I tell them everything, which pretty much ends with them telling me the same things Jack was saying to me last night. I know I need help, so I decide to find someone to talk to.
We spend the remainder of the day huddled on the couch, talking and watching movies. Evan has to be brought to the airport shortly after supper, so when Jack comes back, he drives us there to drop her off. I cry because I don’t want her to leave. I want to keep her here with me. We talk about what to tell Mom and Daddy-O. Evan thinks it would be best for me to tell them. That they have a right to know—it isn’t fair to keep it from them anymore. They love me and have every right to know. After Evan and I have our snotty goodbye with lots of tears, hugs, and kisses, she finally boards her plane and leaves to go back to Boston.
The ride home from the airport is too quiet. I don’t know what I want to say. Actually, I don’t have much to say, but I sure do have a lot to think about, and I can’t because there’s always somebody around me.
“I asked around today and found a highly regarded therapist for you to talk to. If you still want to, that is,” Jack says, breaking the silence.
“I do, I just need a little time. This is all too much, Jack. I never wanted anyone to know about what happened,” I reply.
“I know baby, but the sooner the better. You’ll be able to move forward with your life.”
“I know, and I want that, too. I just need a few days,” I tell him.
“Okay, when you’re ready, we’ll do this together.”
“Thank you,” I say, looking away from him.
When we get back to my place, I’m so tired from another emotional and stressful day that Jack takes me straight to my bedroom. Slowly, he removes my clothes, replaces them with pajamas and puts me to bed. All the while, he’s mumbling about how much I mean to him, and he’s in this with me all the way. Jack cuddles in behind me for the night. I don’t get much sleep because I can’t stop thinking about how I need some time to myself. I need to get out of here. Jack is so good to me, but I need to process all of this. Alone.
Lying in bed, I remember I still have the key to Ryder and Ella’s cabin from when Ella, the kids, and I went there for a weekend a few months ago. Ella had to leave early so she gave me the key and said to stay and enjoy the night. So I did, and I forgot to give it back to her. Bonus.
Once I’m sure Jack’s sound asleep, I quietly get up, pack enough clothes for a few days, and write him a note:
Jack,
I’m sorry, but I need some alone time to process everything.
I know if I tell you where I’m going, you’ll come after me.
So that’s why I’m not going to tell you.
Please don’t be mad. I just need a few days and then I’m coming home!
xoxo
Payton
I lean over, kiss Jack lightly on the lips, then sling my bag on my shoulder and leave him sleeping in my bed.
Chapter 17
The Cabin
The sun’s fully risen, by the time I have to gas up. I pull into a Stop-N-Go gas station to fill my tank, use the washroom, and buy a coffee and ham and cheese sandwich for lunch. I take it all out to my car. The sky’s cloudless and the sun’s shining, making it incredibly warm. I roll the top of my car down, climb back into my baby, and head for the highway.
I love the feeling of being out here; nothing but the sun in the sky and wind blowing in my hair as I cruise down the highway at a rather fast pace. I glance down at the clock on the dashboard and think that Jack should be calling me soon, when he wakes up and realizes that I’m not in bed with him and sees my note.
Knowing Jack, he’s not going to be happy about it at all.
Like he can sense I’m thinking about him, his famous ringer floats through the car. Shit! I don’t know what to do. If I answer it, he’ll want to know where I’m going, and I’m not ready to tell him. If I don’t, he’ll freak out thinking something happened to me. I should probably answer it, though, because I don’t want him to worry about me. I lean over and pick up my cell phone, swiping my finger across the screen. “Hey, baby,” I answer.
“Where are you, Payton?” he asks, his voice laced with concern.
“I told you in the note. I just need a few days to myself. I need to let everything that happened sink in. Please, I really need this,” I plead, not knowing why. I guess I just want him to understand where I’m coming from, but I don’t think he ever will.
“I understand, Payton. But you have people here who care about you and want to know where you are. So we know you’re safe and we don’t have to worry about you.”
“I’m sorry, Jack. I really am, but I know as soon as I tell you, you’ll be on your Harley making your way here,” I say. He grunts.
“Of course I will. I care too much about you not to,” he replies with defeat.
“I have to go, Jack. I’m driving. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Payton, just promise me one thing?” he asks.
“What?” I return.
“Be careful, and remember I’m here whenever you want to talk. So is your family.”
“I know, Jack. I’m not doing this to cause drama. I just need a bit of alone time.”
“I know, be careful and check in,” he says.
After my call with Jack, I call Juan to inform him that I won’t be in for a few days, and he tells me to take all the time I need. He already has my shifts covered for the week and tells me to take care of myself, and if I need anything, he’s there for me, too. I end the call and turn my phone off.
Deciding its music time, I plug my phone in to the stereo system and select the playlist containing my anthem, “American Boys” by Halestorm. I crank up the volume and fly down the highway at a faster speed than is allowed. After a few songs I notice the damn red and blue flashing lights in my rearview mirror.
Shit, shit, shit, I think. Just what I need right now; I hope I don’t get a ticket. Maybe I can talk myself out of getting one. It wouldn’t be the first time. I pull my sweet ride over to the shoulder of the road and wait for the officer to approach my vehicle. I hope it’s a guy because it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to flirt my way out of getting a ticket issued. Looking in my sideview mirror, I notice the female officer walking toward my vehicle. I’m screwed.
“License and registration please, ma’am.” I hand her both documents and she asks, “In a hurry today?” Not happy. Shit, I’m definitely getting a ticket today.
Looking up, I give her my friendliest smile and explain that I’m on my way to a friend’s cabin for the weekend by myself, and I just got lost in the music and that my foot was a little heavier than usual.
“I don’t really care what your excuses are. We have speed limits for a reason, and if we let every Malibu Barbie like you drive as fast as you were, there’d be no need for NASCAR races. So you can pay the ticket I’m about to issue you. Then if you want to continue driving like a race car driver, you can continue to do so on the Indy 500, not on my highway,” she says handing me a $200 dollar speeding ticket. “Have a nice day ma’am. Remember to slow it down,” she warns.
I want to say, “Well, fuck you very much,” but instead say, “No problem, Officer. You have a great day, as well.” As I fake smile and watch her get back into the police cruiser, I give her the finger as she pulls out onto the highway. I do the same, continuing on to the cabin.
After about another hour and a half, I finally reach my destination. Thank God. I don’t think I could take much more.
I pull up to the log cabin, turn the car off, and get out, taking in the beautiful view. Leaving my things, I walk down to the dock and sit on the edge, dipping my feet in the refreshingly cool water. I can’t believe I forgot how amazing it is here. The mountains surround the cabin, and the water in the lake looks crystal clear, calling out for me to go for a swim—maybe later. Right now, I’m enjoying the peaceful quietness and fresh country air blowing all around me. The perfect combination, and I know I made the right choice in co
ming here. I needed to take a time out from everyone and everything else in the world.
After about an hour of lying back and soaking up the sun and beautiful view, I remove my feet from the water and head back to my car to unpack my things. I unlock the front door and walk in, taking a look around. Nothing’s changed since the last time I was here. It’s comfy and cozy, a place that makes you forget all your problems and just relaxes you. I bring my bags into the master bedroom and unpack them, hanging some things in the closet and putting the rest away in the dresser drawers. Once I’m finished unpacking, I walk back out to the kitchen to put away the few groceries I brought with me. After the long drive today, I don’t feel like cooking so I decide to pour myself a glass of red wine and eat the ready-made Greek salad I picked up.
I casually stroll out onto the wrap-around deck and scarf down my salad. I didn’t realize I was so hungry. I sip on my glass of wine and think about everything that’s happened—not that I really want to, but my mind won’t let me forget it for very long. I think about Evan and wonder if she’s told Mom and Daddy-O about it yet? I don’t think she will, but I know she’s right when she said that they deserve to know what happened to me. I know I should tell Mom for sure. I don’t really want to tell her over the phone, but I don’t think I can handle the looks I’m sure she’ll have for me. My mother’s a very understanding and loving woman, and I know this is going to devastate her.
Before I can chicken out, I pick up my cell and decide it’s better to get it over with now and not push it aside. I know she’ll want to visit to talk and try to fix me, but really there isn’t anything that can be done. After talking to Jack, Ella, and Evan, I’m slowly starting to realize that what happened wasn’t my fault, but it’s still going to take some time for me to heal. When I go back I’m going to take Jack’s advice and talk to a professional, and hopefully I can move on and forget this ever happened.
I dial the number and wait for her to answer.
“Hi, sweetie. Everything okay?” she asks.
“Yeah, I just wanted to call and talk to you,” I say. Yep, I totally just chickened out. Not such a badass now, are you, Payton?
“Payton, what’s wrong?” she asks sounding panicked.
“Nothing, Mom. Why would you ask that?”
“I’m your mother. I know when something’s bothering you, and you don’t sound right.”
I take in a huge breath and exhale again. Here goes nothing.
“Mom, I was drugged and raped in high school by three classmates,” I blurt out, trying to hold back the sob that escapes and goes through the line to her.
“Oh, baby girl, that’s what happened to you,” she says with a tremble in her voice.
“W-What do you mean?” I ask, wiping away tears. I have cried enough in the last two days to stop a drought.
“I always knew something happened to you, Payton. When you were younger, you had this light that would shine in your eyes. A light so bright it would make anyone around you happy. When your father got sick and passed away that light died, but you got it back. You worked through it and didn’t let what happened with him ruin you. I can’t remember exactly when, but during your senior year of high school, you woke up one morning, and it was gone again. I tried to get you to talk to me so many times, but you wouldn’t have it. I just thought it was, well, I don’t know what I thought it was, but certainly not that,” she says softly between sobs. “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you. I should’ve been more focused on you kids.” She stops, and the line goes silent.
“Mom? Mom?” I call out, afraid that she hung up on me. She comes back on the line.
“I wish I could be there for you, but it’s impossible for me to get time off work right now. The lawyer’s at the firm are working a big case and need all the support staff on hand to assist them, but I promise as soon as I can, I’m flying out there to see you. I love you, sweetie. So much.”
“I know, Mom. I love you, too, but I think Evan needs you right now, too. And really, I’m going to be fine. I have Ella, Ryder, and Jack here for me,” I say.
“What happened, baby girl? Can you tell me?” my mother asks in a soft voice.
I explain to her what happened to me that night at the party—minus all the gory details—then what happened to Evan at my party. I know it’s a lot for her, and she doesn’t deserve to go through this. “I’m so sorry, Mom. I wish I could go back. I never would’ve gone to that stupid party,” I tell her, wishing it was true and that I could take it all back.
“Oh, Payton, what happened is not your fault. You have nothing to apologize for. I wish I could come out there on the next flight, and I’m so sorry that it’s not possible. But as soon as I can, I’ll be there for you, sweetie. Maybe John and Evan will come, too. I think we need some time together, as a family. You’ve kept this a secret for so long trying to protect the people who are important to you. You’re one of the strongest people I know. You might think this has ruined your life, but I think it’s made you who you are, and you are an amazing woman. You didn’t deserve what happened, but you didn’t let it completely destroy you. I am so grateful for that.”
“I wish it felt that way, Mom.” I truly do, but it did ruin me. With the help from my family and friends, though, I’ve started repairing the damage. We spend the next hour talking and comforting each other. I love my family. I then tell her all about reconnecting with Jack and what he means to me. I explain to her how he wants me to press charges and that he’s going to help me make them pay for what they did. We end the call with her telling me that she loves and misses me, and as soon as the case at work is finished, she’ll email me her flight details. I can’t wait to see her again. It makes me happy.
I feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I guess keeping it inside isn’t the right way to go. I can actually breathe without this broken feeling in me. I’m slowly coming back together. I’m not fully there yet, but someday I will be. That puts a smile on my face.
I lounge around in one of the large Adirondack chairs on the deck for most of the day, thinking and making plans for my future. I know I want to return to school and do something with my life. I’m just not sure what yet. I hope Jack’s going to be in my future because I can’t imagine life without him. I’m so head over heels for him it isn’t even funny.
After the sunset disappears, I head back into the cabin. It’s been a long day, so I take a quick shower then go right to bed for a night of peaceful sleep. Finally.
* * *
I wake the next morning feeling well rested after a full night’s sleep with no nightmares. That alone makes my day. I look out the window and see it’s beautiful out again, so I decide to get ready and head into town to see what they have to offer in this little place.
I spend the next hour doing my hair, make-up, and picking out an outfit. I slip on a nice peach colored tank top with beige cargo shorts, paired with awesome wedges that tie around my calves. I head out of the cabin and climb into my car, making my way into the sleepy little town.
When I get there, I see little shops aligning what I guess is the main street. I park my car at the end and make my way to each and every shop along the way. One of the shops is a cute little toy store, so I decide to buy something for my little munchkins: Harley and Hendrix. I think I find the perfect thing. I can’t wait to see their faces when I give it to them. When I leave the shop I start feeling hungry, so I make my way to the trendy bistro just down the street.
For a small town, I did a lot of damage to my bank account. I pretty much spent the whole day shopping, and by the time I get back to the cabin, the sun’s setting. It’s cool outside, and I’m feeling chilled so I make my way to the bathroom and take a hot bubble bath. What a way to end the day.
While soaking in the bath, I think about calling Jack. I told him that I’d call him today, but I got side-tracked with shopping and checking out the town. Picking up my phone from the side of the tub I dial his number, but it goes straight t
o voicemail. Feelings of disappointment and worry begin to sink in. Does he not want to talk to me? Is he mad that I left? When I was talking to him yesterday, he sounded worried, but not mad.
I finish washing myself and get out of the bath. I make my way to the bedroom and throw on a pair of panties and a small tank top. Unexpectedly, I hear the front door open and close. Oh God. Who’s that? No one knows I’m here. Well, Mom does, but she wouldn’t tell anyone. I creep down the short hallway and peek around the corner to get a look at who’s here. That’s when I see the sexiest sight known to woman.
Jack.
I’m instantly wet.
“Jack? What’re you doing here? How did you know where to find me?” I ask, forgetting that I needed time alone. I run over and throw myself at him.
“I was really worried about you, Payton. You’re too important to me. It was killing me not knowing where you were. Seeing as you drive with a lead foot, I ran the plate on your car. I immediately got a hit. You were issued a speeding ticket on the way here,” he chuckles into my ear. “Leave it to you. But I can’t complain since it helped me find you. I’m still pissed that you were so fucking careless. What if you’d gotten into an accident? Your mother would kill me if I let anything happen to you again.”
“Umm. Why are you bringing my mom into this?” I ask, confused.
“Karen called me last night and asked me to come be with you. She didn’t want you to be alone,” he explains.
“My mom called you? Oh God, I’m so sorry. I told her about everything last evening. I thought I’d convinced her that I was fine, and I just wanted some time to myself.”
“It’s okay, Payton. She loves you and wants to make sure you’re okay. I told her that I’d already looked into where you were and that I wanted to be here with you. She also informed me that she’s coming for a visit when she gets time off of work. I told her instead of booking a hotel room, she can stay at my place, and I’ll stay with you.”
Sweet Ride Page 20