Waiting for You (A Contemporary Romance Novel)

by Abigail Strom

  She stared at the screen and willed Jake to call. If he’d only reach out to her, tell her he was thinking about her...

  The phone felt clammy in her hands. After another minute she slid it back into her pocket.

  There would be no white knight coming to her rescue. No magical moment.

  And no mystical connection between her and Jake. They’d slept together and made a baby, and that was it.

  They’d always had the worst timing in the world. Jake didn’t even want a relationship. How would he react when he found out he was going to be a father?

  Of course he had a right to know, and she would tell him. She was due on February 7th. If she hadn’t heard from him by Christmas, she’d call. If he came home before that she could tell him in person. And in the meantime she’d give him his space, the space to stay in Texas or go to New Mexico or Colorado or wherever he needed to be. After everything he’d been through, he deserved a chance to heal.

  She’d let him know he could be as involved in the baby’s life as he wanted, but that she didn’t have any expectations. She’d make it clear that he could be a father without giving up his freedom.

  And that she was fully prepared to raise this baby on her own.

  Her hands were resting on the steering wheel, and suddenly she clenched them into fists. So what if there was no white knight in her life? She’d rescued herself before and she could do it again. She was strong. She was capable. She—

  There was a strange fluttering under her breastbone, like a goldfish swimming around in there. It felt like…

  She gasped.

  After a moment, she felt it again. She pressed both hands to the place, right under her heart.

  And just like that, her universe shifted.

  Chapter Ten

  “Jake?”

  “Hey, Allison. What’s up?”

  “You’re still planning to come home for Thanksgiving?”

  “Yeah.” He’d actually been packing when Allison called. He’d come back to San Antonio after a trip through Colorado, to see Mitch once more and to say goodbye to Paul and Angie. But his thoughts had been turning more and more towards home.

  “Okay. Good.”

  There was a funny kind of tension in Allison’s voice, and Jake frowned. “Is everything okay with you and the baby?”

  “Yes, everything’s fine. I just…think it’s time for you to come home. You’ve been away six months, Jake. A lot can change in six months.”

  “Change? What’s changed? Are Mom and Dad okay?”

  Allison sighed. “Yes, Mom and Dad are fine. Everyone’s fine. I just think you should come home.”

  Maybe she was going through some pregnancy hormone thing. “Well, you’re getting your wish. I’ll be home soon. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Jake rolled into Iowa a day ahead of schedule. He’d planned to be home on Wednesday morning, but he made great time and got there by Tuesday afternoon.

  He was looking forward to seeing his family again, and to being home for the birth of his nephew. But as he rode north on I-35 it wasn’t his family he was thinking of.

  It was Erin.

  For the last three hundred miles her face had been in his mind’s eye, guiding him forward like the North Star.

  They hadn’t spoken since July. He’d made a deliberate decision not to call her, even though he’d thought about her often. But he wanted to give her the space to live her life without him as a factor—at least while he was trying to come to terms with his past.

  With Mitch’s help, his nightmares were under control now. He had some confidence that he was making his way, step by step and mile by mile, out of the hell he’d been living in.

  He still didn’t know if he was ready for a relationship. The truth was, he might never be. But he was ready to go home, to make a life for himself in the place that he loved. And he wanted to see Erin again.

  Of course, there was no guarantee she’d want to see him.

  He thought about calling her to let her know he was coming, but decided he’d rather have their first conversation in person. He’d spend Thanksgiving with his family, and sometime that weekend he’d stop by her house and knock on her door.

  It was late afternoon when he got to his parents’ place. He saw Rick’s car in the driveway, which meant he and Allison were here. Jenna and Michael and Claire were spending Thanksgiving in Florida, with Claire’s grandparents.

  The front door was unlocked, and when he went in he heard voices and a burst of laughter in the kitchen. He crossed the living room and stood in the doorway, a smile spreading over his face as he took in the familiar scene of dinner being prepared amidst the cheerful chatter of the family.

  Allison was the first to spot him.

  “Jake!”

  She practically launched herself at him, but she had to lean forward to throw her arms around his neck.

  “Wow, you’re huge. Sure you’re not carrying twins?”

  She smacked him on the arm. “You shouldn’t bait a woman who outweighs you.”

  Rick was there, shaking his hand, and then his mother and father were hugging him. “It’s so good to see you,” his mother said. “I know you said you’d be home for Thanksgiving, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. In case you changed your mind.”

  He kissed her on the cheek. “I’m sorry I stayed away so long. But I’m back now.”

  Irene had always been able to read her kids pretty well. Something in the tone of his voice made her eyes shine as she looked up at him. “I always knew you would be.”

  After dinner, as soon as he had a moment alone with Allison, Jake asked the question he’d been wanting to all night. “Have you heard from Erin lately? Do you know how she’s doing?”

  What he really wanted to know was if she was dating someone, but he couldn’t ask that without sounding like a high school kid—and without whipping Allison up into a matchmaking frenzy.

  They were outside, sitting together on the porch swing. Allison was the one who’d suggested they come out here, but when he asked her if there was something she wanted to talk about, she just shook her head.

  When he asked about Erin, she’d looked startled. Then she bit her lip.

  “You should go see her.”

  He waited, but Allison didn’t say anything else. A flicker of unease went through him.

  “Is she okay?”

  “You should go see her,” Allison said again. There was something resolute in her tone of voice, like she was determined not to say anything else, no matter how much she wanted to.

  He remembered how weird she’d been on the phone the other day, and the flicker of unease became a spasm of fear.

  “Is something wrong with Erin?”

  Allison stuffed her hands into her pockets. “I promised I wouldn’t say anything.”

  “About what? Damn it, just tell me.”

  “Erin’s fine. But you should go see her.”

  Light spilled from the house as Rick opened the front door. “Allison, it’s freezing out here. Come back inside where it’s warm.”

  “I’ll be right in,” she called back, before turning to Jake again. “He worries,” she said apologetically.

  “I know how he feels.” He glanced at his watch. “Look, Allison—you’ve managed to freak me out. I’m going over to Erin’s house right now. Say goodbye to everyone for me, okay? I’ll see you all on Thursday for turkey and football.”

  “Okay.” Allison hesitated. “Give me a call if you need anything. After you talk to Erin.”

  Why the hell would he need something?

  Erin’s house was only ten minutes away, but that was plenty of time to imagine what could be going on that would make Allison talk like that. Had Erin gotten married? His muscles went rigid just thinking about it.

  When he pulled up in her driveway, he took off his helmet and forced himself to take a deep breath. Erin’s car was here and her lights were on, so she was home.

  He felt a surge of c
onflicting emotions. He’d been looking forward to this moment for so long—to seeing Erin again. Of course he’d known there was a chance…a good chance…that she’d be in a relationship. That’s why he’d stayed out of her life, after all. To give her that chance.

  He told himself it didn’t matter. If they could only be friends, then they’d be friends. If she was with someone—

  A wave of possessiveness rolled through him. Okay, so he hated the idea of Erin belonging to another man. But he couldn’t deny that that might be the best thing for both of them. Especially for her. He didn’t know if he could ever—

  Her front door opened, and Erin came out onto the porch.

  She was backlit, so he couldn’t see her expression. But he could see her silhouette. She was wearing jeans and a turtleneck, and his first glimpse of the gentle curve of her belly made his heart slam against his ribs.

  She was pregnant.

  He slid off his bike and stood beside it for a second. His body felt strange, like it belonged to someone else.

  Or maybe it was the world around him that had changed. Shifted, so he was no longer on solid ground. He started to walk towards Erin, slowly and deliberately, his eyes never leaving hers.

  She didn’t move. She might have been a statue. As he came closer he could see her face more clearly, and the tension and vulnerability in her expression.

  He climbed up her porch steps and she still didn’t move. He stopped when he was a foot away from her.

  Her hair was pulled away from her face in a messy knot. She wore no makeup, and her eyes looked bigger than he remembered.

  She wrapped her arms around herself, as if she felt cold. Her forearms rested on the curve of her belly.

  His eyes dropped to the roundness there, to the place where his baby was growing.

  He knew the baby was his. He’d never been so absolutely sure of anything in his life. But still, he had to ask the question.

  He took a deep breath. “Is it mine?”

  ***

  Out of all the scenarios she’d pictured, it had never occurred to her that Jake might just show up at her house one day. When she’d thought about this moment, she always imagined herself prepared. Talking to him on the phone. Making an appointment to see him. Controlling the where and the when, as if that would help her break the news somehow.

  Instead, he was standing on her porch with no expression at all on his face, asking if this child were his.

  And in that minute she understood why she’d put off telling him. Not only because she’d wanted to give him time to heal, but because she was afraid.

  Not afraid of Jake, but of his reaction. She was terrified of looking into his eyes and seeing that this was the worst possible news for him. That no matter how honorably and responsibly he might deal with things, this was the last thing in the world he wanted.

  So she didn’t look at him. She dropped her eyes as she spoke the word.

  “Yes.”

  She hugged herself tighter as she waited for his response. Whatever happened now, at least he knew. She didn’t have to dread telling him anymore.

  He didn’t say anything for a minute. Then his hand cupped her chin as he tilted her face up. His blue eyes were intense, and there was a flutter in her heart as she felt the full force of his presence for the first time in six months.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I—” she swallowed. “I was going to.”

  God, that sounded lame. Jake dropped his hand but continued to hold her gaze.

  “When?”

  “By Christmas.”

  “Christmas.” He took a deep breath. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me when you first found out?”

  For the first time he looked and sounded angry, and she forced herself not to back away from him. He deserved to be angry.

  “I thought I was doing the right thing,” she whispered.

  He stared at her. “The right thing? Jesus, Erin. I’m not some random guy you picked up in a bar. I’ve known you for fifteen years. My sister is one of your oldest friends. I—” He stopped suddenly. “Allison knows, doesn’t she? You told her before you told me.” His voice was bitter.

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen that way. I’ve been avoiding Allison since I started to show, but last week she just dropped by. When I saw her I just…broke down. When she asked who the father was, I told her. I made her promise not to tell anyone.”

  “Including me.”

  “Yes.”

  He closed his eyes. When he opened them again, she saw the hurt behind the anger, and guilt churned in her stomach.

  “I don’t get it, Erin. Why couldn’t you tell me?” He tensed, and she knew he was bracing himself for something. “Is it because of what happened the night I was here? Are you…” He swallowed. “Are you afraid of me?”

  “No!” It had never even occurred to her he might draw that conclusion. She would have cut her heart out before letting him think that. “That’s not it, I swear. When I called you in July…I was going to tell you then. But we started talking, and you sounded so good. Like you were in the place you needed to be. And you were helping that family…and…” She bit her lip. “I didn’t want to burden you with all this. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to come home.”

  His jaw hardened. “That wasn’t your decision to make. It was mine.”

  And there it was. The truth she hadn’t wanted to face. None of the logical arguments she’d constructed could stand up against that one simple statement.

  She pressed the heels of her hands against her forehead. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  There was a short silence. “Look at me, Erin.” When she opened her eyes again, he took a deep breath. “Did you think I’d turn my back on you? That I wouldn’t take responsibility for my actions?”

  Responsibility. How could Jake know what a cold word that was to her? Her father had always acted responsibly, never knowing…or caring…that she was starved for something more.

  But she couldn’t explain any of that to Jake. It wouldn’t change anything. She of all people knew you couldn’t make someone feel things they didn’t feel on their own.

  “I didn’t want you to come home if you weren’t ready. I didn’t want you to feel trapped.”

  He shook his head, obviously not understanding. “But you’re carrying my child. It doesn’t matter how I feel. I have a responsibility. A duty.” His eyes went to her stomach. “To both of you.”

  The knife twisted. “You don’t have to feel responsible for us. I want you to know…” She cleared her throat. This part, at least, she had ready. “I want you to know that I’m fully prepared to raise this child alone. I don’t want you to feel obligated to support us financially, or to do anything you don’t want to. You don’t have to give up your freedom. I don’t want—”

  “Stop.” His words cut through her prepared statement like a whip, and she stared at him with her mouth open.

  He looked like he was the one who’d gotten a knife in the gut. “It sounds like you don’t want me to be any part of this. You …” He shook his head slowly. “You must think I’m going to make a pretty lousy father.”

  Her heart spasmed in her chest. “I think…” Her voice wobbled, and she swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I think you’ll be an amazing father. But I didn’t think you’d want to be one. I mean, at this point in your life. You didn’t…you didn’t exactly ask for this.”

  His expression softened a little. “Neither did you.”

  She shook her head. “No. But if this hadn’t happened…I mean…” She stopped. “Look, Jake. You haven’t called me once in the last four months. It’s not like I’m a factor in your life, or anything. You moved on, and I didn’t want you to feel like you were being…dragged back here.”

  He cocked his head to the side. “So this is your way of punishing me? Because I didn’t call?”

  Everything she said came out wrong. “No! I just…”

  She scrubbe
d her hands over her face, suddenly exhausted. After a moment Jake spoke more quietly. “I’m sorry. Maybe we should call it a night. I’ve been riding all day and you look—” He paused, and then reached out to touch the side of her face. “You look tired. I’m sorry, Erin. I’ve been standing here yelling at you, keeping you out here in the cold—”

  “You didn’t yell.”

  For the first time, he smiled. “Maybe not technically.” His thumb moved softly over her cheekbone, and the gesture was so gentle she closed her eyes.

  The last time she’d experienced physical tenderness was the night she and Jake had made love. A sudden emptiness swept through her, almost making her cry. She’d gotten used to him being away. To being alone.

  She didn’t dare let herself crave contact with him. She took a step back, and he let his hand drop.

  “When’s the last time you had a doctor’s appointment?”

  “On Monday. The baby and I are both doing fine.”

  He nodded. “Good. So…I’ll come by in the morning, if that’s all right. We’ve got a lot to talk about. What’s too early?”

  She shrugged. “I’m usually up by seven. You can come by anytime after eight.”

  “I’ll see you then. Good night, Erin.”

  As she watched him walk away towards his motorcycle with his familiar long, loose-limbed stride, she felt a pang of anxiety. Maybe she should have suggested they wait a day or two before seeing each other again. If she wanted to protect herself, she needed to keep the boundaries firm between them.

  Because when it came to Jake Landry, she was never more than a step away from making a fool of herself.

  ***

  A father. He was going to be a father.

  It was after midnight, and Jake was lying in bed with his head pillowed on one bent arm, staring up at the ceiling.

  He was going to be a father. He kept repeating the phrase over and over in his head, as if that would help him wrap his mind around the new reality.

  Because everything was different now.

  He remembered the day he’d enlisted in the Army. He’d known he was signing up for something bigger than he was—that it would never be just about him anymore. He hadn’t realized until now how much he missed that feeling.