Minecraft: Diary of a Wimpy Villager (Book 6): (An unofficial Minecraft book)

by Kid, Cube

  Diary of a Wimpy Villager

  Book 6

  Copyright 2015 Cube Kid

  All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be reproduced in any manner, electronic or otherwise, with the exception of brief excerpts, reviews and so on.

  This book is an original work of fiction. It is not official. Neither Cube Kid nor this book have any association with the makers of Minecraft or Scholastic. It is not authorized, endorsed, sponsored or licensed by Mojang AB, Microsoft Corp. or any entity owning or controlling any rights to the Minecraft name, trademarks or copyrights. Minecraft and its related game characters and names are trademarks of Mojang AB.

  Minecraft ®/TM & © 2009-2015 Mojang / Notch

  If you haven't read the first five books, grab them before starting this one. Otherwise, you'll be confused.

  Paperback version is located at:

  www.amazon.com/Diary-Wimpy-Villager-Volume-1/dp/1511920327/

  Table of Contents

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Book 7

  Tuesday

  I really ended that last entry on a cliffhanger.

  I was basically like, "ZOMG! I heard a noise coming from my monster box! What am I going to do?!" and then, nothing. The end. Boom. Just like that.

  Sorry.

  There was a pretty good reason, though.

  After I heard that sound, I dropped my diary and dropped my quill . . .

  Wait.

  First, let me show you the blueprints of my house.

  I made this illustration so you could have a better idea of what happened last night.

  I'm such a nice villager, huh?

  Let's zoom in on my bedroom.

  Now, I was sitting on my bed last night, and for the first time, I heard some kind of noise coming in the direction of the box.

  It wasn't too loud.

  It was like a little squeaking sound.

  At first, I just wanted the noise to go away. Then I realized . . . it wouldn't go away. Whatever it was, that mob was going to stay in that little room forever and ever.

  Or at least until someone let it out.

  I decided that someone should have been Steve. He's a Combat teacher, so it was time to tell him about my plan of getting us students some real mobs.

  I ran over to his house, but he didn't want to talk.

  "I can't say anything more about those trees," he said. "Mayor's orders."

  "I'm not here for that," I said. "Will you please come look at something, it's really—"

  "Not tonight. I'm starving. In addition to a growling stomach, my hunger bar is low, and I'm still trying to accept this hunger bar, floating in the bottom of my vision as if it were part of a HUD in a computer game, as reality."

  "You mean, on Earth, people don't have hunger bars?"

  "No, Runt. People on Earth don't have hunger bars. They don't have anything floating in their vision. Speaking of hunger bars . . . would you like to join me for dinner?"

  I glanced at the mushroom stew on his table.

  "Niiuuuuuuu."

  "Really? You sure?"

  "NNNNNooooo. Nonono."

  I ran out of Steve's house before I grew more nauseous. I didn't even say goodbye.

  So, Steve wouldn't be of any help.

  Mike was busy on his castle-house, working on some new lava trap he called the 'burninator'. His face was covered in redstone dust.

  Stump was baking with his parents. His face was covered in the various ingredients required to craft a cake. How that happened, I don't know, and I didn't ask.

  I could've begged Max, maybe, but . . . no. Just no.

  Someone had to open up that room, all right, and I guess that someone was going to be me.

  Well, I could have asked my dad for help, but what kind of warrior would do that?

  No, I was responsible for this. I had to deal with it on my own.

  I'm brave, I told myself. Dealing with an actual mob, all by myself? No problem. It's my first quest.

  But how could I talk it into cooperating? "O hai mob. Thanks for spawning. Can you please just be a good mob and let a bunch of villager kids beat on you with wooden swords as if you were a training dummy? It's a good job. It pays a lot. We'll even give you healing potions to heal up all the damage so we can beat on you again."

  Sigh.

  Scratch that, asking nicely wouldn't work. I'd have to scare the mob into helping out.

  I went back to my house, back to my bedroom, and made my best warrior face.

  When that mob finally saw me, I wanted it to know that I meant business.

  ALL BUSINESS. ALL THE TIME.

  Now, some might think, by looking at the above picture, that I was totally scared.

  Nah.

  My eyebrows were like that to help block any sunlight that might have come through the window and blinded me—an advanced warrior technique, see.

  The sweat on my brow? I was just sweating in advance. By that I mean, I was simply forcing my body to cool itself for the possible heated battle ahead.

  My pale face was just my body trying to blend in with the cobblestone wall behind me. That's ninja stuff right there.

  As for my scrunched up mouth, um . . . I was about to make a really scary battle cry.

  No scared villagers here.

  So, I walked toward the wall of my room, wielding my pickaxe.

  I didn't want to mine from the outside because I didn't want anyone to see what I was up to.

  If anyone saw me swinging away at my own house, they'd certainly watch, and then they'd see whatever mob was in there, and there'd be a new 'incident'.

  The funniest thing, my hands were shaking a lot.

  I began swinging at the cobblestone wall.

  Each swing seemed to take forever.

  My heart was pounding in my chest. That was because I was so . . . excited—yes, excited.

  What kind of mob would it be? I wondered.

  By the sound of it, I thought it might have been a baby ghast.

  Still, I'd never seen a ghast before, only read about them. As far as I knew, they could only be found in the Nether. Also, there was no such thing as a baby ghast, and a normal ghast wouldn't fit in a room like that.

  Hmm. It could have been a spider. It didn't sound like any spider I'd ever heard, though.

  Then I thought: maybe it's a CAVE spider? Wait, Mike was saying something about cave spiders. Something about how, upon seeing one, it's a good idea to run away while screaming like an enderman in an ocean biome. Something about how cave spiders are about as dangerous as a charged creeper. And how you should have a bucket of milk on you if you're crazy enough to face one, since milk cures poison . . . and cave spiders are super . . .

  Super . . .

  Poisonous.

  I immediately stopped swinging my pickaxe.

  Again——not that I was afraid.

  Come on, who's afraid of a little poison?

  Poison that makes your health bar tick all the way down until you only have half a heart left and you're so low that even a chicken could finish you off, and the whole time you're writhing in pain, shivering?

  Who's afraid of that?

  Not me.

  I was just thirsty.

  For some reason, I had a huge craving for milk right a
bout then. I left to go find some, then came back with a bucket.

  Just a little thirsty.

  Actually, I came back with two buckets of milk.

  I set one down next to me, on the floor of my bedroom.

  The second milk bucket I held in my other hand.

  My reasoning was, after I was done mining away at the wall of my bedroom, to get to the box, I could pause real quick and drink some milk if I ever got more thirsty.

  I began mining again.

  While I mined, I held the milk bucket up, tipped towards me, close to my lips—how could anyone not want a big glug at a time like this?!

  Soon, the first block was mined.

  I took out my sword, but the squeaking had already stopped. No sounds came from within the room.

  Whatever it was, it was waiting.

  Hefting the pickaxe again, I mined away the block below, and switched back to my sword.

  Yet, after the second block, still nothing.

  I waited, sword ready, milk ready—nothing.

  Then, I slowly crept toward charged into the room.

  I finally discovered what kind of mob was in there . . .

  I was hoping for something epic. A poo screamer. Mungo the Overlord. Something crazy like that.

  Maybe even a zombie cow.

  A zombie cow would have been really cool.

  Sadly, there was no zombie cow in there.

  It was . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  A slime.

  A baby slime.

  The smallest I'd ever seen.

  It squeaked again when it saw me.

  How sad. Here I was hoping it'd at least be a zombie, a skeleton, something we could practice on.

  So, I thought about smashing the slime with my pickaxe. That way, I wouldn't get into trouble for bringing a mob into the village, my parents wouldn't freak out, or an old man wouldn't scream and get the mayor, and it'd be like nothing had ever happened. No one would know. I could just cut my losses right then and there. Boom. The end of Project Mob Spawn. Plus, I'd get a slimeball as a bonus.

  I raised my pickaxe, thinking along these lines.

  Still, something stopped me.

  There was something weird about this slime. It wasn't hostile. It didn't try leaping at me. In fact, it was afraid. It just sat there, quivering, occasionally squeaking.

  Considering that, how could I have just ended this creature's life?

  And hey, wasn't capturing a real mob for Combat class the whole reason for this in the first place?! Sure, it wasn't a zombie, but maybe this little slime had a use?

  We could study it, you know?

  Long story short, I have a pet now.

  I fed it a piece of bread, which it devoured in less than a second, and it became my friend immediately afterward.

  (Well, technically, immediately afterward it let out a huge belch and then became my pet, but yeah.)

  Actually, maybe I should refer to it as my 'test subject'.

  That sounds way cooler than 'pet', huh?

  My bedroom could become a laboratory. Stump could be my assistant, and we could conduct many secret experiments upon this poor mob.

  Can it laugh?

  Does it sleep?

  Will it cry if we make scary faces at it?

  Will it begin writing its own diary titled 'Diary of an Angry Happy Heroic Crazy Baby Slime'?

  Nonono.

  Niuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

  My pet slime won't be attending slime school, thank you very much. He's gonna grow up to be polite and sophisticated and an all-around good citizen.

  Minecraftia's first gentleman slime.

  This will be him.

  By the way, I named my pet slime Jello.

  I heard Steve talking about Jell-O the other day, how it's an Earth food that resembles slime, and I figured it'd be a good name.

  Of course, I have to tell Steve about Jello at some point. I know that.

  Until then, I emptied out my double chest, and it now serves as Jello's uh, bed, or house, or cage or whatever.

  Jello calmed down a few minutes after I first picked it up. Now, it doesn't even seem to mind staying in the chest with the lid closed.

  Sit! Stand! Roll over! Good boy! Now, split into a bunch of smaller slimes! Wait. Baby slimes can't do that, can they?

  Wednesday

  So, I have a pet baby slime, and—

  There are more and more trees.

  Yay.

  Fascinating.

  Yes, everyone's still freaking out about them, talking about them non-stop.

  Hmm. Actually, it IS kind of weird, huh?

  Steve still won't tell me what's going on.

  Why are the trees so important?!

  Why do they matter so much?!

  If anything, that forest is just a huge source of wood, steadily moving closer to our village.

  What's so bad about that?!

  I mean, the lumberjacks in our village should rejoice. They don't even have to move to get their lumber anymore! They can just sit around all day eating pumpkin pie or something until the trees get close enough for them to chop.

  It's like the easiest profession ever now!

  In other news, a lot of people were talking at school today.

  Even though there's no official 'ranking' of the students—as far as we know, anyway—everyone has a general idea of the top 10 students.

  This was accomplished through countless peeping at other student's record books and sharing the information.

  Ask any student and they'll tell you:

  ① Max, obviously.

  ② Yours truly.

  ③ ???

  ④ Pebble (The guy Max warned me about.)

  ⑤ Donkey (Pebble's friend.)

  ⑥ Sap (Another member of Pebble's crew.)

  ⑦ Stump (My BFF!)

  ⑧ Porcupine (Haven't seen him much.)

  ⑨ Sarabella (Another member of my crew.)

  ⑩ Twinkle (I don't know anything about him. He's really good at crafting, supposedly.)

  Now, here's where the mystery begins.

  For the past week or so, everyone assumed Pebble was the third highest-level student.

  However, someone overheard a few teachers talking after school, and one of the teachers said Pebble was ranked fourth, not third.

  Yet, no other student has scores better than Pebble, Max or myself.

  It's weird.

  Of course, there are many students out there who are very secretive about their scores, and never give anyone the chance to peek at their record book.

  I really wonder who it is?

  Razberry?

  Nah. According to Max, he's near the bottom.

  So, who is this mystery guy with scores nearly as high as my own? And why have I never noticed him before?

  As for Jello, he's sick.

  I showed my secret pet to Stump, who gave him a slice of cake. The poor slime devoured it instantly, as it does with bread, yet it turned bright green, and became even slimier for about an hour.

  We've already learned something, then.

  Slimes can't handle too much sugar?

  Sticking to bread for now.

  Thursday

  Today, in school, the teachers handed out an official textbook.

  It's a new book, apparently, called the 'Golden Rules Handbook'.

  The inside cover has this:

  This collection of masterful secret tips and hints was brought to you by Urf, the masterful talented swordsman and combat guru.

  Two diamond swords strapped across his back?

  A bit much.

  Yes, that's the guy who almost killed a zombie once. With a stick.

  His handbook contains, without a doubt, some of the noobest information imaginable.

  Still, it's required reading for all students. The elders figured it might have some stuff we missed.

  Here are a few of the handbook's more groan-inducing pearls of wisdom.
>
  (Each 'Golden Rule' comes with a mini fairy tale to teach us students a 'valuable lesson'.)

  Golden Rule #1: Always build a door for your house.

  Once upon a time, a noob named Lenny never liked doors.

  Doors got in Lenny's way.

  Doors slowed Lenny down.

  Lenny had to open them and close them.

  Without a door for his dirt house, Lenny was free to run inside and outside again without any delay.

  Then one night, Lenny couldn't understand why so many zombies were approaching his house with their arms outstretched.

  THE ZOMBIES AREN'T COMING IN FOR TEA, LENNY. OMG THE ZOMBIES AREN'T COMING IN FOR TEA.

  Seriously?

  Who doesn't build doors?

  It's interesting to note that this 'Lenny' guy looks exactly like Steve.

  If you ask me, this is Urf's way of getting back at Steve after Steve replaced Urf as a Combat teacher.

  Golden Rule #3: Manage your inventory at all times.

  There was once a fierce and powerful warrior named AxeNoob.

  Despite his name, he was not a noob, but the greatest warrior in all the land.

  No one could chop like him. No one.

  But as he ventured through the land, he chopped and swung at every bush and flower he could.

  Eventually his clogged inventory, stuffed with flowers, seeds and other random items, drove this fearsome warrior insane.

  The greatest warrior Minecraftia had ever known—able to kill cut a spider in half with a single chop—and yet, it was the flowers that got him.

  Looks like he tried to disguise Steve in this one.

  Anyway, I actually agree with the advice given.

  I used to gather seeds for my family, remember? Still do, sometimes. After five hours of that, managing your inventory is like playing some kind of puzzle game.