Being Human

by Patricia Lynne

  His words were chosen carefully, trying to explain. “No, I won't take any money you give me, not if it's off some dead person you killed. That would taint the money. Do you understand?”

  “Like our home?”

  He nodded.

  “I won't take any money off my prey then,” I vowed.

  That got a weak smile from him. He settled against the window frame, staring past me. “You know, as hard as it is seeing you like this and trying to deal with you, I'd rather have you with me as a vampire than dead. I don't think I could deal with everyone being dead. I'd truly be alone without you.”

  “I don't want you to feel alone.”

  “Good to hear.” Amusement filled his voice, like the fact I felt I had to state the obvious to him was humorous.

  A smile crept up on me and I prolonged it for him.

  “That's creepy,” he sighed and I laughed. His eyes widened and he sat up. “Okay, now that I can't handle.”

  “What?”

  “You smiling and laughing. Holy crap, that was too much creepiness. Go back to being void and emotionless. I can handle that creepy look better than what you just did. I swear, my heart just tried to run away.”

  I laughed and smiled more.

  ****

  Only two rhythms beat, both in the lower level of the house. I peeked in the windows, looking through cracks in the curtains. My aunt and uncle sat in their chairs, eyes glued to the TV, but there was no sign of my brother.

  I froze with my fist hovering centimeters from the glass, remembering a promise. Not of how I promised I wouldn't kill any more family members, but of another. I promised I wouldn't linger outside the lower floor windows. It was so important to my brother that he used my name, ensuring I would listen.

  Whatever you do, whatever happens, don't let them see you. Promise, Tommy!

  I lowered my hand, feeling hurt. He didn’t trust me, felt he had to use the power of my name to ensure I listened. I wanted him to trust me, to believe that when he asked something of me, I'd do it out of love for him and not because the power of my name bound me to the request.

  I sank back into the shadows, moving silently to the back of the house. I darted up the side, perching myself outside his bedroom window to wait. To the west, light from the sun lingered on the horizon. I watched it fade, realizing how stupid that had been to wander around the house. Humans might have seen me in the dim light; their eyesight was good enough to detect movement in twilight. They'd misunderstand when they saw me too. Assume the reason I was there was to finish the job.

  Didn't it occur to any of them that if I wanted my brother dead, he'd be dead? I would have done it the night I murdered our parents.

  Something crinkled as I leaned back into the shadow. Tilting my head, I tugged the paper free.

  Tommy,

  I honestly have no idea if you can read this. I'm assuming you can since you remember how to walk and talk. If not, I'm sure I'll find you ranting and raving about my whereabouts when I get home. I went to a dance. Not sure how to explain it to you in writing. It's actually pretty pointless, survival-wise. Something us human kids like to do for fun. I'll be back around midnight (does time even matter to you anymore? Probably not, eh?) Hopefully, I'll have good news to tell you (about a girl we both used to like.) See ya in a few and remember what you promised me.

  Peace, Danny

  “I promise,” I murmured, rereading the note. Idly, I wondered if my handwriting looked the same, but, disappointingly, there was nothing to write with at hand.

  My patience grew thin as time ticked by, the glowing red numbers of a clock in his room taking forever to change. At some point, my aunt and uncle left. That made me happy, their presence in the house annoyed me. Why did I ever promise not to kill them?

  A short time later, my aunt and uncle returned. I growled as the car pulled into the driveway. That was too short of a time for them to be gone. Why couldn't they stay away longer? Or better yet, forever?

  “Danny,” my aunt said as car doors slammed shut. “You were awfully quiet, is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, just tired. I’m going to bed, night.” I perked up at the sound of my brother’s voice. Time slowed to a crawl as I waited. When the door to his room finally opened, I was practically clawing at the window. He headed to me, opening the window and leaning out. His voice was heavy with sadness. “Read my note?”

  I nodded. “What's wrong? Wasn't the dance fun?”

  He rubbed a hand over his face, sighing. “Yeah, I had fun. Mostly. It went a little downhill at one point and that ruined the night a bit. Completely ruined it, actually.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “Will you care?”

  “Danny, what happened?”

  He lifted his head up, propping his chin in his palm. “I've been trying to work up my nerve to talk to Sally Marshal. I figured after what happened with our parents, I couldn't let my life slip by. I know she's has a boyfriend, but I had to talk to her and tell her she's the most beautiful girl in the world.”

  “And?”

  “She laughed.” His head fell back down. “Then her boyfriend, Justin, and his friends showed up. At first it seemed fine, he asked how I was doing, said he was sorry about our parents. He said he and a few friends were going out after the dance. They were going trapping in the city. That's, uh, when a group of people go searching for a vampire in hopes of catching it. You'd be surprised how often people catch one.”

  I frowned. “They were going to look for me?”

  “I told him that was okay, I didn't want to go. He asked if I was afraid. I said no, Aunt Dee and Uncle Dick would be upset if I got hurt. But they kept asking, didn't I want to turn the monster that killed my parents to ash? It felt like everyone was watching me, expecting me to break out a pitch fork and torch and lead the way. I lost it. I screamed at Justin, told him to shut up, that you were still my brother.” He gulped down a breath, torment in his eyes. “Everyone was so quiet, even the music stopped. They looked at me like I was some kind of freak. Then Sally looked down her nose and called me a sympathizer – that's someone who believes vampires are still human. She walked away and everyone followed. I hid in the guy's bathroom the rest of the night.” He put his head in his hands. “How am I going to face everyone on Monday?”

  I moved as close to the window as possible. My chest felt tight, a mixture of emotions welling. He had stood up for me, defended me and called me his brother. But because of what I was, he was hurt by it.

  “Should I leave?”

  He looked up, tears in his eyes. “What?”

  “I'm hurting you,” I replied. “My presence is causing you trouble, it pains you. I can feel it. Here.” I pressed my hand to my chest.

  “You feel there,” he whispered and met my gaze. “We could always tell what the other was feeling; I always knew when you were upset. Even apart, I knew.”

  “You're my brother and I love you. I'll do whatever I have to so you'll be happy and if that means I have to leave, I will.”

  “No!” His voice was urgent, almost a yell. He stared at me with wild and tear-filled eyes. “Don't leave. I've lost everything else, I can't lose you too. Please, Tommy, don't leave.”

  “Don't you trust me?” The words flew out, sounding like an accusation.

  He nodded, blinking rapidly. “Of course.”

  “Ask me again, but not with my name.”

  “Please don't leave.”

  ****

  Each night was spent at my brother’s window, spending every second with him. The first night, he was quiet, sitting opposite of me and working on more homework. The following night he was anxious. He constantly rose and paced his room, packing his bag, unpacking it and picking out clothing before putting it back. The next day he'd be facing the humans at school. He feared what would happen. When I left as the sun threatened to rise, no words had been spoken between us.

  I wished I had known what to say.

  My steps were urgen
t. The sun had set moments ago, twilight still fading. I ran at full speed, a tight feeling in my stomach. I couldn't shake the feeling, couldn't push the thought to the back of my mind. It persisted, growing louder and louder, burning through me like fire.

  I needed to feed tonight.

  But my hunger could wait, had to because another feeling coursed through me. One that rivaled the need: concern. Concern for my brother and the feelings of anguish, which had nothing to do with my mood, racing through me.

  I darted up the side of the house and was outside the window like a flash of lightening. The curtains and window were open; my brother's back to me as he played a game.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He half turned, giving me a relaxed smile that contrasted with the churning emotions that drove me to him. He grabbed another controller and pushed it into my hand. “Let’s play.”

  I didn’t argue, taking the controller. Each round we played, I kept a careful eye on him. He grew more cheerful, the tension melting off him to match the smile on his face. Soon, he started laughing and making remarks about my lack of game skills.

  “Aw, come on. You totally could have blocked that. Did you forget how to use your thumbs? What's that? What are you trying to do? Oh! That was cheap.”

  “I won one,” I replied smugly.

  “Maybe we should quit while you're ahead,” he laughed, tossing the controller down and turning to me.

  Our eyes met, only for a second, but long enough for me to see horror fill his. He slapped a hand across his eye, covering the splotch of blue, purple and black that had surrounded it. Wincing, he turned away. “Don't worry about it.”

  The ugly mark burned in my brain, infuriating me. I hissed, baring my fangs. He jumped, scrambling away from me, fear filling his scent. His heart beat out a furious rhythm, thudding so loudly I was certain our aunt and uncle downstairs could hear it.

  My voice came out a low hiss. “What happened?”

  “It's nothing, no big deal.” His voice was barely a whisper.

  I looked away, staring at the roof and reining my fury in. Once I was sure my face was void of emotions, I looked back up. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you.”

  Voice weak, body shaking, he crawled back on the bed. “It's okay, you just shocked me.” He kept his face half turned, hiding the bruise.

  “Let me see,” I pleaded. “Come closer.”

  He cringed and fear flashed across his face, but only for a second. He moved closer, leaning out the window. My fingers hovered over his skin, hesitant to touch the ugly mark. Fury still boiled in me, just under the surface. I focused on keeping my face and voice void of emotions.

  “What happened?”

  He blinked back the tears in his eyes. “When I got to school, everyone knew. Even the people who hadn't gone to the dance heard what I had said to Justin. They just stared and whispered. I thought if that’s all they were gonna do, then I could deal with it. At lunch, the guidance counselor stopped me. He wanted to talk to me, make sure I was okay.” He scoffed, a bitter look on his face. “I wanted to punch him, but I didn't. I said thanks, I was fine. By last period, I was sure I was in the clear. No confrontations, no one yelled names at me. Hell, no one even said hi to me. Then Sally and Justin walked up. Justin announced he and his friends hadn't found you, but they were going to try again.”

  “Justin did this?” I interrupted.

  My brother chewed on his lip, clearly debating telling me for fear of what I'd do. Finally, he nodded. “I tried to explain why I didn't want you destroyed. I thought maybe if I explained it, people would get it. He started laughing. He told me I was a loser and a suck wannabe – that's the term used for people who want to become vampires. He punched me and I got suspended for causing trouble. Aunt Dee and Uncle Dick were so mad at me, wanting to know why I was defending you.” He slumped back against the windowsill. “No one gets it. You're my twin! We were always close, always together. Mom and Dad practically had to tear us apart. You becoming a vampire hasn't changed how I feel. I still feel it. That weird twin bond that girls think is cute and other guys find odd. It's still there, still telling me you're okay. I swear I'd go nuts if it was gone.” For a long moment he was silent, then he looked at me, eyes pleading. “Please tell me you understand. That you feel it too.”

  I slowly nodded. “While I was resting, I felt something was wrong. I knew you were upset over something. I understand for once.”

  He smiled gratefully at me. “Thank you.”

  “You're not going to let me kill him, are you?”

  “No.”

  “Please?”

  He shook his head, still smiling. “I should not be laughing at that.”

  ****

  I needed to stop putting hunting off. It had been over a week since I last fed. I was weak, tired and a bit sick. My focus was scattered, mind drifting to the rhythm beating near me, gums aching as my fangs strained to extend.

  Next to me, my brother chatted nervously. His suspension was over and he would be going back to school in the morning. “I bet I have a ton of homework to catch up on. Do you think I missed much? Where am I gonna sit at lunch? No one's gonna wanna sit with me. I have to talk to the guidance counselor too. Guess everyone is worried about my mental health.”

  “You should move your bed from the window,” I interrupted.

  He looked at me as if just noticing I was outside his window. The bruise over his eye had faded, the black lightening to a softer purple. “Why?”

  I stared into his eyes and pressed my will against his. His eyes turned blank, a hint of shock glimmered in them as he leaned forward, tilting his head. The vein in his neck throbbed, tempting and easy.

  I broke the stare, looking anywhere but at him. “That's why.”

  He let out a breath of air, his voice weak. “Whoa, what was that?”

  “A point,” I replied. “At our home, my bed was by the window and yours was against a wall. That had to be how the vampire got me. It must have looked in my window and made eye contact. I wouldn't willingly go with a vampire.”

  “How do you know that?” he asked, a hint of hope in his voice.

  “It makes sense. Humans don't like vampires and therefore wouldn't go willingly.”

  “Oh… Might as well do it now.” He cleared the way, moving clothing, games and books. Pushing, he inched the bed against the wall. Once it was in its new spot, he sat back on it, looking at me thoughtfully. He jumped up, disappearing behind the desk before dragging it over to the window. “Happy now?” He rolled his eyes at my nod. “You hang outside my window all night. What are the odds of another vampire showing up when you're not here and catching me?”

  “About the same odds as the one that turned me,” I threw back at him.

  “Meh,” he replied.

  “I have to go.”

  “Why?”

  “I'm hungry and you look tasty.”

  “Funny. You said you go on smell.” A flicker of panic flashed across his face.

  “I do, but I'm hungry. I haven't fed in over a week.”

  “Oh, well, have fun,” he awkwardly replied.

  I tilted my head at him, waiting for him to explain how I was supposed to have fun hunting. He remained silent, avoiding my tilted gaze. Finally, I slid down the roof, dropping off the edge and let my need lead the way.

  Tonight I felt bold, taking to the city to hunt instead of the highways. Like usual, most humans were in packs, staying in well-lit areas. Except for the homeless, but I remembered the first and only one I fed on. I wasn't that desperate.

  In a run-down neighborhood, a lone human sat on the steps of a shabby house. A dim light shone above her, casting sharp shadows on her face. Streetlights kept the shadows small and I carefully picked my way towards her. I froze when her head snapped up, eyes falling on me. There was no time to reach her, the distance between us too great. I expected her to scream, alert other humans and run inside the shabby house. Instead, she continued to stare. Then,
just as quickly as she looked up, she looked away.

  I remained frozen in my spot, confused. She saw me. Why wasn't she running to safety?

  “Aren't you going to come closer?”

  I walked over to her. She looked up at me expectantly, right into my eyes. Her gaze didn't waver, letting me see her thoughts.

  “Why are you waiting for a vampire?”

  “No questions, just do it.”

  I could have listened to her. She wasn't fighting, she wanted to die obviously. It would have been so easy to sink my fangs into her neck and feed. But her compliance confused me. Why did she want to die? I couldn't see that when I looked in her eyes, only the desire to die.

  “Why are you waiting for a vampire?” I repeated.

  When she refused to speak, I grabbed her arm, intending on forcing her to speak. She cried out in pain, tears springing in her eyes. Dark bruises covered her arms when I pushed her sleeve up. I looked back at her, noticing more bruises covering her face, the make-up she caked on flaking around the edges of the wounds.

  “What happened?”

  She refused to meet my eyes now. “I walked into a door.”

  I grabbed her chin, forcing her face up. I locked eyes with her and willed answers. They filled her eyes, pouring into my head, telling me what I wanted to know. I looked at the shabby house, listening. A rhythm beat inside, steady and strong.

  “He's inside?”

  Her eyes widened and she tried to break my grip.

  I pulled her back to me, trying to understand. “He hurts you, threatens to kill you, but you want to die. He should be the one that dies.”

  “No,” she whimpered.

  “If he's dead, he can't hurt you,” I replied darkly. “Welcome me in.”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it will upset his mom, she doesn’t know. It's better if I die, then she'll be protected from the truth and I'll be free,” she whispered.

  “You'll be dead,” I stated. “And I don't care about his mother,” I added when she opened her mouth.