Pushed

by Leah Holt

  Five years, that was how long it would be before we could touch again, before I would feel his arms around my body and his lips on mine. But I wasn't going to let that push me away, I would still be here waiting for him.

  It wouldn't be easy having to travel three hours both ways every time I wanted to come up to visit. But knowing he would be out one day and coming home to me, that was all I needed to keep going.

  “Stand up, let me see you.” Biting his lower lip, a devilish smirk peeled up on his face. “It'll give me something to think about later.”

  “You're sick, you know that?” Cocking my head, I smiled big and giggled.

  “I know, that's why you love me. Come on, let me see you.”

  Standing up, I wrapped one hand around my bulging stomach, cupping it from underneath. “Well, I'm huge, aren't I?”

  “No, you're fucking gorgeous. Look at you, when I think you couldn't get anymore beautiful, you prove me wrong. How's she doing in there? Keeping you up at night still?”

  “Yeah, she really seems to like kicking my kidneys.”

  His palm pushed against the glass, trying desperately to reach through the barrier and touch my belly. And as if our daughter knew her father's fingers were stretching in thought, she gave the inside of my stomach a few good kicks.

  Her small feet thumped hard, rippling the fabric of my shirt with footprint-shaped waves. A glint of sadness sparked in Machi's eye as his fingertips dragged down the glass, leaving foggy streaks.

  “I wish you weren't in there, I wish you were home with me.” Placing my hand on the small of my back, I dropped back into the chair. “How am I going to do this alone?”

  “You're never alone, Imperial, I'm still with you no matter what. Even these walls can't stop me from feeling you when we're apart. Do you ever dream about me?”

  Parting my lips, I sighed. “Yes, but it's not the same as actually having you.”

  “What did I tell you before? Do you remember?”

  Swaying my head to the side, I glanced up at the ceiling in thought. He had told me a lot of things. Machi had told me about his father who died in a car accident, he told me about his time as a cop and how hard it had been to focus on others when his sister still needed him.

  He wrote me all the time, letter upon letter showed up in my mailbox, and I loved every single one that came. It was the next best thing to hearing his voice.

  “I told you that when you left, I'd find you; even if it was only in your dreams. So I am there, Pixie, every night I show up in your head.”

  Smirking, I pursed my lips. “Pixie? Really?”

  Holding out his arms, he winked. “What? You were mischievous, that hasn't changed.”

  Through slit lids, I cocked my head into my shoulder. “Is that why you called me Pixie? Because I was nosy?”

  Nodding his head, his lips fanned up. “It was. But, from the sound of it, someday soon, I'll be calling that little girl in there my pixie.”

  “Not soon enough,” I said, the words drifting off into the cool prison air.

  Things were going to get harder, I couldn't blindly allow myself to think that everything was just perfect. This wasn't the happy ending you read in romance novels or watched on the big screen.

  This was our realty.

  I wanted Machi to be there when our daughter came into the world, I wanted him to be there to change diapers and clean bottles. Every night I laid my head down on the pillow and wished he was beside me.

  But that wasn't going to happen. . . One day, but not today or tomorrow.

  It was a harsh reality, and it was one I had to come to terms with. And as much as it pained me that we wouldn't have a normal birth and our child wasn't going to get to meet their father in person until they were old enough to walk and talk, and probably about to head into grade school. . .

  I still wouldn't change anything.

  What he did was something he needed to do. His sister deserved justice, justice that wasn't going to come if Machi didn't take charge. He was finally able to close one chapter of his life and in time, he would open the door to a new one.

  He had a new life waiting for him on the outside. He had a family again, one that would always be there.

  Machi had my love, and it was a forever kind of love.

  He was right when he said he owned me. I was his and he was mine.

  And together, we became one.

  Epilogue

  Three years later

  The buzzer went off and I stepped out into a small waiting room. The chairs were all bolted to the floor, made of solid steel. They looked like the most uncomfortable chairs in the world.

  A glass window separated the office staff from rest of the room with bulletproof glass and a heavy metal shield they could slide down for protection if needed.

  Walking over to the window, I bent down and spoke into the small silver speaker. “Is she here yet?”

  “No, Mr. White, no one has been here yet. You can take a seat and wait if you want.”

  Shaking my head, I tapped the small ledge. “Thanks, but I think a little sun and less walls are calling for me.” Turning, I started towards the double doors.

  “Mr. White!” The woman chimed, standing up. “Congratulations and good luck.” Smiling, she hit the buzzer for the door.

  “Nodding, I smiled back. “Thanks, it's been a long time coming.” Taking a long stride, the doors opened automatically, whirring out of my way in a flash.

  Stopping, I let my arms hang by my sides as I dipped my head into my chest. I was about to cross the threshold, stepping out of a world with bars and jumpsuits, and into the land of the living.

  These past couple years I had been dead, just another man serving his time in a place where names were replaced by numbers and free choice was slapped down by a guard giving orders.

  How is that any different than before?

  It wasn't. I had been in my own prison for a lot longer than these bars had held me. The death of my father, the death of my sister, the loss of my mother. . .

  All of it trapped me in a fucking cage I couldn't escape.

  It's over now—I'm free from it all.

  Staring at the tip of my shoe, I edged forward, allowing the sun to hit the surface and make it glow.

  Closing my eyes, I took another big step, feeling the cement from the sidewalk under my heel. Laying my foot flat, I breathed in the air, filling my chest with clean oxygen and the scent of new; new life, new future, new me.

  I was back, I had left hell and a past that would follow me forever, trading it for Machi, for the Machi I was long before pain had turned my heart to stone.

  Tilting my head to the sky, I let the sun warm my face. My cheeks exploded in warmth as the sun's tendril curled around my ears and heated the hair on my head.

  I've been waiting for this. . . Now it's here.

  Shaking my head, a firm smile fixed on my face, spreading from ear to ear. It almost didn't feel real. I was afraid to open my eyes, fearing that this would all disappear and I'd wake up in my bunk.

  Peeling my eyes open slowly, I blinked rapidly to adjust to the bright light in the sky. Rubbing my eyes, I focused on the end of the walkway, forcing the blur to steady.

  My heart skipped into my throat, causing my muscles to go limp.

  Is that. . . It is.

  Imperial.

  Tears were already cascading down her cheeks, splashing large droplets onto the small figure standing under her belly. Wrapping her hands around the little girl, she started forward, grinning between sobs.

  I didn't wait for her to come to me, I took off, running full force to her. I needed to touch her, hold her, kiss her. My fingers twitched to feel her skin, my stomach clenched to have her body against mine.

  Too much time separated, I wasn't going to wait another second.

  Slowing down, I stumbled to a halt, getting locked in place by the large doe eyes from the little girl at her side. Glancing between the two of them, I held in my tears. I wan
ted to cry, I wanted to let go and just get it out.

  But I didn't. Maybe it was shock or the fact that Imperial seemed to be crying enough for the both of us; the water stopped at the glass surface of my eyes.

  “I love you.” The words tumbled out in a whisper as I curled my hands into Imperial's hair and kissed her. Speaking against her lips, my voice rolled over her mouth. “I love you and I'll never be away from you again, never again. I'll make up for this lost time, I promise.”

  “I love you too, I love you so much it hurts. I can't believe you're finally here.” Pulling back, she peered up into my eyes with a giddy smirk. “ Machi, meet your daughter. Hazel couldn't wait to see you.”

  It wouldn't have mattered how tough I thought I was or how strong and unaffected I wanted to be. My daughter. . . My child.

  Dropping to one knee, I cupped my hands in my lap. The small girl shied away, tucking her face into Imperial's thigh.

  Lifting my hand to her hair, I teased a thick blond curl. “Hi there, don't be afraid, Hazel, it's Daddy.”

  Her big green eyes flashed, twinkling in the sunshine. A playful smile spread across her small, thin lips as she disappeared again into her hiding spot on Imperial's leg, and covered her face with her hands.

  I stood in awe of her, seeing small bits of the both of us. She had blond hair just like her mother, with curls that reminded me of mine when I was young. Her jaw was smooth, rounding out like the bottom of a heart. But the one thing that took me, the one thing that made my chest cry out and my heart implode. . .

  She has my sister's eyes.

  I don't know why that caught me off guard. My sister and I were torn from the same cloth, we had the same blood running through our veins.

  And so does my daughter.

  It was hard to rationalize that understanding. My family was gone, all of them. But in a way, they were still here, they were living on through the eyes of another; through me and through my child.

  One eye peeked, dancing in place as she looked up at me.

  “It's okay, Honey, you hear my voice, it's me, it's Daddy.” Running my thumb down her nose, I inhaled a deep breath. “I've missed you, I've missed you so much.”

  Her tiny hands lowered from her face as she shifted on her feet, rocking back and forth. Imperial lowered down, holding Hazel's shoulders and whispering into her ear. Hazel smiled big, her eyes closing slightly as she giggled.

  She was beautiful, just like her mother.

  It was surreal having both of them right there in arms reach. They were here, I could touch them, feel them, and for the first time, it wasn't my imagination.

  Scooting her forward, Imperial wiped her cheeks, erasing the tears. Hazel took a few small steps, bringing her hands up to her face to cover her eyes.

  “Uh oh, where did Hazel go? I don't see her anymore.” Flicking my head around and over my shoulder, I pretended to search for her.

  I heard her giggle, the same giggle I had heard on the phone so many times before. “Boo!” she yelled, throwing her hands away and diving into my arms. “Did I scare you, Daddy?”

  “Oh boy! You sure did scare me.” Resting my hand over my heart, I pretended to breath like I had feared for my life.

  Hazel lifted her small fingers to my cheek, swiping her hand up and down. “I'm sorry, Daddy, I didn't mean to scare you that much.”

  “Don't worry, Honey, I'll be all right.” Skipping my knuckles over her chin, I pinched her jaw. “I love you.”

  Jumping up, Hazel curled her arms around my neck and squeezed. “I love you too, Daddy.”

  Wrapping her up tight, I held her against my chest and picked her up. I was finally holding my baby, finally cradling my daughter in my arms. My eyes welled up as I snuggled my face against hers.

  And I cried for something good for the first time in what felt like forever. I cried for my daughter, for Imperial, for everything I was allowed to still have after all the things I had done.

  There was time I was never going to get back, there were birthdays I had missed and moments of all her firsts I'd never have the chance to see.

  But having her in my arms, feeling a part of my soul in the heart of that gorgeous child. . .

  It made life worth living, and nothing would ever force me away from them.

  Because this was my family, my life, my everything.

  Happy Reading!!

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  About Leah Holt

  Growing up in a small town, Leah Holt's imagination was able to run wild. She loves to write romance that is always bad and always dirty.

  Having three children of her own,, life is filled with far too many cartoons and not enough bad boys.

  Writing has become an outlet for her to let out all of the dirty, forbidden thoughts inside of her head.

  If you want to chat with her, you can email leahholtauthor@gmail.com , or click the mailing list link below to receive information on her new releases!

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  Looking for more? Click below to add some heat to your kindle.

  CHAINED: A Bad Boy Romance

  HIS PRICE: A Billionaire Romance

  THIRD DATE: A Romantic Comedy

  MY SOLDIER: A Military Romance

  BARE SKIN: A Billionaire Romance

  BODY LOCK: A Bad Boy MMA Romance

  BAD BEHAVIOR: A Dark Mafia Romance

  DIRTY BEHAVIOR: A Dark Mafia Romance

  SWEET VIRGIN

  BEG ME ANGEL: A Dark Romance