Abe: Four in Hand

by Mj Fields

  Son of a bitch! Why the fuck couldn’t she have said that earlier. Three fucking hours ago I was sending flowers to her at work when the florist called and said she was not there. I called her boss and that son of a bitch told me that she had left for the day. Then the fuck hung up on me. When she didn’t answer her fucking phone I went to his office to find out why. After finding out why she had left, I might have made a few threats and then got his ass in a jam. The threat of sexual harassment charges, slander, extortion and any other thing I could think of to throw at him. Then I let him know I had the balls and bank account to pull it off. That made its mark.

  Nikolette would not be going back to The Shore, I made sure of that, but I also got her school papers signed off so that her internship was completed and she received the entire semester’s worth of credit she was entitled to.

  The problem is, I don’t trust Bogart Humphrey, seems pretty damn off to me, that’s why I set a plan in place to keep Nikolette safe. My privilege, my duty, and I was praying that it didn’t blow up in my face. A promise to myself when I first realized fully who I was. A man who would be a man. Not someone who would let his lover flounder or be walked over. A man who took care of what he loved, putting her needs even before his own.

  I knew when I found her, the one, my soul mate or whatever you want to call it, she would be my charge in the most cherished and loving way possible. I would put her before me always.

  We parked and got out. I had wanted to open the door for her, but she was at my side in seconds. I knew she was seeking approval because instead of calling me, she ran. Not as far away as she did the first time, but she did it none the less. She also did it for comfort. She had been dealing with this for three hours by herself. She chose not to seek comfort in me, but she was now and I would give her what she needed.

  We walked in and Nancy had done exactly what I had asked. Candles were lit, food was in the oven, and the shades were down. I wanted her to be able to relax, to rest, to feel like nothing bad would happen to her.

  “You did this?”

  “I had it done.”

  “For me?”

  “Yes, Nikolette, for you.”

  She looked at me as if she was confused.

  I led her upstairs and brought her into the bathroom. I drew a bath and dimmed the lights. I took my time undressing her; I never wanted to forget what she looked like.

  I walked out of the bathroom so she could use the facilities with the privacy I could tell she wanted, and I didn’t blame her. I had been a little weirded out by the whole menstruation thing. I’m sure she was uncomfortable because of that. When I heard the toilet flush I gave her a second and walked back in.

  I helped her into the bath and I washed her body. There was nothing perverse in cleaning her, I was not looking to gain any sexual satisfaction from it, I merely wanted to take care of the woman I loved while she was hurting.

  I let her lay back so she could relax while I grabbed a bathrobe and set it on the counter. I grabbed a towel, held it up as she climbed out, and I wrapped her in it, while I patted her dry.

  Again, I left the room and waited for her in the doorway where she could see me, but knew I couldn’t see her.

  We walked down the stairs, I told her to sit, gave her a glass of wine, and the remote. “Pick something on Netflix.”

  “Abe, you don’t have to stay, I know you have to work.”

  “The empire won’t crumble without me.” I winked trying to ease her anxiety.

  I grabbed the salad out of the fridge and the bread out of the warmer.

  “Nikolette, what kind of dressing do you like?”

  “What do we have?”

  We? Fuck!

  “Italian, Balsamic vinaigrette, ranch.”

  “What do you like?”

  “I like whatever you do, Nikolette.”

  “Nikki, Abe,” she stood up, walked over to me, and sat her wine glass on the island. “I know you’re angry.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Fine, Italian then.” She turned and walked back to the couch.

  It was quiet for too damn long. I wasn’t very good at hiding my emotions from her and I wanted tonight to be perfect.

  “What movie did you pick?”

  “I haven’t. I thought we could decide together.”

  “I honestly don’t care, I’ll watch anything.” I said as I handed over the large wooden bowl of salad and a few slices of bread.

  “I’m really not hungry.”

  I sat with my back against the corner of the sectional, pushed my leg behind her, and pulled her so her back was against my chest. “We are gonna eat until we can’t eat any more, watch a movie, and I am going to enjoy the hell out of just being with you for the next, I don’t know how long, but can you please be here with me, please?”

  “You’re sure that’s what you want.”

  “I’m one hundred percent sure, no, one hundred and ten percent sure. Now lay back and let me feed you.”

  And that’s what we did, all fucking day long. I held her, I fed her, we didn’t leave each other’s side except to use the bathroom. We watched Hitch, The Battered Bastards of Baseball, and Christmas with the Kranks. If a giant fucking cloud wasn’t looming over our heads, this would be my idea of the perfect night.

  She was falling asleep and I would have too if I didn’t have issues with dirty dishes on my coffee table. I did the dishes, then I picked sleeping beauty up off the couch. Despite my efforts, she woke anyway. I still carried her up and laid her in bed then I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth. When I came out, she went in, whispering something about garlic.

  We kissed a lot before falling asleep. Kissing was always the stepping-stone to sex. I never took as much time as I did tonight to enjoy the intimacy of it.

  “I like kissing you, Nikki.”

  “I love kissing you, and stuff.”

  “This is good though, right?” I asked as I kissed her again.

  “It’s great.”

  “Goodnight, Nikolette Bassett. I love you.” I kissed her again.

  “Goodnight, Abe O’Donnell, I love being loved by you.”

  ***

  I woke in the morning to something hot and wet under the blankets. It felt fucking amazing. Half of me wanted to just stay asleep, or pretend I was just so I could enjoy the hell out of this cause I was pretty damn sure it was gonna be awhile.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” I flung the covers off me and nearly came right there from just the site of my cock in her mouth. She flicked my head a few times with her tongue and I started scooting up the bed. Damn if she didn’t follow still sucking me off. “If you don’t stop I’m gonna come and we have something to talk about first.”

  “That was the idea,” she stroked me and ran her tongue down my cock.

  “This is gonna kill me. Motherfucker. I hate to say this, but please stop, Nikki.”

  She didn’t listen.

  “Nikolette, stop!”

  She sat up, wiped her mouth and of course, she looked hurt.

  “Come up here, please and don’t look at me like that. That was amazing but—”

  “Why did you stop me?” She crawled up and sat at my side looking at me.

  “Look, I really am a good guy.”

  “I know that.”

  “Okay, listen. When I made the decision to live this way, to accept nothing less in my life, I kind of swore an oath to myself. Whoever it was that I brought into my life and accepted it, embraced it, whoever I fell in love with would be cherished. I cherish the gift of your submission to me, I hope you know that.”

  “I do, but I can’t give you, you know,” she pointed down, “without you telling me to?”

  “Yes you can, that was perfect, Nikki, but you need to hear me out. I swore that I would make damn sure to always put your needs—”

  “Abe, please just tell me whatever it is you’ve been stewing over.”

  “Look, your parents will be here in a couple hours. You’r
e going to go home.”

  “No, I told you I wanted to live with you. I told you that.”

  “After you hid for three hours.”

  “I won’t do it again. I promise.”

  “You have been through a lot lately.” She looked away from me. “Nikolette look at me when I talk to you, please.”

  “Why? What does it matter anymore? I’m not yours!”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “No you’re wrong. You’re a fake, a fraud. Mr. All-powerful dominating BDSM man.”

  “First of all, I am not a sadist or a masochist. Not like the others.”

  “I don’t care. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

  “Good, ‘cause I don’t want your excuses, I want you to listen, damn it! You don’t trust me the way I have trusted you and I have given you no reason at all to mistrust me. I have been an open book and forgiving of every shit thing you have done to me, starting with Florida.”

  “I told you—”

  “Shut up and listen to me, Goddamn it! I love you. I do, but in order to keep you safe I can’t have you running around not knowing where the fuck you are when you have some sick bastard who lives next door to you.”

  “He’s in jail!”

  “No, he’s out on fucking bail, Nikolette. If you had answered your phone I would have told you that. Then you have some piece of shit threatening you and you run. So your problem is you don’t trust me, which gives me two pretty goddamn big problems of my own. I can’t keep you safe if I don’t know where the fuck you are. And the worst part? I don’t trust you anymore!”

  “Oh really?”

  “Yes really. So you are going home with your parents so that you can get your head on straight while I clean up this fucking mess and keep my head.”

  “You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

  “I just did. You’re a fucking mess, Nikolette, and in order to be true to myself I have to admit that maybe I was wrong about what you could and could not handle.”

  “So this is all my fault!”

  “On the contrary. It’s my Goddamn fault. I never got inside deep enough to gain your trust.”

  “Some Dom you are.” She huffed.

  “You seem to misunderstand exactly what a Dom-sub relationship is. I am not some unfeeling asshole, and if that’s what you thought, I wronged you again. You should have respected and trusted me. I have no idea what I did to make you mistrust me. But your responsibility was to surrender not only your body and mind in bed, but your heart and soul always. You should have been willing to devote yourself to me. In this type of relationship my job is to set you free of mistrust and sexual restraints. Yours is to devote yourself to me fully accepting the pleasures I give and take from you. I knew from the first time we were together that you had a submissive personality and that is what I have been trying to find for two years. I have looked for you, so if you think this is hurting you, it is fucking killing me.”

  I had to walk away. I was so pissed. So fucking disappointed that this conversation just ended us when all I wanted was for her to see it was important for me to take away everything that was causing her to doubt. Boy, did I fuck that up.

  It was a beautiful fucking day outside. I walked to the window, watching the morning tide. Sadly, inside, it was truly ugly.

  “I was going to go home anyway!” she screamed out of nowhere. “This isn’t who I am! I don’t hurt people! I was going to leave you so that you could get on with your life. So there, Mr. O’Donnell, you don’t win the martyr medal today. I do. I have been through some seriously crazy shit in the past few weeks and I have been strong, but obviously not strong enough for you!”

  I didn’t turn around, “You were perfect for me.”

  We didn’t talk for an hour and then my phone chimed. Her parents’ plane had landed they would be here in less than an hour.

  “Nikolette, your parents will be here soon. Maybe you should get dressed. I can pack your things.”

  “I don’t want to leave.” She said with her face in the pillow.

  “Well, I don’t want you to either, but what’s done is done, isn’t it?”

  She sat up and laughed, “Yep, it’s that easy.”

  She scooted off the bed, grabbed her bag, and headed to the bathroom. I kicked her tee shirt under the bed. Dick move I know, but I wanted it.

  When she walked out dressed, I felt I needed to say something more, “Nikki.”

  “At this point I prefer ‘Miss Bassett,’ thank you.”

  “I love you and I know none of that was your fault. I just want to see you shine again.”

  She didn’t respond. She grabbed her phone out of her bag and tapped the screen a few times.

  “Hey Laney, how are you?… I miss you too… Actually I’m all done in New Jersey… Long story but I was thinking I could tell you next weekend. I am in desperate need of a girl’s night… Yeah maybe some of that too.”

  I walked over, pulled the phone out of her hand, and held it to my ear. “Hello Laney, this is Abe, from Florida—”

  “Give me my phone back!”

  “Interesting story I’m sure when you come to visit Nikki at her place in Georgia next weekend,” I held the phone up and walked away as she tried to grab it. “Yeah we hooked up again alright. She’s actually in love with me and I with her…Look the service here at my house, where she’s stayed a few nights, sucks,” I held it up again as she jumped for it. “Yes, it’s quite a story…But look, she’s going through some shit right now. She needs a friend and not a wing man if you know what I mean.”

  She pushed me and stormed away, slamming the bathroom door behind her.

  When I got off the phone she walked out.

  “You’re an asshole.”

  “Nikolette, I’m really not in a good mood right now so don’t push, okay?”

  “That wasn’t your place.”

  “And you shouldn’t have rubbed it in my face that—” I stopped, “This is not how this was supposed to go.”

  “Why Abe, cause you don’t do bad break ups?”

  “No, Nikolette, because it was never about a fucking break up. It was about a vacation for you from all this shit until I fixed it. Because at the Goddamn time, you were mine! You. Were. Mine!”

  “Well now you don’t have to worry about it, do you?”

  “Would you stop being a bitch? That’s not who you are. It wouldn’t matter if I never talked to you again, this shit happened on my watch so yes, I will worry about it.”

  The buzzer chimed on the gate. I grabbed my phone and pushed to let them in.

  I grabbed Nikolette’s bag and walked toward the stairs as she stood looking out the window.

  “Your folks are here.”

  “Yeah I know, just give me a minute.”

  When I heard her sniff, I dropped her bag, walked towards her, grabbed her hand, pulled her against me, and held her pretty damn tight.

  We stood like that until the doorbell chimed and she looked up at me and gave me the saddest smile I had ever seen. So sad it shattered me and I felt the heat rise in my throat.

  I let out a breath, willing my eyes not to do what I felt they may. She grabbed my face and pulled it down to hers.

  She took a deep breath, “Please be careful.”

  I shook my head and kissed the top of her head. I pulled away, took her bag in one hand, and her hand in the other.

  We stopped at the front door and she allowed me to kiss her goodbye. I opened the door and her parents walked in.

  “This is a very unique place.” Her mother smiled.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Bassett.”

  She hugged Nikki and asked where the bathroom was.

  I was left standing in the kitchen with her father.

  “Thank you for calling us.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “It’s okay to admit you can’t handle the responsibility of another person.”

  “I could handle her just fine, sir, but in order to take care o
f the situations causing her pain, she needs to be safely away.”

  “And we are her parents; we’ll protect her better than anyone else could.” This guy was a douche, getting jabs in wherever he could, and I was getting tired of it. “It’s okay to admit defeat, Abe.”

  “I could have kept her safely tied to a chair in my garage bound and gagged while I dealt with the situation. And as fond as I am of that idea, I felt maybe there was a different way of dealing with a girl like, Nikki. I love your daughter, so I called you because emotionally I thought she would fare better with you than a chair and a gag while I fixed shit. Don’t prove me wrong. Let me ask you something, have you ever spanked your—”

  “Okay we’re all set,” Nikki said loudly as they entered the room. “Mom, Dad, I’ll meet you outside.”

  When they left she rolled her eyes at me, “Did you have to do that?”

  “Yeah, I did. Now get the hell out of here before I change my mind.”

  She looked down, “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too, Nikki.” I opened the door and walked her out to her car. “Drive safe and please let me know when you get home. Nikki that’s what that rectangle thing is for, the one that rings and shit.”

  She mouthed I love you and I mouthed back, I know.

  Reflection

  Nikolette

  It had been a month since I had come home and I had plenty of time to reflect on why I didn’t trust him, where I failed, and what it would have taken to trust him. I couldn’t think of one thing that he did to make me doubt or mistrust him, not one.

  I never did call him, I know it was rotten, but I wanted him to hurt like I did. For three weeks I cried every night. I knew how he was because he messaged when creepy neighbor Thomas had “skipped” bail and was brought into custody by a bail bonds man who “found” him five miles over the New Jersey border in New York bound and gagged. His bail was revoked and he was sitting in jail awaiting trial for the crimes he committed against me and the ones against the other women who had previously lived in my very first apartment, the only apartment I had lived in alone.

  Yesterday was Tuesday and I received an acceptance letter for an internship in Italy for a soccer club that paid all expenses and I would be doing what I loved. I also could go back to my old school, but I didn’t want to. It was yesterday that I realized what was holding me back from trusting him one hundred percent. Steve and Sally. It wasn’t Abe, it was them. I still hadn’t gotten over that betrayal.