Shaken to the Core

by Jae

  Kate moved even closer. Their legs tangled, and Giuliana realized that their skirts must have slid up some time during the night.

  A noticeable shiver went through Kate.

  Giuliana suspected that it had nothing to do with feeling cold either. “Did you…” Her voice came out in a squeak, so she quietly cleared her throat and then tried again. “Did you feel like this before?”

  The blanket rustled as Kate shook her head. “Never like this.”

  “But similar?”

  They had to whisper into each other’s ears not to wake the other women in the tent. With every word, Kate’s warm breath tickled Giuliana’s ear and neck. It was sweet torture.

  Kate shuffled her feet. Her stocking-clad toes brushed Giuliana’s. Somehow, they must have managed to kick off their shoes while they’d slept—or the kind woman next to them had taken them off to make them more comfortable.

  “Well, there’s been a girl or two that I found really beautiful,” Kate said in an even quieter whisper, as if embarrassed to admit it.

  The thought of Kate casting admiring glances at other women made flashes of light dance before Giuliana’s eyes. Every muscle in her body stiffened. Up until now, she would have said the rumors about Siciliani being especially jealous were just that—mere rumors. Maybe not.

  “What is it?” Kate whispered.

  Giuliana gritted her teeth and shook her head.

  “So you…you haven’t? Looked at other women…” Kate lowered her voice even more, until it was barely audible. “…that way?”

  Again, Giuliana shook her head. “I do not think so. I still do not understand it. I do not understand why I feel these things or why this”—she freed one hand from the blanket and gestured at their entwined legs—“feels right to my body. The Bible says it is not.”

  Kate gulped audibly. “Do you wish you wouldn’t feel like this?”

  Did she? If not for the bond she shared with Kate, she’d be on her own in this destroyed city. But it was more than not wanting to be lonely. No other friend, not even Lucy, could make her feel so safe, so at home. No, she couldn’t regret it, even if she didn’t understand it. “No,” she whispered. “And you?”

  With only the slightest hesitation, Kate shook her head. “We haven’t known each other for very long, and most people think we shouldn’t even be friends, but…” She sucked in a long breath. “You became important to me in a very short time. Very important,” she added in an even quieter whisper. “I want us to be together, even once things go back to normal. If I were a man, I’d court you.”

  The thought filled Giuliana with longing. All the young couples who could meet in the family’s parlor, row across Stow Lake, or stroll together arm in arm in bright daylight, without anyone thinking ill of them…They didn’t know how lucky they were. She and Kate would never be able to do any of those things.

  “But you are not,” she said and regretted that fact for the very first time. “We are both women. How can this work?” She pointed back and forth between their bodies.

  Kate went very still. The dim light gleamed on her wide eyes. “I…uh…I’m not sure. I haven’t…either…you know?”

  No, Giuliana didn’t know. She had no clue what Kate was stammering about. “Eh, no.”

  Kate scrubbed both palms over her face and then stopped abruptly, probably because it hurt her lightly burned cheeks. “I don’t know exactly how it all works, but…I know what I’d like to do,” she whispered.

  “Yes?” Giuliana nodded for her to go on. She wanted to hear Kate’s vision of the future.

  A quiet groan escaped Kate. “I can’t say it out loud.”

  Was talking about any future they might have together really so horrible to Kate, even in the cover of darkness, when no one else could hear? Was Kate ashamed of her, a working-class woman who couldn’t even read and write? The thought sliced through her, cutting to the bone. She fisted her hands around the rough wool blanket. “Are you ashamed?”

  “Aren’t you?” Kate whispered back. “Not even a little embarrassed? Is it normal for Sicilian women to talk about…this?”

  “No.” There was no other future for a Sicilian girl but to marry and have children. Where she came from, even earning her own money and living on her own was unheard of for a woman. Planning a future with another female was definitely not done—yet it was exactly what Giuliana wanted. The thought shook her with the force of another earthquake. She fanned her fingers out against the ground to make sure that it wasn’t actually trembling.

  “Giuliana?”

  “We need to speak about it. I want to know what we will do.” Would Kate want her to go back to working as the Winthrops’ maid and pretend they were nothing more than a lady and her hired help? Giuliana wasn’t sure she could do that. She had embarked on an uncertain future once, when she’d come to Merica, but she’d been barely more than a child back then. Now she was an adult and wanted to steer her own fate.

  A gulp came from Kate. “Well, I…I suppose…I’d want to start with a kiss.”

  The thought made Giuliana feel warm all over. But as nice as it was, how was a kiss supposed to help them set up a future for themselves? Maybe she was still too exhausted to think clearly and see where Kate was going with this, so she waved at her to continue.

  “And then I’d unbutton your shirtwaist and put my lips on…Oh Lord, Giuliana, do I really have to say it?” Kate covered her face with her hands and peeked through her spread fingers.

  Giuliana blinked at her. What was she…? Then the penny dropped. “Oh.” She snapped her mouth shut and opened it again, like a sardine that had been plucked from the water. “You think I wanted to speak about…?”

  “Um, you didn’t?”

  “No! I asked about our future. About how to stay together.”

  “Oh. And I thought you…Gosh.” Kate pulled up the blanket until just the crown of her head peeked out. She groaned into the wool.

  A smile played around Giuliana’s lips. She lifted one corner of the blanket and ducked beneath it so she was face-to-face with Kate. “But…this other thing…” she whispered into Kate’s ear. “What you spoke about…”

  Kate lay without moving. “Yes?”

  “I think I would like it.”

  “You…you would?”

  Giuliana nodded, her mouth too dry for a verbal answer. The thought of Kate unbuttoning her shirtwaist and putting her mouth on her skin…Madonna. The temperature beneath the blanket seemed to spike.

  They stared at each other, but it was too dark to make out Kate’s expression, so Kate probably couldn’t see hers either. Well, there was another way to assure Kate that she hadn’t appalled her. Beneath the cover of the blanket, Giuliana searched Kate’s mouth with her own.

  Their lips met in a kiss, at first tender and hesitant. Then Kate’s arms came up and pulled her closer, and Giuliana’s fingers tangled in Kate’s hair. The kiss deepened. The perfect combination of gentle and firm made Giuliana’s head spin.

  Kate’s tongue, warm and velvet soft, brushed over Giuliana’s bottom lip.

  Guided by an instinct Giuliana didn’t fully understand, she opened her mouth. The first tentative stroke of Kate’s tongue along hers sent a wash of goose bumps down her body. Her blood turned into liquid fire. A gasp escaped her—or maybe it had been a moan.

  The snoring on the other side of the blanket stopped.

  With her fingers still buried in Kate’s hair, Giuliana froze. Her heart beat so loudly that she was sure everyone in the tent could hear it. Diu miu! She hadn’t thought about the risk they were taking until now. As soon as her lips had touched Kate’s, all thinking had stopped.

  Slowly, careful not to make the blanket rustle, she rolled over until she was facing away from Kate and peeked out from under their cover.

  Nothing moved in the darkness.

  After a second, a snort came from the old woman in the wheelchair, and then she started snoring again.

  Giuliana blew out a breath.
She rolled over, peeked at Kate, and thought Kate was looking back at her. Her lips still tingled. Beneath the blanket, she searched for Kate’s hand and squeezed it but didn’t dare steal another kiss.

  Kate leaned over her.

  Was she trying to kiss her again? Out here, in the open? Giuliana’s heartbeat sped up with a mix of anticipation and fear.

  But Kate only leaned close to her ear and whispered, “About what you were asking before…I mean, what you were really asking. I don’t have all the details worked out yet, but I don’t care as long as we’re together. Maybe we could wait until the ferries allow luggage again and then head to Belvedere to stay in the summer house for a while.”

  A summer house on an island sounded nice. She imagined it might be a bit like being back in Sicily. But when she thought of who else would be there, the dream crumbled. With Kate’s parents around, they would slip right back into their old roles. “Your parents think I am the maid.”

  “You’d be so much more to me,” Kate said in a fierce whisper. “I won’t let them order you around or treat you as if you were any less than them.”

  “Kate…” Giuliana sighed. “Your parents do not like you to be my friend. If they find out that we are…” She paused. Was there a name for what they were…what they might be to each other?

  Kate let out a quiet groan and rubbed her eyes. She gestured toward the carrying case that rested against the tent wall. “If I can somehow sell my photographs and get a position as a staff photographer with one of the daily newspapers, I could take care of you.”

  How sweet she was. Giuliana’s smile was interrupted by a yawn. “Or I find a new job of a maid and take care of you.”

  “People don’t have the money for a maid right now,” Kate whispered.

  Giuliana suppressed a sigh. They wouldn’t find a solution tonight. Her tiredness had disappeared when she’d been kissing Kate, but now it returned full force. Her eyelids grew heavy. She felt as if she were tripping over her tongue with every word, laboring more than usual to form the English words.

  Kate yawned too. “Let’s talk tomorrow.”

  Giuliana hummed her approval. She cuddled against Kate’s warm side, laid her cheek on Kate’s shoulder, and, after a moment’s hesitation, wrapped one arm around Kate beneath the blanket. The last thing she felt before she fell asleep was Kate’s hand settling on top of her fingers pressing against Kate’s belly.

  CHAPTER 20

  Golden Gate Park

  San Francisco, California

  April 21, 1906

  Loud shouts from outside woke Kate from the best sleep she’d had all week. Trying to delay the inevitable just a little longer, she kept her eyes shut and cuddled closer to Giuliana.

  At some time during the night, they must have changed positions. Now Kate’s belly was pressed against Giuliana’s back, not an inch of space between them. She marveled at how perfectly the contours of their bodies fit together. How could this be wrong when it felt so right?

  She remembered that Giuliana had said the same last night. She feels the same! She kept repeating the words to herself until it became easier to believe them. The impossible had happened. Kate wanted to hug the whole world but settled for embracing Giuliana while she slept.

  After enjoying their shared warmth for a little longer, she opened her eyes a fraction of an inch and blinked into the bright daylight falling through the hole at the top of the tent.

  Except for her and Giuliana, the tent was empty. Even the old woman in her wheelchair was gone.

  They must have slept really late. After the exertions of the last three days, they’d needed it.

  Tenderly, she tugged the blanket up to cover Giuliana more fully and moved a little higher so she could inhale the scent of her bare skin along the nape of Giuliana’s neck. Hmm. She let out a happy hum. That irresistible aroma had to be all Giuliana. It certainly wasn’t the army soap Lucy had given them.

  It was amazing how much better she felt after a good night’s sleep. The ground was hard and the blanket rough and itchy, but pressed up against Giuliana, she was still in the most comfortable sleeping spot she could imagine.

  She allowed herself to drift off to sleep again for a minute or two—until shouts pierced her peaceful cocoon again. What on earth was going on outside?

  Giuliana stirred against her and mewled like a little kitten as she stretched.

  Kate grinned and softly rubbed Giuliana’s arm, easing her into wakefulness.

  After a few seconds of leaning into the touch, Giuliana rolled over and rubbed her eyes. “What happened?”

  More shouts and cheers drifted into the tent.

  Kate shrugged. “Maybe the water wagon came. Or they’re handing out something other than beans and stew for a change.”

  At the mention of food, Giuliana’s stomach growled loudly.

  Laughing, Kate peeled back the blanket and sat up. “Come on. Let’s get some breakfast…or rather lunch. We slept in.”

  A light pink color dusted Giuliana’s cheeks.

  Was she remembering what had kept them up last night? The memory of their kiss was like a dream—almost too good to be true. At times, Kate could hardly believe that Giuliana wasn’t appalled by Kate’s feelings toward her and, what was more, even shared them.

  But Lucy had spoken about her aunts and had freely admitted to liking women that way too, so as unnatural as Kate had felt all her life, there were clearly more women like her. As luck would have it, Giuliana was one of them. At least Kate hoped so. If Giuliana changed her mind, she’d be heartbroken.

  Kate shook her head at herself. Don’t think that way. You’ve got to trust her. She kept peeking at Giuliana as they sat side by side on the blanket to put on their stockings and shoes.

  Once, Giuliana peered over at her at the same time, and their gazes met.

  “Do you still…want what we talked about last night?” Kate asked quietly.

  Giuliana’s eyes widened, and this time, it wasn’t just a light pink that stained her cheeks. Her face was a flaming red, and she averted her gaze as she nodded.

  “Oh, no. Not that. I mean…that too, but…I was talking about…” Kate fanned her own glowing cheeks and took a deep breath. Come on. I know you can string a complete sentence together.“ Do you still want to find a way to stay together?”

  “Yes.” Giuliana stood and rushed past Kate to the tent’s entrance.

  Kate watched her go. She couldn’t help the smile that formed on her lips. It was wonderful to know Giuliana wanted to share her life with her. And her body. The daring thought brought new heat to her face. She followed Giuliana out of the tent with a new swing in her step.

  Outside, people were cheering and embracing each other. In front of the makeshift hospital, a soldier was dancing a jig with one of the nurses. The lively tune of a piano drifted over. The entire camp was celebrating as if it were the Fourth of July.

  “What’s going on?” Kate asked the old woman who sat in her wheelchair next to the tent.

  “Haven’t you heard? The fires are out!” The old woman flashed a big, toothless grin.

  Kate glanced from her to Giuliana and back. “Out? All of them?”

  The old woman nodded and kept beaming. “Every last flame.”

  After three days and three nights of fear and terror, the park and the rest of the city were safe. No other building would go up in smoke and ashes. A huge weight lifted off Kate’s shoulders. She threw her arms around Giuliana in an exuberant hug. Oh, how she wished she could kiss her right now, the way some of the other couples did in plain sight of the other refugees. But it wasn’t acceptable, not even under these special circumstances, so she just held her close for a moment longer.

  * * *

  Giuliana glanced up from the shawl she was mending and looked east. The once-impenetrable clouds of smoke were thinning out in the light afternoon breeze. Soon, they might even be able to see the sky and the sun again. The thought made Giuliana smile.

  After t
ying off the thread, she stood up from the overturned crate they had placed in front of the tent and stretched her stiff back. “All done, Mrs. Kohler. Is as good as new.” She draped the shawl around the old woman’s shoulders.

  Mrs. Kohler beamed up at her. “Thank you, dear.”

  Now that the shawl was mended, there was nothing more to do. Giuliana wasn’t used to sitting around idly. She glanced toward the makeshift hospital, where patients were still lining up, waiting for treatment. Red Cross volunteers were heading in and out of the tent, but with so many patients every helping hand would probably be welcome.

  Giuliana looked at Kate, who was sitting in the grass, trying to clean clumps of dirt off her shoes. “I go to the hospital and see if Lucy needs help.”

  Without hesitation, Kate slipped her shoes back on. “I’ll come with you.”

  “You want to help the patients?”

  “Yes. Why not?” Kate stood and gently bumped Giuliana’s shoulder. “Just because I’m rich doesn’t mean I consider myself too good to get my hands dirty. Well, I’m no longer rich anyway. So, let’s go.”

  Giuliana was only too happy to hook her arm through Kate’s and head over to the hospital tent with her.

  Lucy was in the middle of examining a pale young man when they found her.

  “Is there anything we can do to help?” Kate asked.

  “You want to help? Here?”

  Their friend looked so skeptical of Kate’s nursing skills that Giuliana had to bite back a grin.

  “Sure.” Kate shrugged. “You’ve done so much for us. We want to give back somehow.”

  Lucy paused with her fingers on the patient’s belly and raised her eyebrows at Kate. “Have you ever attended a sick or injured person?”

  “Uh…no.”

  Kate looked so embarrassed that Giuliana immediately jumped to her defense. “She cleaned my cuts when I was hurt. She is a very good nurse. Very gentle.” The memory of how gentle Kate had been, how soft her touch, sent shivers through Giuliana’s body.

  Lucy chuckled. “I just bet. What about you, Giuliana?”

  “I was the nurse of my brothers and sisters many times. When the piscaturi cut their hand at the harbor, they always come to me to clean the wound.”