Closing my eyes, I shield us from the world and exhale the last breath of weakness from me.
“I better get dressed then.”
The heaviness in the room evaporates and a choked laugh escape from her.
“I swear you like to keep me on my toes sometimes,” she smiles, then turns serious. “When we walk out of here, I don’t want to hear any more talk about you dying. You haven’t got time for that, and you’re not leaving me, simple.”
I lean in and press my lips to hers. Always soft and needing mine.
“Besides,” she sighs, breaking the kiss. “Who will I find at my age to kiss me if you die on me.”
I know she’s messing with me, building my fight back up, and putting a brave face on. It’s how she copes, but a growl still escapes from me at the mere mention of someone who is not me putting their lips on her.
We dress in silence and I sit back down on the bed while she packs what little we brought with us on this trip.
“I think I’ll throw a party when we get back, to celebrate you getting the all clear and to welcome Harper into our family.”
I smile and nod. “Sounds good.”
“And Cas?”
I stop rising to my feet at her clipped tone and find her swinging our bag up on her shoulder.
“If the worst did happen, there wouldn’t be a man alive I’d let touch me. If I can’t kiss you, there’s no point in kissing at all.”
She leaves me speechless. Sometimes I think there’s no way humanly possible she could love me more than I her, but when she comes out with shit like, shit I know she means deep in her soul, I revaluate. We head down to Gabe in the bar in silence. A prospect comes over and takes our bag from Lana, running it out to our car.
She stays by my side and her words haunt me as I say goodbye to Gabe. The fucker knows I’ll be back, and I’ll be bringing the club with me, he just doesn’t know when it’ll be.
What if I do die, my wife isn’t even fifty yet, she is healthy and still as vibrant and beautiful as when we first married. She has plenty years left, can I expect her to spend her life alone?
In reality, I wouldn’t have a choice, I wouldn’t be here to have a say. Then it has me wondering who it would be. It wouldn’t be a norm from town, Alannah would be bored with anyone who doesn’t wear a patch. A brother from my club wouldn’t touch her out of respect to me, and if he forgot that respect, he’d soon be reminded by the brothers. Anger surges through me at the thought and I fist my hands against my thighs. Why am I getting so angry? It’s not like I’m dead yet, and I’m not planning on dying any time soon. Fuck.
The car door slams shut in my face and snaps me out of my thoughts. I’ve missed the last five minutes and I shrug it off. Over my shoulder, Leo is leaning against the door frame as India double checks the baby is strapped in safely. Alannah is moving her seat forward so she can sit comfortably behind the wheel. Through the window, I watch JJ and Harper preparing to leave. Alannah offered for her to ride with us, but she politely declined and clung to JJ. I don’t blame her, if I could be on my bike, I would be. No invitations accepted.
“Life is going to change a lot, isn’t it,” Alannah sighs, contentedly.
“Yeah, it is.”
And hopefully for the better. I have a lot more fight in me for this fucking disease and I plan on kicking its ass.
Harper
After nearly two days, one night in a motel, fourteen hours of Rayna screaming or that’s how long it felt like, and one busted tire, we ride into Willows Peak and we’re joined by guys from the club as added protection, so I’m told.
India took over driving after dropping Cas and Alannah off at the hospital for his appointment. I swapped the car for jumping on the back of JJ’s bike for the last part of the journey, I said we could talk back in town but in the small confines of a car and a baby that hates traveling gaging by her constant cries, it’s the last place I want to talk about such things.
I hold onto JJ and enjoy the last few moments I have with him before reality sets in and I have to share him with the club.
He shared the same patch as Gabe and the Mercy chapter, but he didn’t really know them so I got to spend more time with him, plus we were guests there. At the club, everyone knows him, he’s grown up with half of them and the other half watched him grow. Brothers that filter in from other chapters know of him because Sparky is his dad. He can’t move for someone knowing him and wanting him for something.
We turn onto the last road towards the club and memories of walking barefoot and beaten come back to me.
I thought I was going to die, and if death didn’t come for me, I was terrified Ellis would come for me, trick me into believing he was letting me go and then take it back. Every step I took, my muscles coiled even tighter.
I’ll never forget the sight of JJ running towards me, the look of sheer panic on his face. If I think about it, and I have done quite a few times, it was that moment I knew how he truly felt about me. I knew he cared.
You can’t hide what your face portrays when you’re rushing through fear. The clubhouse comes into view and I never thought I would, but I have missed the place.
JJ’s hand covers mine above his belt, I can feel his worry for me. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to assure him we’ll be fine here, he doesn’t believe me, or he knows something I don’t and is keeping it from me.
Sparky is the first face I see when we ride through the gates and I’ve never seen him so happy when he’s looked in my direction before.
Of course I’m not stupid. I know he’s happy to welcome his son home. JJ has told me how he was adamant he didn’t want him to leave in the first place.
JJ heads for his usual parking spot as Bonnie walks out of the bar. Before I can blink, she’s at Sparky’s side and they’re walking over to us. JJ kills his engine and I hear him say, “Just breathe, don’t be nervous.”
I’m not nervous, that’s the thing. I’m worried about her being pissed with me for not waiting to be married here with his family and the club.
JJ swings his leg over the bike and dismounts, holding his hand out to help me off. I’m thankful when he doesn’t release me when I’m on my feet. He pulls me into his side and I’m happy to stay there until the end of time.
“Damn glad to see you home, son,” Sparky hollers, proud as hell and his arms spread wide. JJ releases me and closes the distance between him and his father.
There’s loads of back slapping and grunts, I nearly miss Bonnie keeping her distance. I can’t tell if she’s pissed or biding her time waiting for Sparky to let her son go.
“You look a lot happier,” she finally says to me.
“I feel it,” I nod.
“Does that have something to do with my son’s ring on your finger?”
It’s hard to judge if there is malice in her tone, or if she genuinely wants to know.
“Partly,” I tell her truthfully.
His ring doesn’t make him my property, but it gives me everything I need for a peaceful mind, which makes me happy.
A broad smile covers her face and she collects me up in a hug.
“I’m glad you and JJ worked it out, welcome home.”
I hug her back and Lily catches my eye as she shows her face, hanging around the bench closest to the bar.
I excuse myself from Bonnie, and head over to a shit storm. Sighing, I shouldn’t think that way. Mine and Lily’s relationship has been mending slowly, but from the look on her face now, she isn’t very happy with me.
“I heard you were coming back,” she murmurs, and it hits me that she isn’t upset with me, she is sad.
“Yeah, Cas wanted JJ back,” I half lie.
“Yeah, I also heard you had a little family reunion with the Jacksons. How was it?”
“It was different.”
I could describe it in various ways, but I’m getting the feeling my mom is feeling pushed out and I don’t want to make her feel worse. Everything that has happened i
s in the past now and if I want to continue to feel healthy and clear minded, I have to leave all my angry and bitter feelings with them in the past.
“Cas wants to be in my life and I’m going to give him a chance, Leo and Luca are even being nice to me. Having brothers might not be so bad. Hey, I heard you had dinner round theirs before they left, that’s progress.”
I’m rambling, we both know it and my mom finally breaks out a smile.
“It was fucking weird,” she laughs softly.
“I can imagine.”
“I hope it works out for you, Harper, I really do, but I just don’t want him coming in and taking you away from me. He has money and security, he can offer you help if you ever need it, all I’ve done is take help from you.”
“What if I make you a promise that we’ll put everything we’ve been through, childhood and adulthood, in the past and we’ll start fresh. I don’t hate you, I love you, I just can’t be your mom anymore.”
Her smile transforms her face and she looks ten years younger.
“I’d like that,” she says.
“I would too, it’d be nice to be your daughter.”
In my head, I add the way Cas and Alannah want me to be, but I daren’t say it out loud. It’s spiteful and it’s not leaving the bad in the past.
Zach walks out of the bar and he’s smiling. In what warped universe I have returned to that my cousin is happy.
“He has a new girlfriend, he only smiles for her,” Mom tells me noticing my shock and where I’m looking.
“Who?”
This girl must be an angel sent from heaven to get through to Zachery McCarthy, then I remember Cas mentioning some woman called Nina. I can’t wait to meet her.
“Someone called Nina Rollins. She’s actually a sweet girl with a mean attitude when called for.”
She sounds nice. I watch Zach talk with JJ and his parents and then a car drives through the gates and he’s on his toes heading for the woman driving. This must be his girl.
He’s quick to open her door for her and he helps her climb out, she stiffly moves and looks hurt. She ends up in his arms and his lips lands on hers. I turn away from their embrace and look over to my husband who is making his way over to me with his parents.
“Lily and I have been planning and we’re having our first family dinner as soon as the situation with Ellis is done with,” Bonnie informs us all.
“That sounds…great,” I smile and hope she doesn’t see through the lie.
“It’ll be fine, Harper. It’s all good times ahead,” Lily puts in.
“Not until Ellis is caught, or have you forgotten what he did to your daughter?” JJ snaps at her and I pull away from him.
We haven’t been back not ten minutes and he’s already pissed.
“Babe?” I murmur in warning.
“What? I’m just saying, there aren’t any good times while some crazy ass dick is trying to get his hands on you.”
“Come on, son. Lily didn’t mean anything by it and you know it,” Sparky grunts slightly bored by the whole exchange.
I squeeze his hand and try to calm him without actually knowing what’s set him off.
“Whatever, I don’t see why she wants to do the family thing now when she couldn’t give a fuck about Harper when she needed her,” he goes off. “Or are you jealous because Cas wants her in his life, that he has everything to offer that you withheld all her life?”
“Jason,” Bonnie snaps and he steps back.
“What the hell, JJ?” I frown.
“No, it’s fine. He’s right. I was shitty to you and I am jealous of Cas and what he can give you.”
Everyone looks at my mom and yet again, any anger I feel towards her turns to pity. Why can’t she get her shit together and just be an adult?
Talking about owning your shit doesn’t mean anything to me, not anymore, I need actions and to see changes.
JJ
“It’s so fuckin’ good to have you home, son. You have no idea.”
He’s told me this several times in the last hour. I can’t be assed to tell him to shut the fuck up, now I’m here, I couldn’t be happier to be home. The club is bouncing with brothers and no one can believe their eyes when they land on my ring. I’m keeping Harper real close, making sure everyone sees her with me. I’m proud to show her off.
Mom is still pissed with me, but I can tell she’s coming around. She’s fine with Harper, just not me. By the end of the night, all will be forgiven. I’m sure of it.
“Because dad has his last hospital appointment today, you’ll be staying at mine,” Leo says, joining us and it gets my dad’s hunches up.
“If they’re staying anywhere, they’ll stay at mine tonight.”
“I’m letting Jay know what my dad ordered. You got a problem with it, take it up with him.”
Dad sinks the last of his beer and slams the bottle down on the table.
“My boy comes home, your dad hasn’t got shit to say to me.”
“He has when it’s his daughter your son is with.”
“Okay, for fuck sakes. I didn’t realise how much you all love me. Since you can’t share me, I’m staying here with Harper. I’ve missed my room,” I grin, hiding the underlying fear of having her out in the world.
And since when was Leo allowed to come and go as he pleased? The last I heard Ellis wanted him as much as he wants my wife.
Before anyone can argue with me, dad’s phone rings and he’s quick to answer. Whoever is on the other end has his attention almost immediately and he sits up straight. His eyes flick to Leo and gets his attention. Judging by his face, whatever is being said, is not good news.
Brothers around us begin to quieten and Harper makes her way over to me when the bar goes completely silent.
She slides onto my lap and between keeping my eyes on dad, and my arm around Harper’s waist, my mouth dries when the call ends.
“Where’s your brother?” he asks Leo.
“I don’t know, up in one of the rooms, I think. Why?”
Dad cuts his eyes across to Harper and then back to Leo.
“Your dad collapsed at the hospital. Your mom is waiting on test results. She wants you up the hospital.”
“I’ll go and find him,” I say, moving Harper to the chair next to us as I stand. “I’ll be back in a minute,” I tell her.
I head for the stairs and take them two at a time until I’m at the top. The only room Luca would use while he’s here would be Cas’ old room. I knock once and immediately hear shuffled movements from inside. Smiling to myself, it sounds like Luca has a girl in there and they don’t want to be caught. So, guess what, I open the door as the fucker didn’t even lock up behind him and who do I find trying to hide herself under the sheets, little Victoria Simmons.
The twin’s precious sister, Ricky’s daughter, and Pope’s only granddaughter.
“You’re fuckin’ brave, Luca,” I smirk.
“What do you want?” he snaps, pulling up his jeans.
“Your dad has collapsed at the hospital; your mom wants you there.”
I thought I used to dress quickly after being with a woman, Luca takes it to the next level and nearly leaves without saying a word to her, but she stops him.
His eyes cut to mine, silently asking me why I’m still here and I raise my eyebrows telling him I’m not going anywhere. This is too entertaining, and I’ll be there for the fall out too, and I wouldn’t put money on the twins or Ricky taking him down.
“You were just going to leave without saying see you later?” Victoria frowns.
Her dark hair is always in a messy state, with her plaits and flowers she threads through it all. It’s always an organised mess. Tonight, she’s rocking serious sex hair.
“We’re not together, Tor. I don’t have to do that shit,” he snaps at her and my eyebrows raise even higher.
Luca doesn’t fuck around.
“She isn’t coming back, she’s probably grinding up and down some greasy pole for
a dollar right now, not thinking about you, just the old fat guys she’s going to suck off to help pay her rent.”
I’m glad I fucking stayed, this is far more entertaining that I thought it’d be.
“What? Not going to argue with me this time? You know you’re precious Sara is now likely whoring herself instead of coming back to you. Forget about her already.”
Wow. Victoria is cruel.
Luca is frozen at the door and I miss the moment he turns and flies across the room.
He lands on the bed and hovers over her, not touching her but making his point, whatever that is between them.
“From now on, forget about us.”
She doesn’t flinch, she isn’t scared of him and she rises up as much as he’s letting her have to room so she comes to face to face with him.
“Even if I could, you can’t forget me, Luca Jackson. You hate me because I’m not her, and you hate yourself because you want me. Go see your dad, and I’ll see you when you get back.”
Huh. This I wasn’t expecting. He actually fucking listens to her and climbs off the bed.
He storms out past me and leaves me a little frozen myself. I don’t know what I just witnessed, but Luca has far too many problems for his age.
“And don’t you go saying anything,” she snaps at me, climbing off the bed herself.
She doesn’t miss a beat as she lets the sheet fall and bares everything. Stunned, I swivel around and step over the threshold.
Her soft laugh fills the room, floating around me and I soon feel her hand nudging my arm pushing me out of the way.
“It’s only skin, JJ,” she chuckles. “And please keep your mouth shut, Luca has enough to deal with without my Grandpa chasing him down.”
Her hips sway hard as she walks towards the stairs and her long flowy skirt bunches around her ankles as she collects it up to walk down the stairs.
I take a beat to get myself together and then I’m following her down to the bar. Luca is already with Leo, not saying a word and ignoring Victoria as she joins her brothers and Pope.
Her Crazy Life: Sons of Lost Souls MC Novella 3.5 Page 8