Sit down a spell? Ariel sure knew how to speak Beatrice’s lingo.
Beatrice chuckled and grabbed the dishtowel from her shoulder and wiped her hands. “It’s all cleaned up anyway. Don’t mind if I do sit a spell.”
She dropped onto the vacant couch and surveyed us. “You girls doing okay, what with the fire and all?”
I glanced into the den at the computer. My stomach was crawling with ants. If she didn’t shut up soon and go to sleep, I was going to throttle someone. Sam could have already answered.
Ariel chatted with Beatrice, her voice low and melodic. I gave a huge sigh and tried to focus on what she was saying. I chewed my fingernails and gazed between Ariel and Beatrice and back again. I could tell my focusing was a failure because I didn’t hear a thing they said. I wondered if Sam looked the same. The profile photo was blurry and faraway. Would I recognize him if he stood in front of me?
I’d chewed through two fingernails when I noticed Beatrice fighting to keep her eyes open. Ariel continued talking, soft and easy, about her last job as a waitress. Another minute passed, and Beatrice’s eyes fluttered closed. Ariel darted a mischievous glance at me and kept talking. If I hadn’t been so nervous, I might have fallen asleep myself.
I eased off the couch and headed toward the den. Ariel followed me, talking the whole way to the computer. By the time we pulled out the chair, I was laughing into my hand.
“Magic,” Ariel said. “I’m pure magic.”
We turned on the computer and Ariel did further magic with the password. I logged online, my stomach moving into my throat.
“What if he answered me?” My voice was as tight as a new jar lid.
Ariel hit my arm. “It’s what you want, isn’t it?” She leaned in front of me, hit a button and gasped.
“Farah, he agreed to be your friend.”
I shoved her out of my way and read: Sam Andrew has confirmed you as a friend.
I clicked on his profile.
“Instant message him.”
My hands hovered over the keyboard like frozen branches.
“Farah.” Ariel shook me. “Come on.”
I glanced up at her. “I can’t move my hands.”
She pushed me off the chair, and if I hadn’t grabbed the desk, I’d have hit the floor.
“Dictate to me. What do you want to say?”
I swallowed and massaged the front of my neck where a tennis ball-sized lump had formed. “Sam, where are you?”
Ariel’s fingers clacked over the keyboard. “What else?”
“Can you come see me?”
She typed further and hit send. We both stared at the keyboard without breathing. The message moved down and a response came up.
“In Chicago. Are you Farah? Farah Menins?”
I elbowed Ariel back off the chair and took over. “It’s me. Can you come?”
I waited, then, “Maybe. Mom and Dad the same?”
“I’m not with them anymore.”
“What? Why?”
“Come and I’ll explain.”
Ariel nudged my back. “Tell him the truth. He’ll come if he knows.”
“I can’t tell him I’m pregnant. I don’t even know him anymore. The fact I’m not with Mom and Dad should be enough to get him here.”
“When?”
“Tuesday evening or next Saturday.”
“Tuesday. Where?”
I gave him the Home’s address. Ariel and I were so intent on the screen, we didn’t hear Jasmyn approach.
“What are you guys doing?” she asked, walking right up to us at the computer. “You’re on your personal page? How’d you get on? It’s blocked.”
Ariel stood and cut off Jasmyn’s view of the screen. “We got permission for a short session.”
“You did not,” Jasmyn accused. “Get up, Farah. Give me a turn.”
“Shhh, you’re talking too loud,” Ariel said. She pointed to the snoring Beatrice in the living room.
“Fine.” Jasmyn was whispering now. “You want me to stay quiet, move over.”
I logged off and moved.
“Don’t be long,” I warned her. “You’ll get us all in trouble.”
Jasmyn’s fingers flew over the keys, her serious face dead set on the screen. She typed so fast, I expected squealing sounds from the keyboard.
Ariel and I stayed, waiting for Jasmyn to quit. I knew Steve adjusted the heat register to the low seventies during the day, but I was still feeling the cold. My brain was in a fog.
What had happened? Had I talked to Sam? Was he coming to see me after all this time? A dizziness crawled over me and I swayed on my feet. Ariel grabbed me around the waist. “Don’t you go black again. Breathe.”
I breathed, sucking in the air, feeling the cool rush through my lungs. My balance steadied.
“Done,” Jasmyn said and stood. It was weird; her lips glowed pink no matter what time of day or night. She nodded at us and trotted off to her room.
I reached over and shut off the computer. “Let’s go before we get caught.”
“Jasmyn already caught us.” Ariel gave a quiet snort. “Bribing someone with time online to stay quiet, I love it.”
I grabbed Ariel’s arm and pulled her toward the hallway and our bedrooms.
Chapter Twelve
During school on Monday, my mind hopped back and forth from Pete to Sam. When I thought about Sam, my whole body warmed up like a toaster, and I felt like I was going to faint. The next minute, I’d remember Pete’s apartment and the stray red hairs and turn cold as ice. The baby kicked and fluttered throughout the entire day. I wondered whether babies were sensitive to fluctuating temperatures. Not to mention mood changes.
Didn’t people say a baby takes on the emotions of its mother?
Mother? I shook my head and shuddered. How was this going to work if Pete was off with someone else? How was I going to carry out my plan? Could I take care of a baby alone? What about my visions of Pete rocking our little guy to sleep after a long day? What about my visions of him teaching a little girl how to ride a trike?
Would Sam take me and the baby with him?
After school, I sat and pressed myself into the corner of a seat on the bus, peering out the window.
“Farah?” Lizbet slipped onto the seat beside me. “You okay?”
I glanced at her. “Not even a little.”
“I thought you’d take the bus to Edgemont today. Are you going to wait till the weekend?”
I took a deep breath but couldn’t feel any air go into my lungs. I wanted to curl up like a puppy and put my head in someone’s lap. My former best friend Emili’s lap. The realization stopped me mid-swallow. Why had I been such a jerk and betrayed her with her boyfriend? I must’ve been insane.
The truth hit me in the gut — I hadn’t been insane. I’d been my normal selfish, conceited self, taking whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Now Emili wouldn’t even speak to me, and who could blame her?
“Probably not going this week,” I told Lizbet. “Sam’s coming tomorrow evening.”
Lizbet grasped my arm. “What?”
“I got ahold of him online, and he’s coming.”
Lizbet’s face broke into a huge smile. “Farah, how great. I’m so happy for you. Did you tell Edie he’s coming?”
“No way. Ariel knows, and now you know.”
Lizbet’s smile faded into a concerned frown. “You have to tell Edie and Steve. Visitors have to be approved.”
“Why? That’s dumb.” I sat up straight. “Can’t he just show up?”
“He can, but I don’t think they’ll let him see you unless they know who he is. I had to have Ned approved by my folks.”
“My parents can’t know Sam is coming. They can’t know I’ve contacted him.”
Lizbet chewed the side of her lip. “Okay, I’ll talk to Edie and Steve. I’ll tell them you were so grateful to have a visitor that you forgot, and you didn’t get permission. Edie likes me, so it should be fine.”
; I grimaced. “You’re not good at plotting, are you? No offense, but your plan sounds lame. Not to mention, isn’t that lying?”
“I’m not lying. That wasn’t a lie. Besides, do you have a better idea?”
“No.” I took a breath. “Okay, go ahead, but not until tomorrow after school. Then there won’t be any time to do something about my so-called mistake.”
Lizbet’s forehead crumpled into a mass of wrinkles. “Now I’m not so sure. Maybe it is lying.”
Of course, it was lying. How could she not see it? I’d have to lie so she could tell her lie with a clear conscience. The whole pretense was stupid, but if that’s what it took, then that’s what I’d do.
“I’ll forget to ask, I promise. Then you’ll be telling the total truth.”
That evening was the same boring routine, except after dinner, Edie called us all into the den.
“Girls, I need to schedule everyone’s next prenatal. I’ve got my calendar here plus open times at the clinic. Let’s get the dates filled in.”
I watched Edie scurry from girl to girl with her calendar flopped open, scribbling in who wanted which date. She moved like a waitress, taking orders, smiling widely, hoping for a tip. Only in this case, the tip was us. Her pure affection toward us struck my heart with a strange force. I watched her face, her warm eyes, the wrinkles around her mouth that came and went with her smile. She loved us.
I shifted my weight on the couch and rolled my head until the joints in my neck popped. Lizbet sat across from me, and her face brightened whenever Edie came near. Her usual bland features looked attractive, almost pretty.
I blew out my breath. How could I do it? How could I lie to Edie, and how could I make Lizbet lie for me? I wiggled on the cushions, trying to get comfortable. Jasmyn glared at me and punched my shoulder.
“Would you quit moving around? It’s like sitting next to a washing machine.” She pointed to her bulging belly. “I’m due soon, you know. I’m uncomfortable enough without you squirming like a jellyfish.”
She smacked her bright pink lips.
My jaw tightened, and I pressed my tongue against the roof of my mouth. “Having a mini-crisis here, if you don’t mind.”
“Have it on your own time,” she spat back.
Edie stopped moving and studied Jasmyn. “You all right, dear?”
“Fine as always.” The sarcasm was lost on Edie but came through like a loudspeaker to me.
“Edie, can I talk to you for a sec when you’re finished here?” I asked.
Lizbet’s gaze flew to me, and she raised her eyebrows. I gave a slight shake to my head.
“Why, of course, Farah.”
A few minutes later, everyone had wandered off and Edie guided me into the office where we both sat.
“What is it?”
My mouth went dry, and I swallowed. “Can my brother visit me tomorrow?”
Edie’s hands dropped to her lap. “Brother? I wasn’t aware you had a brother. There isn’t one listed on your paperwork.” She got up and rustled in the drawer of the file cabinet.
“You won’t find him on my forms.”
She stopped digging and sank back to her chair. “All right, how about you tell me what’s going on.”
I gave her the short version — careful to leave out sneaking onto the computer in the middle of the night. While I talked, her face didn’t reflect an ounce of surprise or shock. When I finished, she reached over and patted my knee. “Honey, I’m sorry for all the pain you’ve had, but I’m mighty happy Sam’s found you. I’m sure you understand I have to get permission from your daddy.”
I clenched my hands and dug my slippers deeper into the carpet. No, I didn’t understand. Sam was a grownup and shouldn’t need permission to come see his little sister. Little sister. The words caught at my heart and sent warm shivers down my arms. I hadn’t thought of myself as a sister for years, and all of a sudden the world seemed to turn itself right-side-up.
“When are you going to call him?”
“No time like the present.” Edie opened a file on the desk and ran her finger down a list. She picked up the phone sitting next to a squatty lamp and dialed.
“Mr. Menins?”
My foot tapped, shaking my whole leg. I couldn’t bear to listen. I jumped from the chair and escaped the office, wandering into the den where Ariel sat staring at the TV.
“Hey, Farah.” She glanced up and did a double-take. “What’s with the white face? See a ghost?”
“No, but I’m going to.” I sat down next to her and shivered. “Cold in here, isn’t it?”
“Goes with your ghost theme.” She tilted her head and studied me. “Talking about Sam, I assume.”
“Yeah. Edie’s calling my dad right now to see if Sam’s clear to visit.”
Ariel reared back and stared at me as if I’d changed shapes. “What’d you tell her for? Are you nuts?”
Right then, I agreed with her. Why had I told Edie? Did I have a temporary attack of conscience? And since when did my conscience ever bother me? Lying had gotten me out of plenty of scrapes in the past, so there was no reason to change my modus operandi now.
Lizbet wandered into the den and gazed at us. “Am I interrupting again?”
Looking at her, I stopped questioning myself about why I’d done it.
“I told Edie the truth,” I said.
Lizbet’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “You did? What’d she say?”
“She’s calling my dad right now.”
“Uh-oh.” Lizbet squished between Ariel and me on the couch. We sat there waiting like three statues in a psych ward. None of us moved.
“Farah?” Edie poked her head into the den. “Phone.”
I gave a grimace of dread to both Lizbet and Ariel. “Coming.”
I stood and followed Edie to the office where she handed me the receiver. “I’ll give you privacy,” she said and left.
“Dad?”
“How did you find him?” Dad’s voice trembled at a pitch higher than normal.
“The Internet.”
“Where is he?”
“Not sure. You told Edie he could come, didn’t you?” A strange sense of calm and strength crawled over me. I stood tall and held the phone with a firm grip, my voice strong and clear.
“What’d he say? Does he want to see me?”
“How would I know? Speak to him yourself.” Why would Dad possibly think Sam would want to see him? After he and Mother had kicked him out on the streets when he was not even my age? Incredible.
“He’ll be at the Home tomorrow?”
“So you told Edie yes?”
He didn’t answer. He fumbled with the phone, and then I heard a muffled sound like he was blowing his nose.
“Well?” I asked again.
“I said yes. Farah, I’d like to see him.”
“Then make your own arrangements because tomorrow is mine. I’m the one who found him, no thanks to you or Mother. If you wanted to see him, you could’ve found him years ago. Tomorrow’s mine.”
I was breathing hard, but the eerie sense of calm held. Dad was quiet, and we listened to each other breathe.
“Farah?”
“Yes.”
“Have you given any more thought to adoption?”
The calm deserted me, and irritation surged up my throat to my tight jaw.
“Farah, you still there?”
“I can’t believe you,” I said. Tears burned my eyes, and I gave them an angry swipe. “We’re talking about your kid, not mine. Are we done here?”
“Will you at least get Sam’s phone number for me?”
“Get it yourself,” I said and slammed the receiver down. The now familiar black spots whizzed around my vision, and I grabbed the edge of the desk, forcing myself to breathe. The dizziness passed, and I fell into the wooden chair.
Too much. It was all too much. My gaze rested on the phone, then I cast a quick glance over my shoulder and saw Edie was nowhere in sight. My hand was shaking
as I picked up the receiver and dialed.
“Hello?”
Hearing Pete’s familiar voice made me dizzy all over again.
“Hello? Anyone there?”
“Pete.” My voice was a whisper.
“Hello? Who is this?”
“Me.”
A pause, and then, “Farah? Is that you?”
The baby jerked and kicked, and my hand flew to my stomach, pressing it. Did the baby recognize Pete’s voice? Did it know Pete was its father? Did babies know such things?
“It’s me.” Love and relief gushed from my voice. I clapped my hand over my mouth. I didn’t want to appear too easy; playing hard to get worked much better, and right then I needed something to work.
“Where are you calling from? I didn’t recognize the number.”
Was that why he’d answered, because he didn’t know it was me?
“I’m at the Home.” My mind whirled. What could I say that would make him want to see me? How could I make him still want to marry me?
“Uh, how are you?” His tone became stiff, and it sounded like he was holding the phone away from his face.
“I’m fine.” I worked to put a smile in my voice. “I thought I’d call to see how you’re doing.”
“I’m fine.”
Another pause.
“How’s your job going?” I was getting desperate. How long could I keep the conversation going without saying what was screaming between us?
“Job’s fine.”
“Maybe we could get together sometime,” I said. I realized I was batting my lashes like I always did to get a guy’s attention. It worked too, always had, but what kind of idiot would bat her lashes while on the phone, hoping for a miracle.
“Not such a good idea,” he answered.
“We could grab some fast food and chat,” I said, cringing at the naked hope in my voice.
Pause.
“Sure, Farah, sometime. Uh, I have to go, so let’s talk later.” He hung up.
The office door rattled, and I jumped when Edie opened it. “You all finished?”
I nodded, and my heart weighed four tons. “All finished.”
“I bet you’re mighty excited to see your brother after all these years.” Edie busied herself straightening up the files left tossed on the desk.
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