****
I stayed in the bedroom for the rest of the day, only going down to eat dinner. Lizbet stayed downstairs and left me alone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, except maybe my old friend Emili. I knew she was still seething over what I’d done to her months ago. After finding those red hairs, I understood her anger for the first time. Back then, snagging Emili’s boyfriend hadn’t seemed so catastrophic. I wasn’t planning to keep him. I was newly pregnant and needed someone to hold me, and he was there and more than willing. I hadn’t seen the big deal.
But Emili had.
The reality squeezed my heart. If she’d even felt half the sick misery that now filled my gut, I owed her a major apology.
I rubbed my stomach, trying to calm the turmoil inside. I thought maybe the gurgling was the baby kicking, but I knew it was more. It was not being able to see Pete. It was the two red hairs. It was the shambles of my life.
It was fear.
I wasn’t used to fear, and I didn’t know what to do with it, so I camped out on the bed all day, staring at the ceiling.
Right before nine o’clock, there was a soft knock. Lizbet opened the door and both she and Mrs. Vaughn poked their heads in.
“Sweetie, I spoke with Edie, and the Home’s been cleared. Not much damage from the fire. The kitchen can be used, so tomorrow morning Harold will take you back. You might make it back in time for church.” Her pudgy face puckered. “I have to say, I’ll be sorry to see you two go. You’re awful nice girls.”
“Mrs. Vaughn, we appreciate your hospitality.” Lizbet scooted around her and entered the room. She looked at me and raised her eyebrows.
“Lizbet’s right,” I hurried to agree. “Thanks so much.”
“You two sleep tight. I’ll make you a big pancake send-off in the morning.” She pulled the door shut behind her.
Lizbet walked to the bed and sat next to my feet. I could feel her staring at me. I kept my eyes on the canopy over my head.
“Farah, are you ready to talk?”
“No.”
“What happened at Pete’s? I know you said you didn’t see him, but you’re acting weird. Was he there after all, and you didn’t tell us?”
“He wasn’t there.” I rolled over on my side and faced the wall.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, tell me.”
I moved back into an upright position and hugged my knees to my chest. I tossed my head, flicking my hair back over my shoulder. “I found someone’s ponytail elastic.”
Lizbet’s brow crinkled. “What?”
“You know, ponytail holder.” My voice was harsh and impatient.
“Meaning…?”
“Meaning some girl’s been over there.” Saying it out loud made my stomach gurgle all the louder. “Some girl with red hair.”
“Oh, then it was yours. You don’t need to worry.” She seemed relieved — as if it had been her problem.
“When have you ever seen me with a ponytail?”
Her expression sobered. “Never.”
“My point. But maybe I’m wrong. I need to talk to him.” I hit my hand on the mattress. “Is a phone too much to ask for?”
“Mrs. Vaughn would let you call.”
“She’d stand there and listen to every word. No thank you.”
“Perhaps it’s better not to talk to him.”
I glared at her as if she’d asked me to stop breathing. I pulled the blankets from beneath myself and then stretched out on the sheets and covered up. “See you tomorrow.”
Conversation over.
“I was trying to help,” she said, her voice bordering on snarky.
I almost got back up to stare at her. Lizbet with attitude?
Total shocker.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning, Mrs. Vaughn served five pancakes to Lizbet, and I managed to eat one-and-a-half. Harold was rummaging around the house, finding the keys, lugging our suitcases down the steps and going outside to warm up the car.
When we were bundled into our coats and standing on the doorstep, Mrs. Vaughn crushed us both in a hug. “I’m not going in with you. Too sad. I liked having you around, gave us a little action again. If you need anything, you know where we live.”
No, we don’t, I wanted to say, but I didn’t. I was kind of sad to be leaving. Something about the house tugged at me and gave me a safe feeling. I sighed. The Home wasn’t so bad either. It was a lot better than either my mother’s or my dad’s place.
Lizbet went ahead of me to the car and got in front. I followed her and let myself into the back seat. The heater blasted hot air over us.
Harold climbed in. “Ahh. Nice and toasty. Okay, girls, we’re off.”
The trip to the Home took about fifteen minutes. The drive after the fire late that night had seemed much longer. Harold pulled up under the portico. Ariel was waiting for us, all wrapped in a heavy coat and scarf. She jumped up and down — I guessed to keep warm.
I opened the car door, and she attacked me, nearly pulling my arms off as she dragged me into the entryway.
She yanked me close and spoke in my ear. “I’ve found him.”
I pulled away and stared at her. Her eyes danced, and she breathed in short bursts.
“Found who?” My mind was stuck on Pete, and I couldn’t shift gears.
“Your brother.”
My knees went weak, and I grabbed her arm for support. My mouth dropped open, and I couldn’t speak.
Ariel shook my arm. “I know. Shocking, right?”
Lizbet trundled in the door with Harold right behind her. He dropped our suitcases and cleared his throat.
“All right then,” he said, and his voice was gruff. “Be seeing you around.”
Lizbet offered her hand, and he grasped it, swallowing it in his bulky grip. He wiped his eyes and lumbered out the door.
Lizbet moved to Ariel and me. “What’s going on?”
Ariel flicked her black hair over her shoulder and shrugged. “Nothing. Missed seeing Farah is all.”
Lizbet nodded but gave us a quizzical look. She picked up her suitcase and wandered off to our room.
I grabbed Ariel’s shoulders. “How? When?”
Ariel put her hands over mine and clenched my fingers. “I was home, and Mom didn’t care if I used the Internet. I stayed on it almost the whole time. At first I wasn’t sure I’d found him, but I think it’s Sam.”
Edie came floating in from the kitchen, her eyes lit up like stage lights. “Farah, there you are! Welcome home. I’m so glad to have my girls back. Where’s Lizbet?”
She grabbed me in a smothering hug. “I’m so sorry about all this, but now you’re back, and everything will be fine.”
“Hi, Edie. Lizbet’s in our room.” I stopped short of pushing her down the hall to get rid of her. All I wanted was to hear what Ariel had to say.
“I’ll go say hello then,” Edie said and left.
I propelled Ariel to the couch. “Tell me.”
We sat and she dug a square piece of paper out of her pocket. She unfolded it and smoothed out the creases. She held it out to me as if presenting the crown jewels. “Is this him?”
I tugged the paper from her grip and saw a copy of a social media page. Sam Andrew. There was a blurry profile photo which I held close to my face to scrutinize. My heart whacked against my ribs. It was him — it had to be.
“He isn’t going by Menins,” I said. “No wonder I couldn’t find him. Now I remember his middle name is Andrew.”
I sank back into the cushion and my hands dropped to my lap. “He’s been going by his middle name the whole time. I might have found him years ago.”
I shook my head and the tears started. “Thank you.”
Ariel’s eyes also watered and she sniffed, rubbing her nose on her sleeve. “Dumb pregnancy hormones,” she said.
I picked up the paper and looked at Sam’s photo again. “I still don’t get how you found him.”
&
nbsp; “Never underestimate my powers.” Ariel grinned. “I did a search with his name and Edgemont, and your name, and then I went back in years. I found his name on a site about Bates Academy from a long time ago, which also listed his middle name. So, I played around with all three names and then shortened it to his first two names. Poof, he popped up.”
My heart pounded in my chest and my airway threatened to close. “I can’t believe it.”
“Me neither. About one hundred Sam Andrews showed up. I kept ticking them off, but this one…” She took the paper from me. “This one was suspicious. He was listed from Indiana, and he looked the right age. Is it him?”
I nodded. “Yes, it’s him. Where is he?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t put in an address. Send him a friend request, and we’ll find out.”
I scanned the room, peering into the den. “How can I? Everything’s blocked.”
Ariel shook her head. “Farah, Farah. Have you forgotten my skills?”
“Sorry, I’m nervous. Will you help me tonight? We can both sneak out to the den.” I clasped my hands in front of me like I was praying.
Ariel laughed. “You’re like a kid waiting for Christmas.”
I grabbed the paper back and hugged it to my chest. “This is way better than Christmas.”
“Everyone should be asleep by midnight. Want to meet then?”
I nodded, folded the paper back into a square and held it tight. “Midnight.”
****
The evening passed like a drugged turtle. All through dinner, my eyes kept darting to Ariel’s. She must’ve winked at least twenty times. One time I was pretty sure Lizbet saw her, but she stayed quiet.
When we were going to bed, Lizbet stood before me fiddling with the cord on her robe. “What’s happening?”
I pulled the covers to my chin. “What do you mean?”
“With you and Ariel.”
I snuggled into my pillow and closed my eyes. “Nothing.”
“I’m not completely stupid.”
I opened my eyes back up and hoisted myself onto my elbow. “I never said you were.”
Lizbet scooted me over and sat down on the edge of my bed. “I know you think I’m backward, and I guess in some ways I am. But I’m not blind. You and Ariel have something going.”
I reached up and tugged on her long braid. “Sure you don’t want me to cut it? You’d be so cute in short hair. It could be like your own personal declaration of independence.”
She grabbed her braid out of my hands and flipped it over her shoulder. “If you don’t want to tell me, fine.”
I moaned and sat up. “You’re persistent, I’ll give you that.”
Even in the lamp light, I could see her eyes spark to life. She leaned close. “What is it?”
“It’s about my brother.”
She gave a small gasp. “Why didn’t you say so? You never told me a thing about him.”
“He’s been missing for years. I think Ariel found him.”
“Missing for years? How could you stand it? For years?”
I shook Lizbet’s arm. “You’re missing the point. I think Ariel found him.”
Her eyes became huge. “How? Where?”
“Online. And tonight, I’m going to send him a friend request.”
She tilted her head and her forehead crinkled.
“Please tell me you know about social media sites,” I said.
A quick twist of irritation passed over her face. “Of course I do.”
I studied her and wondered if she was lying. She must’ve read my mind because she straightened her shoulders and said in a huff. “I don’t lie, Farah. I have heard of them.”
I raised both hands. “Okay. Sorry.” I hugged myself and couldn’t help grinning. “I may be talking to him tonight.”
Lizbet grinned with me. “I’m happy for you, Farah. I hope you can face him.”
“Friend him,” I corrected her and then laughed. I glanced at my watch. “Let’s go to bed. I can sleep for a couple hours before midnight.”
Lizbet shuffled over to her bed. “You won’t sleep. You’re too excited.”
I flopped back on my pillow. “I know; you’re right.”
But I did sleep. My watch alarm pulled me awake. I’d been dreaming about Sam, and I hadn’t wanted to wake up. In my foggy state, my heart was happy and at peace. Even the slight kicking in my stomach seemed happy. I put my hand over my baby and smiled into the darkness. “Your uncle,” I whispered. “You’ll get to meet your uncle.”
Ariel was already at the computer when I tiptoed to the den. Her hair was a tangled mess down her back. “Man, I thought you weren’t coming,” she said in a quiet voice. “We’re unlocked. Log in to your account.”
“What? You mean you couldn’t hack my account, too?”
Ariel laughed and clapped her hand over her mouth. “Give me another hour!” she said between her fingers.
I sat on the wooden chair and logged in. My heart was racing like the Indy 500. “Ariel, I’m scared.”
“No reason,” she said. “If it’s not him, we’ll keep trying. Like I said, there were tons of Sam Andrews.”
I did a quick search for Sam and found the one Ariel had given me. I pushed the friend request and sank back in the chair with my heart banging against my ribs.
Ariel leaned over me, the screen highlighting the excitement on her face. “He could answer right this second if he’s online.”
I was having trouble breathing. I pressed my hand to my chest, and my heart was pounding so hard, my hand pulsated. I saw black spots flickering around the edges of my vision, and a surge of nausea burned its way up my throat.
“Ariel,” I managed to choke out before the blackness closed in. She yanked my chair away from the screen and shoved me forward. My nose hit my knees and arrows of pain jolted through my face.
“I’m good,” I said into my knees and tried to swat her hands off the back of my neck. “Let me up.”
She let go and I struggled back up. I gulped in air.
“You okay? I think you fainted. You scared me.” Ariel squatted on the floor. “Don’t do it again.”
I rubbed my throat. “Sorry. Everything went black.” I swallowed and took a deep breath.
“You want a drink?” Ariel whispered. “I can get you some water or something.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.”
Ariel had set the computer on mute, so we wouldn’t awaken anyone. I knew there would be no tone if I’d gotten anything back from Sam, and I was afraid to check.
“Have I gotten a message?”
Ariel scrambled onto her knees. She leaned in front of me and peered at the screen. “No, nothing.”
“We’ll wait.”
“If he’s in the area, it’s the middle of the night.”
“I know.”
“He probably won’t answer till tomorrow.”
“We’ll wait.”
“Okay.” She sank back on her haunches. After a few minutes, she grabbed the edge of my chair and pulled herself up. “Can’t sit like that anymore. I’m way too fat.”
“You’re not fat.”
“Have you seen my stomach?” She turned sideways and smoothed her baggy T-shirt over her belly. From the side, she was fat.
“Farah, let’s check tomorrow. It’s cold and I’m tired.”
“Just a few more minutes.”
She shifted her weight and tapped her slipper, making a soft thudding noise. I wanted to grab her foot and nail it to the floor. Instead, I logged off and shut down the computer. The screen went black.
I stood, and we headed back to our hallway. We shuffled by inches, feeling our way through the rooms. The kitchen light popped on, forming a perfect spotlight on us through the door.
“Ariel? Farah?” Edie came toward us, her shadowy shape outlined from the back. “What are you doing?”
Ariel grabbed her chest. “Edie! You scared us. We were both getting some milk. Both of us at the same ti
me — isn’t that weird?”
“I was going to make tea. I couldn’t sleep. You girls want some? Might help you go back to sleep.”
“I never have trouble going back to sleep. Sorry we disturbed you.” Ariel was a smooth liar.
“Land’s sake! You didn’t disturb me. More like I disturbed you. Go on back to bed now.” She padded back into the kitchen.
Ariel put her arm through mine. “Close call,” she whispered in my ear. We walked together down the hall.
“Super close call,” I answered and ducked into the bathroom.
****
The next morning was church. Ariel and I declined going, but so did Jasmyn. She said she had a headache and wanted to sleep. I hoped she’d stay in her bedroom, because all I could think about was getting back on the computer.
Like usual, Beatrice was there to watch us. Translation: Babysit us. I didn’t mind because I knew from last Sunday she’d fall asleep in a flash. Ariel and I perched on the couch and waited for everyone to leave.
“You sure you girls won’t change your minds?” Edie fussed over us, tucking my hair behind my ear and patting Ariel’s shoulder. “We’re all giving thanks today the fire wasn’t worse. I’d love to have you join us.”
Ariel yawned and stretched. “Edie, we’re both so tired. All we want to do is rest.”
Edie pulled on her gloves. “All right, but we’ll miss you.”
Steve poked his head in the front door, letting in a draft of cold air. “Edie, get out here, will you? We’re all waiting.”
“I’m coming,” she said and turned to waddle after him like a baby duck.
Ariel bit her lips, and I couldn’t help but giggle.
“One more down, and one to go.” Ariel nudged me in the ribs. “Beatrice, where are you?” she called out.
“In here, kitten.” Beatrice’s voice was hearty, surprising for an old lady. She popped out from the kitchen with a dish towel over her shoulder. “Kitchen looks like a burnt shack, but I still know my way around.”
“You’re working too hard. Edie doesn’t ask you to come over here so you can work for us. Sit down a spell.”
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