Astrid. A Princess. A Princess of an entire country.
Penny, oh Penny, what have you gotten yourself into?
A whole year she’d gone without telling me.
My family is sort of in the public eye. I remember her words from months ago. How could I not have asked her what she meant? What was I thinking?
By the time I reach our apartment building I am so angry I can hardly see straight. When I open the door, Astrid is stretched out on the couch, reading a book. She smiles at me, but it quickly turns to a look of concern when I come to sit across from her, barely able to contain my frustration.
"Are you alright?" She asks, inching closer to me.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" I ask. "Something, I don't know, you should have told me maybe... months ago. A year ago even."
It doesn't take but just a minute for Astrid to put two and two together. I pass her off the newsletter that had been crinkled up in my hand, and she opens it to the front page. Her eyes grow wide the minute she sees the heading and the picture.
"Oh, Penelope," she says, looking up at me. I can tell by the look in her eyes she feels terrible, but somehow at this moment, it doesn't matter to me.
"Why did you lie to me? All this time?" I ask her, firmly.
For a moment she doesn't have an answer. Finally, she takes a breath. "I didn't mean for it to come out this way."
"How did you mean for it to come out exactly? Were you ever going to tell me?"
Astrid looks up towards the tickets that we'd tacked to the fridge. "I wanted to tell you when we went to Liechtenstein."
"Astrid," I can't even hardly look at her. "You waited an entire year to tell me that you're royalty." Then it occurs to me. "Is that Lukas guy you're supposed to marry—is he a Prince?"
She nods, and I feel my body sink even further into the couch.
"I can't do this." I can feel tears start to run down my face. "This is just too much. You should have told me."
"I know," Astrid says, looking at the floor.
"I have to go," I say, getting to my feet. "I already told Oliver and Charlotte we couldn't make it."
Astrid stands up, trying to reach for my hand. I pull away from her, turning towards the door. "Not right now."
Before she can say another word to me, I leave, unable to look back at her.
I spend hours walking around downtown, lost in my thoughts. Finally, I end up at the coffee shop down the street from College Market. The one where Astrid and I had our first date. For once, in my many years of living, I sat at a window seat, watching people as they walked by.
Just as I was about to leave, I watch as she walks past the building. We meet glances, and she breaks into a small smile, waving at me. I wave back and follow her movements as she enters.
"I was looking everywhere for you," she says.
"Well, you found me," I reply, being careful to be nice, in spite of still feeling frustrated.
For a while, we sit in silence. Astrid fetches herself a tea, and then we watch outside the window.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask her again, my voice quiet and somber.
"I wanted to, so many times." She says to me, reaching for my hand. I let her hold it, aching at her touch. "I was worried that you'd want nothing to do with me if you knew the truth."
"Astrid," I look up at her, "There's literally almost nothing that would make me not want anything to do with you. It was the fact that you didn't tell me."
"I'm sorry," she says, unknowing of what else to say. I still can hardly look at her.
"Will you at least tell me the real reason why?" I finally muster up the courage to ask her.
"Because that life isn't me," she says, looking me in the eyes. "I don't think you could possibly understand what it's like to be forced into a world you have no control over. Where everything is decided for you. A life where you didn't get to be yourself."
I sit there quietly, just listening.
"My arranged marriage to Lukas means absolutely nothing. I'm not a successor and even if I was, don't I have the right to decide for myself what becomes of me? I came here to start a new life. To be the person I wanted. To be able to do what I wanted. And I got to be with you."
“Did you ever tell them about me? Your parents?” Her silence indicates she hadn’t.
A large part of me understood. But I was still so angry. My hand pulls away from hers.
"I need some time to think." When Astrid and I meet eyes, she looks stunned. "I'll stay with my dad for a little while."
"I'll stay with Nina," Astrid insists, and I can see tears welling up in her eyes. I stand up from the table and look towards the door, in fear I may give into her if I don't.
"Goodbye, Astrid," I say as I make my way to the door without looking back at her.
That night I couldn't sleep. I lay on the couch with Brutus curled into my chest and Smokey at my feet, staring aimlessly into the television and feeling horrendously alone.
My father wakes me in the late morning giving me a kiss goodbye. I can see the concerned look on his face when I open my eyes.
"Did you talk to Astrid?"
I nod, sitting up on the couch.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he says, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you're going to be okay? Do you need me to stay home from work for the day?"
A small smile reaches my face when he offers. I shake my head. "I'll be okay, I promise."
He takes his leave after playing with the animals for a moment. Just as he shuts the door, I hear my phone buzz on the coffee table. For a moment I think it's Astrid and I race for it, panicked. Then I realize it’s Charlotte.
"Hello?" I answer, still half asleep.
"What's going on?" She asks me abruptly as I yawn.
"Well, I just woke up," I reply, wiping the sleep from my eyes. "And now I'm petting my dog." I scratch Brutus behind the ears.
"No," Charlotte says, and I can tell by the tone of her voice that she's extremely serious. "Why did Astrid un-enroll from all of our summer classes?"
It takes me a moment to comprehend what she'd asked me. I feel myself sit up a little taller. "She did what?"
"I was double checking I'd gotten all my schedules right this morning, and I noticed we were a person short on our rosters. Astrid's name isn't on them anymore." Again, I still can't comprehend what's going on. "Do you know anything about it?"
"Not at all," I reply, standing up from the couch. "I'll find out though."
As soon as I hang up, I call Astrid. When it goes to her voicemail, I get dressed and head straight to our apartment. When I walk inside, I find all of Astrid's clothes and personal belongings gone. There's no sign of her.
Panicked, I walk down the street as fast as I can towards Nina's. My walk turns into a sprint, which then turns into a run. By the time I'd made it to the building, I was struggling to catch my breath.
As soon as I reach the elevator, I buzz the penthouse. Zoe answers, giving me a little smile. "Hi there Penny," she says.
I waste no time. "Where's Astrid?"
Zoe doesn't answer at first, looking over her shoulder.
"Zoe," I plead with her. "Please tell me where she is. Is she leaving?"
"You can come up," she says finally, and I fly into the elevator the moment the doors open.
It feels like ages getting up to the top. By the time the doors open, I'm so full of panic I can hardly see straight. Zoe meets me at the entrance. "She's in her suite," she says nodding and I race down the hall. When I knock, I hear her sweet voice call out to come in.
I'd never seen her look the way she did before. She sat on the couch surrounded by a mass of tissues, her eyes puffy and red, and her nose running. It looked as if she hadn't had an ounce of sleep the entire night. I don't think. My body just moves to her, falling down beside her on the couch. As I wrap my arms around her, she lets out a little sob.
"What's going on?" I ask her, running my hand through her hair. She continues to cry
for a moment, and I let her, holding onto her tightly. Finally, she breaks away from me and looks up.
"I called my parents last night," she says, her voice shaky. "I couldn't stand it any longer. I told them everything. How I was going to stay in New York for school. That I wasn't going to marry Lukas because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."
I sit there for a moment listening, not comprehending what she had just said at first. Then suddenly it hits me, and I feel myself let out a little laugh. "You what?"
Astrid looks confused, sniffling loudly.
"You just said," I reply, reaching for her hand. "I mean, you—“
"Penelope," she says, looking up at me. Even in all the chaos that was her form at the moment, I still couldn't help but think she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.
"No no no," I stop her, still laughing. "No, I'm not letting you say it. Not right now. Not like this." Astrid looks slightly hurt, but I lean into her, kissing her softly on the lips. "I've thought it too," I admit to her. "But not now. You have to tell me what's wrong."
Astrid realizes that she's gotten off track and as soon as she does, she lets out another sob. I pull her to me again, worried. Eventually, she manages to take deep breaths and calm herself. "My parents, they said that my family was going to disown me like they did to Nina if I didn't come home. That I was dishonoring their traditions. That I would never be able to come back again."
I stare at her horrified. She lets out a loud sniffle and then continues.
"I told them that I couldn't come home. That I wouldn't." Astrid says, tears running down her face. I wipe them away gently with my fingers. "I wasn't going to leave you."
A smile crosses my face then, and I lean in to kiss her on the lips just for a brief moment. When we part, I can't help but ask. "Why did you drop out of your classes?"
"What?" She asks me, confused.
"Charlotte said you'd dropped out of all your classes--" I look at her confused. Panicked, Astrid runs for her computer, pulling open. She concentrates for a minute, clicking away until finally, she pulls open the website. When she turns it towards me, I can see her name clearly on the roster.
"Why would she tell me you'd dropped out," I wonder, confused.
I see Astrid's face drop for a moment, and I can tell once again, she's neglecting to tell me something.
"I had them re-enroll me a little while before you got here," she says, unable to look me in the eyes.
"Why did you drop them in the first place?" Suddenly it occurs to me just as I'd asked. "You were going to go home, weren't you? Back to Liechtenstein?"
"I changed my mind," she says, a defensive tone to her voice. "I couldn't leave you."
For a while, the two of us are silent while I ponder on the situation. I realize at that moment, how much she was sacrificing to stay with me. That it hadn't occurred to me how much she'd still wanted to be able to keep ties with her family and home.
"Astrid," I take her hands in mine again, trying to catch her glance. When she finally looks at me, I smile softly even though I can feel my heart aching inside of my chest. "I think you should go back to Liechtenstein."
"What?" She stares at me in disbelief. "I told you, I'm not going. I want to be with you."
"It's your home," I argue. "I don't want you to lose your home."
Astrid's tears resume down her face. "I don't want to leave you." I knew, even when she said it, that in spite of that fact, she also didn't want to lose everything she'd ever known. And if it meant I had to sacrifice my feelings for that, I was ready to.
"What if I come to Liechtenstein after I get finished with school?" I ask her, being completely serious. She looks up at me curiously. "We can see each other in the summers and on breaks, we'll talk to each other all the time, and I'll come as soon as schools over."
"I don't know if my parents would allow it," Astrid admits. "What about your Dad?"
"Do you know how stoked he'd be to get to come to Europe?" I laugh. "I'm pretty sure he'd be fine with that decision. And if your family doesn't let me in, I'll go to Switzerland. Or Austria. We'll figure it out."
"You'd really do that for me?" Astrid asks, and I can't help but smile at her.
"I pretty much would do anything for you."
For the first time in a long time, I watch her cheeks go a bright shade of pink. It is the most adorable thing and makes my heart race in my chest when I see it. I lean into her, putting my lips on hers and I breathe her in. She pushes into me, and the two of us fall into the couch together, tangled in one another’s embrace.
Chapter 10
Astrid
I lie on top of Penelope, looking into her eyes. All I can think about at that moment is how much I love her. And how much she must love me. She smiles, brushing a strand of my blonde hair from my face before she holds my cheek in her hand. I nuzzle against it, feeling her warmth on me. "Du machst mich so glϋcklich," I say quietly, kissing her hand. "You make me so happy."
"You too," she smiles at me.
My mouth falls down onto hers, and we kiss deeply. I lay my arms down on either side of her face as my lips move over her again and again. She runs her tongue against me, and I push into it with my own. We taste each other for a moment before I move my mouth to her neck, whispering German again softly into her ear. "Du bist die Liebe meines Lebens." I let her ponder it for a moment as I work over her neck before we meet eyes again. "You're the love of my life," I breathe, smiling at her.
Penelope sighs as my hands roll underneath her shirt. I pull it off of her, feeling her naked skin beneath me. I sit on her hips, letting my fingers gently graze down her skin from her shoulders to her stomach. "Mein Herz gehört Dir." She raises her body off the couch a little as I touch her. "My heart belongs to you." My fingers move in swift circles over her breasts before I lean down and draw kisses on her skin.
"Du bist mein Ein und Alles," I say in between kisses. My mouth draws over her breast, and I feel her hands wrap into my hair. She gasps softly as I move between them. When I finish, I look up to her. "You are my everything." I work her pants off of her body slowly, the two of us meeting eyes.
I make my way down her stomach, kissing over her belly button and down into the edges of her middle. I pause when I reach it, looking up at her. "Ich möchte den Rest meines Lebens mit Dir verbringen."
Just as I finish saying it, I let my mouth draw over her. She gasps loudly at my touch, her hands holding firmly against my head as I work. Her breaths turn to pants as she draws closer and closer. I find the spot she likes, and it's only seconds before I feel her hands push down on the back of my head, holding me down on top of her. My mouth works carefully, continuing to pleasure her until she softens.
When I rise up, Penelope meets me halfway, our mouths colliding. We kiss for a moment before she turns me and pushes me down on the couch gently. Her body moves on top of mine, our lips moving together. After a while, she moves her lips slowly to my neck. I feel her hands reach under my shirt and remove it. Before long, we both lie naked against each other. I feel her mouth move down onto my collarbone and chest. Her fingers draw over me and our eyes meet once more.
"You're beautiful," she says to me. "Du siehst wunderschön aus," I reply.
I feel her mouth draw over my breast, licking at it gently. Each time she does, I gasp, rolling my head against the couch. When she finishes, she looks up at me again. "You mean everything to me." She says.
"Du bedeutest alles fϋr mich," I gasp as her mouth resumes moving down in between my legs. Just as I feel the heat rolling off of my skin, she speaks once more.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she says. My hand reaches down to touch the side of her face as I smile.
"Ich möchte den Rest meines Lebens mit Dir verbringen."
There is a pause, as she recognizes it. The words I had spoken only moments ago. When she does, she moves up my body again, planting her lips firmly to mine. I feel her hand reach down between us, slowly stro
king me. Her kisses are strong and passionate. As she draws me closer, her mouth moves onto my neck. "Ich liebe Dich", she whispers in my ear, kissing it softly after. I shiver at the way she speaks my mother tongue with such intention. My body quivers, waves of pleasure crashing into me over and over again. I cry out into the room, holding her close to me until I relax on the couch, taking long deep breaths.
.........................
I spend another week in New York before I make up my mind to return home. The longer I waited, the more risk I ran of upsetting my parents further. The longer I waited, the more I wanted to never leave. Penelope spent every night with me, savoring every moment we could together. We visited with Charlotte and Oliver on several occasions, and I even took Brutus on a walk, much to Penelope's disapproval.
It hadn't occurred to me how much I'd grown attached to Nina and Zoe until the day I left. She made pancakes in the morning for the four of us, fighting back the tears the entire time. While Penelope ran errands and went to say hello to her father, Zoe and I spent the morning together savoring the last hours we had.
When it came time to go to the airport, I could barely leave.
"Call us when you get home, Schatzi," Nina says, kissing me on my cheek, tears running down her face. She wiped them away with the back of her hand.
"I'm going to miss you so much," Zoe says, her arms wrapping around my neck. I can barely stand how much my heart hurts holding her. Somehow I manage to pull away.
"You and Auntie will just have to visit.”
The two of them smile at me, all of us sniffling.
Penelope takes my shoulder and nods towards the elevator. "We better go if you don't want to be late."
Penelope's road rage is the only thing that gets me through the thirty-minute drive from my aunt’s house to the airport. I laugh every time she curses at the drivers.
"They're terrible!" She exclaims, looking furious. "We could have died like ten times now!"
I smile at her, and when we catch glances, she smiles back. It lasts briefly before both of us go quiet again.
When we reach the airport, Penelope parks and walks with me up to security. The two of us stand together as she takes my hands in hers.
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