I turned around and picked up my suitcase. I had seen it in here before when I called the police and the ambulance. I opened it up and got out my purse. My wallet was still fat. I opened it and saw that he hadn't taken as much as a dime out of it.
He must have been worried about money, and I had so much.
He never came to me with his worries.
I laid half of what I had on his desk and covered it with the heavy stapler. I would have given him everything but I feared that my credit cards had been canceled.
I went up to our room and packed the rest of my things. When I was finished, I looked around the room. So much had happened to me in these four walls. We had made love, and he had punished me here – baby Aaron had been born dead in here.
I couldn't bear it anymore. I left closing the door.
I went back to the barn and put my suitcase in the trunk of my car.
I had to think about the last time I drove my car. I had been so glad to see Gideon.
I went back into the house and got Pumpkin’s things. He had watched me packing very closely. Pumpkin probably thought that Gideon was dead. I grabbed my car keys off their hook and whistled for Pumpkin to jump into the car.
I looked around one last time before I drove off.
I drove all night and through the next day without stopping to sleep. I knew that Gideon wouldn't approve, but I needed to see if my life was still there waiting for me.
When I needed gas, I paid with a credit card that I rarely used. I wanted to see if it would work. I had the money in cash with me in case it got turned down. It went right through.
I drove on. The next afternoon, I parked in the underground parking lot for my apartment, hoping for the best. My key still worked and the elevator doors opened for me. I took the elevator up to my floor, feeling like a criminal. I was probably going to try to unlock someone else's door.
The door opened up. I worried that the landlord hadn't changed the locks to save money. I peeked in and saw my stuff covered with dust. No one had been in here since I left. I was greeted by nine months of dust.
I walked through my apartment and looked at my things. Things that weren't that important anymore. I opened my refrigerator. Thankfully, I had cleared it out before I left, but the things that were still in there stank. I got out a garbage bag and threw everything away. I left the door open when I went back down to my car to get our things, forgetting that you didn't do that in a big city.
I had to make two trips, but then I was home, the place I had longed to be for so long.
I wanted to crawl into bed, but I needed to wash my bedding first. While my things were in the washing machine, I dusted everything. I had gotten good at the housewife thing.
A couple hours later, I was between freshly washed and ironed sheets lying in bed with Pumpkin curled up at my feet.
Still, I couldn’t sleep. I got up and moved the pillows around, so they formed a body next to me in bed. I got back in and moved in close to my make-shift Gideon.
The next day, I got up and dressed, strictly following my old routine. I even stopped off at my favorite coffee shop and got my latte to go.
No one recognized me. I had a feeling no one had missed me.
I went to the building where my office was and walked in. The security people glanced at me for a second, but then they dismissed me. The fact that Pumpkin was on a leash connected to my wrist was the only reason that I was memorable.
I went to the elevator and pushed the button for my floor. Would my business still exist?
I went and saw that I was the first one to arrive. That was normal. The name of my business was still painted on the door with my name under it as the owner.
A light was on in the back of the office. I walked around the receptionist desk and went to see whom it was.
Slowly I went back, afraid that I was about to be kicked out.
“Hello, Mandy.”
She looked up and saw me. Her jaw dropped. “Jessica. We have been so worried about you. I called the police. Where were you?” She wrapped her arms around me.
I let her hug me, glad that someone had noticed that I was gone. We sat down and talked. I left out so much, but I gave the loss of the baby as the reason for me to come home.
She didn't understand, but she didn't drill me with questions either. She told me that the business and my personal things were running as if I were here. My rent, electricity and water bill were paid and I could simply be me again.
When the others arrived, Mandy went out and talked to them. I wasn't sure what she said, but everyone gave me looks of pity when I came out of her office. I went into mine and sat down behind my desk. Pumpkin jumped into his basket like the whole ordeal had never happened. He bounced back quickly.
I hoped that I could bounce back as quickly as he had.
That evening I went to the police and told them lie after lie about how I had fallen head over heels in love with Gideon and his cut-off-from-the-rest-of-the-world ways.
They thought I was an annoying flake. I was glad that was settled. I could go back to my old life as if nothing happened.
I was surprised at how easily the lies had flown from my lips. It was proof that I would do anything for the ones I loved.
Gideon wouldn't agree, but he needed to be protected sometimes too.
I went home and cleaned my apartment again. I sat down at my desk and wrote cleaning lists. Busy hands would help me forget.
Unfortunately, that wasn't true. Cleaning was work for my hands and my body, but it didn't stop my thoughts. Not even when I turned on the radio and tried to sing along.
There was no music left in me.
I scolded myself to talk to Pumpkin more. He was going through a rough time too. His life had been better on the farm.
I had selfishly taken that from him.
Gideon
When I opened my eyes, Jessie wasn't there, exactly as I had feared.
The doctors were all very nice to me, and the police wanted to hear what I had to say about the intruder.
My fists clenched up when I told them that the intruder had wanted to have a couple of minutes alone with Jessica. I explained that I couldn’t let that happen.
They told me that they were going to lock the guy up and throw away the key. He had broken out of jail and somehow found his way onto my property. It was a case of bad luck.
Jessie had already given her statement while I was in surgery.
The nurse told me that Jessie went home to take care of the animals.
I checked out as soon as they would let me. My neighbor picked me up and drove me home. He told me that Jessie was gone. He told me he had been taking care of the cows for me. I thanked him and went into the house. She had cleaned it up before she left.
All signs that she had ever been here were gone. The house was so empty.
I couldn't bear it, so I went out to the barn. The animals looked fine. Jessie's car was gone. Her suitcase was missing, and money was lying on my desk. I wasn't sure what they meant. Was it for the gas that was in the car? What had ben going through her head?
I sat down and laid my head on the desk. I had lost everything that I had ever had.
I didn't even know where to find my wife.
Time moved on, and she didn't come back. I hoped that she would show up out of the blue, saying that she had merely needed a vacation from her life.
I told myself that I wouldn't punish her for something like that. Having her home with me was more important than teaching her not to leave in the first place.
She wouldn't want to be too far away from Aaron's grave, would she?
We visited him every week together, on Sundays right after church. I didn’t think that she could leave him.
Now, I went alone. I told Aaron that his mommy would be back really soon. I promised him that she would come back and visit him.
I worked the farm and set a bit of money aside every month. When I had enough together, I would go to Chicago an
d looked for her.
I would do anything and say anything to get her back.
Chapter 14 - Divorce
Jessie
I threw myself into my work, living for it. However, my evenings were lonely. When a customer called saying she wanted to take a cooking class, but she needed a partner, and she didn't want to get stuck with someone who she didn't like, I offered to be her partner. She was a little older, but we got along splendidly.
I had a new hobby. I filled my evenings with classes. I learned to knit, professionally this time. I had done a lot wrong. I wished I could go back and fix Aaron's things.
I made an amazing baby blanket and stitched his name and the date of his birth on it. I covered myself up with the soft blanket every night. It was the only piece of him I had.
I learned to cook, clean, iron, wash clothes properly and everything else that would have been helpful to know back then.
The classes gave me a place to go between work and home. At home I thought of Gideon and Aaron and nothing else.
I wasn't happy, but my life was bearable.
It was time for me to clean up the loose ends of my life. I needed to make a clean cut with Gideon. I went to see a lawyer. I explained what had happened, and he was very willing to help me.
He encouraged me to file charges against Gideon.
I couldn't to anything to the man who had forgiven me for killing his child. I simply wanted him to be free to start a new life for himself.
The lawyer set the paperwork in motion. Gideon was served the papers that would forever separate us. I truly hoped that he would move on and find happiness.
Gideon
One day, I came out of the barn just as a strange car was parking in front of my house. My first thought was that it was Jessie, coming home. I had a huge smile on my face.
Then a tall man got out of the car. He saw me and walked over to me. “Are you Mr. Gideon Thompson?”
“Yes, I am.” I had a lump in my throat. Had something happened to my Jessie?
“This is for you.” He handed me papers and left without saying another word.
I opened them up and saw that they were divorce papers. My Jessie wanted to move on with her life. I hoped that was a good sign that meant that she was finally feeling better. Over a year had gone by since I had last seen her.
I merely had to sign the papers, and we wouldn't be man and wife anymore. That wasn't as easy as jotting down your signature that you received your money for the milk that got picked up. Signing these papers would take courage.
I went into the kitchen and laid the papers down on the table. It was getting hard to breathe. I paced up and down.
Then I went into the living room and got a pen. It was Jessie's. The one she used to make her shopping lists.
I took the pen into the kitchen and laid it down next to the papers. Then I started to pace again.
Did Jessie have someone else? Were these papers here so she could remarry? Was the guy worthy of her? Probably not. I hadn't been either.
I pulled out a chair, but I didn't sit down. I wasn't ready yet.
Not until the next morning could I sit down and face the papers. I read them many times. The thing that made the biggest impression on me was the fact that her address was listed in the papers.
I got out my money and counted it. It was just enough. I could take a bus down to the United States and then stay in a cheap motel and take my Jessie out to a fancy restaurant.
I looked at my watch; the one Jessie had given me. It was already eight in the morning. I could go over to the neighbor's and asked for help with the animals. I needed to see Jessie once again. If she was doing well, I would sign the papers and let her go.
At least, I hoped I would. There was also a chance that I might fall at her feet and beg her to come home.
I pushed the door open to her office. Her name was written on the door and everything. She was the big boss. I could see a lot of women walking around and still others on the phones.
I went to the receptionist's desk and smiled at the woman there. How should I put this? I wanted to see my wife, but I was here to grant her the divorce she wanted.
“Hi, I'm a friend of Jessie's. I want to surprise her. She doesn't know that I'm in town.”
“Of course. That's really nice. Her office is back that way. The one in the very middle.” She pointed around a wall behind her.
“Thank you kindly.” I gave her a nod and went off, bracing myself. My Jessie was somewhere around here. I had missed her so much. Thoughts of how things could have gone differently had plagued me since our wedding day.
The women back here were all singing along with the radio. I had to think about the one time I had heard my wife sing from the heart. It had been Christmas. I shook that memory out of my mind.
Losing the baby had made her go mad.
Was she better now? Better off without me?
I moved closer to where the receptionist said I should go. The women here could sing especially well, but one voice was leading them. It was Jessie. She was singing and happy. I could see her in her office typing at a computer. She looked so professional.
Her phone rang, and she answered it. I was standing kitty corner to her office door, hidden by a movable divider wall that made up about twenty cubicles.
“How can I help you, sir?” I listened to my beautiful wife talking on the phone. “That’s a lovely idea. … The package will be delivered here, and it will be delivered to your wife's birthday party at four on the dot. If you need to make any last minute changes, just call us. Rest assured that we will help you make her fiftieth birthday as special as we can.”
I had never thought of that. Of course what she did could also be done to help a marriage.
“I have it all on the computer. Everything will go off without a hitch. Thank you for calling.” She finished typing and jumped up out of her chair.
I took a step back not quite ready to see her yet. She went off, and I followed her. She was singing again.
I followed her into a copy room. She was making her own copies. I was surprised that she didn't have someone who did that for her. After all, she was the boss.
I leaned against the doorframe and looked at her. She was facing away from me. Her hair was done up in a cute and yet professional looking twist. She was wearing tight blue Capri pants with a light blue blouse. The jacket that matched the pants was on the back of her desk chair.
I could see her ankles. They even looked a bit tanned.
She was doing better without me. I could see that.
I now had to be man enough to let her go because it was better for her. I only wanted her best.
“Hey, Jessie.”
She turned and looked at me, jumping a little. She looked scared. Her face didn't relax when she saw me. There was no relieved sigh where she told herself that everything was okay.
“Hello, Gideon.”
“You look great.”
A confused look crossed her face. A second later, she had her features in check again. “So do you.”
“A lawyer was out at our place. You sent him.”
“Yes, that's right.”
“I wanted to talk to you about that. Could we go to your office?”
“My office?”
“Yes, a safe place with windows and lots of witnesses.” I flashed her smile, trying to show her that I meant her no harm. It was clear that she thought I was here to kidnap her and take her back to the farm.
She grinned a little and a smile spread across her face.
I loved her smile. It meant the world to me to be able to see it one last time.
She finished up with her papers and brought them to another woman and told her what she wanted done with them. “A very nice lady wants to find her husband a new golf partner because the old one died. She doesn't want him to know that she is behind it, but he needs to be cheered up. The signs should be put up in golf shops and in sporting goods stores.”
I felt a k
not twisting in my stomach. I had spanked her for being deceitful, but in truth, she was a little angel that helped people.
She walked on to her office. Once I was in, she closed the door. All eyes were on us, and I could see the women looking and gossiping with one another.
“Have a seat,” she offered. That was when I noticed that she never called me anything but my name and that as little as possible. She had no pet name for me like I did for her.
I sat down in one of the chairs across from her desk. She pulled out her chair and sat down too. She was now so quiet, and she had been singing so nicely before I had made my presence known.
I heard something move under her desk. Then I saw Pumpkin charging at me. I petted and lifted him up into my arms. I don't think anyone had ever missed me as much as he had.
It took awhile for Pumpkin to settle down. He laid down right on my feet when he did. He didn't want me to leave.
Jessie had a pained look on her face as she watched him. I hoped that she didn't think that he loved me more. That wasn't true. She was so lovable, and she even took Pumpkin with her to work and kept him in a basket under her desk. That was the most precious thing I had ever heard.
“I read through the papers about the divorce. The way I understand it things will go quickly if I sign them because you don't want anything. If I wanted to drag it out, you win in the end anyway, but I have to get a lawyer of my own.”
“Yes, I guess that's how it works. Did you want to negotiate about dividing up what I have?”
“Of course not. I would never take money from you.” I had said that a bit too bitter. She was leaning away from me, and she was bracing herself by gripping onto the sides of her chair.
“What I meant to say was that I think you worked hard to build all of this up, and you should keep it. I'll sign the papers like you want me to.”
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