"That trip is only a few weeks away," I note as I watch her face turn somber. "We'll see each other before you know it." Penelope gives me a small smile, and I put my hand to her cheek.
"Ich liebe Dich," I say, putting my lips to hers for a moment. She sighs when we part, savoring it.
"Ich liebe Dich," she repeats me, putting her head against mine. We stand there for a long moment, neither of us moving.
"Practice your German," I remind her, smiling as best I can. She nods, and I squeeze her hands once more before I let them go.
I turn away from her then, unable to look back at her but knowing she was watching me the entire time.
My mother has a town car pick me up at the Zurich airport for the drive to Vaduz. I call Penelope and Nina as soon as I arrive. The drive is as beautiful as I remember it being, the Alps in every direction and the lush green hills as we made our way through the pass towards Liechtenstein. As we make our way down into the city, I can see Castle Vaduz on the hilltop and the city below. The driver takes me all the way to my parents’ home on the far end of town. It is one of the larger cottages, and it is as grand and magnificent as I'd ever remembered it being.
As we pulled into the brick driveway, I can feel my heart sinking in my chest. While it is nice to be home, at the same time all I can think about is New York. That is until my mother comes to meet me at the car.
"Mama," I offer her a smile as I exit. We embrace and even through my longing of everything I'd left behind, it was still wonderful to feel her hug me again.
"Schatzi, I'm so glad you're home," she says, giving me a kiss on the cheek. One of the housekeepers came to take my bags inside, and I stop him.
"I can get them," I look to him and smile. We exchange glances, and he looks rather confused.
"Darling, let him do his job." My mother says, waving my hands away from my bags. I don't back down, looking to her.
"I can carry them, Mama," I say firmly, and she lets it go.
The two of us make our way inside. I'm surprised to see my father waiting for me, tea and biscuits prepared for us to eat. He offers me a hug when I reach him, and once again I find myself happy being in his arms, too.
The three of us sit and enjoy the early afternoon treat, making small talk.
"We've made up your room for you," my mother says to me as she finishes off a biscuit.
"I'll only need it for a few days until I can find myself a place to rent," I reply. As soon as I say it, I watch my parent’s horrified expressions.
"You'll do absolutely no such thing," my mother says firmly. I laugh when she says it.
"I'm not asking," I reply. "I'm going to take care of myself for once." I stand up from the chair giving a stretch. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go take a nap."
It takes a week to find myself a decent job and a place to live. It is an old pub with a small studio apartment above it. The rent is good, and the pay is enough to let me get by. My parents complain the entire time, insisting I am making a bad decision, but I do it anyway.
.........................
One of the stipulations in my return to Liechtenstein is to date, Lukas. I'd reluctantly agreed to a date, in spite of the fact that both of us knew it would amount to nothing. It is a free night on the town, and it would humor my parents.
Lukas picks me up at seven that evening after I spend a long while on the phone with Penelope, telling her about my week and listening to hers. Every time I speak with her, it makes me ache, thinking about missing the medical program and being able to spend my summer in her arms.
In spite of the fact that both of us knew this wasn't a date, I did my best to look presentable. Lukas smiles when he sees me. It has been almost a year since we'd saw each other last. He is a handsome example of a man, with beautiful blonde hair and stunning green eyes. Muscular, but not overly so. Any woman would be lucky to be with him.
"You look nice," he says, offering me his arm as we walked down the downtown streets together.
"You do too," I reply with a smile.
We enjoy a nice meal together at one of the local restaurants. Lukas surprises me with dessert afterward, and the two of us sit and drink coffee and chat a while. Everything about the date seemed to be going smoothly until Lukas gives me an odd look midway through our drinks.
"What?" I ask him curiously as I take a sip of the coffee.
"It's just funny to me," he says, finishing off the last bite of his dessert. "How you manage to put on such a face when you couldn't be more miserable."
"I am not miserable!" I protest. "I was actually thinking that this was going quite well."
"Quite well for someone who is still miserable," he notes, giving me a funny smile.
"Why on Earth do you think I'm miserable?" I ask, still feeling rather defensive.
"Because you've spent the majority of the night talking about New York and your medical school and that girl.."
"Penelope," I say curtly.
"Exactly," he says, still smiling. It is infuriating.
"I don't get what you're saying," I reply, crossing my arms over my chest. "I did exactly what I was supposed to do. I came home. I did my parents biddings. I even went out on a date with you."
"Ouch," he laughs. "Easy on the compliments."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." I apologize.
"I knew exactly how you meant it," he says as he gets up from his seat and offers me a hand. The two of us walk down the street together, my arm tucked around his, yet again.
"I'm not trying to offend you," he explains as we walk. "I'm just saying that it's plain to see that you're not happy. And as someone who considers you a friend, I think you deserve to be happy. Even if it's not what your parents want."
"I'd be turning my back on a hundred years of tradition," I argue.
"That will still go on, even without you." He says.
"I won't be able to come back to Liechtenstein, my parents will never forgive me."
Lukas rolls his eyes at me, and I turn to stare at him intensely. "Your parents will threaten you, as most parents do at some point or another, but do you really believe they'd ever leave you?"
"I don't know," I admit. "The family turned their backs on Zoe and Nina."
"Your mother still talks to Nina all the time," Lukas says. "And I've known your parents for long enough now to know that there wouldn't be a thing in this world that would cause them to never speak to you again. Even if they threaten it."
We walk in silence for a long time. The idea rolls over in my head again and again. Finally, we make it back to my apartment, and Lukas stands at the foot of the stairway leading up to it, looking at me.
"If it makes you feel any better, there's a girl waiting for my in Zurich," he smiles, and I can tell by the way he thinks of her that she's more than just "some girl." It is the same sort of look that came over me every time I thought of Penelope.
We stand there a while, the two of us enjoying each other's company without conversation. Finally, I lean in and kiss him softly on the cheek.
"Don't be miserable," he says to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I smile, and he turns away, and I watch him till he disappears down the street.
The next day I receive a phone call bright and early. I awake promptly, thinking that perhaps it was Penelope calling. Instead, I am surprised to see it was Zoe. I put the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I answer, stepping out of my bed. I hear the noise of the road in the background.
"Can you hear me?" Zoe says loudly into the microphone. I pull the phone away from my ear for a moment.
"Yes, I can hear you. You don't have to shout." I laugh when I hear her fumble with the phone again.
"Can you check and see if there are spare bedrooms at the hotel?
There is silence on the line before I ask the obvious question. "Why?"
"Cause we'll be there in an hour and we need a place to stay! And your tiny little apartment isn't going to tickle Nina's fancy." I hear he
r remark in the background but can't make out what she says.
"You're here? In Liechtenstein?"
"Technically Switzerland, but close enough."
As soon as I get off the phone, I head down the street to the hotel and book them a room. I wait for them across the street at the cafe while I have a coffee. As soon as I see the taxi pull up, I leave my tip and sprint over to the hotel. Zoe and I wrap into each other’s arms, squealing excitedly.
"I can't believe you're here!" I gasp, almost on the verge of tears. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Nina wanted it to be a surprise. It was all your mom’s idea." Zoe smiles and I wonder if my mother had asked them to come for me. "You look great. I want to see your apartment!"
The three of us spend the day together catching up. I show them my apartment, which Zoe approves of but my aunt insists it could be "just a tad bit larger." When we go to visit my parents, my mother is thrilled. As I watch them together, I think about what Lukas had told me last night. That my mother, even with Nina's doings, still loved her beyond measure.
In the evening, while my mother and Nina stayed together, Zoe and I went out for a bite to eat. Before I'd even asked her, she knew what was on my mind.
"She misses you," Zoe admits, taking a bite of her sandwich. "She asks about you all the time when we come into the grocery."
Just thinking about her in her green apron makes my heart melt a little. After she says this, I end up telling her about my date with Lukas and what he'd said. And then I tell her the other important piece that had been on my mind.
"I want to ask her to marry me," I admit and I watch my cousin's eyes grow wide.
"REALLY?" She says, quite loudly and I hush her. Her smile is so big it seems to stretch off the sides of her face. "Oh my God, I can't believe it!"
"I was going to talk to my parents when she came in a few weeks and come back with her. I don't think I can stand being without her anymore."
"Oh my God, I hate you so much," Zoe rolls her eyes at me. "If only I could have your love problems."
"Lukas is single," I give her a wink, and she shoves me playfully.
When I lie in bed after I'd left for the evening, I found that I couldn't sleep. Instead, my mind wandered to thoughts of Penelope and what Lukas had said. The more I think about her, the more I wish that I'd never agreed to come back to Liechtenstein in the first place. The more I wish I am with Penelope, in our home, still in school, able to see my cousin and my aunt whenever I pleased. I even missed the silly dog and cat.
I barely sleep, and when I wake the next morning, I call Penelope on her phone. It goes straight to voicemail, but I leave a message anyway.
"I'm going to tell my parents how I feel today," I say into the phone, pacing the floor. "I'm going to tell them, and then I'm going to get on the first plane home, and I'm never leaving you ever again. Ich liebe Dich."
When I hang up, I am fueled by so many emotions that it is an easy walk from town up to my parents.
Zoe and Nina are visiting when I arrive. I hug them both, and when Zoe sees my face, she knows immediately what I intend to do.
"Mama, let’s go for a walk," she says, grasping a hold of Nina's wrist. She looks a bit confused, but the two find their way out of the room, leaving my mother and me alone. She looks at me curiously as I sit down in a chair across from her in the living room.
We stare at each other for a moment before I work up the nerve to speak.
"Do you remember when you told me the story about how you and Papa met?" My mother gives me a funny look before she nods. "How you thought he was the most handsome man you'd ever seen. And how you had to sneak into the night to meet with one another because your parents didn't understand how you felt?"
Even still, my mother didn't seem to know where I was going with what I was saying, but I continue anyway.
"Mama, how you felt about Papa is how I feel about Penelope. And you might not understand it, how I could turn away from my country, not marry Lukas, stay in Liechtenstein. But I'll never be happy if I do that. And I know, somewhere deep inside, you want me to be happy. Being with Penelope, going to medical school. That is what makes me happy. And it's what I'm going to do."
My mother looks stunned as I get to my feet. I lean over and kiss her softly on the cheek. "I love you," I tell her before I turn to leave.
“Astrid,” she says quietly, and I turn on my heel towards her. “Are you sure this is what you want?” I can’t tell how she feels by the tone of her voice. All I know is what I want to say.
“Without question,” I reply, smiling softly at her.
Nina and Zoe are nowhere to be seen as I make my way out of the house. Instead of waiting for them, I head back to my apartment, checking messages as I walk. There is still no call from Penelope, but I'd talk to her soon enough. As soon as I arrive, I look up plane tickets.
I nearly jump out of my skin when my phone rings in my pocket. Hopeful of the prospect that it might be Penelope, I quickly pull it from its resting place, only to find that it is Zoe yet again.
"Hello?" I answer, putting the phone to my ear.
"Astrid," Zoe says, sounding somewhat flustered. "I'm pretty sure I just saw Penny."
Chapter 11
Penelope
Ever since I was a little girl, I'd known I wanted to be a doctor. I'd watched as my mother spent her entire life helping people. She'd been the most passionate person I'd ever met. Yet, even when she'd dedicated her life to medicine, she still loved my father and me more than words could say.
In those weeks after Astrid left, I realized how much it mattered that my mother had us. That we had her. Astrid was all I could think about. Even when we'd talk for hours every day, I'd still miss her. The apartment felt empty without her. I could barely sleep at night and found myself more often than not staying with my father.
One night, Zoe and Nina invited us both over for dinner. They'd cooked a delicious spread of food, as usual, and fawned over my father.
"We're going to go visit my sister and Astrid in a few days," Nina mentions after pestering my father to eat more. When she mentions the trip, I look to Zoe.
"How?" I ask, thinking that they were shunned after Nina had left the family.
"Some magic of Lia's," Nina says. Astrid's mother. "You should come with us and surprise her early."
"It’s only a few more weeks until I go," I remark.
"Astrid would be happy to see you," Zoe replies, offering me a smile. I can’t help but smile back at the thought of getting to see her. It would be here before I knew it.
"I'll at least take you to the airport," I offer, and the two look pleased and gracious.
My father and I walk together back to his apartment in silence most of the way. As we turn down the main stretch of road, he finally clears his throat.
"They were very nice," he says, smiling. "I'm so full I could explode."
"I love them," I laugh. "I'm glad you had a good time."
We walk in silence again for a moment before my dad speaks again. "You know, your mother and I got engaged four months after we'd been together. Everyone thought we were crazy. But sometimes you just know, right?" He nudges me softly.
"Where is this coming from?" I ask him, feeling my face starting to burn.
"I saw the ring in the bathroom cabinet yesterday," he smiles at me, holding the door before we make our way up the three flights of stairs to the third-floor apartment. I realize then that I should have left it at my apartment.
"You weren't supposed to see that," I manage to say, not able to look at him.
"I think it's nice," he says. "I think you could do a little better is all."
Ouch. I look up to him somewhat miffed. "I thought it was a great ring."
My father walks down the hall towards his room without another word. I stand there in shock, unable to believe he'd just insulted my efforts without explaining himself.
"You know, it would be nice if you didn't just walk away while we we
re talking!" I huff at him as he turns into his room. Instead of walking away, I sort of stand there a minute stunned, unsure of what to think.
Finally, he comes back into the room, toting something in his hand. I watch him curiously, still rather irritated, until he hands it off to me, wrapping my palm around it.
"I wasn't going to give this to you till I knew you were with the right person," he says, offering me a smile. When I open my hand, the oval cut silver banded wedding ring of my mother’s shimmered in the light.
It was all I could do not to let out a cry upon seeing it. The last time I had, it was on her finger. I look up at my dad unable to breathe.
"She'd want you to have it," he says, ruffling my hair. I still don't know what to say, only able to hug him tightly. "I'm sure she's going to love it. See, I told you. Better than yours."
"Mine was good," I manage to say, muffled by the fabric of his shirt. But his was, definitely, better.
.........................
After taking Zoe and Nina to the airport, I make my way to the apartment that I hadn't been to in a week. As I'm on my way up the steps, my phone rings. Excited at the idea of it being Astrid, I quickly retrieve it from my pocket, only to find that it is Oliver.
"Can you meet us for lunch?" He asks me, and I agree right away. While I talked to them daily, the last time I'd seen them had been when Astrid left. We meet up at a Thai restaurant across the street from campus. Seeing them put me in a great mood.
"How have you been sweetheart?" Charlotte asks me, reaching for my hand. I feel suddenly overcome with emotions. How had I been? Terrible? Unable to think? Breathe?
I distract myself a while, talking to them instead about clinic and our upcoming fall semester of our second year.
"Do you think Astrid will change her mind and come back?" Oliver asks me. Honestly, it had been my secret hope since she'd left me, but I knew the reasons that she had gone. I wasn't about to take that away from her, even if it meant our lives were like this.
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