by t. h. snyder
“You’re right, it does change everything. I’m so sorry, Linc. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just couldn’t keep it a secret any longer, I had to tell you. ”
Fucking hell, I don’t want to lose her. She’s given me the strength I need to get through some of the hardest nights of my life. Even if she has no clue what’s in my past, she’s still been helping to heal me in a way that no one else ever has.
“Don’t be sorry, Jo. It’s not like any of this is your fault.”
She looks up at me with her red-rimmed eyes. So much hope pours out of her expression.
“Can you just hold me for one more night? After tonight, I’ll be gone.”
She pauses for a second and looks around the room. Her eyes find mine and she sticks out her bottom lip in a pout.
The memories of those lips and how they’ve touched me sink to the pit of my stomach. I’m about to ruin something that could have been a possibility because I’m broken.
“Don’t ask questions and don’t fight me on this, Linc. Just say that I can spend one last night with you.”
A lump forms in my throat and I can barely swallow my own spit.
I nod my head and reach my arms out for her. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for us, but if I only have one more night with her I want to make sure she’s happy.
She falls into me and begins to sob.
“Don’t cry, Jo, please.”
I rub my hand up and down her back in an attempt to comfort her. I’ve never dealt with the emotions of another human being—all I’ve ever had to worry about is me.
Now, having her in my arms like this and seeing her in so much pain, it’s killing me.
I wrap my arm around her and walk us toward the bed. Pulling down the comforter and sheets I prepare the bed for her to lie down. Once she’s settled on the right side of the bed, I walk to the wall and flip the light switch.
I crawl into bed next to her and pull her into my arms.
Her scent assaults my senses as I hold onto her.
I’m scared that I’ve lost one of my closest friends because I don’t know how to love someone. Hell, I don’t even fucking know what love is. It’s not something I was born with. No one taught me how to love and I’ve sure as hell never wanted to try to love someone.
Love is a lost cause in my case. I’m a weak root cast from my past, sheltered from the strength I needed to grow from my memories.
I close my eyes and run my fingertips up and down Jo’s back.
Her breathing slows to a steady pace and I know that she’s finally fallen asleep.
As I lie in bed next to the girl whose heart I’ve crushed, I think about what we could have had if I was the kind of guy that was able to give her what she needs. But I’m not that guy and it’s not something I can fix.
She’s better off without me. Jo is beautiful, smart, and funny as hell. She’ll find the man that’s right for her; she just needs to wait for him to notice her and fall in love with her. It’s what she deserves and I want nothing more than for her to be happy.
My body starts to relax and I can feel myself falling into a deep sleep. With Jo next to me, I know that the terrors of my dreams will fall to the side for at least one more night.
The sun shining in through the window catches my eyes as I roll over in my bed. I try to open my sleepy eyes, but my mind and body are still too exhausted from last night. I reach out my arm to feel a cold empty sheet next to me. Wondering where Jo went, I scrunch my brows, sit up, and look around the room.
Jo’s not in here, but I can see her red dress folded on the dresser against the wall.
I lie back down on the bed and rest my arms behind my head on the pillow. So much went wrong between us and I honestly don’t know how we’ll react to one another today.
Last night was a major cluster fuck. When she said she loved me, it felt like my entire world came crashing down.
No one has ever told me they loved me, it’s almost painful to hear.
I don’t understand where it all came from. We’ve always had an understanding that we were just into one another for the lay, nothing serious.
She never gave me the impression that we were more than fuck buddies. The whole thing came at me like a wrecking ball, and once I was hit there was no turning back.
As I look around my room I realize that she could really be gone. I need to get my ass out of bed and go find her. If nothing else, I need to know that we’ll still be able to work and function as friends.
Chapter 7
En Route To
Sarasota, Florida
As I pull back onto the highway, I can still feel the aching pain in my chest. It’s been a few hours since I left Birmingham and I’m still numb. I can only hope that this ill feeling will go away with time.
There’s no doubt in my mind Linc broke my heart. I know he didn’t mean to intentionally do it, but nevertheless he did. My heart hurts—in fact, my entire body feels like it’s been run over by a truck.
I’d like to think that my night with Linc is the cause for my sore muscles, but I know it’s so much more than that. It’s as though my body knows that it’s been separated from its soul mate.
Our conversation from last night has played over in my mind a thousand times. I thought for sure our feelings were mutual.
What was I thinking? How could I have read him so wrong? Why did I have to go and open my big mouth and ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me? We had spent so much time together that I was sure that we were becoming more than just friends with benefits.
Well shit, I guess I was wrong. I learned a valuable lesson last night. I’ll never go with my gut when it involves a guy and my heart. It’ll just get broken in the end.
God I miss him—his subtle dimples that show when he’s smiling at me, his scent, and the way his strong arms hold me when we’re lying side by side.
I sat in bed, debating on waking him. I wanted to talk, but what would have been the point? He made it quite clear that there was no place for me in his heart.
I had no choice but to leave. There’s no way I could stay in the same town and pretend like things aren’t weird. I don’t know how I can look him in the eye if I ever see him again.
I gave him my heart and he wasn’t willing to accept it as my gift to him.
As soon as Daulton took me to my car, I called my parents and told them I was coming for a visit.
Mom was overly excited as I thought she’d be, but Dad was asking way too many questions. Not wanting to talk about it, I just told them I’d see them in a few hours.
I’ll miss him like crazy, but being away from him is what’s best for me—at least for right now. Maybe in time I’ll build up the courage to go back. By then he’ll have moved on and I’ll have the closure I need to forget him.
I was being truthful when I told him he was it for me. He’s the one person I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. Having him be with someone else may just be the pain to break me from him for good.
My heart is back in Birmingham; I don’t ever want it back. It will stay with Linc for as long as I live.
Chapter 8
I’ve been on the run for the past few days and I’m exhausted. I need to find a place to hide—to start over and change my life for good.
I can’t imagine that he’ll find me. What’s the point? I’m not worth anything to him but a quick lay and a slap across the face.
For three years I wasted my life; I could have done something. Hell, I could have become something if it hadn’t been for him.
When I met Rick ‘The Prick’, I was swept off my feet. He was hot as hell; he charmed the panties off of me and showed me a good time.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought he’d turn me into his bitch—drugging me, selling me off to his friends, and hitting me anytime someone pissed him off.
Leaving him was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve finally broken free from the curse of Rick. I’ll never go ba
ck to that life again. I can’t. Life with him was bound to kill me one way or another.
Living in fear every day for my wellbeing is no longer an option. I had no other choice but to pack up and go. Not to just leave, but to run, run as fast and as far as I can from Oregon. Getting away from him is all I can do to save myself before he kills me.
I’ve been driving for thirteen hours straight and I’m so tired. I don’t even think that toothpicks can hold my eyes open at this point.
I see a road sign for an upcoming exit with hotels. I don’t care if there are roaches crawling over me; sleep is all I care about.
Pulling off of the side ramp, I steer the car toward the Sleep Inn. I have no idea where the hell I am or how I got here. I’ve just been driving in hopes of finding a place to settle.
I put the car in park and grab my purse and small suitcase. The light is on outside of the office and I open the door.
The smell of smoke and mildew hits my nose and I try to not breathe.
Dear God, what am I doing?
An overweight man sits behind the counter with a stained and ripped white t-shirt.
He looks up from a magazine and gives me a sly smirk.
“Hey, sugar, can I help you with something?” he asks with a disgusting smile.
I swallow the knot forming in my throat.
This isn’t so bad. I’m safe; no one can hurt me here.
“I need a room for the night, please.”
“Sure, baby. Will you be staying alone?”
“No!” I shout.
“No? I don’t see anyone else with you.”
“Well, not yet. He’s on his way.”
He nods his head and the greasy black hair hanging over his eyes shifts.
“I have a room down at the end of the row. It’ll be forty-five for the night.”
I close my eyes and let out a heavy sigh.
“That’s fine, thank you.”
I dig in my purse for some cash and hand it over to him. He punches something into his keyboard and reaches under the desk, bringing forth a key.
“Room 143,” he says dropping the key on the counter. “Sweet dreams, pretty lady.”
“Thank you,” I reply as I swipe the key off of the counter and walk out of the office.
A chill runs through my body at the thoughts that were most likely running through that pervert’s mind.
I will no longer allow men to think I’m a sex object. I’m fucking Gretchen Powers for Christ’s sake. I may not know what it is yet, but I do have a purpose in life other than sex.
Making my way down the row of rooms to 143, I stick the key in the lock and turn the knob. As soon as I enter, I flip the switch along the wall. Dim lights reveal a path through the small room.
Locking the door with every lock possible, I reach for a chair and prop it under the doorknob. It’s not the best security device, but it’ll alert me if anyone tries to get into the room.
Feeling somewhat safe, I toss my shit on the dresser and flop down onto the bed. It doesn’t take long for sleep to take over and I pass out.
A loud banging sound causes me to jump from my sleep. I rub my tired eyes and see that the sun is shining through the damaged curtains surrounding the window. It’s already morning.
I slide off the side of the bed and walk toward the window. Pulling the musty curtain to the side, I can see a garbage truck outside unloading the dumpster.
Well, I made it through one night at this piss poor hotel, now I need to get showered and the hell out of here.
I grab for my suitcase and slide the zipper open. Pulling out a clean pair of panties, pants, and a tee, I carry them into the bathroom.
Sliding the shower curtain to the side, I see that this room has not been cleaned well in ages. I roll my eyes at the filth and decide to ignore the stains along the tub and shower walls.
Rather than think about it, I turn the faucet all the way to hot and pull the shower lever. I strip myself of my clothes and hop into the steam.
The hot water burns my skin but gives me a sense of relief at the same time.
I quickly wash my hair and my body and turn off the water. Reaching for a towel, I dry myself off and get dressed.
I run my fingers through my hair and pull the hair tie off of my wrist. There’s no one here to look pretty for, so I throw my wet hair up into a ponytail and call it a day.
Walking out of the bathroom, I glance to the alarm clock on the bedside table and see that it’s already a quarter past nine. I need to get back on the road and find a place to settle down. Being on the move is getting more exhausting every day. I just want a place to call home and start over.
My stomach starts to growl and I know it’s been almost a full day since I’ve eaten anything substantial.
I think I’ll treat myself to a nice hot breakfast before heading back to the highway. At least then I’ll know I’m still giving my body the nutrition it needs.
I refuse to neglect myself any longer. My life is my choice and Rick isn’t here to make the decisions for me. I’m on my own and ready to be the person I should have been years ago.
Tossing my dirty clothes into my suitcase, I zip it up and reach for my purse.
As I walk out the door and look behind me, I say good riddance to the cheap-ass motel. Time to move on and find something better—I just don’t know where yet.
I pull out of the parking lot and head down the road into town. Still completely clueless as to where the hell I am, I make my way toward the nearest diner.
The outside looks inviting, so I turn my car into the first parking spot available.
As I open the door, a bell chimes and a petite woman with an extremely short black skirt walks toward me.
She looks me up and down and rolls her eyes.
What the fuck?
I know I must look a hot mess, but she’s no super model, either.
I take a step toward her and she gives me a smirk.
“Can I help ya?” she asks.
“Table for one, please”
She reaches under the cashier’s counter for a menu and signals me to follow her.
As I walk behind her to the back of the diner, I glance around at the other customers. There’s a couple sitting to the left, a few older kids lined up along the counter bar, and a group of guys sitting in a booth to the far right.
I watch the guys as the waitress and I walk past their table. There are four of them totally engrossed in conversation, paying no attention to anything other than themselves.
The waitress tosses the menu on the table of the booth behind them.
Giving her a fake smile, I scoot myself into the booth and set my purse down next to my leg.
My eyes glance up to her as she just stands there watching me.
“Something to drink?”
“Sure. I’ll take a coffee and water, please.”
Without another word, she turns on her heels and walks past the table.
The one guy sitting on the end reaches out to her and smacks her on the ass as she walks by.
She jumps and giggles while turning back toward him to flash a wink and seductive smile.
Stupid whore.
I roll my eyes at her low grade level of flirting and stare out the window. After a few minutes, she comes trotting herself back to the table and slides a mug of coffee in my direction.
She moves to turn away when I choose to speak up, “I’m ready to order.”
She whips her head around to face me and gives me the look of death.
What the hell? She’s a waitress; it’s her job to take my order and bring out my food. It’s not my problem if her life sucks and she hates the world.
A deep voice speaks and pulls us out of our heated stare down.
“Shelia, chill out, baby. Be nice to the pretty girl.”
“Daulton, shut the hell up and mind your damn business.”
The guy turns to face me from his booth and all eyes are on me.
“Don’t worr
y about Shelia, her bark is worse than her bite,” he says with a smile.
His dimples appear and instantly grab my attention.
“I’ll take your word for it,” I reply.
He lets out a laugh and blinks his bright blue eyes. I’m captured by this guy and I don’t even know who the hell he is. Between those dimples and eyes, I can guarantee he can get any girl he wants.
“You’re not from around here, are you?” he asks.
I shake my head.
“Where you from?”
This is not the time or the place to be starting a friendship with anyone. I’m on the run and I need to just eat my breakfast and get the hell out of here.
“Actually, I’m just passing through town.”
“Okay, cool. Where you headed?”
Jesus Christ this guy asks a lot of questions that are none of his business. I watch him as he intently waits for me to respond. My eyes shift from his blue eyes and look to the other guys sitting with him.
I see Shelia step forward out of the corner of my eye.
“Let her go, Dault, she said she’s just passing through. Let the girl order her food and be on her way.”
I look to her and smile. For a moment I feel as though the two of us just bonded and she was willing to stick up for me.
“Fine with me, but if you need anything just let us know. Hell, even if you need a place to stay, my buddy and I have a place that just came up for rent.”
He throws me a wink and his killer smile before turning back around in the booth.
I look toward Shelia and mouth thank you. She smiles back at me and takes my order.
While I wait for my breakfast to be served, I think about what this stranger just offered me. A place to stay—here in this town? I honestly don’t even know where the hell I am.
I guess here would be as good a place as any to stop for a while and see if this is a place I’d want to settle. Otherwise, I’ll just get back in my car and keep driving…I can’t run for the rest of my life. I need to make a decision and plant my feet somewhere.
Chapter 9
I reach into my drawer and grab out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. As I pull them on, I glance to the top of the dresser and stare at Jo’s red dress.