Pushed

by Leah Holt

  Leaning back in my chair, I traced the thin swirls in the wood grain. “Tell me, what makes these girls so special? Shouldn't I see them first and decide for myself?”

  “Forty,” Hans said, running his hand back and forth across the top of his head, aimlessly looking at nothing. “It's fair, trust me.”

  “I decide what's fair. Now let me see them.”

  Peering at me through slit lids, he rolled his eyes towards the door. Snapping his fingers, he yelled, “Come!”

  The door opened slowly and my heart sank inside my chest. Sitting up straight, I curled my fingers into my palms and bared my teeth. “Are you fucking serious?”

  Was he fucking insane bringing me these two girls?

  No. No fucking way am I paying anything for them.

  “Machi, these girls are top of the line, these girls—”

  Slamming my fist onto the table, I sliced his words in half. “These girls are underage!”

  Holding up his hands, he pushed back in his seat. “Machi, they're exactly what you need. You need girls, I'm giving you that. And they're virgins, do you realize what a virgin could go for?”

  Growling under my breath, I snarled, “I don't purchase children, Asshole.” Lurching over the table, I snagged the collar of his jacket, and yanked him to his feet. “And neither will you.”

  A quiet gasp fluttered into my ears. Whipping my head up, I eyed the scared teenagers. They were pressed together tightly, hugging each other as if I was angry with them. But I wasn't. They hadn't done anything wrong.

  I could tell right away they hadn't come by choice. Bruises and fingertip shaped marks spotted their arms, dirt and debris was strewn in their hair. They looked so innocent, like two injured baby birds who had fallen from their nest and needed help.

  What are they? Fourteen, fifteen?

  It doesn't matter, they're going back.

  I was going to be the help they needed, I was going to make sure they got out of there unharmed.

  What I did with my life was wrong, what I would do for my boss was wrong. I knew that and I wouldn't deny it.

  But I would never take a child from off the streets, I would never allow the sale of an underage girl to pass through my hands.

  The women I took agreed, the women who came to me knew exactly what the hell was going to happen. If they didn't like it, I'd send them on their way before anyone else knew I had them.

  But most of them. . . Most of them had nothing else to live for.

  They took my offer and accepted it with open arms. Because any roof was better than no roof. Because having a home; even if it meant surrendering to a man they had just met, was better than selling their bodies to a disease-infested jerk-off for a single bump off the knuckle.

  I could never promise them protection, I could never honestly tell them that they wouldn't meet the hands of death with their master, and I made that very clear to them. To those women, they had already risked their lives ten times over, what I offered was no different.

  But selling a child. . . Not a fucking chance in hell.

  The table wobbled as Hans laid across the top, his eyes wide and shocked. “Your boss would want these girls, he'll kill you if you pass this up.”

  “What kind of threat is that? We both know he'll kill me when he's done with me anyway. Besides, who said he's ever going to know about this?”

  The girls clung to each other, allowing mere trickles of screams and yelps to hit their lips. Their eyes were closed tight as they huddled together, inching closer and closer to the wall.

  Flicking my head up, I barked. “You two, go, get the fuck out of here. There's a door in the back, use it.”

  They both stared at me with fear and uncertainty resting on their faces. They didn't know me, they couldn't be sure if I was telling the truth or lying through the skin of my teeth.

  “Go!” I screamed. “Run, just fucking run and never look back!”

  Their small dirty feet stumbled over the floor, tangling around one another. One girl fell to her knees as the other pushed off her, using her body as momentum to move.

  Climbing back up, she started to run, but she stopped. Her tender, youthful eyes scanned my face as she swallowed hard. “Thank you.” Whispering, she took off like a wild rabbit, scampering away as fast as she could.

  “No!” Hans yelled, trying to twist free from my grip. “Get back here! Get your fucking asses back here!”

  I wasn't letting go.

  “You sick fucking prick.” Hissing, I dug my fingers in firmer, yanking him over the table completely. “Did you honestly think that I would buy them from you? Did you really think that you could pass off two children and I would take them?”

  “Every man has a weak spot, most of the men you deal with would die to have a piece of what you just threw away.” Glancing at the door, his eyes became shifty like he was waiting for it to be thrown open any second.

  “You're not alone, are you?”

  He wouldn't talk. Closing his mouth, he tried to pry my hands free. His fingers clawed and stabbed, raked and scratched. But right then, I didn't feel a fucking thing.

  “Who'd you bring? Danny? Georgio?” His gaze stayed firmly in place, begging the guys waiting outside to rush in and save him. “Did Sylvan send someone with you?”

  There it was. A flash, a moment of truth in the crusty, beady little eyes resting in the sockets. He had given me some insight, he had shown weakness when he wanted to be strong.

  Is Sylvan watching me? Is he trying to test me?

  “Who is it, Hans?”

  The handle shook gently, opening slowly. “Hans? Machi? You guys alright?”

  Hans attempted to speak, so I stopped him. Curling my hand around his throat, I squeezed down, cutting off any of the sounds he tried to make.

  “Machi, what the hell man?” Fior stepped in, reaching for the gun on his waist.

  “He's a liar, Fior, he tried to take the money and split with the girls.” Hans attempted to wiggle his head, but I kept him trapped.

  Every muscle he had was useless, breaking apart in my hands as rage consumed me.

  “Where are the girls?”

  “They took off! Go! Go fucking find them!” Clamping down harder, I peered at his ghostly white reflection. “I'll deal with this dick.”

  Fior disappeared out the door and I heard the rev of an engine and the tires squeal as he sped away. He wouldn't find them, they were gone, hopefully hiding in the shadows.

  “Is there anyone else coming to save you?” Smirking, I dragged him around the table as his feet kicked and bounced around. The chair he had been using flipped backwards, hitting the floor and snapping into pieces.

  Staring into his suffocating eyes, his nostrils flared as his lids popped open in fear.

  “No? So, no one else is coming to help you. Doesn't that suck for you?” Drawing my hand back, I let it connect with his cheek.

  His skin burst open, cracking wide like porcelain on concrete. But that wasn't enough, not for me, not for what he had done to those poor girls.

  My knuckles crunched under the weight of my arm, hitting him again and again. The skin had started to peel back on my fingers, turning red and raw as I pounded his face.

  Hans tried to fight back, but there was nothing he could do. No amount of apologies he tried to spew out or saddened eyes he wanted to feed me were going to work. He deserved every last second of pain for trying to sell me children.

  Loosening my hand, he fell to his knees. I could see his lips moving, I could hear the soft vibration of his vocal cords as they tried to drum up a sound. Lowering my ear to his face, I could barely make out what he was saying.

  'Our father. . .'

  “No amount of prayers can save you, not now, not ever.” Hovering over him, my fingers pierced into my palms as I balled my fists.

  Falling back, Hans kept his face up to the ceiling, holding his hands up to the sky.

  Let him pray, let him have this moment. . .

  Beca
use it's his last.

  My shadow painted his body in black glass as his lips continued to speak muddied sentences.

  “I. . .” Sucking in a long breath, he licked his dry lips. “I know who you are.”

  “Oh yeah, you know me? Good, good for you.”

  Shaking his head no, he whispered. “No, I really know who you are. I recognized your face, I couldn't place it at first, but then it hit me last time we met. She had you with her, she had you in her wallet when I brought her to Ethan years back. Was it—Easter? Was that the picture I saw of you and her? She was young in it, sitting with her big brother, with a fuzzy white bunny in her lap. Cute little girl back then, imagine what a girl that age could bring?”

  “What did you just say?” Clenching my jaw, I cocked my head into my shoulder. “What the fuck did you just say?”

  Coughing, a devious giggle mixed with his raspy voice. “Yeah, I thought so. What was her name—Merri, Maggie. . .” Smirking, he pointed up at me with blood staining his teeth. “Megan, that was it, Megan.”

  “You're fucking lying! Tell me you're wrong!”

  A crazed laugh burst from his mouth as his eyes popped open wide. “Fuck you! How about that? Fuck you, Machi!”

  Slipping my jacket off, I dropped it to the floor. I didn't see him anymore, all I could see was a fucking spider that deserved to die.

  He knew, he knew exactly who I was. Hans said her name, he had let it fall off his tongue like it was a dirty word. He wasn't walking out of there now, there was no fucking way I would allow it.

  “I won't pretend anymore, who I am will get me killed. But what you did. . .” Crouching down, I cracked my knuckles against my palms. “That's unforgivable. I'm doing the world a favor, all you can hope is that the devil hasn't already signed his name to your papers.”

  Stepping over his waist, I bent down, kneeling around his chest. Lowering my hands, I wrapped each finger with precision around his throat.

  Hans had just sealed his fate. He had played the song I needed to end his life forever. And it took one name, one single word to destroy any of the control I had left.

  That was all I needed to know—the rumors were true, cementing in my mind that I was on the right path. Every gut instinct, every little hint that led me there. . . I was right.

  I promised my mother she'd have her day, that I'd make sure to finish what she started and get justice for my sister.

  And it was starting right then.

  Hans wasn't going to have the chance to hurt anyone else, I was going to make sure of that. There would only be one black heart in the end, and it was mine.

  Then it happened, Hans wasn't looking at me, his mind had wandered as the lights cut out. He was fixed on something else, his eyes still and settling on the window.

  Turning, I didn't expect to see anything there. I had the quick thought that maybe he was seeing himself, watching his soul escape his body or a shadow figure crawling up from the floor, ready collect a debt long overdue.

  I was wrong.

  A small face stenciled the glass, reflecting back terror and crazed shock with her eyes.

  And as my heart sank, I did the only thing I could.

  I took her.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Imperial

  Ah. . . Shit.

  Pinching the tip of my finger, I plucked out a thick splinter that had planted itself deep into my skin. I was trying to feel for any weakness in the board that was secured over the window. Sliding my hands around the edges, I pushed them in and swept them around, but it wasn't loose, it didn't wiggle or budge an inch.

  I thought I had finally felt a tiny fracture in the wood, something I might have been able to get a decent hold on so I could break it apart.

  Tugging hard, I placed one foot on the wall and started to pull and used all my weight as leverage. But all I ended up doing was falling on my ass and getting stabbed by an angry thorn in the process.

  Lifting my head, I glanced over my shoulder, waiting to hear the handle jiggle or the locks spring free. There was still just silence.

  Machi hadn't come yet today, he hadn't come the day before either. No one had come at all. Which was odd, he was normally at my bedside before I even had time to pick my head up off the pillow.

  Where the hell is he?

  Not seeing him made me uneasy, it sent my nerves into a torrent of worry and fear. But I waited patiently, sitting on the edge of the bed with my hands in my lap.

  He's fine, I'm sure he's fine. I tried to convince myself that he had probably gotten tied up in this place, that maybe he had gone out to collect the women he had talked about during breakfast with those men.

  But when I got up this morning and he still wasn't here, it made me question how safe I actually was. Machi had been clear about one thing, with him I was protected. Without him I was a meager crumb, a lone woman among the wolves.

  I refused to let my mind get the best of me, twisting images of torture into vast expanses of fears I couldn't control. So I tucked it inside, forcing all those ideas into a small ball and locking them away.

  And I waited, wishing for that handle to turn. He never came.

  The birds had come and gone, the sounds of high and low tide had made their mark on the rocks outside the hotel walls. But there was no Machi.

  Shaking my hand, I could feel my pulse beat against the pad of my finger as a bubble of blood seeped to the surface. Placing it in my mouth, I sucked it clean, allowing the taste of iron to slip over the back of my throat.

  Where the hell is he?

  What if. . . What if something happened to him?

  The idea made my stomach churn, it forced my muscles to tremble and come undone, as if the earth had somehow opened up and swallowed me, gifting me to the clutches of hell.

  He was my way out, he had promised me. . .

  Promises he might not be able to give anymore. So what are you going to do?

  If he was gone, if this world had taken him from me, then all I had left was one person. . . Me.

  I felt heavy and fragile as the walls closed in, threatening to smother me where I sat, burying me head deep in sand and leaving me there to suffocate until the lights went out forever.

  It doesn't matter, none of it matters. I'm getting out, even if I have to claw my way to the surface.

  Taking in a deep breath, I tore a small piece of lace off the trim of my panties and wrapped it around my finger. Pushing off the floor, I stood up, resting my hands on my hips and angling my head to stare at the giant bar holding me prisoner.

  Screw after screw after screw was all I could see. The small metal pins were tightly locked in place, smiling down on me with an evil smirk.

  Gripping the side of the wood, I dug my fingertips in, barely holding on. Resting my palms flat, I pulled. Throwing my body back, I bent my knees and yanked as hard as I could.

  The tip of one nail broke, splintering down the center and sending a sharp pain through my hand. Huffing loudly, I threw my hands in the air and glared at the window.

  They might as well have used cement to lock me inside, because there was no way I was strong enough to pull it free.

  “Fuck you!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as I slammed both fists against the surface. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” Pounding my hands one after the other, I cried a river of tears.

  All the promises of being free and going home were vanishing, disappearing right before my eyes as if the waves from outside had found their way in and washed everything away.

  The water bore a trench over my cheeks, following the curve of my jaw and soaking the seam of my bra. Sniffling, I dragged my fingers across my face, doing my best to wipe them away.

  No! I will not die here like this!

  Not this way, not any way.

  Raking my fingers through my hair, I twisted in place and looked for something I could use to pry the wood out of the fucking wall. I wasn't going to just sit there and wither away like a forgotten animal in its pen.


  Time had escaped me long enough.

  From the corner of my eye, a bright twinkle caught my attention. Turning towards the shiny glare, it hit me, it was right there and I hadn't even realized it.

  Grabbing the mattress, I tugged it off the frame and let it fall to the floor. Dropping to my knees, I felt the metal leg of the bed, looking for the bolts that held it together.

  What the hell is that? My fingers ran over rough lines and long indents in the metal. Dipping my head under the frame, I saw letters carved into the steel. Brushing the dust off, I read the words.

  I'm not afraid anymore. You can have my body, but you'll never have me—M.W.

  Holding my breath, I touched the scratched letters. Each letter bled into my skin, forcing me to understand that this place was a black hole. If you got too close, and you couldn't get away, it would suck you in, tearing you apart limb by limb.

  Whoever this was, whoever had left this message, probably didn't expect for it to ever be seen. I couldn't help but think they wrote out a thought in a moment of clarity. Realizing that they would never see their life again.

  I was not going to be that girl, I would never allow this world to willingly have me.

  It was time for me to go.

  Gotcha.

  Finding the small bolts tucked up near the bend, my thin fingers were able to unwind the nuts and free the leg.

  This. . . This has to work.

  Gripping it tightly, I kissed the cold metal. Please work.

  Jumping to my feet, the bed wobbled in place, balancing on three legs. Stepping to the window, I curled my hands firmly around the metal rod.

  You can do this. It's just wood, it's not stone, it's not unbreakable.

  Taking a deep breath, I lined up the end with the tight space between the wall and wood. Jamming it in between the plank and the drywall, I used every bit of strength I had to try and pop it free. Gritting my teeth, I rocked back and forth, watching small flakes of dust sprinkle the floor like powdered sugar.

  “Come on!” Stepping back, I lurched forward and stabbed the wall. “Just fucking break already!”