Cupidity

by Lucinda Lamont

  After pondering whether it could have been Peter, Mae or Charlie that had damaged the table or all of them, she realised that her brain had become so tired that she had forgotten what had led her to here. She stopped feeling the scars on the table and took a moment to explore her own. Twelve hours earlier she had been so happy, but Jane’s statement had spiralled her right back to everything she thought she had left.

  She stood up from the table and walked to the larder. She took hold of Peter’s brandy and picked up one of his Waterford Crystal glasses and poured herself a drink. They had never used these glasses while she had been there and she got the feeling they hadn’t been used for a long time, if ever.

  She didn’t care tonight. He wouldn’t know.

  Even if he did find out what would he say? He could question her about touching his precious possessions, but all he would get from her would be a nonchalant attitude back. She didn’t care anymore. She would be gone in the morning anyway.

  ‘Damn, Jane.’ she said, as she knocked back the large brandy she had poured. She rarely drank. She had never drunk on her own before and she had never drunk more than what she had had under this roof in her life.

  As she sat there and felt the warmth of the brandy flow through her body, she felt sadder now than she had for such a long time. She had moved here with such hope. She knew that she couldn’t stay here with Willy forever, but she never believed it would go the way it had.

  She had only had a couple of brandies before taking herself to bed. She was glad of this because she was wondering what path she was on, having sat there drinking on her own. Luckily, she felt queer after the two she had and decided despite her best efforts, she was not going to create a problem such as alcoholism in her life. She realised she had enough to deal with.

  As she got into bed and sank her head on her pillow, her anguish moved to happiness. She let go. She realised that whatever mess she was in, whatever Peter wanted from her, whatever Jane thought she saw, she realised that none of it needed to happen.

  She could control it.

  She could be in complete control. She was in control.

  She would show them.

  Once she had gotten out of this godforsaken house and started her new life with David, all of this would subside. It would all blow away like tumbleweed. No one knew and nobody had to know.

  Jane was wrong.

  Jane knew, but that didn’t mean that everyone knew. Of course, Jane knew. She was related. Of course, she could sense something from her sister’s behaviour. That didn’t mean that everyone else knew.

  Martha reasoned with herself and that gave her a significant amount of satisfaction. What did Jane know? If anything, Martha wondered if she had said that to her to give them something to talk about. She had noticed how distracted she was earlier that day; she must have been looking for a problem to talk about.

  Martha closed her eyes suitably satisfied that the problem was with Jane and not with her.

  But what if Jane was right? Martha tossed and turned and it became clear she was not going to be asleep anytime soon. She began to panic. What if David was a mistake? What if she moved in and realised her feelings were not strong enough to keep them together? What if he could detect that something was up? How would that affect his behaviour towards her? Maybe he would become aggressive? In the comfort of his own home, maybe he would become a tyrant and this would be the biggest mistake of her life?

  Martha realised that her inability to get to sleep was causing her to become irrational. She sat up and rubbed her face. Her heart was racing. What was she so afraid of? She didn’t want Peter. She wanted a man like David. Her mind was racing. David was everything she needed and Peter was the last thing she needed. She was tired of being tired and now she was winding herself up. No more. she thought. This just had to be cold feet. Everything would be fine in the morning.

  She lay down once again and tried to get some rest.

  Morning broke through the blind in Martha’s window.

  A bright gleaming ray of sun seeped through the tiny gap in the net curtains and it was glowing right onto her face. It was almost as if this ray of sun was specifically for her. It was a sign. A symbol of hope and positivity for moving day.

  She rubbed her eyes and sat upright. The warm shard of sun made her smile. It told her everything she needed to know and now she felt no fear, no anguish, no confusion. She was happy. She finally felt sure that she knew what she was doing. With that, she almost leaped out of bed.

  She stood up and stretched her arms over her body. She felt good.

  Martha went downstairs and joined Peter and Mae in the kitchen for one last breakfast together. Mae had already seen to the two boys who were now playing with a train set in the front room. Martha had popped her head in on them on her way through to the kitchen and wished them a good morning.

  The three adults were all in the kitchen for breakfast for the last time. It occurred to Martha that breakfasts wouldn’t be like this again. When she moved in with David, Willy would be on his own with a house full of adults.

  ‘Charlie must come to stay from time to time. Willy would love to have some company in the new house, for sure. I hope he copes with the change. I do worry about him.’

  Martha picked up her cup of tea and blew on it. The steam was still rising off it, so she thought better of it and put it back down.

  ‘Oh, he’ll be fine. Children are tougher than us and pretty resilient,’ Peter assured Martha. ‘Anyway, you are not going to be strangers, are you? You are going to keep popping in. I need you to keep an eye on this one for me. She’ll need more help soon as the pregnancy develops.’

  He stood behind his wife and rubbed her shoulders. Martha liked Peter when he was like this. When he was being a good man and tending to his wife. It gave her a warm feeling inside, and it made her think that they could all have a happy future together.

  Peter, Mae, Martha and David.

  ‘Of course, I will still be popping round. Try and keep me away. As soon as it is ok, you know, I don’t want to tread on anyone’s toes, I will have you all over for dinner. We can have a big dinner party. You should see the size of the kitchen they have there. It must be at least three times the size of this one. It is in desperate need of a good clean and a de-clutter, but I will sort that, once I am in there.’

  Just as they were talking about all the changes, David came in through the front door with a knock and a call. He didn’t need to be asked in anymore; he was going to be part of all their lives.

  Peter was very welcoming to him, and even gave him a pat on the back as he pulled out a seat from the table for him.

  ‘We’re having a big breakfast this morning David. Something hearty to send you all on your way. You’ll have a bit of everything, won’t you?’

  David’s eyes were sparkling like never before and his face exuded his sheer delight that this day was finally here.

  ‘Yes, thank you, that would be grand.’

  He took Martha’s hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed it gently while looking into her eyes and once again she felt safe. She knew this man adored her and would do anything for her.

  ‘Right then, Mae, it looks like everyone is having a bit of everything. I’ve put all the goods out on the side.’

  Peter sat down at the table feeling very good about himself having sourced some real treats for their breakfast. No one asked where he had got them from, which he was probably hoping they would. He had managed to get bacon, eggs, bread, tinned tomatoes.

  They would have the works this morning.

  Breakfast that morning was the perfect send-off.

  The women chatted without a care in the world. They talked like two best friends who hadn’t seen each other for a while. The men spoke about business and what Britain would look like over the next few years. They were predicting what impact the war would have, and how long Britain would take to rebuild itself. The boys played happily and you could hear them laughing at times.
/>
  The scene was picture perfect.

  Mae was positively blooming with her pregnancy, now in full swing. Martha was a lady very much in love and seemed at ease. She was very different to the woman that arrived at that house almost a year ago. She wasn’t the anxious, mousey character she had once been. She would never be as gregarious as Mae, but she was quietly confident now. She walked with a new air about her. Her back was straighter and her shoulders further back. She glided rather than tiptoed.

  Willy was not as clingy either. His confidence had grown. He was a boy now, not a baby and his mother could see that. He was still very much a mummy’s boy, but it was a different kind of love. He wanted to show off and impress her now, rather than curling up in her lap or pulling on her sleeve while hiding behind her. He would greet guests at the house without being asked. He would ask questions. He was growing up to be quite the charmer and he was intelligent and inquisitive.

  Despite the troubles and tribulations of Martha and despite the emotional turmoil she had been suffering from, this house had done them both a world of good. If they had stayed in the last house much longer, they were at risk of living the same life forever.

  Moving in with Peter and Mae had pushed them both out of their comfort zone and although it had been tricky at times, she was so glad they had done it. Now she could move on to her next chapter with David as a better-improved version of Martha.

  She was beginning to find herself.

  She was starting to feel sexy again.

  She was beginning to want happiness which in itself, was a strange concept. She hadn’t realised the cloud she had been living under. Even when she thought it had passed she hadn’t understood it was very much still over her, it just wasn’t raining. But, now with the war over, things seemed different. Mae was bringing new life into the family which was always exciting for everyone involved.

  Everything just seemed so sunny now.

  Martha went upstairs to take one last look at the room that had opened doors for her. She stood by the door, and just pushed it open gently. As the door widened, the room became flooded with sunlight. She leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms. She could see the dust particles floating in the sun’s rays across the room.

  Martha thought it was like some sort of magical dust. It was happy dust. You could only see it when the sun shone this bright so who couldn’t be glad to see the dust floating around everywhere?

  She crept into the room slowly, and with grace. She sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed down its already smooth covers. She looked around and took a deep breath.

  The duvet and wallpaper were almost matching. Creams and pale greens. The furniture was ornate and made of dark mahogany wood with little brass handles. She stood up and walked around the room slowly, tracing her fingertips over the surfaces of the furniture. She picked up a trinket box on the dressing table and opened it. She knew it was empty inside; she just wanted to have a look.

  Martha put the lid back on it and placed it back down carefully. She sat down on the stool and held up a hand mirror to look at herself. She picked up a brush and gently stroked her hair with the soft bristles a couple of times. She got up and went to the sash window. With her long, dainty fingers she opened it just a tiny bit. It was stuck and required a bit of strength to push it up but she managed. After a deep inhale, she thought the room would benefit from airing. She went back to the door and turned on her heels, taking in one last look with a smile.

  Martha closed the door and went downstairs. David had loaded the car already and everyone was waiting to say their goodbyes, not forever, but goodbye to living together and on to pastures new.

  New beginnings all round.

  Chapter 19

  A few months had passed and already a lot had changed.

  The country was picking up the pieces from the war ending, but more locally, no more had been heard about the murderer on the loose. He hadn’t been caught, but there had been no reporting’s of any further crimes by him either, so it had been assumed he had gone into hiding somewhere or had moved on to another town. Apparently, the police were in contact with his mother Evelyn, paying her regular visits to keep an eye on things, and to offer her their support should she need it.

  Mae had had her baby. A girl this time, and they called her Anna.

  Both of David’s parents had passed. His mother passed within two weeks of Martha moving in and then his father passed a month later.

  Both of them had died in their sleep.

  Everyone said that David’s father had died of a broken heart. The couple had been together since they were teenagers. Some people said the relief of the end of the war had made them go, and some said that David’s mother was hanging on for someone like Martha. Now that Martha was here and David was happy, she felt like she could go, knowing that he would be looked after. Once she was gone, his father had nothing to live for according to many, and so, his heart gave up for the love of his wife.

  Although it was extremely sad and a lot more stress than David or Martha felt they could cope with so soon, Martha found the romanticism behind those ideas comforting, and, in an odd way, hoped that when she died, it would be of an old and broken heart, rather than that of tragedy or disease.

  Martha hadn’t wanted to take over the running of the house so soon, but after the death of both of his parents, David needed someone to take hold of the reins. He hadn’t said as much and probably wouldn’t have asked, but Martha meant more to him now than ever, and he allowed her to guide him through the next chapter of his life.

  His brother, Michael, was also very accepting. She wasn’t sure how he would react to her, but he had been nothing but kind and sweet. She wasn’t sure if he saw her as the sister they didn’t have, or as a mother figure, but she was thrilled for how welcome he made her feel; in return for his warmth, she was growing quite protective of him.

  Both David and Michael were excellent with Willy, and she felt that they were better role models for him than Peter was.

  They were good men with big hearts. They both had lots of skills they could teach Willy such as mechanics, carpentry and household maintenance skills. All of this she thought would be of great benefit to Willy growing up. She wanted her son to be a good man. Not a pretentious, chauvinistic and self-centred man like Peter.

  What could Peter have taught Willy? He hadn’t been awful, but in the grand scheme of things, he could only share knowledge on cigarettes, alcohol and one-upmanship.

  David and Martha had invited Peter and Mae over for dinner one evening just before Anna was born.

  It was a nice night, if not a little awkward.

  Martha had been looking forward to hosting them for an evening after everything they had done for her, but it became clear that neither of them was relaxed when out of the comfort of their own home. At least that is what she had hoped it was. She wondered if David’s house was not good enough for them. She wondered if Peter didn’t like not being the man of the hour, as he so usually was.

  After allowing her mind to run away with her, she decided that Mae was probably exhausted with her pregnancy, now that it was almost done, and Peter was tired with having to support her. He wasn’t very good at doing things for others when required. He was happier being helpful when he didn’t need to be.

  The evening ended with Martha feeling deflated and wishing they hadn’t had them over, but David seemed oblivious to what Martha had sensed, and he talked about what a great success the whole night had been, while helping her clear up and put the dishes away. She was glad that he was oblivious to her feelings at least in times like these. It helped give her a clear head and not allow her to dwell on things.

  She decided to move on from it but felt that she was in no rush to have them over again.

  Shortly after Anna had been born, David drove Martha and Willy over to visit them all. Mae seemed genuinely happy to have them there, and she was a wonderful mother. She had already been a great mother with Charlie, but from wh
at Martha could observe, having a girl had softened Mae. She didn’t seem so brash in her opinions, nor her mannerisms. Martha thought that Mae looked like a new woman and she liked the new version of her.

  She was soft, she was tender and she seemed delicate now. Martha wondered if some women needed to bear a daughter to make them see the world differently. She wondered if some women put on a hard exterior so as not to be seen as a pushover, to be regarded as ‘one of the boys’, and not to allow anyone to think they could be easily hurt. Martha wondered if having a girl made some women give up the pretence, if that’s what it was, and not care about any of that anymore. Then Martha thought that perhaps she thought too much at times and just to let things be.

  It had been a calm and lovely afternoon and early evening. Even Peter behaved in a more civilised way towards David. He didn’t seem to be so patronising. She decided his behaviour must have been due to the lack of sleep that a new a baby brings.

  She was reasonably certain that he had not turned over a new leaf.

  During the visit, Mae invited David and Martha to Peter’s award presentation. She told them he was being presented with a ‘War Medal’ for serving 28 days at sea during the war. Martha had realised that her Johnny would have at least been receiving that or something similar if he had survived. He had spent most of his time away. She didn’t know what he would have got; he was in a lower rank than Peter, and he hadn’t been at sea, but if Peter was getting an award for spending a small amount of time away on a boat she thought, then Johnny would have been up for several awards.

  She realised that she was allowing her grief to take over, and cause her to have negative and bitter thoughts. She told herself that thoughts like that weren’t pretty. If Peter was up for an award, then he was entitled to it and so they should all be there to show their support.

  David took a real shine to baby Anna that afternoon. Not because she was a girl, but because he was so desperate to be a Dad himself. Martha watched him hold her as if it came so naturally to him. He stroked her cheek and rocked her gently from side to side. He ran his index finger down her tiny forehead and to the tip of her nose. He did this repeatedly and she dozed in and out of sleep in a completely fulfilled and delirious state.