doubt some might consider her not good enough for him.
Nate gave each woman a kiss on the cheek, then gave CeCe one too, before telling Shay and Anna Mae, "Watch this one for me. I don't want to lose her before the game is over." With that, he and an elevated and excited David headed for the ball field.
"Well, well, well," Anna Mae said, watching the man and boy walk toward the field. "He's sounding mighty proprietary, if you ask me. I think you've been holding out on me."
CeCe rolled her eyes at Anna Mae. "I'm not even going to respond to that," she said. Then she turned to Shay. "I'm glad you made it out today." CeCe took in her friend's bright yellow shorts and matching top. "I can see you're doing well. How's Marvin?"
Shay's smile lit up her whole face, and she pointed toward the ball field. "He's standing between Nate and Stuart. I'll introduce you before we leave. We want to have you and Nate over one day soon."
CeCe felt a bit awkward with the invitation. It was the first time she and Nate had been invited anywhere together, and she wasn't sure how to respond. "I'd like that, Shay, but I can't speak for Nate."
"Sure you can," Shay told her. "Anna Mae's already confirmed what I suspected."
CeCe turned to Anna Mae. "Exactly what have you been telling her, my friend?"
Anna Mae lifted her head in a haughty fashion. "Who, me? I'm insulted. You know that I never get in other folks' business. I haven't said a word."
Shay nodded in what CeCe thought was agreement with Anna Mae's outrageous statement. "She's right. She hasn't said a word—more like a dictionary of words. She already has you and Nate at the altar."
"Anna Mae!" CeCe reprimanded.
Anna Mae crossed her legs and developed a sudden interest in a splinter sticking up from the bench. "Don't 'Anna Mae' me. Everybody's talking about it. Everybody at our church at least. Nate taking a woman on a date is a big deal. I betcha we have more women from church at this game today than we've ever had at a game, because everybody wants to get a look at the woman who's struck Nate's fancy." Done with the splinter, she looked at CeCe. "I'm telling you, you probably were the cause of a lot of the crying that was done around the altar last Sunday. Every single woman in our church is wondering what you have that they don't."
CeCe shook her head in exasperation. "Stop exaggerating," she said. Though she knew Anna Mae was teasing, she also knew there was some truth to her friend's words. She had no doubt that a nice single guy like Nate had attracted the attention of more than one God-fearing woman looking for a God-fearing man. Unfortunately, she was as much at a loss as to why he was interested in her as the crying women were.
"You were there, Shay. You tell her," Anna Mae said. She turned to CeCe and said i
n all seriousness, "You're probably going to feel the stares boring into the back of your head all day."
At CeCe's dismayed look, Shay began to laugh. "Stop it, Anna Mae. You're embarrassing her. You're going to run her off before she and Nate get started good."
"I'm sure if she started running, he'd be running right behind her."
"Anna Mae!" CeCe and Shay said her name at the same time. They looked at each other and then at Anna Mae, who'd found renewed interest in her splinter, and the three of them gave a shout of laughter. CeCe felt as though she was among old friends.
* * *
When the game was over, Nate gave David the job of stacking the bats while he had a few moments with Marvin. "I'm glad you made it today, man."
"Shay made me come," Marvin answered honestly. "I definitely didn't want to be here." He swore. "Too many memories."
Nate glanced at David, wanting to make sure the child hadn't heard the word his friend had used. Nate was so glad that Marvin had come out that he didn't want to ruin it by chastising him about his language. He settled for, "There are still kids around here, Marvin. You've got to watch the language."
"I know, man. I'm sorry."
The men stood facing each other, but they didn't speak. Nate had never felt so far away from his friend. Marvin had been a major support for him since he'd known him. Until recent years, Marvin had been the counselor, the advisor of The Three Musketeers. Nate had been on the receiving end of Marvin's godly wisdom more than once. Now Nate felt inadequate to give his friend the help he needed.
"We're going out to get something to eat after we clean up here. Why don't you and Shay join us? She and CeCe seem to have hit it off well. What do you say?"
Marvin was shaking his head before Nate finished the invitation. "Thanks, man, but maybe another day. I know today has been hard for Shay, and I don't want to put too much on her." Marvin looked down at his feet. "I haven't been much support for her lately." He started to swear again but caught himself. "I haven't been any support. I probably need to take her home so she can relax. I know she looked like she was having a good time, but Shay's good at hiding her pain." He kicked up some dirt. "I wallow in mine and she hides hers. We're some pair, aren't we?"
Nate embraced his friend. "You're the best. Both of you. You're just going through a rough patch. If you can just reach out, the help you need is right at hand."
Marvin didn't meet Nate's eyes when he pulled away. "Thanks, man. I'll talk to Shay about going out with you and your girl. We'll let you know, OK?"
"OK."
Nate turned to David with a prayerful heart. He didn't want his friends' marriage to end as his had, and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that it didn't. He'd lived through one failed marriage, and he wasn't sure he could make it through another.
* * *
After the ball game, a few games of pinball, and pizza, it was almost eight o'clock when Nate pulled into CeCe's driveway. By the time they got a tired and sleepy David settled in bed, shared a few minutes of chitchat with Miss Brinson, and settled themselves on the porch swing, it was nearing nine. CeCe sensed the tenseness in Nate and wondered at its cause. "Is something on your mind, Nate?"
"You," he said.
She smiled. "Cute, but not true. You've been somewhere else since we left the ball field. Did something happen?"
"Not really," he said. "I'm just a little worried about Shay and Marvin. How did Shay seem to you today?"
"Good," she said, remembering the teasing she'd been given by her new friends. "We had a lot of fun. In fact, she wants to invite us over for dinner one night. We didn't set a date or anything, but it's something both she and Marvin want to do. She introduced me to him when he came to get her. He seems like a nice man. A little sad, but nice."
Nate rubbed his hand down her bare arm. "This was the first game they've attended since their son's death about two years ago. It's been a long road back for them, CeCe, and they still aren't all the way back. Shay's only been to church a few times since the funeral, and Marvin hasn't been once. I wish there was something I could do for them."
"You pray for them, don't you?" she asked, touched by his concern for his friends.
"All the time."
"Well, you're doing the thing that needs to be done most. You'll know when there's something else you need to do."
He smiled at her, and she felt some of the tension in him abate. "I knew there was some reason I liked you. You're a smart cookie. Did you know that?"
She cocked her head to the side. "Why, sure I did. Tough woman, smart cookie—same thing."
He chuckled. "You're tough, all right. So tough that I hear you're making plans to go beyond your required one hundred and fifty hours of volunteer work at Genesis House. If we had more tough cookies like you, the world would be a better place."
CeCe plastered what she hoped was a stern expression on her face. "Hold on a minute. I'm not doing that much, and the little I am doing is not taking that much time. I just want to finish the job sessions and then work with Anna Mae on contacting some area employers about placing people. It's not that big a deal."
"If you say so."
"I say so."
Nate kissed her cheek and changed the subject. One day CeCe would learn to accept his praise, but he knew tonight wasn't the night. "We're having a gospel concert at church on Friday night. Would you like to go with me?"
CeCe had to think about that one. It was one thing to go to a ball game, but to go to his church was a totally different matter. That was second only to meeting his parents, and she wasn't sure she was ready for it yet. "Anna Mae said that the women at your church were wailing at the altar after they found out you'd taken me to the Gala. Now you've taken me and David to your ball game. Don't you think this gospel concert might be rushing things a bit?"
He glanced down at her. "Not really, but I guess you do. Does that mean you don't want to go with me?"
"It means we're moving pretty fast, Nate. That's all I'm saying."
"What would you suggest we do instead—sneak around?"
CeCe didn't know how the conversation had turned adversarial, but it had. "That's not what I'm saying at all. I just think we should be cautious. We don't want to give people the wrong impression."
"What impression would they get from your attending the concert with me?"
CeCe groaned. Nate was making this discussion much more difficult than it had to be. "Don't pretend you don't know, Nate. Everybody at your church is going to be speculating about us."
"Believe me, they'd speculate a whole lot more if we tried to act as though we weren't seeing each other."
"Is that what we're doing—seeing each other?"
"That's what I thought we were doing, but as you know, I've been wrong before." Nate's words were clipped. "Maybe you should tell me what we're doing."
"You're angry?"
He released a heartfelt sigh. "I'm not angry. I'm confused. I thought we had talked this through the other night, but now I'm not sure we were having the same conversation. I need an answer, CeCe. What do you think we're doing?"
"OK, we're seeing each other."
"You don't sound too happy about it."
His words were still clipped, but now she saw the uncertainty in his eyes. Her heart went out to his vulnerability, and she decided to see if she could be as vulnerable with him. "I'm happy, but I'm also nervous. I told you, Nate, I'm not good at this relationship thing. I haven't had the best experiences with men, and I don't want to get hurt again. I really don't."
He looked into her eyes, as if willing her to read the sincerity in them. "I don't want to hurt you. I'd never deliberately hurt you, CeCe. You have my word on that."
Had she heard those words before? "I want to believe you, Nate—I do believe you, but I'm still afraid of getting hurt."
He traced a finger down her cheek. "It works both ways, CeCe. You can hurt me as easily as I can hurt you. While I understand your reasoning, it hurts that
you don't trust me."
"But—" His finger against her lips stopped her words.
"I said I understood it, and I do, but it still hurts. I guess I'm just going to have to prove to you that I'm not like the other guys who've crossed your path."
She pulled his finger away from her mouth and folded her hand around his. "You don't have to do that."
"Yes I do, because I want you to trust me." He paused as if he were about to say something else but changed his mind. "Now, are you going to the concert with me?"
"Yes, I'd love to go to the concert with you."
She felt his smile. "That wasn't too hard, was it?" he asked, his voice full of the pride of victory.
"Yes, it was."
He grunted. "You're definitely a tough woman." They both chuckled at his statement.
A short while later, CeCe whispered, "Nate?"
"Yes?"
"I was a virgin before Eric—that was his name," she began. "I've been celibate since then, and I don't plan to stop being celibate until, and unless, I get married. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and have suffered the consequences of most of them, so I don't want to repeat them. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Eric, but that didn't happen. I've decided that I'm going to do it God's way from now on. If you have a problem with that, or if you think you're going to get me to change my mind—"
He pressed a finger to her lips again. "I don't have a problem with it, and I'm not going to try to change your mind. You're singing to the choir. Why would you think I'd have a problem with your celibacy? I want to live my life for Christ, too."
"I know," she said, remembering the other men she'd known, "but some guys who call themselves Christians have different views. I considered myself a Christian and rationalized what Eric and I did as all right since we planned on getting married. I know now—and I knew it then too, if I'm honest—that I was deceiving myself. I had to accept responsibility for my actions and their consequences, and it was only by turning my face back to the Lord that I was able to do that."
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