Sleep Peacefully

by NC Marshall

  By the time I reach Josh’s room, my breathing is so heavy I fear she will hear me. Blood pounds in my ears and the sharp taste of acid from my stomach burns my esophagus. I grimace in pain as in my hurry my injured ankle hits the side of Josh’s toy chest at the foot of his bed. I tear back the bedclothes only to find an empty space. I start to panic, looking around the dark room to see where Josh is. He’s nowhere to be seen. What has she done with him, where is my son?

  I rush out onto the landing, fear raging through me. I can’t hear Lola talking any more. Rain lashes against the window, its tapping is getting louder as I run into my bedroom where relief washes over me. Josh is standing at the side of the bed. He looks up at me as I enter the room, confused, still in a sleepy state.

  “Mummy can I sleep with you tonight? I don’t like it when it rains,” he says. I would love nothing more than to pull him into my arms and jump under the bed covers, all safe and warm, as I usually did on nights like this when the weather turned and he was scared. Tonight, however, I need to get him as far away from here as I can.

  “Josh,” I say softly, as I near him, “Mummy tripped over. She fell and hurt her head so we need to get to the hospital for some medicine, okay?”

  Josh looks at me, confused. “Mummy, you’re bleeding.”

  I look down at the front of my pale pink vest top, which is now patched heavily in red blood from the cut on my head. I hadn’t noticed it before, and only now can feel it dripping down my neck, making my hair wet and sticky.

  Josh’s lower lip begins to quiver. I hate that he has to see me like this.

  “Where’s Daddy?” he asks, looking at the space in the bed where Dan would usually sleep.

  “He’s at the hospital already, darling. He’s meeting us there,” I lie. Josh accepts this instantly.

  “Okay,” he says, as his blue eyes fill with tears. I crouch down to pick him up, but as I do, a shadow crosses the wall opposite the bedroom door, causing my heart to jump, and I know I’m too late. I’ve missed my opportunity. She’s coming up the stairs.

  “Josh, go and play in your room while Mum gets ready to go to the hospital, and she speaks to Auntie Lola,” I say. Quickly, I shove him out of the door and along the hall, just in time for Lola to reach the top of the stairs. I hear the sound of his bedroom door click shut and breathe a sigh of relief as Lola focuses her attention straight onto me.

  “Where you off to, Nat?” she asks casually. She leans against the door frame to the bedroom with her arms and legs crossed. I notice her lips have a fresh coat of bright red gloss to them, which she must have just applied, it wasn’t there when we were downstairs. This girl really is a whack job.

  “I need to get to the hospital,” I say quietly, my voice quivering more than I want it to. I don’t want her to know I’m scared. I hope that my plea will somehow tap into her humane side; that is, if she still possesses one. My head is bleeding heavily now, flowing freely down my neck and I’m more aware than ever of how quickly I need to get some medical attention.

  Lola drums her painted fingernails against the wood of the door frame. The sound of the fake acrylic plastic from them bounces back, then she stops and holds her hand out in front of her, as if admiring them.

  “I don’t know if I can let you do that,” she says, as she glances around the bedroom. She looks into the mirror in the corner of the room and pulls her hair back into a small ponytail, then she lets it fall to frame her face again. She smooths her long jumper down over her hips before moving her attention back to me.

  I summon up all the bravery I have left within me. I need to catch her off guard, I need to scare her. If I can, then maybe I can push past her and make a run for it. I take a deep breath, calming my nerves to try and sound as intimidating as I can. “What are you going to do to me, Lola?” I take a pause before I continue, hoping for a more dramatic effect “Kill me, like you killed my sister?”

  Lola’s face drops, as she moves further into the room. Her eyes are wide and I know I’ve shocked her in the way I’d intended, and hit the nerve I was hoping to.

  “How do...”

  “How do I know?” I ask, finishing her sentence for her in a self-assured tone. “Well, you see, all these dreams I've been having haven’t been the bullshit that you all thought they were. In fact, they’ve been messages—from Jess. She wanted everyone to know that she was murdered... and that you were the one who killed her.”

  Lola’s mouth falls open. She slumps back against the wall, as if I’d just pulled a gun and shot her in the chest. I move slowly until I come to a dead halt directly in front of her.

  “You heard the message that she left Matt, telling him that she was at Milton Point, so you went there. You killed her, Lola. You pushed her off the cliffs that night to protect your own dirty little secret.”

  I look up to her, setting my eyes firmly on hers, then lean in so my mouth brushes her ear. “You knew that Adam was in England and that Jess was back in contact with him. It was only a matter of time before Adam found out he had a son and the truth came out.”

  I lower my voice, so it is a quiet whisper. “You’re a murderer.”

  “No!” she screams, quickly starting to take on the hysterical state I had seen in Jess’s images. There’s a flash in her eyes as she turns away from me. When she turns back, she doesn’t even look like the same girl I’ve known for years. The sweet, innocent, quirky little Lola now looks like nothing less than a monster.

  “She jumped,” she barks back at me.

  “Don't give me that shit, Lola. You pushed her, you wanted her to fall. You wanted Jess dead. My sister didn’t kill herself, she had no intention of it. You killed her. Then you called the police pretending to be a witness to her looking suicidal, didn’t you?”

  It hadn’t been hard to figure out. Deep down, I knew all along that Jess hadn’t killed herself. I knew she wasn’t capable of it. I just wish that I’d trusted my instincts more. Lola wanted us to turn against her, allowing us to believe that she had killed herself to make it seem as though she wasn’t strong enough to cope. She had expected Ryan and Mum to tell everyone. But Jess would never have taken that way out. She was a strong person, she always had been.

  Lola doesn’t deny it. “She was going to tell Ryan everything,” she says as though that justifies her actions. “I saw a woman walking a dog. She passed me as I was on my way up to the cliffs, and it gave me the idea. I called the police from a pay phone.” She smiles, as if pleased with her sick, warped mind.

  “Actually,” I continue, purposefully ignoring her pathetic excuses and totally screwed up way of thinking. I still sound incredibly calm. I feel anything but. “I've been seeing Jess too. She’s been coming to me in visions as well as in dreams.” I scrunch up my face and shrug my shoulders. “I suppose you could say I’ve been seeing her ghost,” I add casually.

  Lola’s breathing quickens and her chest starts to move at super fast speed. Her face turns pale. She looks as though she’s going to hyperventilate. I can't help but feel some satisfaction from this.

  “She’s here now, Lola.” I lie, raising my voice. I move closer to her. She smells like cigarette smoke and it pains me when I recognise the perfume she is wearing is the same as the one Jess used to use. I swallow hard and raise my mouth to her ear again, lowering my voice to a hushed whisper. “She’s watching your every move, Lola.”

  Lola looks around the room, her head snapping quickly from left to right, scanning it as if she’s expecting Jess’s ghost to materialise in front of us. She looks terrified. I use the chance to make a run for it. I lunge at her full force, using all of my weight, ignoring the burning pain that has now taken over my whole body. I throw her head back as hard as I can and it hits the wall with a thud. She falls to the floor, hitting her face on the corner of the bedside cabinet as she does. I dart past her and reach the door of Josh’s room. I pause outside and put my ear to the door. He’s quiet and I assume he’s probably fallen back to sleep, even with all the noi
se and commotion. That kid could sleep standing up if he wanted.

  I can’t believe that I thought either Matt or Adam could have had anything to do with Jess’s death. They would never have hurt her. Then again, a couple of hours ago I would have thought the same about Lola. It was so obvious now. The reason Lola had never said a word about Jess and Adams relationship wasn’t because she was such a good friend and wanted to help Jess. It had been because she was happy for Adam’s name never to be mentioned again in case he ever found out about Liam.

  And Matt had not told anyone the reason he and Jess had argued the day she died because he didn’t want anyone to think she had deceived them. He didn’t want the memory of his wife blackened in any way, even if it meant keeping her secret life bottled up. It must have been so difficult when he still was so close to her family. It shows how much he loved her.

  I don’t make it into Josh’s room. Lola is now on my tail, crawling on her knees along the landing. Her face is red with fury and already starting to bruise from the blow. She snarls at me like some sort of wild dog, then grabs at my bad ankle. I yelp out in pain as she makes contact and fall backwards towards the top of the stairs. I regain my balance and back away from her, until I feel my foot clip the edge of the top stair. I can’t go any further. Lola pulls herself up so that she is eye level with me. She takes hold of my shoulder, gripping the thin fabric of my top in her hands. Her fingernails dig into my skin roughly; the force of them feels like small daggers.

  “Get off me, you psychotic bitch!” I scream, but that only makes her tighten her hold.

  “You can’t tell anyone, no one can know,” she pleads. Her voice has taken on a strange sound, as though she has been possessed by another person. But I know now that this is the person she has always been, only none of us knew it. This is what Jess wanted me to know.

  I’m losing my balance and wobble further backwards. I move my arms, looking for something to grab, but there is nothing but empty air in my grasp.

  I prepare myself for what I know is coming, bracing my body for the fall, but I don’t take my eyes off Lola’s. I won't give her the satisfaction of knowing she’s won. She has developed a strange look on her face which resembles some form of pleasure as she starts to push me back off the top step.

  I’m not too sure what happens in the next few seconds. I look into Lola’s eyes, now knowing that this is the last person Jess ever saw. Her so-called ‘best friend.’ My mind flashes back to the vision Jess had shown me earlier that night, and I focus all my attention on it. I see the night she died clearly, the starry sky above, the loud crashing of the waves below and Lola’s amused look staring back at me as I prepare to fall to my death.

  Suddenly, the smug look on Lola’s face vanishes and is replaced by a look of utter terror. Her eyes grow wide and I know instantly that she’s seen Jess in me, just as I had in the reflection in the hall mirror. She releases her grip and I use the chance to pull myself back up to the top of the stairs. I fall heavily against the wall, frantically trying to think of what to do next.

  Lola is still at the top of the stairs, transfixed on the empty space where I had just been, frozen with fear. I take the opportunity to make a move, and use my good leg to kick out as hard as I can. It hits the back of Lola’s legs with a mighty blow. Her knees give way, and she tumbles forward. She falls down the wooden stairway, hitting the edge of nearly every step all the way to the bottom, where her body falls with a loud thud and then lies there, still.

  I snatch Josh from his bed and run down the stairs as fast as I can. I pause briefly at the bottom, where Lola lies unconscious. Her legs are at a strange angle, but I can see she’s still breathing. I step past her and grab my car keys and phone before bursting through the door. Once safely in the car and on the road, I call an ambulance, giving them my own address, and then I call the police. I head to the nearest hospital, saying a silent prayer to thank my sister for what she has just done.

  Epilogue

  I lift my chin, tilting my head towards the heat of the afternoon sun, then pull my sunglasses down over my eyes to lessen the intense glare of its rays, which bounce off the lake in front of me. I shift my chair on the wooden porch of the lake house so that I have a better view out over the tranquil waters.

  It's been almost four years since the night I found out the truth about Jess’s death. Since then a lot has changed. After Lola was treated at the hospital for a broken leg and a fractured pelvis, the police had stepped in and she was arrested. She hadn’t tried to deny anything. At long last, I think her conscience eventually caught up with her and she admitted to not only the crime she had committed towards me that night, but my sister’s murder the year previous.

  She is currently in prison, and although we believe the sentence she is serving is relatively short for the crimes she committed, the time will be more than enough to make her pay for what she did. Something tells me that her conscience had already given her a life sentence, the moment she pushed Jess from that cliff top.

  Lola was forced to tell Ryan that Liam is not his son. Ryan was completely heartbroken, as I had expected he would be. He wants nothing more to do with Lola and hasn’t since she went into prison. He has now come to terms with what Lola did, and also the lies she told about Liam’s paternity. However, his love for Liam hasn’t faltered, and he continues on with his life as the most amazing single father any young boy could wish for.

  Adam turned out to be a much more decent man than I ever imagined, by deciding that it was best that Liam stay with Ryan, after all. Although Adam is his biological father, it was clear to see at the moment the two men met that Ryan was, and always will be, his real dad.

  Adam is now back in Australia, but Ryan sends him regular photos and updates on how Liam is doing. The last I heard, Adam was due to be married. I’m pleased that he eventually found happiness, and I know Jess would be, too.

  I often wonder if maybe one day Ryan will tell Liam about his real dad. But that is his decision to make, and I have no doubt that Adam will stand by whatever he decides, when the time is right.

  I pick up my glass of fresh lemonade from the porch floor and take a sip. Condensation from the glass runs down from its rim and over my hand. I raise it to my lips and take a sip, grateful for its tangy flavour that provides cooling relief on such a hot day.

  Mum appears near me and pulls up a seat next to my own. Settling down, she smiles at me, then rests her head back and closes her eyes under the warmth of the sun. I hear laughing in the distance and look out into the shallows of the lake where Josh, Liam and Dan are splashing around.

  After what happened to myself and Lola that night, it didn’t take me long to forgive Dan. In the grand scheme of things, the secrets that he kept from me are no longer important. I had kept secrets from him also, and know I shouldn’t have. At the end of the day, I love him too much to let the past come between us.

  Matt and Ryan are perched on the jetty with their legs hanging over the sides, each sipping on a bottle of beer. They are as close as ever, and have been a tremendous amount of support to each other over the last few years. I’m hoping that they can both now start looking towards their futures. After what they have been through, they deserve to be happy.

  Barny, the dog, comes bounding up the steps of the porch towards where I sit, holding a red ball in his mouth, closely followed by my daughter, running after him playfully. I stop her and scoop her into my arms, planting a kiss on her hair and holding her close. She giggles, her long blond hair shimmering in the sunlight and her deep hazel eyes full of mischief. Sometimes, when she smiles, I’m sure I can detect a small freckle starting to emerge on the tip of her lip. She releases herself from my grip and runs off with Barny, laughing as she goes, until she reaches the jetty, where Ryan catches her and swings her up into his arms and onto his shoulders. We named her Jessica.

  No amount of wishing will ever bring Jess back. As with most who lose someone close, life goes on and a new, slightly distorted form o
f reality continues in place of the old life you leave behind. I think of her still, every day, and will miss her forever, but her spirit lives on.

  When I stop and glance around and take a close look, she is everywhere. She’s in the hearts of my family and in the memories that we all hold. Here at the lake house, she is in the brush of the wind, the sway of the trees and the ripples on the water. I will be forever grateful that she guided me to what I needed to know, and led me to the truth. Without the knowledge that she shared with me, I would never have rested, not really.

  I let the warmth of the sun sink into my skin, and relax further into my seat as I close my eyes. I feel myself drifting off, as the sounds of my family in the distance grows further away. But I have no need to worry, not anymore. I haven’t had any more dreams or visions since that last night when I saw Jess in the lake house.

  I had known then that was the last time I was ever going to see her. I now know that she has moved on to another world, the place that she is supposed to be. Maybe it’s her own form of heaven, possibly a place like Milton Point where she walks along the shoreline, her bare toes sinking into the soft, warm sand, looking out over an endless glistening sea. I feel a smile curl at the corners of my lips, before I drift off completely. I let go of the last particles that link me to reality, welcoming the dreams I am about to enter, and feel safe in the knowledge that Jess and I can both now sleep peacefully.

  Acknowledgements

  First of all, I’d like to thank my fiancé for allowing me the time to do something I have only ever dreamed of before now. Without you giving me both the time and support throughout, this would have been impossible. I’d like to thank my best friend for pestering me to complete this eventually, and her continued interest in the story. Finally, I’d like to thank my family; those select few who I chose to tell, anyway. Thank you for the encouragement and faith. I’ve always been a dreamer, and I’m glad that for once in my life I decided to follow a dream through to the end.