Genesis House Inspirational Romance and Family Drama Boxed Set: 3-in-1

by Angela Benson

  Stuart shook his head. "You're not losing her. Are you sure God has said 'no,' or has he just said 'not now'? There's a big difference in the two." He drained the last of his milk. "You used to be a fighter, Nate, but you've given up already. You already have you and CeCe apart for the rest of your natural lives. Maybe, just maybe, you're overreacting. CeCe is not Naomi. She's a sincere woman, growing in her faith every day. Right now, she's facing a challenge. She needs your support, not your anger. Instead of thinking about how your life is going to be affected if she doesn't get her act together, think about the pain she's going through as she faces her demons. She needs you now more than ever. Your support—not your demands or your disappointments."

  Each of Stuart's words removed a few more scales from Nate's eyes. He had been focusing on himself—his needs, his hurts. It was so obvious now. Why hadn't it been obvious before? He'd been as blind to what he needed to do as he thought CeCe was to what she needed to do. The pain of his error burned deep in his heart. From the beginning, he'd told himself he wanted to be CeCe's friend, but when she'd really needed him, he hadn't been a friend to her. Not really.

  "One thing I liked about your relationship with CeCe is that you appeared to be good friends," Stuart was saying. Nate found it difficult to focus on his friend's words because of the words his heart was speaking to him. "Now's the time to draw on that friendship. She's your sister in Christ first, Nate, and always will be. The wife part comes second."

  Before Nate could respond, Stuart polished off the last of his cake, picked up his empty glass, and stood. "I think I need a refill." Then he turned and went into the house, leaving Nate alone with his thoughts.

  Nate sat there thinking about all that had gone down between him and CeCe in the last few months. Did he really want to be a friend to CeCe, or did he only want to be in her life if he could be her husband? Did he really love her as a sister in the Lord? As he pondered these questions, he remembered his thoughts about CeCe's work schedule and its negative effect on her care of David. He heard himself as he questioned her love for him. He heard the impatience, disappointment, and disapproval in his response when she'd told him of her plan to deal with Eric. These memories together with many others were proof that he hadn't loved her as a sister. No, he'd been so hurt and angry over the possibility of losing her as a potential wife that he had totally forgotten his role as her brother in Christ.

  "Oh, Lord," he murmured, his heart bowed low, "please forgive me. Forgive my self-righteous attitude in dealing with CeCe. Lord, I saw so clearly what she needed to do, but I didn't see at all what I needed to do. Forgive me for focusing on what I perceived as the negatives of the situation instead of praising you for the provisions you made. I thank you so much, Lord, for filling in the gap with David. Though in my heart I accused CeCe of shirking her parental responsibilities, I was wrong. You already had those covered. You gave CeCe support in the form of B.B. and me. You allowed us to stand in for her when the need arose, and you made that stand-in sufficient for David's needs. Thank you, Lord, for working in CeCe's life and for preparing her life situation so that she could learn the lessons you wanted her to learn without detriment to her child. Thank you for using me to make this way for her."

  Nate felt tears moisten his cheeks, but he did nothing to wipe them away. His heart ached for the way he'd treated CeCe and Marvin. He knew now that God was working out his treatment of Marvin for his brother's good, and he prayed the same would happen with CeCe.

  "I know, Lord, that I don't deserve a woman—a sister—like CeCe, but that doesn't change the fact that I love her as a man loves a woman. Show me how to love her through the challenges she's facing. I want to build her up in all ways. You've been patient and loving with her about this issue for five years, Lord, and I haven't been able to be patient and loving for six months. Teach me your time schedule, Father, and your ways of loving. And, Lord, this is the hard part, but I want to pray it even though I don't feel it in my heart right now. If CeCe is better off without me, then show me how to settle for being her brother in Christ. Make that enough for me, for her, and for David. We all need your strength, Lord."

  * * *

  CeCe wasn't surprised to find Nate and David outside when she arrived home later that night. When she'd called from Alabama to tell B.B. she was going to be late, she'd spoken to both of them. No, she wasn't surprised to see Nate and David, but she was surprised to see Ronald. The three males were tossing a Frisbee in the front yard. The front-porch light was on, fighting off the coming of night. No doubt David was having the most fun.

  Her son ran up to her as she got out of the car. "Mama, Mama," he called. "Ron's gonna teach me to play Frisbee football, right, Ron?" David looked over his shoulder at the young man.

  Ronald palmed the boy's head, which CeCe was pleased to see was covered with a hat to ward off the early evening's chill. "That's right."

  David looked back at his mom. "He's going to teach Mr. Nate, too."

  CeCe glanced at Nate, smiled, then turned her attention to Ronald. "Thank you for teaching my son to play Frisbee football," she said.

  "No problem."

  "Come on, David," Nate called. "Let's get some practice in while Ron talks to your mother."

  CeCe sent Nate an appreciative smile and noticed that Ronald did the same thing. "How are you?" she asked when Nate and David were out of earshot.

  The boy nodded. Then he kicked the toe of his white sneakers against the concrete of the driveway. "I talked to my parents," he said.

  "How was it?"

  He looked up from staring at his feet. "My mom cried, and my dad yelled a lot, but afterwards we talked about it. My parents wanted to go talk to Patrice's parents, but when they called nobody was home."

  "How do you feel about their talking to Patrice's parents?"

  He shrugged. "All right, I guess. My dad says I have to take responsibility for my actions. That being a man means being responsible."

  "He's right, you know." CeCe was so proud of the young man standing before her that she wanted to give him a big hug. She guessed he wouldn't appreciate it too much with Nate and David looking on.

  The boy nodded. "I hadn't really thought much about Patrice until I talked to you today." He paused. "You have a good son."

  CeCe nodded. "He's the best thing in my life."

  "Patrice doesn't want the baby," he said. "She only told Danita she did to break us up. I think she's going to have an abortion."

  CeCe tried to keep her features straight, but the thought of the young girl taking such a drastic step pained her. "How do you feel about that?" CeCe asked.

  "At first, I didn't want to think about it." The boy's lowered gaze let CeCe know he was embarrassed by what he was telling her. "It would have made things much easier if she had done it instead of telling Danita."

  "How do you feel now?"

  He looked up at her. "I don't think she should have an abortion. Maybe she could give the baby up for adoption. Or maybe we could get married."

  CeCe's heart went out to the boy. He had a lot of tough decisions to make for one so young. She was proud of him for facing his responsibilities, though. She'd have to tell his parents so when she met them. "Just take it a day at a time, Ronald. Listen to your parents. They sound like reasonable people, good people, and they love you. And don't forget you can talk to God. He'll listen and he'll help."

  The boy nodded again. "I guess I'd better get back to the game. It'll be too dark to see the Frisbee in a while." He turned toward Nate and David. Then he turned back to CeCe. "You don't mind me just showing up here, do you? I didn't mean anything by it. I liked talking to you today. I felt like you understood me, you know. And you didn't judge me."

  CeCe smiled from deep inside her heart. "It's more than all right. You're welcome to come by anytime. I think you've already won David over."

  Ronald smiled his first real smile. "He's a great kid. So is Mr. Richardson."

  "I'll have to tell Mr. Richardson you t
hink he's a great kid."

  "That's not—oh, you're teasing me."

  CeCe laughed. "I'm trying to," she said. "Now get back to your game. I'll take a seat on the porch and watch."

  Chapter 21

  It was some time later before Nate and CeCe were alone. Tonight they found themselves out back sitting on the deck. Mr. Towers was in town, and he and B.B. had taken their place on the front-porch swing. "I'm not sure if this is a good sign or a bad sign," Nate said.

  CeCe didn't know if he was teasing. She sat in a wrought-iron chair next to his. "I don't think it's either. Just change. Maybe we needed one." When he didn't respond, she said, "Do you know that when I first met you at Genesis House I was prepared to dislike you?"

  Nate shook his head. "You didn't even know me. Why were you prepared to dislike me?"

  She smiled at the memory. "Because you had stood me up the week before. I had canceled two appointments to show houses in order to make the meeting, and then you didn't show up. I was very upset with you, Mr. Richardson. Very upset."

  "You certainly fooled me," he said. "I had no idea you were upset."

  "That's because that smile of yours disarmed me. I was lost the moment you smiled at me." She turned so she could see his face in the light from the deck lamp. "There was something about you, Nate. Something good and innocent. I knew when we were in the park that you were a man who could break my heart. I was right."

  He cupped her jaw in his hand. "I've broken your heart?"

  She shook her head. "But you could. You've burrowed yourself so deeply into my heart that you can surely break it."

  "The same here, CeCe," he said, allowing his hand to fall away from her face. "I didn't know it that day, but I knew it soon after, and I know it now. You haven't broken my heart yet, but I'm so afraid that you will."

  She took his hand in hers. "You've been right about so many things, Nate. I just haven't been able to see them. I don't have any other excuse." She sighed. "I'm so used to running that it's become my general reaction to things that I can't—or don't want to—handle. All those parking tickets are a perfect example. I let a small problem escalate into a major problem by refusing to deal with it when it was small. Maybe if I had paid the first ticket, I wouldn't have gotten the second. But once I started putting them off and not dealing with them, it became easier and easier to toss them into the glove compartment and forget about them. In a way, the tickets weren't real to me. Stuart made them real the day he sentenced me to a hundred and fifty hours of community service, though. I was so angry with that man that I could have spit."

  She'd have to tell Stuart this story one day. A smile bubbled up inside her when she thought of his reaction to her news. "You know what?" she said, feeling the wonder of God's love and providence envelop her just as the darkness of night had overcome the day. "That sentence was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I was forced to stop running. I had to deal with the consequences of my actions. The funny thing is, I always thought I was the most responsible person there was. Look at me, raising my son alone and doing a pretty good job of it. A part of me always considered the circumstances of David's birth as the consequences of Eric's actions rather than the consequences of mine. Every time I looked at the situation, Eric was more to blame than I was. Now I know I was just looking the wrong way." She shivered as she spoke those words, and she knew it wasn't the cool of the night that caused it. No, she shivered because she understood the jeopardy her faulty vision had placed her in, and she thanked God she'd finally been able to see the truth.

  "Eric and I did what we did together, and now I know that we both suffered. Maybe Eric more than me because I had David to help me deal with my guilt and shame, and Eric had no one. He couldn't talk to his wife about it because she wasn't supposed to know. His parents say that he's cut them off. I did the same thing with my parents, but God was good and he gave me David and sent me to Miss Brinson. She showed me how to depend on God, how to have a living faith. I thought I had it mastered until I met you."

  "Me?" he asked, squeezing the hand she'd placed in his.

  She jabbed a finger in his chest. The cotton in his sweater felt soft to her touch. "Yes, you. You scared me to death. First of all, you made me want to stop running, while at the same time you made me know I had to keep running."

  He grinned. "Huh?"

  "I can't explain it. You made me want to believe that somebody could love me—really love me—and not use me. I was so scared to believe that was true. About as scared as I was to believe it wasn't."

  "I do love you," Nate said.

  "I know." She moved their joined hands to her heart for a brief moment and lowered her head. "My heart knows. But then once you loved me, I knew that if you knew what I'd done to Eric you wouldn't love me anymore."

  He began shaking his head. "My love is tougher than your past, CeCe."

  She lifted her head, looking straight into his dark eyes. "I know that now, Nate. I didn't then. Even though I was scared for you to know the details of my past, I wanted you to know. I wanted to believe you would love me if you knew, even though I was scared that you wouldn't. But you did."

  Keeping their hands clasped, Nate placed his free one around her shoulder and leaned close to her. "And that scared you, too, I imagine."

  "Well, not exactly," she said, wishing the wrought-iron chairs they sat in allowed them more closeness. "What scared me was when you started challenging how I was dealing with Eric. First, it was your response to the letters from his parents. You were more concerned about my anger than my decision. Then it was your response to my relationship with my parents. Then your response to my tale of blackmail." She shook her head at the memory of the day she'd told him her story at Stone Mountain. "You were more concerned about my feelings for Eric than you were about the blackmail. What I had found so shameful had not even registered with you."

  He looked down at her. "But you called me on that last one. Fear of what I had experienced with Naomi did figure into my response."

  She nodded her agreement. "I know, but that doesn't mean you weren't right. Not about any loving feelings between Eric and me but about the power I'd given him in my life because of my inability, or unwillingness, to forgive him. I couldn't forgive Eric because to forgive him would mean that I'd have to assume more responsibility for my role in our relationship. I wasn't ready to accept that responsibility."

  "Do you think you'll ever be ready?"

  "I got ready today." She paused, then told him about her talk with Ronald earlier. "He thinks that I helped him. Someday I'm going to have to tell him how much he helped me. Not now, but one day when he's ready to hear it."

  "He thinks a lot of you. I could tell during the short time we spent together. I get the impression he's going to make himself familiar around here."

  "Do you mind?"

  Nate shook his head. "He's a good kid. You'll be a good influence. Do you mind?"

  CeCe knew her smile split her face. "Not at all. In fact, I look forward to it. I have never felt like I did when I was talking to him today. When I was telling him my story, I found joy in what I had previously found only shame and guilt in. I began to see that by allowing God to take my shame and use it to help others, I was no longer ashamed. What happened is firmly in the past. I've been forgiven, and now I want to live in the fullness of that forgiveness. I have nothing to be ashamed of but a great deal to be happy about, thankful for, and proud of."

  "Sounds like you've had a life-changing day."

  She heard the joy in his voice and was happy to have him to share her challenges and victories. "That's not the half of it. You know what? I think this is what God had in mind when he first sent me to Genesis House. Do you remember that first day when you gave me the option of doing the teen pregnancy workshops or the employment workshops?"

  "Of course I remember."

  "Well, I chose the employment workshops because I wasn't ready to deal with my own issues around teen pregnancy. I'm thinking
now that I really should have taken on the teen pregnancy. I believe that's where God wants to use me."

  "Does that mean you're now volunteering for the job?" he asked, unable to keep the pleasure she knew he felt from his voice. "Your hours are up, you know."

  CeCe waved away any concern about hours. She knew this was work she had to do. "That's exactly what it means. I want to get started next week." She was already planning to get in touch with Patrice. She knew the girl would need all the support she could get to make it through her pregnancy with her dignity and her heart intact, and she wanted to be there for her.

  "I don't want to put a damper on your plans," Nate said, "but how are you going to fit one more thing into your already full schedule?"

  "By taking something off, of course."

  "Something like what?"

  She gave him a huge grin. "Either my day job or the job with Margaret or both. I have a couple of ideas that I think Mr. Cronin may find interesting. Maybe we can talk about them and my jobs next week, and you can help me decide what I should do."

  Nate's silence told CeCe that she had surprised him. When he squeezed her shoulders, she felt his joy deep in her bones. "What about repaying Eric's money?" he asked a little later.

  "I got his number from his parents and tried to call him today, but I didn't get him. I'll try again, and if I don't get him, I'll write him a letter. I'm sure we can make arrangements for me to repay him over time."

  "You're ready to leave the past behind, aren't you?"

  She lifted her hands in pure joy, wanting to shout the freedom she felt. "Oh, Nate, I'm just so sorry I waited so long. I think Eric needs to hear from me. His parents are so worried about him. They hinted that his marriage is in trouble. If I had contacted him sooner, maybe I could have saved all of us—his parents, my parents, Eric and me—a lot of unnecessary pain."

  Nate's hoot of laughter surprised her. "Why are you laughing?" she asked.