An Underestimated Christmas

by Jettie Woodruff

  “NOW!” he demanded.

  I slowly opened my legs and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t know which one of them was even touching me. I thought that Drew had been the one who pulled my knees up, exposing my very personal sex. I jumped when I felt the instrument penetrate me and then felt the warmth from the light between my legs.

  “Her hymen is fully intact,” the man examining me assured Drew. I jumped again when he pulled the tool from my vagina. Drew stood above when the doctor stepped out, leaving him alone with me.

  “Get dressed, we have to go,” he demanded, and that was when the tears started.

  This was really happening. My dad was really going to let this man take me. Drew pulled me to a sitting position and placed both hands on my bare knees.

  “No tears, Morgan. I’m doing you the biggest favor of your life. You are going to live like a queen and all you have to do to earn it is listen to me. Now get dressed. We’re leaving,” he demanded with a clenched jaw and a look that frightened me to the core. Moving my knees apart, Drew looked at my sex. I quickly snapped them back together. He snickered and then watched while I dressed quickly and pulled on my sneakers.

  “Morgan?”

  “Morgan?”

  “Is she okay?”

  “Morgan?”

  “Huh?” I asked, seeing Drew and the female doctor standing in front of me. I blinked from the light being shown in my eyes. This was real. I was really restrained in a hospital bed.

  I didn’t know what was going on. I mean, it seemed like we were doing okay, not great, but a lot better. Morgan was doing well, and she was having fun with the Christmas festivities. She liked Nicole and Stacy and she loved doing the silly little projects with the boys. And then bam. She just snapped.

  “Here you go,” Dr. Guttenberg said. Morgan looked down at her wrapped arms and then to me.

  “Did I get cut?”

  “Yeah, you landed on some glass. It’s not bad.” I smiled, moving my hands to my pockets. I stepped back and listened while the doctor asked her questions and examined her. I felt like such a failure. I was Drew fucking Kelley. How the hell did I let this slip through the cracks? I was on top of everything.

  “Don’t feel like you’ve done something wrong, Morgan,” the doctor said, moving her legs up and then down. I have no idea what she was checking for there, her muscles worked fine. It was her mind that wasn’t working fine. Was that my fault? Did I push her to this point? Maybe Morgan was right. Maybe we shouldn’t keep doing this. When things were great they were really great. When they were bad, they were really bad.

  I was supposed to be the strong one, the one that held it all together and the only thing I could do is continue to watch it crumble. Did I do this to her? Our foundation was started on quicksand. Maybe we never had a chance in hell. Maybe we brought two boys into the world only to mess them up, too. I didn’t want that. They deserved better than that.

  I half listened to the question being asked, and the answers Morgan gave while my mind thought about the first time I touched her.

  Morgan came out of her bathroom wrapped in a towel. My heart was racing from the anger that I felt toward her father, toward being forced to marry her, and the big deal I’d lost that afternoon. I was instantly pissed at her. I took no mercy on Morgan that day, the day she lost her virginity. The day that I officially made her mine.

  I pulled the chair from her vanity, parked it right in front of her and made her sit and spread her legs.

  I watched her play with her pussy for a long time, still trying to rid the thoughts of Michael, her fucked up father. Spreading her lips with my fingers, I ordered her to rub her little clit faster and harder, daring her to come. I knew she was going to come, I wanted her to come. Every time she would try and shift her fingers a bit, trying to cease the impending orgasm, I made her move them back.

  Smiling when she came, I knew I could punish her, not that I wasn’t going to anyway. I made her bend over in front of me and then spanked her until she wore a nice layer of my handprint on both her ass cheeks. I finger fucked her ass, after making her tell me that she wanted me to, grinding my erection into her ass as I did.

  After making her tell me that she wanted me to fuck her pussy, I ordered her to lay on her bed and spread her legs. I never thought about her being a virgin or the pain that it would cause when I vehemently forced into her. She grimaced in pain and jumped away from me. I didn’t care; I pulled her hips and thrust deep into her. She no longer wanted to come, she wasn’t enjoying any of this, but that was okay to me. It wasn’t about her. She wasn’t there to find pleasure. The second I felt the sensation building, I pulled my bloody cock from her pussy and pushed her to the floor. I stroked my hand savagely, transferring blood to my palm. Rubbing my head over her lips, it wasn’t coming. I shoved her back to the bed, pumped in and out of her like a crazy man, and ordered her back to her knees.

  I held her nose while I fisted my cock to her lips and forced my cock in her mouth when she finally took a breath. I thought she was going to pass out before she let me in. I pumped my cock, sending three bouts of come in her mouth and on her lips, groaning in pure ecstasy.

  “Go clean up,” I dominantly requested after painting her lips and coating her tongue with my come.

  I watched her cry, curled up in a naked ball on her bathroom floor that night on my computer. That was how her adult life started. Under the thumb of me. I did so many things to Morgan, it was a wonder she wasn’t on something worse than opiates.

  “You’re not alone, Morgan,” I heard the doctor say. I looked up to see her siting on Morgan’s bed, holding both her hands. She looked so sad, so lost, and I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it. “Opioid dependence is a real medical condition. It’s very common, and can happen to anyone. You are not alone,” the doctor repeated, rubbing the back of her hand. Dr. Guttenberg started to ask me to step out before Morgan interrupted with a question.

  The sneaky wheels were spinning in my head. I wasn’t about to let Morgan talk to this woman without me knowing what she was saying. Not when she wouldn’t even talk to me. If I had to be sneaky to figure out what the hell was going on with my wife, that’s what I would do. I used the distraction to excuse myself to Morgan’s bathroom. After silencing her phone, I called it with mine, and then answered. Flushing the toilet, I waited for the screen to go dark and walked out.

  “Drew, can you leave us for a few minutes?” The doctor asked when I exited.

  “Sure, I’ll be right outside, love,” I promised, laying her phone on her bedside table.

  I stood down the hall looking out at the wet parking lot. The snow had pretty much melted except for a few piles pushed into heaps. The lights glistened off the dark pavement and rain fell with a steady light flow.

  “Morgan, is there anything you need to talk about?”

  “No, what do you mean?” Morgan questioned. I held my hand over the receiver when a man coughed behind me and hit the mute button.

  “I mean, like your husband. Are you in any danger at home? I noticed you have a pretty nice scar on your head, your x-rays showed a pin in your tailbone, and the CT scan showed you’ve had your spleen repaired. That’s a lot of injuries, Morgan. Has Drew ever hit you?”

  “No, I mean, yeah, but it’s been a few years. Drew didn’t do any of that to me. I was in a car accident.”

  “We’re here to help you, Morgan. You don’t have to hide anything. There are people who can protect you.”

  “I don’t need to be protected. I need to go home to my boys. It’s past their bed time.”

  “Have you ever talked to anyone? You said Drew hasn’t hit you in a few years, did you seek counseling?”

  “Yes, we did. I don’t need counseling. I need to get out of here and go home.”

  “I want to keep you overnight for observation. I’m going to make a strong suggestion that you admit yourself into Buffs Treatment Center. It’s right here in Buffalo. I highly recommend a ten-day stay. You give them
ten days, Morgan, and you can have this totally out of your system and be home in plenty of time for Christmas. I’d like to have you treated with Suboxone. I think with where you are right now, you need it. Once you’re done with your treatment you can go back under the care of Nicole. Did she tell you she was a counselor there?”

  “No, I mean sort of. You know Nicole?”

  “Yes, I’ve worked with her many times. She’ll be your counselor at Buffs. Nicole thinks this is the best idea too, Morgan. You’ll be home in plenty of time for Christmas.”

  “I can’t. I have to be home with my kids. I’m serious when I say I have never been without them. Never. My kids are different than other kids. They need me there,” Morgan explained in my ear. I wanted to go to her and wrap her in my arms. I wanted to tell that doctor to go fuck herself and take her out of there. The guilt I felt was overbearing. This was all on me. I was responsible for every single bit of it. I put her here.

  “I understand, Morgan, I do, but answer me one thing. Do you think you have a problem here?”

  “Yes,” Morgan brokenly said. I hated the crack in her voice. It was the one where she was fighting not to cry. The one that made me want to go to her. I was ready to barge in and do just that when I stopped and listened again.

  “When did you know? Tell me the moment that you knew you couldn’t keep going like you are,” Dr. Guttenberg asked. That’s when I turned back and listened more.

  “I can’t tell you. It’s too bad.” That got my attention.

  “I’m not going to tell anyone, Morgan. Did you do something?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you do something to get more drugs?”

  “Yes,” she admitted. I couldn’t breathe. If Morgan said this Dr. Blain she had in her phone forced her to do something for pills, I was going to murder him. If that fucker so much as laid one finger on her, he’d be shitting in a bag for the rest of his life.

  “Did you do something with a guy to get drugs?”

  My heart literally stopped beating. My thumb was on the button to end the agony when I heard her respond. I couldn’t hang up. This would be the camel that broke the straw’s back. We wouldn’t recover from this. I still couldn’t think about that fucker Dawson Bade touching her. We wouldn’t bounce back from this. I knew we wouldn’t.

  “No, it wasn’t like that. I would never cheat on Drew. It’s worse.”

  My heart still refused to beat. Worse? What could be worse than that?

  “Tell me, Morgan. Tell me—it’s important for you to get better. What did you do? What do you want to make sure never happens again?” the doctor coaxed. Morgan hesitated before explaining what she’d done. She was right. This was way worse. I no longer wanted to hold her and make it better for her. I suddenly wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to suffer. How dare she?

  “Drew made my friend Alicia come and stay with me while he went out of town. He came here,” she added, stalling. “He didn’t trust me with the boys and a bottle of pills. I’d recently met a guy who could get Oxy’s. He taught me how the effects were enlightened by snorting them rather than taking them.”

  “Go on.” Yes, go on, Morgan, I urged to myself, needing the adrenaline rush to slow down in my veins.

  “I lied to her and told her I was going to walk down the beach to my mom’s with my son. I knew Drew was going to make me come here and I was afraid I wouldn’t find a doctor here to give them to me.”

  “So you went to find your friend with your son?” she asked.

  “Yes, Tadpole. I thought he would be safer than my oldest son. Nicholas paid close attention to detail. I knew I could distract Tad by telling him we were somewhere else.”

  “Where were you?”

  “At a bar.”

  “And that’s when you knew you had a problem? When you knew you needed help?”

  “No, it gets worse. I left him,” Morgan confessed. My eyebrows frowned wondering what she meant. I could tell she was either crying or needed to get her bearings straight before she could finish. “I left him sitting on a barstool with a Reese’s Cup and a Pepsi while I went into the bathroom with Blain and snorted drugs up my nose. I was only in there for five minutes at the most. Even though everything in me screamed not to leave him, the part needing a fix screamed louder.

  “I rushed out to him as soon as I had what I came after safely in my pocket, feeling a lot better than I had when we walked in. He was gone. Tadpole wasn’t on the stool where I left him. The candy wrapper and full glass of pop was gone, too. I freaked. I panicked, walking around the bar and calling his name.”

  “It’s okay, Morgan. He was fine, I presume. He’s safe at home, right?”

  “Yes, but anything could have happened. I have never been so scared in my entire life. Never. He was rolling the white ball over the empty pool table, making train noises. I grabbed him up and held on to him for dear life. I’ll never do that again,” Morgan promised. That’s when my thumb hit the end button. She may have been right. This was worse than her doing something sexual for drugs. She put our son in danger and I was pissed.

  I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. I knew Morgan needed me, but I couldn’t help her, not at that time. It was best I stayed far, far away from her. I wanted to kill her. She watched the news. She knew. She knew how quickly someone could snatch a kid, especially one that weighed less than thirty pounds. What the fuck was she thinking?

  I dropped my phone to my pocket and walked out. Morgan didn’t deserve those boys. I don’t care what a dick I could be, I would have never in a million years put one of our children in danger. I don’t know that I’ve ever been that mad at her. I was so mad I couldn’t see straight.

  I opened the door to her SUV and glanced up to her window. I hesitated briefly while my eyes focused on the third floor window. I knew it was her silhouette without a doubt, and just for a second, I almost turned back. The vison of my three-year-old son being bribed with pop and candy while my junky wife left him alone to do drugs kept me from it. I got in and slammed the door.

  I left her there.

  My eyes shifted when the light on my phone came on. I watched Drew’s sixteen minute call end with the blinking of his name. Now what have I done. I tried to listen to the doctor, but I didn’t care about what she said. Drew just listened to me confess to leaving our son alone while I snorted drugs up my nose. He would never forgive me for this.

  I’m not sure what drew me to the window, maybe I knew. My eyes went right to the only car in the parking lot with the dome light lit. Drew looked up to me from the door of my car and hesitated. I placed my hands on the thick, cold glass, silently begging him to come back. He didn’t. Drew backed out of the parking spot and left. Drew left me there.

  “I really think you should let us check you into the clinic, Morgan,” the doctor said. I swiped the tear and glanced over my shoulder at her. “Can I sleep on it?” I asked, knowing I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t know if I would ever go home, wherever that was. I’m not sure Drew and I ever had a home. Not like it should be, not without fighting each other tooth and nail anyway.

  Dr. Guttenberg nodded and left me. The calmness I felt ensured me I had been given something, but the realization of my life forced me not to care. I couldn’t even be mad at Drew for his conniving, sneaky ways. He set me up with his bogus bathroom trip. In any other circumstance, I would have been fighting mad at him. I didn’t have that right. I couldn’t even think about how I would feel had Drew done what I did with one of the boys. I may even kill him.

  I grabbed the thin white blanket from the foot of my hospital bed and wrapped it around my shoulders. Leaning against the windowsill, I crossed my arms and let the thoughts take over. It was time and I knew it. I couldn’t take care of anyone if I didn’t take care of myself first. I had to check myself into this place. There was no other way. Nicky and Tadpole deserved better than this. Neither of them asked Drew or me to bring them into this world. We did, and it was my responsibility to make sure I
could take care of them.

  It was also time for Drew and me to figure out what the hell we were doing. We had to stop this. If that meant being co-parents in two different houses, then that’s what we’d do. We had to. Drew was probably never going to talk to me again anyway.

  I laid in my too-quiet room and stared up at the ceiling. I didn’t get it. How could two people who loved each other as much as we did get here? Humph. Who am I fooling? We’ve always been here. I didn’t think about how great things were when Drew and I were getting along. I thought about how they never lasted, how Drew and I always had issues. Were we always doomed? Were we fighting against a bigger army than we had strength to fight?

  We were doomed. We never had a snowball’s chance in hell. How could we? Look where we started. Did Drew remember that? Did Drew have any clue how any other female would have put him out with the trash? No one I know would still be with him, no one. No one. I never thought about those days, well not really, once in a while maybe. I couldn’t think about them, not with the way things were. It only made me feel stupid, like Drew’s clown and angry at him.

  Did Drew think about it? Did he remember everything he’d done to me? I bet Drew’s first time wasn’t the way mine was. I never gave mine away. I never asked him to take it. He forced me. I remember it like it was yesterday. The feeling of being deserted by not one but both my parents still felt fresh.

  It was later in the evening, and I had already retired to my room for the night. Drew had left for a few days the very day he took me to the mansion. I didn’t even think about it when I saw the fresh clean nightgown and panties on my bed. I was starting to get used to having my clothes laid out every morning and every night. I grabbed the panties and left the nightgown on the bed.

  I walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me to see Drew sitting on my bed. I jumped and pulled the towel tighter around my naked body.