Shaken to the Core

by Jae

  Kate felt as if Lucy’s words were the world’s fastest automobile and her own brain a lame horse, too slow to keep pace. Why would Lucy’s grandmother say something like that? What exactly did it mean? “Your aunts?”

  “Well, only Aunt Amy is my aunt by blood. Aunt Rika is…” Lucy lowered her voice even more. “They live together.”

  Two widows or spinsters living together wasn’t that uncommon, but Kate sensed that there was something more behind Lucy’s words. The tiny hairs along her arms prickled with a mix of tension and excitement. “You mean…?”

  Lucy nodded. She moved a little closer so no one could overhear. “They share their lives…and their bed.”

  Was she hallucinating from thirst and all the smoke she’d inhaled? She couldn’t believe that Lucy would talk so openly about women having relations with other women. “And your grandmother knows about it?”

  “The entire family knows,” Lucy said.

  Kate couldn’t imagine telling her parents something like that. Her father would drown her in the bay before he allowed a daughter of his to have such unnatural urges. “Weren’t they terribly upset when they found out?”

  That mysterious little smile darted across Lucy’s face again. “No. Not the way you think. It’s quite common in my family.”

  Surely she had misunderstood. “W-what’s common?” she finally dared to ask.

  “Let’s just say that aside from my parents and my brother, the reverend didn’t have much marrying to do on our ranch.”

  “You…you mean…?”

  Lucy nodded.

  Kate gaped at her. She knew her jaw was hanging open, but she couldn’t help it. All her life she had felt different, as if she were the only woman in this world, certainly in this city, who had ever noticed how sweet and inviting the curve of another women’s lips looked and how wonderful their skin smelled. Well, Esther and Florence had noticed too, but they had paid a high price for it. And now Lucy was telling her that not only was there a whole ranch full of women just like her, but that they found their…inclinations…perfectly normal? Finally, she got her vocal cords to work again. “So you…?”

  Another nod from Lucy. She looked Kate in the eyes, not hanging her head in shame. “Have you ever noticed how children often resemble one of their parents or both of them or maybe even their grandparents? One might inherit a hook nose while the other has the red hair that runs in the family.” She tugged on her own flaming-red strands.

  Kate nodded shakily. Of course she knew that, but what did that have to do with…what they had been talking about?

  “I’ve come to believe that it—the gender of the person who captures your heart—is an inherited trait, like hair color.”

  Kate huffed out a breath. “That can’t be true. There’s no one in my family like me.” Her hand flew to her mouth, but it was too late to hold back the words that betrayed her feelings.

  “It doesn’t work quite like that for everyone. But you don’t need a scientific lecture. I just wanted to let you know there’s no reason to stare daggers at me. Your Giuliana is a sweet girl, and I hope we can be friends, but that’s all.”

  Kate dipped her gaze to the ground. “She’s not my Giuliana.”

  Lucy just smiled and patted her arm, the way she’d done with Giuliana earlier. She pointed at something behind Kate. “Don’t let her wait too long.”

  When Kate turned, Giuliana was peeking into the tent and sending her a quizzical glance.

  “Oh. I have to go. Can we keep this…what we talked about…between us?”

  “Of course. No one will find out from me. But maybe you should think about telling her.” Lucy pointed toward the tent’s entrance, where Giuliana was still waiting.

  Kate stared at her. “Oh no. I could never…I can’t risk…” The mere thought made her heart race. “I need to go. Thank you.” With cheeks that glowed hotter than they had right next to the fire, Kate walked through the rows of cots toward the exit. The moans of the patients reached her ears as if from very far away. Her head was reeling with everything Lucy had told her. When she reached Giuliana, she stepped past her, out of the tent, without looking her in the eyes. “Sorry for making you wait.” She started making her way through the busy camp, hoping to escape any questions.

  Giuliana hastened after her. “What did she want?”

  Kate walked even faster until Giuliana had to almost run to keep up. “Uh, nothing. Nothing important.”

  “Nothing important? She did not sleep since two days, and she calls you back to speak about nothing important?” Disbelief colored Giuliana’s tone. “And why do we run?”

  Kate forced herself to slow down a little. If only her racing heartbeat would slow down too. “Sorry.”

  “What did she say?” Giuliana asked as they ducked beneath a clothesline people had strung between two tents.

  “It was nothing you need to concern yourself with,” Kate repeated what her parents always said whenever they talked about something they regarded as an inappropriate topic for a young lady of her standing. Not that it ever worked for them.

  Giuliana gripped Kate’s sleeve with her uninjured hand. “I know what is happening.”

  The breath she had just drawn whooshed from Kate’s lungs, and her stomach seemed to shrivel into a tiny ball. “You…you do?”

  “Naturalmenti. I cannot read, but I am not dumb. A fool can see what is happening.”

  A tremor started deep inside of Kate. What if Giuliana rejected her and sent her away in disgust? She didn’t dare looking at her.

  Giuliana stepped around Kate and blocked her way. She put both hands on Kate’s shoulders, even the bandaged one. “But you can put that idea from your head. I will not allow it.”

  Kate stared down at Giuliana’s hands. The thumbs rested along her collarbones. Surely Giuliana could feel her heart hammering away. “I know,” she whispered. “Nothing will happen. I didn’t mean to scare you or—”

  “I am not scared. I do not care that my hand is hurt. I do not let you go alone.”

  “Go alone?” Were they talking about the same thing? “Go where?”

  “To get more medicines for the patients of Lucy.” Giuliana pulled her hands away. Her brow crinkled as she studied Kate. “Is this not what you spoke about? I thought Lucy wanted you to get more medicines and you did not want me to go with you because I hurt my hand.”

  Kate’s ability to breathe returned. She sucked in a lungful of air and sent a quick glance skyward. Thank you, Lord. Giuliana didn’t know.

  “Is that not it? Did Lucy say something different?”

  “Um…No, you were right. She asked, but I told her that now that I don’t have the automobile anymore, it’s impossible anyway.” She hated lying to Giuliana, but she couldn’t tell her the truth. Not when it could cost her Giuliana’s friendship.

  Giuliana looked at her with that tiny wrinkle between her brows for a moment longer before nodding. “Good.” Without another word, she turned and walked toward where they had last seen Biddy and Kate’s parents.

  Kate blew out a shaky breath. Her secret was safe, at least from Giuliana. But now Lucy knew—and she kept the same secret, although it didn’t seem to be such a sordid, shameful thing for her. Merciful heavens. Her head was spinning as if the ground were still shaking. But now was not the time to think about it. If she stood around for much longer, Giuliana would start asking questions again. She gave herself a mental kick and hurried after her.

  * * *

  “They want me to wear these things, can you believe it?” Mrs. Winthrop held out the pair of simple leather shoes the army had handed out to her.

  Giuliana wriggled her bare toes. She had taken off her shoes to cool her blisters as soon as she’d sat down. “Is better than nothing, no?” she said quietly.

  Mrs. Winthrop made a face. “I suppose.”

  They had all seen better days. Giuliana glanced down at her skirt, which had been too long this morning but now reached only halfway down her shin
s since she’d ripped off a piece of fabric. The once-white shirtwaist was gray from the soot and smoke. She wasn’t wearing a hat and didn’t want to even imagine what her hair might look like. Her feet burned; her ankle was swollen; her hand pounded, and there wasn’t an inch of her body that didn’t ache in some way. She was covered in bruises and scratches. Still, she was alive—and so was Kate.

  Giuliana glanced over at her.

  Kate was leaning back against the carrying case that held her camera and the revolver, nursing her bowl of soup. Dark shadows smudged the skin beneath her eyes, but her eyes sparked with the excitement of the photographs she’d taken of the people in the park this afternoon—children playing baseball with sticks, a Chinese houseboy eating side by side with white gentlemen, and a rich lady giving her silk chemise to swaddle the baby of a washerwoman who had just given birth in Golden Gate Park.

  The earthquake, it seemed, had made all people equal. No one was complaining about going from dining on lobster bisque and lamb roast to gnawing on a piece of dry bread.

  Well, no one but Kate’s mother. Giuliana bit back a smile. She cupped her good hand around her tin bowl. Her ration of soup was long gone, but the metal still provided some warmth. Now that the sun was starting to set and the fog was rolling in, the temperature dropped. She shivered in the cool, moist wind.

  “Here,” Kate said and held out her tin bowl. “You can have the rest.”

  “Oh, no. I am not thirsty.” Giuliana’s throat was still parched, but Kate needed the liquid just as much.

  Kate kept holding out the bowl. “Take it. Lucy said to keep you hydrated.”

  “Why don’t ye come over and have some coffee?” the woman at the campfire next to them called.

  Coffee? Giuliana stared at the stranger. Earlier, she had seen coffee being sold for twenty-five cents a cup, and the woman wanted to give it away for free?

  “There’s also a bit of beans and potatoes left over,” the woman added.

  “Are you sure you can spare it?” Kate asked with a glance at the gaggle of children sleeping beneath an improvised tent made of sticks and an ash-stained carpet.

  The woman smiled and shrugged. “What’s a few more mouths to feed, right, Jimmy?”

  Her husband nodded. “That’s what we say with every new baby.” His grin looked tired, but he moved closer to his wife to make room for them at the fire.

  Mrs. Winthrop hesitated but then followed her daughter and husband.

  Their neighbors introduced themselves as James and Margaret O’Brien.

  Giuliana greeted them and held her good hand out to the fire with a sigh of relief. The other still throbbed where she held it against her stomach, but at least her front was getting warm.

  The woman distributed the food that was left in a blackened pot among them. It was barely enough to cover the ground of the bowl, but Giuliana found it incredibly generous anyway.

  Mrs. Winthrop peeked into her bowl with a frown.

  Giuliana had seen it too. Bits of ashes were mixed in with the beans and the slices of potatoes. She shrugged. It couldn’t be helped. The ash was everywhere, raining down on them like a light drizzle of snow. With gusto, she dug into her food.

  “Eat,” Mr. Winthrop whispered to his wife.

  At the look on Mrs. Winthrop’s face when she put the spoon into her mouth, Giuliana nearly burst out laughing. She glanced over at Kate, whose lips were twitching. They grinned at each other from opposite sides of the fire.

  A few tent rows over, the man at the piano started to play “Home Ain’t Nothing Like This.”

  Giuliana smiled. No, it sure wasn’t. But sitting at a warming fire with her aching feet stretched out, enjoying a bit of food and coffee, watching Kate tap her foot to the music, she was content for the moment.

  * * *

  “Hey, you!” A soldier stepped out from between two tents and waved at Giuliana’s group. “Put out that fire.”

  “Why? We need it to ward off the chill,” Mr. O’Brien called back.

  “Put it out. The whole damn city is burning. We don’t need a repeat of that here, just because everyone fell asleep instead of tending to the fire.”

  The O’Briens looked at each other. He then got up and shoveled damp soil onto the glowing embers, smothering the fire.

  Other soldiers went from tent row to tent row, handing out blankets.

  Within minutes, the fires all over the park had been extinguished. Everything went dark, except for the red glow of the fires east of them. The expanse of that glow made Giuliana shiver. Would the fires ever stop or burn right through the rest of the city until they reached the ocean?

  All around them, refugees bedded down for the night. Those who’d been lucky enough to get a place in the tents closed their flaps against the wind. The O’Briens crawled beneath their makeshift shelter and cuddled up to each other and their children.

  Giuliana took the blanket a soldier had given her and lay down as close to the still-warm ashes as she dared. The grass beneath her was dewy, immediately soaking her skirt and shirtwaist. She pulled the coarse blanket up to her nose so the cold wind couldn’t reach her. The dampness made her shiver. Her feet felt like blocks of ice.

  The glow of the fires in the east cast reddish shadows over the camp. Giuliana watched as refugees cuddled together for warmth. Even Biddy was sharing a blanket with the maid of another family. Giuliana looked across the circle of ash and half-burned twigs, over to where Kate lay.

  Kate was buried beneath her blanket, only the upper part of her face sticking out. Her blanket-covered shape shivered visibly.

  Should I…? Giuliana looked over with longing. Just imagining what it might feel like to cuddle together beneath the blanket made her feel a little warmer. But a strange shyness kept her rooted to her sleeping spot. She couldn’t just get up and invite Kate to share a blanket, could she?

  Why not? another voice in her head piped up. If Biddy could cuddle up with a stranger she’d met only a few hours before, what was stopping her from sharing body heat with her friend?

  She was fairly sure Kate’s eyes were open—and looking directly at her.

  Stop being a fool! What are you afraid of, idiota? She shied away from answering that question. Instead, she got up, the blanket around her shoulders, and tiptoed over to Kate.

  “Can’t sleep either?” Kate asked. Her teeth were chattering.

  Giuliana shook her head.

  They stared at each other.

  “Um, do you think…we should…?” Kate pulled one hand out from under the blanket and gestured around at the other sleepers, paired up like animals boarding Noah’s ark. “I mean…we’ll never g-get any sleep if we don’t get warm, right?”

  Grateful that Kate had been the one to make the suggestion, Giuliana nodded.

  Kate looked up at her, the white of her eyes gleaming in the glow from the fires. “So how do we do this?”

  “Like this,” Giuliana whispered. She spread her blanket across the cold ground and waved at Kate to lie down on top of it. When Kate did, she lay down next to her and spread Kate’s blanket over them.

  They lay close but not touching for several moments.

  Having a blanket to lie on as well as one to cover her helped a little, but Giuliana was still shivering and Kate’s teeth chattered. Giuliana stared up into the night sky, where smoke blotted out the stars. “Are you still cold?” she whispered after a while.

  Kate nodded, her teeth clacking against each other.

  “Me too.” Giuliana rolled onto her side, facing Kate, and moved closer. She lifted her arm and hesitated. She’s a woman. There’s nothing to it. She wrapped her arm around Kate and welded their bodies together.

  Kate shivered against her, so Giuliana chafed her good hand along her back to warm her. More shivers went through Kate’s body.

  Madonna, the poor thing had to be freezing!

  Her own skin prickled with their closeness. Just goose bumps, she told herself, but deep down, she knew it wasn�
��t just the cold sending shivers through her. Something else, something strange, was going on with her, but her brain was too tired to think about it.

  When she cuddled closer, the goose bumps didn’t go away—quite the opposite. Every inch of her body, from her scalp to her toes, tingled.

  After a minute or two, the chattering of Kate’s teeth stopped.

  Giuliana’s skin was heating up, but she still couldn’t stop shaking. The closer she pressed to Kate, the more her body trembled, but she couldn’t stop herself from nestling closer. Her bare feet pressed against warm skin.

  Kate jerked against her. “Heavens! Are those your feet or blocks of ice?”

  “Sorry.” Giuliana started to pull them away.

  “No, no, leave them, or you’ll never get warm.”

  With a grateful sigh, Giuliana snuggled her feet against Kate’s legs. How soft her skin felt! And how did Kate manage to still smell so good even after not being able to wash since yesterday morning?

  They lay pressed together from head to toe, sharing the same pile of moss for a pillow. Neither of them closed her eyes; they kept looking at each other in the semi-darkness. With the soft glow lighting her fair features, Kate looked like the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. Giuliana’s fingers itched with the need to touch her face and trace the contours of her eyebrows and the curve of her cheekbones.

  A thunderous boom in the distance startled her. Their heads nearly knocked, their mouths now just a breath apart.

  “They’re still dynamiting,” Kate whispered.

  Her breath puffed across Giuliana’s face, starting that prickling sensation all over her body again. A part of her wanted to press even closer, but another part wanted to pull back in panic and get some distance between them. Caught between those two conflicting impulses, she remained where she was. Her heart beat so loudly that she feared Kate would be able to hear—or feel—it. Or was Kate’s heart racing just as fast?

  She was afraid to ask. Even if she weren’t, she didn’t know how to ask…what to ask. How could she find words for what she didn’t fully understand herself?