She watches his every move though, never taking her eyes off him. Shaking my head, I hear Leo say they’re leaving and arranging for a few brothers to follow them out to the city. They’re about to leave when Leo spins on his heel, and frowns at Harper.
“Are you not coming?”
He asks her loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear and she freezes. I don’t, I move fast and I’m by her side before she sees me coming.
I go to argue she isn’t going but nothing comes out. Cas is her dad and she wants a relationship with him, if it were my dad in the hospital as sick as Cas is, no one, not even Harper could stop me from going. I wouldn’t want her to, so I won’t with her as much as it kills me to keep my mouth shut.
“You two should go without me, he won’t want me there,” she finally says.
“Is she fucking kidding,” Luca grunts low to Leo, but I still catch it.
“Hey,” I snap, and he shuts his mouth.
“Harper, he drove hundreds of miles to bring you home. He’ll want you there,” Leo tells her, and she stands.
She looks to me and I pull her against me.
“You stay at their side, you don’t go anywhere they don’t and I swear to god, if anything happens to you, I will bring hellfire down on the world,” I warn her.
Every muscle coils inside me as she breaks away and walks towards her brothers.
I trust Leo like I trust myself, I trust my brothers like I trust myself. Ellis doesn’t know she’s back and it’s after ten at night so it’s nice and dark to shield her from unwanted attention.
These men, because she’s my wife, Cas’ daughter and Leo’s sister, would fight to the death for her, and for that reason I let her walk out to visit a father she’s desperately wanted her whole life. I hope he doesn’t fucking die on her.
“Leo won’t let anything happen to her, from what I’ve heard, she’s fast becoming a Jackson by blood, obviously she’s a Carter by name,” Dad quickly adds at the end.
“I know.”
I know all of this.
I have to keep the rational part of my brain from taking over the irrational thoughts trying to edge their way in.
“I need a drink.”
I grab a beer from the bar and join dad and at the corner table. It’s a first for me, but I’m not interested in what everyone is up to or what they have to say. I’m certainly not interested in getting wild and drinking so much I forget my name. Ah, they were good times though.
“Did Cas fill you in on what’s been happening here?” he asks first.
“Not really, shit was sliding sideways up in Mercy so he was more interested in that.”
“Yeah, I heard about Gabe’s pact with the old guy. I also heard you’ve been making good money with our northern brothers.”
“I’m a husband now, I have to earn.”
If anything, I have to make sure I can afford her meds. I’ve also been putting money to the side in case she ever needs help again. I hope like fuck she doesn’t but with her I need to be prepared for anything and I will be.
“No one’s saying you can’t, but how exactly were you earning?”
“Like I told Cas, I went on runs with them.”
He eyes me sceptically and I half hide behind my bottle of beer. The bubbles cascade down my throat and I drain half the bottle.
“You’re keeping something from me, what is it?” he roughly asks, not missing a beat.
“You think I don’t know you inside and out, boy? What is it?”
“They just go on more runs than we do here, they’re out the way and no one sees them coming or going, they’ve got it sewn up. That’s all.”
There is more and he knows it, but he doesn’t push it for now and I ask, “So, what’s been happening here then?”
And like that, all talk of Mercy comes to an end.
“There was a showdown with Ellis in the middle of town on the way back from our last run and Nina was stabbed by her crazy stalker, who’s now on remand in some nut house, Slade was shot in the leg, and your mom’s been on my back every day to get you home so she can kick your ass for putting a ring on Harper’s finger without being there to witness it.”
“Why would Nina being stabbed be our business?” I ask.
“Cause she’s Zach’s old lady now. They’ve basically been together since he brought her back to town after him and the twins went to check on her for Rose.”
Hold on, Cas and Leo withheld a lot when they came to Mercy. There was no mention of standoffs, shootings and Zachery fucking McCarthy coupling up with nutty Nina.
Then my stomach sinks, Ellis was in town and the club couldn’t get their hands on him and I’ve just sent Harper off into the night without me.
“She’s safe with her brothers and they’re not alone.”
He knows what I’m thinking without me having to say a word and tonight, I’m grateful for it.
She better be fucking safe.
Harper
“Are you sure he’ll want me there?” I ask for the third time as Leo speeds up.
“You don’t have much confidence, do you?” Luca states, but he isn’t being rude, he’s genuinely asking.
“My confidence is fine, but if he collapsed then he might not want me lingering about the place.”
“Look, he’s your dad, do you not care that he’s in hospital right now? He could die, would that make you feel calmer about the situation?”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because it’s true. He is real sick and just because we want him to live doesn’t mean he will. You said you’d give us a chance, so to answer your question for the third fuckin’ time, yes he’ll want you there.”
“Be nice, Luca,” Leo warns.
“No, leave him. He’s fine,” I say. I can handle myself.
“See, we’re already fighting like brothers and sisters. Dad will be proud.”
I look across to Leo as he takes the corner a little too fast for my liking and wonder how much Luca is joking and how much he’s being serious.
Perhaps he’s playing up because he’s scared at the possibility of losing Cas. I’ve only just known him as my father, but these guys have known him all their lives. I’d be pretty scared if I was in their position.
I swivel around in my seat and face Luca in the back. He raises his eyebrows at me, but I refuse to let him intimidate me.
“It’s okay to be afraid, especially tonight.”
“I’m not afraid.”
He’s lying, but what’s the point in pulling him about it.
“I’ve never lost anyone before, so I don’t know how to be during these times with your dad.”
“Our dad,” he interrupts.
“Yeah, of course, slip of the tongue.”
“Let’s just get to the hospital and find out how the old man is doing. He isn’t going to die, Luca is afraid and you Harper, will have more than enough time to get to know him. You all need to be quiet, you can’t predict what is going to happen to him.”
Luca and I keep quiet as instructed and I notice Leo’s hands gripping the wheel so tight, his knuckles are turning white.
He’s afraid too.
And I feel like a fraud, but I’m afraid as well.
If truth be told, I don’t want him to die. I want to get to the stage where I call him dad, and we get to the point where we don’t think about the years we didn’t know about each other like he wants.
I want brothers and even Lana would be pretty cool for a step-mom. The hospital is busier than I imagined as we walk through the corridors checking signs for where we need to go. I follow Leo as he seems to have taken the lead and after ten minutes, we’re all standing outside his room.
“He’s awake, you can go in,” a nurse says, making all three of us jump.
This moment is a moment I will hold forever. It’s the moment we all laugh together, me and my brothers. It’s so fucking weird.
Leo pushes the door open and I go to let Luca in before me, w
hen he nudges my arm and pushes me in front of him.
I could throw up in the few seconds when Cas and Alannah first see me, but then I’m fine when they both smile. Cas actually looks relieved.
“So much for you dying, old man,” Leo chuckles, tightly, and takes a seat next to his mom.
“What happened?” Luca asks, and I hang back by the door.
“The nurse says the journey back was too much and he fainted.”
“So, you’re not dying?” Luca then asks.
“Not today, son,” Cas smirks, shaking his head. “I’m sorry if that’s caused you any inconvenience.”
The room falls into silence as Luca sits on the end of Cas’s bed and then all four of them stare at me.
“They said it’d be okay if I came, I can leave if you want?”
Fucking hell, why am I so nervous?
“I’m glad you came,” he insists. “Listen, I’m real glad you’re here, come and sit down.”
With Luca sitting on his bed, I walk around the bed and take the last chair.
“Shit has changed drastically, we all know that, and Harper has joined our family. We need to stick together more now than ever, I’m hoping to be home tomorrow and when I get there, we’re going to work everything out together. Today is not my last and I’m not going anywhere. Who rode with you here?” he asks.
“Ricky and a few others, they’re waiting down with their bikes.
I didn’t even notice they were behind us. I was so consumed with Luca and Leo, I didn’t know. That’s what JJ was worried about, me not being aware of my surroundings.
“Okay, when you get back to the club, I want the gates closed and the place locked down tight. Just for the night. I’ll call Sparky when you leave and give him a heads up. Did JJ not come with you?”
I speak up before the others.
“No.”
The one word from me settles anything that may have been said. I know he is giving the room to find my way with this family, despite the circumstances.
“Lana, take the boys and make sure they know what to do tonight.”
I keep quiet as the room empties and turns to Cas once we’re alone.
“Come and sit,” he tells me.
I take the chair Alannah was sitting in and pull it away from the bed a little to give us some space.
“I’m glad you came with the boys, I wasn’t sure if you would.”
“I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome,” I admit.
“You’re my daughter, you’re welcome anywhere.”
His daughter. I’m not sure I will ever get used to hearing that from him.
“Don’t look so scared, I’m not that bad, well, not to you I won’t be.”
I smile, and I genuinely feel good.
“Luca and Leo are being really nice to me, did you put them up to it or are they being real?”
He barks out a laugh, but it comes out more like a husky grunt.
“It’s real, if it weren’t, Luca would probably be a dick to you like he is with everyone else. Enjoy it while it lasts.”
It goes quiet and it hits me, I don’t want him to die. I want to get to know him and I want him around. I want him to know me.
“Are you sure you’re okay? I mean, you don’t have to lie now the boys aren’t here.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he promises, although it’s not an answer to my question.
“Can I ask you a question and you answer me straight?”
“Sure.”
I don’t know why but I look around to make sure we’re alone. Of course we are, but I still look.
“If you had Ellis in your sight now, what would happen to him?”
There is only one answer I want to hear from him and anything else would be a disappointment.
“I would kill him.”
The vow in his tone is strong and I nod, happy to hear what I wanted.
“Have you killed before?” I ask next.
His eyes are the only give away, and I reckon I only saw it because I was staring so hard already.
“Yes, many times.”
He’s always so straight with me. It means more than he realises, perhaps one day I’ll tell him so.
“Ellis is fascinated with me, he told me he loved me which is ridiculous. He didn’t just hurt me physically, he took something from me that I won’t even tell JJ about and I need it back.”
“What?”
“All my life I have known it was hard and shitty, but I always knew I would survive because I wouldn’t let myself not. Even during my breakdown until that one night, I knew there would always be a tomorrow because that’s just how life was. He took my tomorrows from me.”
“But you’re married, you must believe in the future to say the vows?”
He looks confused, I’m not explaining this properly.
“He took my hope and faith to survive, JJ brings it back while I’m with him, I need it back for when I’m on my own.”
“You did survive him, Harper. What are you really wanting to know?”
I pause and take a deep breath. I check once more and we’re still alone.
“When you get Ellis, I want to kill him. I want to take his tomorrows. All of them.”
There, I’ve said it, and I’ve stunned him speechless.
“Harper? That’s? I don’t think that’s wise.”
“I know JJ’s dad thinks I had my breakdown because me and Lily kept what I did to Simon a secret, but it wasn’t. It was a combination of life that drove me to try and take my life. If you’re worrying about me breaking down again because of what I want to do to him, then don’t.”
“That’s not what I’m worrying about. I’m wondering what father lets their daughter kill a man, no matter the reason for revenge.”
“No matter the revenge? He beat me…” I sigh before the anger rises.
“That’s not what I meant, what I meant was, it’s a father’s job to seek that kind of revenge. I understand you want closure, I can give you that with his dead body. I assure you, I’ll make it fuckin’ hurt.”
The door opens and Leo is the first to walk in, holding two coffees. Alannah and Luca follow him in and all three of them look between me and Cas.
“Why are you crying?” Leo asks.
I swipe my cheeks and find them wet, I didn’t even feel the tears fall.
“She wants to kill Ellis when we get our hands on him.”
My head spins.
Why would he tell them that?
“She should be the one to take him out, JJ sure as shit would be at her side the whole time,” he grunts, passing me one of the coffees.
Alannah sits me beside, Luca takes his place back on the bottom of the bed and Leo hangs back, leaning against the wall.
“Have you spoken with JJ about this?” my new step-mother asks.
I shake my head and wish we were talking about something else. I was serious asking this of Cas, and now I feel stupid.
“Maybe you should, taking someone’s life isn’t simple,” Alannah says like she knows this information personally.
“She knows that, mom. She’s already killed a man and she’s fine, well, she is now,” Luca smirks and drains his can of soda.
“Luca!” Alannah scolds.
“He’s not wrong, dad,” Leo pipes in.
Cas’ eyes fall on me and they shine with violence. I reckon if I looked in my reflection, they’d look the same.
“Talk to JJ, if he doesn’t have a problem with you pulling the trigger, I’ll think about it seriously.”
“You will?”
“Sure, we can do some father-daughter bonding,” he says, as the croak of his mouth tugs up.
For three long seconds, there is nothing to be heard. I’m the first one to make a sound and I burst out laughing.
“Father-daughter bonding? You can’t think of anything else we could do?”
Alannah snorts and Luca chuckles, Leo remains the only one stoic.
“I’m sure I could,
but if you want to do this and I agree, it will tie us together in such a way it can never be undone. You know that, right?”
I nod.
“JJ won’t like this.”
Leo pipes in and I don’t care.
“He doesn’t have to like it, he doesn’t even need to understand, he doesn’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”
“We’ll see.”
“Yeah, we will.”
And like that, I’m a part of the Jackson family and we’re all talking about killing someone. I always knew I was different, that I didn’t fit in, now I do, and when I leave here, I’ll be going home to my husband. I belong to Willows Peak, it is my home. A proper home for the first time in my life.
JJ
I make my beer last. I need the drink, but I can’t drink too much. I have to be ready for anything to happen. My gut sinks further the longer Harper is away from me.
I knew it was a bad idea coming back here, all I can see is the bruises and blood on Harper when I caught her all those months ago. The memories are still as fresh as the day her attack happened.
“You’ve always been family to me, I held you the day your daddy brought you out to meet us in the hospital the day you were born. Not for one moment, did I think we would be connected further than the club.”
I look up and Slade is sitting beside me, taking the weight off his wounded leg. Over my shoulder, I see Kristen and Lily sitting with India and the kid by the pool table.
“I didn’t need to ask your permission to marry her, so I don’t need to hear this bullshit.”
“Cut the shit, JJ. Up till the truth came out about Cas, I was the closest thing she had for a father and I was the one who cared for her when she needed it the most. I’ve been asking around, and it seems you swooped in after the fact and reaped the rewards. I heard you treated her like a whore you could pick up and drop when you wanted.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
But it was.
I shut up and keep my mouth firmly closed.
“It was though, I’m glad you’ve both worked through your shit and she’s happy. I just thought you would’ve shown me a little respect, that’s all.”
I refrain from rolling my eyes at him and finish my beer.
Her Crazy Life: Sons of Lost Souls MC Novella 3.5 Page 9