Pain shoots through me. My heart sinks deeply into my chest at the thought of having disappointed her. She can hardly stand to look at me. "If you decide to stay, your father and I will not support you with it." When she says it, I know exactly what she means. The way she had worded it made it perfectly clear.
"If you think you can threaten me with your money, you are sorely mistaken," I tell her flatly, insulted that she'd even used it as a means to manipulate me. "Do you know how hard I've been working? This is what I want Mama, why can't you let me do this? I can come back home when I've finished."
"But you won't marry Lukas?"
"I don't love Lukas," I repeat, the two of us meeting eyes again.
"This isn't a matter of love—“
Finally, I can't take it anymore. "No, Mama. You see, that's where you're wrong. It is about love to me. It is about passion. What is life if there is no passion? What is life without things to care about? And don't tell me I don't care about my country because you know very well that I do. But I'm not going to sit here and waste any more time arguing with you when I know what I want." I move swiftly towards the elevator, fetching my coat off the rack.
"And what is that you want so badly that you're willing to throw away the life that was given to you?" My mother calls out to me, and I turn swiftly on my heel.
"To tell someone how much I love them," I reply, stepping onto the elevator and letting the doors close quickly behind me.
The snow is coming down heavily outside. What would normally be a ten-minute walk to Penelope’s took a half hour. Just as I am getting ready to open the door into her building, she comes rushing out, bundled in a coat, carrying Brutus.
When we meet eyes, she laughs softly, setting the dog on the ground outside. “What are you doing here?” She asks me, as we stand and stare at each other for a moment. The snow is coming down so hard it 's hard to see her through it.
I pull her close, wrapping my hands around her face and kissing her. Our lips fall together and stay for a long while until I pull away and let out a series of sneezes.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” Penelope says, and I smile. My eyes wander over her, standing in her cute fuzzy winter coat, her blonde hair blowing in every direction. The small smile returned to me when we meet glances makes my heart beat so hard in my chest I can barely stand it.
“Ich liebe dich,” I tell her fervently. I take her gloved hands in mine, pulling her close. It’s the only way I can think to say it as strongly as I feel it inside of me.
It takes her a moment to think it over before she realizes what it means. I watch her eyes grow wide, meeting mine. Her hands squeeze back, and she lets out a laugh. “Ich liebe dich too,” she says, kissing me softly. When I look down, Brutus is barking at us, wagging his tail.
“I love you too, I guess.” I laugh, leaning down to scratch him behind the ears.
Chapter 9
Penelope
I sit on the couch, while Astrid lays stretched out with her head in my lap. She looks up at me, those big eyes watching me closely.
"I have something I need to talk to you about," she says. The tone of her voice sends a chill through me. For some reason, I have a feeling is something I don't want to hear. "It's about earlier."
She sits up, and we meet eyes. "I'm really sorry for making you leave."
"I understand," I smile softly at her.
She takes her hands in mine before she continues. "Where I'm from, there are still a lot of people who believe that women are meant to get married and have children. Especially my family. They don't understand other ways of thinking. That not everyone has the same ideas."
"My mother has this plan that I'm supposed to marry this man I've known since I was a child. It's an arranged marriage of sorts. She doesn't realize that neither he nor I want anything to do with that arrangement. We never have."
My mind goes deep in thought, imagining the idea of Astrid being promised to someone. Someone she didn't want to be with. It is like I can't decide how to feel, whether to be relieved that she felt that way, or concerned that her family had other plans for her or both. Finally, I manage to shake the doubts from my head.
"She also didn't know I was here for medical school," Astrid admits.
"You didn't tell her about going to school? What did she think you were doing here then?"
"I'm not sure. But I finally told her today. I'm done with that life. I have a life here now. A life with you."
I can't help but smile at her words. She leans into me and kisses me deeply until we both lay down on the couch, our bodies colliding.
.........................
Astrid spent the next few days at my father and my apartment, only going home briefly to fetch clothes from the penthouse. By that time her mother had gone back to Europe. It put her in a bit of a solemn mood, but I did my best to remedy it. At the end of the week, I took her out for a surprise. Oliver and Charlotte met us at the other end of the city, both looking rather annoyed that I'd dragged them out of bed so early while we were all on holiday break.
"This better be good," Oliver complains when we make our way down the street after we'd parked. Astrid holds my hand while we walk.
"I promise, it is," I reply as we turn the corner. My heart beats a little faster in my chest when I see it.
The Manhattan Free Clinic.
Astrid looks up at me and smiles brightly. "Is this your mom's clinic?"
I nod at her, smiling softly. Oliver and Charlotte exchange glances.
"Your mom had a clinic?" Charlotte asks, curiously.
"She worked here before she died. Dedicated her whole life to this place." We make our way across the street and into the automatic doors at the front of the building. Warm air greets us when we enter. They'd remodeled since the last time I'd come here many years ago.
"We're going to volunteer for the day," I explain as I wave at the receptionist.
"Dr. Murphy is in the back," she tells me, holding her hand over the microphone on her phone. I nod, waving my friends down the hall.
The four of us spend the day triaging patients, giving exams, administering flu shots and other routine vaccinations, drawing blood, and everything else they could possibly give us to do. It was the best practice I'd had all semester, and Oliver and Charlotte looked extremely grateful to have the opportunity. By the end of the afternoon, all of us were on a high from having spent the whole day in our element.
"I can see why your mom loved it so much," Astrid says, taking my hand again as we leave the building. "That was amazing."
Oliver and Charlotte nod in agreement before they offer the suggestion to get dinner together. The four of us make our way down to the end of the block to an old greasy spoon diner.
We enjoy a nice meal together, taking in the ambiance of the restaurant and the pleasure of each other’s company. Our conversations last for hours, having lost all track of time. When the waitress comes with our checks, Astrid beats me to the punch and offers to pay. A few minutes later, we are interrupted again.
"Excuse me," the waitress looks at Astrid, and she smiles at her. "I'm afraid your card isn't working. I tried it a few times, and it keeps saying declined."
A confused look stretches across her face. I quickly pull out my card from my wallet and hand it to the waitress, smiling politely. "Here you go."
I knew as soon as the two of us meet glances that Astrid's parents had done exactly what they had threatened to do. She looks completely panicked.
"It's okay," I say, placing an arm around her. "We'll figure it out." Astrid rests her head on my shoulder sighing. Charlotte reaches for her hand and squeezes it.
That evening, after we'd said our goodbyes to the couple, Astrid and I go to College Market to get her application. She has an on-the-spot interview by Stephanie and is instantly hired on. I can see the relief spread across her face. It occurs to me that in all of her luxuries, she'd likely never held a job before.
As we make our way back to
my apartment, I take her hand in mine.
"I have a job!" She exclaims excitedly, looking at me. Her response catches me off-guard and before I know it I'm laughing.
"You have a job," I reply, nudging her softly in the shoulder.
.........................
Astrid starts work immediately and continues every day up through Christmas. Most of the shifts we have together, but she takes extra just to make additional money. By then she'd left my father and my apartment to return to the penthouse. I didn't see her as much as I would have liked, but I was happy for her none-the-less.
Christmas Eve came, and we were given the night off. I'd gotten off a bit earlier than Astrid, so I met her at the store when her shift had ended. As we walked down the street back towards our homes, I suddenly take a detour down the sidewalk of another side-street. Astrid looks at me confused as I string her along.
"Where are we going?" She asks curiously.
"I have a surprise for you," I reply. "It's a Christmas present."
"You didn't have to get me anything!"
"I know you got me something, I saw it at your house the other day. And I wanted to do this. You'll like it, I promise." I squeeze her hand. "Now you have to close your eyes from this point on."
Astrid gives me a curious look before she closes her eyes. Somehow I navigate her up a flight of stairs, into an elevator, down a hall, and to a door, without managing to kill either of the two of us.
After we make it inside, I turn the light on low by the door and slowly take my hands away from her eyes. She opens them and looks around, trying to place everything together.
It is an older place. I'd got a good deal on it. Two bedrooms, one bath. It has a beautiful fireplace which I'd lit before I went to pick her up. All hardwood floors. A nice kitchen with a view of the city through the windows. It is certainly not the penthouse, but it is or can be, ours.
There is an air mattress made up by the fire with a bottle of wine beside it. In the corner, I bought a small Christmas tree. Underneath, I stole Astrid's Christmas present for me from Nina. I wonder for a moment if I had been overly presumptuous in assuming she might fancy the idea, but my worries are quickly extinguished.
She turned to meet my eyes, still looking confused. I smiled at her, taking hold of her hands. "What is this place?" She asks me.
"Our home," I reply, and then I think for a moment, trying to remember what I'd learned earlier that day. "Zuhos."
"Zuhause," Astrid laughs, putting her hand on my cheek and kissing me softly. "Are you serious?"
"I just thought it might be nice to have our own place for once," I smile, pulling a key from my coat pocket and placing it in her hand. "Only if you want to."
"Of course I’d want to," she says, wiping happy tears from her eyes.
Astrid and I go late into the evening talking, stretched out across the mattress drinking wine and laughing. After a while, I reach into my pocket for my phone and realize it's after midnight.
"Merry Christmas," I say, rolling over to pull her close to me. Our lips meet for a moment, and I sigh when they do.
"Merry Christmas," she replies when we break, and then moves across the room to get the small box under the tree. "Here, I want you to open it now." She hands it to me, and I inspect the beautiful wrapping job.
"My aunt did it," Astrid admits. "I tried, but I have no idea what I'm doing." I laugh, not the least bit shocked.
Carefully I tear at the paper until I have the box unwrapped. When I open it, I'm surprised to find that the majority of it is mostly empty. At the bottom sits a long card. I look up at her, slightly confused.
"Just open it," Astrid nods to me, and I oblige. It is written in German.
Fröhliche Weihnachten! it reads. "Merry Christmas?" I ask, and she nods.
Before I can open the card all the way, two pieces of thick paper fall into my lap. I hold them up into the firelight and realize they are plane tickets.
"It's technically from my Aunt and Zoe too," Astrid replies. "I got them a month ago. I couldn't wait. It's for this summer. I thought you could come visit."
"I've never been out of the country before," I admit.
"Do you not like it?" Astrid looks worried for a moment, and I smile, wrapping my hand around hers. I pull her to me, and we meet mouths again, passionately. Gently, I lay her down against the bed and pull myself on top of her. "I love you."
"Ich liebe dich," she replies, kissing me. I feel her hand sweep along the side of my face, as our kisses grow hungrier.
"You know what this apartment needs," Astrid says when I break from her.
"Mm?" I reply, placing my lips on the side of her neck. She giggles softly when I do and doesn't finish her thought, wrapping her hands in my hair as I make my way down her.
Neither of us gets much sleep that night, too wrapped up in each other to care otherwise. By morning we are both exhausted and make our way back to the penthouse to catch a few hours of sleep. Nina makes us breakfast, and we sit, the four of us, enjoying each other's company until neither Astrid nor I could keep our eyes open.
As we lay in bed together, before I am able to drift off to sleep, I feel Astrid's hand stroke the side of my face. I look at her curiously. The way she stares at me worries me slightly.
"Are you alright?" I ask her when we meet eyes. I take her hand in mine.
"I want to tell you something," she says softly, her eyes not wavering. "But I don't want you to be mad at me."
"I don't think I could ever be mad at you," I joke playfully, kissing her on the nose.
"I'm serious," she replies, and I can tell by the change of the tone of her voice that she most certainly was.
"What is it?"
"I'm not actually from Germany," she admits. When she says it, I don't really know what to feel, so I ask the first thing that comes to mind.
"Where are you from?"
"Liechtenstein," Astrid says, "It's a small country between Switzerland and Austria."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, not really feeling angry, just more curious than anything.
"My life is just sort of complicated," she says, putting her free hand on the side of my face, stroking my cheek with her thumb. "I haven't told anyone where I'm from. My parents are somewhat in the public eye. I don't really want anything to do with that life anymore. That's why I came here. To get away from all of it."
There is something she isn't telling me, but I don't press her. "Well, wherever you're from, I'm glad you're here regardless." Astrid lets out a sigh and wraps her arm around my body. I kiss her forehead, and the two of us lay there silent. Even though I wasn't angry, something about her feeling as if she couldn't tell me the truth made me feel very uncomfortable. A few minutes later I hear her softly breathing and fast asleep, her head resting on the side of my chest.
Whatever it was, at least she'd told me the truth. Or I hoped so, anyway.
.........................
The spring semester passes so quickly it feels like the blink of an eye. The thoughts I'd had over Christmas had seemed to vanish due to how busy we'd become. Living with Astrid had been the best thing that ever happened to me. Between the apartment and her new job, it seemed as if she'd grown some confidence about being independent.
The last day of the semester, Oliver, Charlotte, Astrid and I gather at the computer lab to check our grades. When we find that we all have passed, we make plans to go out to celebrate. Astrid and I go our separate ways for a while so I can go hang out with my dad while he's home from work.
Brutus and Smokey greet me at the door. I missed them a lot since I'd moved out, but I came to visit frequently and to help my Dad out with chores. As I make my way into the kitchen, my father is waiting for me at the table, reading the newspaper. He gives me a glance as I walk into the room.
"Hey kiddo, how was school?"
"I passed all my classes," I tell him, grabbing some coffee before I sit down across from him at the table.
He offers
me a smile, taking a sip of coffee. I can tell something is up just by his body language. I offer him a curious look, and he takes a breath before he speaks.
"Do you know about Astrid?" My dad asks me, folding his newspaper on top of itself so that it's back on the front page.
"What do you mean?" I reply curiously, leaning back in the chair.
"I mean, do you know about Astrid," he replies, turning the newspaper around to face me.
On the cover in big bold letters, it reads: Liechtenstein's Vogt Family Celebrates the Birth of the Seventh Royal Family Member.
I look at him, not understanding. He nods towards the paper again, and I breeze through the text. At the bottom of the page is a large photo of all of the Vogts standing together in front of some castle. I remain confused until a familiar individual catches my eye. Her face is unmistakable. The paper comes up to my face so I can study it more carefully. At the bottom, the caption reads the list of names in the photo. The last name makes my heart sink deep into my chest.
Princess Astrid Vogt.
I can hardly breathe. My father and I meet eyes, and he looks just as stunned as I do.
“I shouldn’t have shown you,” he decides, trying to take the paper back from me. I refuse, folding it in my hands.
“No, you did the right thing,” I reply, standing up from the table. “I have to go talk to her.”
My father looks at me concerned as I make my way out of the kitchen. I give Brutus and Smokey some love before I leave and then make my way back down into New York’s busy streets.
It’s late in the afternoon now. When I check my phone, I realize that Astrid and I are supposed to meet Oliver and Charlotte in an hour for dinner. I call Oliver, explaining to him quickly that we’d probably wouldn’t be able to make it, barely able to contain my emotions when I did. He sounds concerned but doesn’t press me. When I hang up, I force myself to take deep breaths.
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