by AR Colbert
“Absolutely. She’d be upset if you didn’t.”
Raf’s voice was unmistakable. But the other voice—it couldn’t be real. He was just a memory. A phantom from a life I was no longer a part of.
My mind wouldn’t let me believe it. And yet, I knew in my heart it was real.
Dad.
CHAPTER 21
I pounded on the window with the heel of my hand. My dad looked up with a start. He was absolutely beaming. He was a few pounds lighter and his face much scruffier than he’d kept it growing up, but other than that he looked remarkably the same.
“What’s going on?” Dax stirred behind me.
“It’s my dad! He’s alive!”
Dax stood to look out the window, and I scrambled past him to get to the door. It was still locked, but that didn’t stop me from twisting the knob again and again, hoping that by some miracle it would open.
“What do you mean he’s alive? Did you see him?”
“Yes! Just now, with Raf. Are they gone?” I rushed back to the window to find the forest empty. “I swear—”
A knock at the door interrupted me, and Carmen peeked through with a huge grin. “Are you feeling up to some company?”
The door swung open wide and Dad marched right in past her, meeting me in the center of the room and swinging me in a giant circle, nearly taking out Dax in the process. He always did give the best bear hugs.
“Oh, sweetheart.”
“Careful Glen! She’s still recovering.” Carmen reprimanded him with a smile.
“I’m fine!” I said through happy tears. He set me down but I didn’t let go, afraid that if I released him he might disappear. That this all might be my imagination on overdrive.
“Is it really you, Dad?”
“It’s really me.”
He held me tight as tears rolled down my cheek onto his shirt, and we stayed there for several seconds longer. Finally, I pulled back to take it all in. Raf stood quietly against the wall near the door. Dax and Carmen stood back as well, allowing Dad and I to reconnect.
“I can’t believe you’re here. I hoped you were well. I prayed that you’d found a good group Outside, with good people to take care of you, but I never thought I’d actually get to see you again.”
“Thank you, sweetheart. I’ve been here all along. Alive and well. Just waiting for this day. I only wish Cato could be here with us, too.”
My heart sank. “Dad, Cato—”
“Shhh. I know. We don’t have to talk about that now. He would want this to be a happy occasion.”
I nodded and hugged him once more. Dad was right, but it wasn’t fair that I was here and Cato wasn’t. I hoped that wherever he was, if there was a heaven, that he was smiling down on this moment. It wouldn’t have happened without him.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Carmen said, “but I’ve got a sourdough that’s almost finished up in the kitchen. Let me get it from the oven and maybe the two of you can sit at the table to talk.” Then she winked at Dax. “Don’t worry, I’ll bring you and Raf a couple of slices as well.”
“Deal,” Dad said. “Thanks, hon.”
Hon? He gestured for me to follow Carmen out of the room, and I moved forward, trying to ignore his little term of endearment. Whatever the relationship was between Dad and Carmen, it was a little too friendly for my liking.
We walked through a short hall into a cozy living area. Everything was made of wood—the floors, walls, ceiling, furniture...everything except a wood-burning stove in the corner. It was metal. Carmen’s kitchen was small and tidy, just off the living area. I smelled the bread cooking as soon as we left the room and my mouth flooded. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was.
Carmen pulled a boule of bread from the oven. “I normally let it cool before cutting into it, but this is a special occasion.” She smiled as she ran a serrated knife back and forth over the hard crust, and a cloud of steamed burst forth from the softness inside.
“It smells delicious,” Dad said. “Thank you.” His eyes were warm as he watched the small woman place the bread on the table between us, and my chest constricted. We didn’t remarry in the Center. Once a spouse passed, citizens of Classen City were left to spend their remaining years alone. It never occurred to me that Dad might move on after Mom’s death. And while I should have been glad to see him happy in love again, that wasn’t the case. Carmen wasn’t my mom, not that she was trying to be, but it all felt... wrong.
Thankfully she left to take Dax and Raf some bread, just as she’d promised, and Dad and I were left to talk alone.
“So Carmen?” I started with a raised brow.
“She’s pretty great, huh? Looks like she got you fixed up while I was gone.” Dad’s smile was bright enough to illuminate the entire cabin, and nothing else needed to be said. That answered it.
Eager to move on, I switched gears. There was so much I wanted to ask him. I wanted to know everything he’d been through since he was exiled, but I had more pertinent questions for him to answer first.
“How did your people know we needed help? And how did they know who I was? Are you part of the Embers?”
Dad chuckled. “I love that you refer to us as the Embers.” He paused, choking down emotion. Cato would have loved to hear it, too.
“Yes. We are a part of the movement. In a way, I guess you could say I’ve been a part of it for years, even while I lived in the city.”
“Is that why you left? Did you choose to live in the Outside after Mom’s death?” I couldn’t pretend the thought didn’t sting. I knew this work was important, but I was only sixteen when Dad was exiled. He could have waited two more years until I left, at least.
“No, sweetheart. I would never willingly choose to leave you two behind. I didn’t intend to be exiled. But I made some rash decisions. I acted on a whim, and it got me in trouble.”
“Why did you do it, then? Why did you try to climb the Center walls?”
Dad paused, uncomfortable with my line of questioning. “I knew they were hiding something. I should have just left it alone, but I couldn’t get past it. It was foolish.”
I nodded. “It’s true. They are hiding lots of things in the Center.”
Dad met my gaze with a depth I couldn’t comprehend. There was so much going on in his mind. I wondered if I could ever learn even half of it. The memory seemed painful for him though, so I needed to move on.
“So you work for Frank?”
“No. Frank and I are both a part of something much larger. We help coordinate the moving pieces, but we certainly don’t lead the movement.”
“Who does?”
Dad eyed me warily. “No one knows. It doesn’t matter though. We’re all working in it together.” He shifted his gaze to the bread, my cue that it was time to change the subject.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to upset you. It’s just that I never dreamed I’d find you again. I have so many questions!”
“I know. And I’m sorry that you’ve had to survive the last few years on your own. But I am so proud of you and the decisions you’ve made. And now you’re a Leader!”
I didn’t know if it was praise or criticism, but he was smiling.
“I am a Leader now, technically. But you have to know where my allegiance lies. I am completely on your side.”
He took my hand. “I know. You’ve always been able to identify the good. I had no doubt you’d find us sooner or later. And the role you play with us now is so important. I brag on you all the time. I know I already said it, but I really am so proud of the woman you have become.”
Maybe it was silly, but his words were powerful. It meant a lot to hear that my dad was proud, even when I felt like I’d done so many things wrong.
“Thanks, Dad. Maybe after this is all over I can come and live with you here. I’d much rather be Outside now that I’ve had a taste of it.”
His forehead creased. “I would love to have you here with me, but I don’t think we’ll be able to make that happen for a long long time
.”
“I don’t think we’re that far off,” I said. “I’m sure you are aware of the mission I’m on to place the amplifiers Outside. Now that we’ve located the Exiled camp, I just need to find a way to get the devices in there. Then the government will wipe them out and you guys can continue to live under the radar. I should be able to join you by the summer!”
“I wish it was that simple, but this is just the beginning. And we need you working for us inside, Claren. You’ve situated yourself in the perfect way to help us make real progress. And I’m not around here as much as I would want to be anyway. I still wouldn’t get to see you much, even if you did live here.”
“What do you mean? Where do you go?”
Dad sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“Working with the mysterious unknown Ember leadership?” I frowned. I didn’t want to be frustrated, but none of this was going as I’d hoped.
“We all have our roles, Claren. We may not know how they are all connected, or how exactly we fit into the greater plan, but you have to trust the process. You are exactly where you need to be right now. And so am I.”
“So that’s all you’re going to tell me? It's been almost three years since I’ve seen you, and I don’t get to know anything about who you are or what you’re working on now?”
Now it was my dad’s turn to get frustrated. He was still my father, after all. And I might have been a grown adult, but I still wasn’t going to get away with mouthing off to him.
“We’re working on the same side. And that is all you need to know. Even Carmen doesn’t know the details. It’s not important for you to understand.”
Even Carmen doesn’t know. He said it as though this strange woman would be trusted with his classified details far before I would. How could he trust her more than me?
“I don’t have much time here,” he continued. “I need to get back to where I was going before the Exiled attack. But when I heard they’d found you, I had to come see you. I love you. Don’t ever forget that. You are strong and brave, and I know you’ll do the right thing. And you’re in great company.” He motioned to the hallway where the bedroom door was opening. Raf stepped into the hallway, followed by Carmen.
Was he leaving already?
Dad turned to Raf. “Take good care of her. See to it that she gets back to the city today. They can go into the medical center, and I’ll make sure she gets picked up from there.”
“Yes sir.”
Dad stood and held his hand out to pull me to my feet as well. But I wasn’t ready for him to go. I didn’t want to end on a sour note. And it had been so long—how long would it be before I could see him again?
“I love you, sweetheart.” He pulled me into a hug, and I held on tight. At least I would get to say goodbye this time.
“I love you too, Dad. Be careful out there.”
“Always.” He winked at me, and it was time for him to go. Carmen walked him to the front door, leaving Raf and me alone in the kitchen. He turned to wave one last time before stepping outside. I took a mental snapshot, choosing to remember this version of dad. He was a little rough around the edges, but happy and free. Wild and in love. It was a good look for him, despite my own selfish feelings.
I stood quietly, waiting for my unshed tears to dry, watching the door in case he came back. But he didn’t.
Finally, Raf broke the silence. “Are you about ready to go?”
I spun to face him, unable to hold back how I was really feeling. Maybe it was all the pent up emotion after seeing my dad who I thought was dead. Or maybe it was brushing so close to death myself. Or maybe it was the fact that he—you know—LIED to me about knowing these people.
“How long have you known my dad was alive?” I walked toward him and Raf took a step back. Good. He should be afraid.
“I didn’t know until we got here.”
“But you knew earlier when I asked you in my room.”
He didn’t argue.
“How could you lie to me, Raf?”
“I didn’t lie. I told you I didn’t know anyone here personally.”
“You lied by omission. You didn’t think I’d want to know that my dad was alive? You didn’t think, ‘huh...this might be important to her?’”
Raf set his mouth in a tight line. He was getting upset, but he had no right to be angry with me. No right at all. He was the one who messed up here.
“What other truths are you omitting? Huh, Raf? What else are you hiding? Because if there are any other truth bombs that might wreck my world, I suggest you tell me now.”
This was it. I was giving him a chance to come clean about marrying his match. If it was true, if Dax wasn’t just trying to get me riled up earlier, this would be Raf’s chance to let me know.
“There’s nothing else, Claren. I know you’re upset, but I care about you. I never want to lie to you. If I’d mentioned your dad you would never have stayed in your room. He wasn’t even here yet. I didn’t want you to fight your way out and get hurt or lost looking for him when I knew he’d be here soon.”
He stepped forward again with his arms spread, but I crossed mine over my chest. I wasn’t in the mood for hugs. I heard what he said, but I still wasn’t sure if I was buying it. Why would Dax lie about Raf being married? He had no motive other than to make me angry. And I was angry enough at Dax without that information.
Raf, on the other hand, would have plenty of reasons to lie about it. I thought I could trust him. But maybe this is who Cato was talking about in his letter. Maybe Raf was the one I shouldn’t trust. The very thought of it ripped at my heart. If I couldn’t trust Raf, then I really had no one. Even my Dad had gone away again.
“Come on,” he said, dropping his hands by his sides. “Let’s get you back to the city.”
“I’ll be just fine with Dax.”
I turned to leave him standing alone in the kitchen. Who would have thought I’d ever find myself choosing Dax’s company over Raf’s? But here we were.
“I’m sure you would,” he called out as I walked away. “But Dax can’t drive, so you’re stuck with me for a little while longer.”
I rolled my eyes and slammed the bedroom door shut behind me.
CHAPTER 22
A few hours later I found myself standing on the sidewalk leading into the Morton borough medical center. I was freezing from the drive over. Two hours riding in an off-road vehicle with no roof wasn’t comfortable, but at least it was loud enough that I didn’t have to talk to Raf. If only it had been loud enough to clear my other memory of riding in the vehicle with him... I wanted to forget all about his stupid lying lips and his stupid amazing kisses.
But other than a bruised ego and chattering teeth from the cold, I was fine. Dax and I caught a bus to the medical center as soon as we’d crossed back into the city limits, which was surprisingly easy. I’d expected a little more security at the edge of the city with all the attacks that had been going on. Then again, Justice Hines and Dimitri were probably looking for a reason to go to war.
“Are you sure we have to go inside?” I asked Dax hopefully. “I’m fine. And your swelling is practically gone now. We really don’t need to be treated for anything.”
“I agree, but your dad said we needed to come here, and apparently he’s someone I’m supposed to listen to.” He shook his head, befuddled by the fact my dad was alive— and in charge no less.
Together we marched forward. The Morton borough medical center was large, but it wasn’t grand by any means. The building had stood since before the Great War, and it had been renovated several times since then. Even so, it felt old and in need of some work. But for me, that was part of its charm.
I’d come up to visit my mom on several occasions when she worked here. She was good at what she did, well-respected by other Healers, Workers, and Leaders alike. But after she died I avoided the place like a hornet’s nest.
Inside I saw a young woman with a full head of bouncing red curls propped up behind a worn rece
ption desk. She finished jotting some notes onto a pad in front of her before looking up to greet us. “Welcome to the Morton bor—CLAREN!”
My childhood best friend shoved her chair backward and flew around the side of the desk to wrap me in a hug.
“What are you doing here? Is that Dax O’Neil? Ohmygoodness, did something happen in the Center?! Are you hurt?!”
I laughed. “Calm down, Sela. I’m fine.” I cut my gaze over to Dax, unsure of what to tell her. We probably should have planned this better. But I figured a vague version of the truth was probably my best bet.
“I was doing some work in the area and hit my head. It’s really fine, but Dax suggested we swing by for a checkup just in case.”
“Absolutely!” Sela lifted my eyelids one at a time with her thumb as though she knew anything about Healing. “You poor thing. I’ll get you right up to see Dr. Chavez.”
She rushed back behind the desk and picked up an ancient looking intercom of some kind to let the staff in Dr. Chavez’s office know I was coming up.
“Please come by again soon. I miss you so much and I want to hear all about your new job.” She raised her brows hopefully as we walked past her desk.
“Definitely,” I lied. Of course I couldn’t tell her anything about my work. But I did miss her. “I’ll see you soon!”
The halls of the medical center were quiet, and after two flights of stairs, we found ourselves outside of Dr. Chavez’s suite. Dax pushed open the door, and a nurse stood waiting for us with a clipboard in her hands. “Ms. Greenwood?”
“That’s me.”
“We’ve been expecting you.” She winked and led me to a private room around the corner from the entrance.
I glanced over at Dax again, but he didn’t seem to notice. Maybe she just meant she was expecting us after Sela called up. But the wink was weird.
Dax followed us back to the room. After the emotional rollercoaster I’d been on with Raf and then my dad, I didn’t mind his company. He’d been fairly quiet since our argument back at Carmen’s house, and I figured he wouldn’t leave even if I asked him to. It was his job to guard me, after all.