I told the doctor I would slow down and take less.
The next day I was got an appointment to see how big the tumor was. I wanted to know how much it had grown.
On hand from the growth they would know how long I still had to live. I wanted to go quickly. I hoped it wouldn't get dragged out.
Gideon
Once again I was on the way to Chicago. I understood that my wife wanted to spare me, but my place was at her side, especially when she was in pain and needed someone.
The idea of strangers surrounding her as she left this world made me sick to my stomach.
I entered her office and everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at me. I had seen the name Mandy Winters on the door, so I asked to speak to her. I hoped that she would be able to tell me where my wife was.
I sat in the same room, at the same desk, on the same chair, and once again had a cup of coffee in my hand. The difference was that I was sitting across from a different woman.
“Jessie made a decision. I feel that you should respect that.” This woman was giving me the feeling that she didn't agree with Jessie. She wanted me to know where my Jessie was.
“She's my wife. I love her. I already had to go without her after she lost the baby. She pushed me away then too. But she needed me. I let her go because I thought it was the best thing for her. I was wrong. I need to be there for my wife. No one should have to die alone.”
She reached into her desk and got out a tissue. “I think you’re right.” She gave me Jessie's new address.
Jessie was in a hospice, waiting to die all by herself.
I got into a cab and went right to Jessie . The hospice was glad that she had a visitor. I was brought into her room. A nurse was with her and Jessie was throwing up into a bowl.
What I had thought had been morning sickness was really a symptom of a brain tumor.
I took hold of Jessie's hair and held it back. I kissed her shoulder and waited for her to relax. The nurse wiped her mouth and took away the bowl.
“Why did you come? I told you not to. I didn't want you to see me like this.” She was frowning at me.
Jessie
“Did you honestly think that I was going to read your letter, shrug my shoulders, and do nothing?” He was mad. Thankfully, I could see nurses walking past my door. Otherwise, I would have worried about my backside.
“I thought it would be best for you and for the animals.”
“You're worried about the cows?” His forehead wrinkled up in disbelief.
“Aren't you? Please, don't tell me you sold them.” I couldn’t imagine Megan doing the milking. However, Gideon would have needed money to come here, he might have sold them to be with me. I hadn’t wanted to ruin his dream life as a farmer.
“I found a very satisfying solution.”
“I'm afraid to ask what it is.” I told him.
“No, you'll be proud of me. Everything fell into place.”
He pulled up a chair and sat down like this was any other day, and we were sitting at the kitchen table talking. It always amazed me how quickly people adjusted to situations.
Real life wasn't as exciting as what you saw on TV or read in books. Real people were tough.
“Megan's guy proposed to her.”
“But she's too young,” I protested. I wanted her to finish school before she did anything else.
“She's too young to get married, but not too young to wear an engagement ring. Anyway, she is staying with Angela's family. Kevin is running the farm for me. I told him he could build his house on our land. He is planning on buying the land right next to our property. That means that Megan is going to stay by us. I was so worried about losing her.”
He was grinning from ear to ear. There was only one thing that he was forgetting. I wasn't going to be going home with him.
He talked about his trip here and how he found me. He spoke of me coming home. It was clear that he didn't want me to stay here.
“Gideon, I made arrangements to stay here until I – move on. Do you understand? It's all paid for.”
“I don't care. You belong at home – with your family around you.” His chin was quivering a little.
“The thing is – I'll get medicine here to help me deal with the pain. I can't get that at home. I wanted to do this the easy way.”
Would he think that I was a weak baby?
Gideon sat down and buried his face in his hands. “Of course. I didn't think of that.”
Gideon
When Jessie was asleep, the nurse pulled me to the side and talked to me about paying for my bed and food. It wasn’t expensive, but I had spent the last of my money just to get here. Jessie needed me by her side.
The nurse told me that I had time to pay. They just needed the money at the end of every week I stayed here.
The word time had given me an idea. I looked at my watch. It was clear what I had to do.
I went to a fine jewelry store and sold my precious watch.
I was thankful that I had something of worth that could help me stay with my wife. She had been the one to give it to me.
I went back to her and cared for her.
Chapter 19 - Surprise
Jessie
After that first day, Gideon sat. Whenever I woke up or needed him, he was there. He stayed by my side and helped me with everything that I needed. When I was sick, he held the bowl under my mouth, and when I was too weak to get up, he slipped a bedpan under me. He would go on about this being nothing when you clean up after cows and chickens every day.
I thanked him for the comparison and made him laugh.
The doctors took all kinds of tests. At the moment, I wasn't getting worse. The past month things had stayed the same. My tumor had stopped growing. I wished that I would hurry up and die, so Gideon could go on with his life.
He spoke of me going home for a visit. It was clear that he hadn't accepted the fact that I was going to pass on. He was a positive thinker.
Every once in a while I would see the fear, he was trying so hard to hide in his eyes. Yesterday had been one of those moments. A nurse had come in and told us she needed a blood sample and a urine sample. The look on her face scared both of us.
Waiting for the results was killing us. Gideon paced up and down the room as we waited. He reminded me of a caged animal.
Someone like him wasn't meant to be inside all day, much less confined to one room. He was even sleeping in here on a cot that they brought in for him.
This was an especially good hospice. I was glad I found it.
Two doctors entered the room. They looked like they had grave news for us. I already knew that I was dying. What could they tell me that was worse?
“Mrs. Thompson we got your lab results back. I'm not sure how to say this, so I’m simply going to come out and say it.” That sounded bad.
Gideon took hold of my hand and held it tightly. I was bracing myself for the bad news too. I couldn't have much longer.
“You're pregnant,” he blurted out.
“Pregnant?” Both Gideon and I repeated the doctor's words. I looked at both of the doctors to see if this was some kind of joke.
“Yes. We need to know what you want to do about that.”
“Do about it?” Gideon asked. He sounded mad.
“In this special case an abortion is allowed,” the other doctor informed Gideon.
My jaw dropped. I looked at Gideon and shook my head. That wasn't an option.
“And if, we decide to keep the baby?” Gideon asked.
“Your wife will have passed on before she can deliver the baby. This baby won't live one way or the other.”
“I want to keep it. There is a chance that I could live a few more months. Maybe the baby will make it them. I'll stop taking my medicine. I want the baby to be healthy.”
Gideon exhaled and shook his head. He was at war with himself. He didn’t like the thought of me suffering. “Whatever you want, baby.”
“I think it's wort
h the try. It could work out. Would you mind raising the child all by yourself?”
“I won't mind. I would have a piece of you.” Gideon leaned over me and kissed me tenderly. “Congratulations, Mrs. Thompson,” he wished in my ear.
“Congratulations, Mr. Thompson.” I loved him so much.
The doctors tried to talk me out of it, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I could do it. The tumor wasn't growing at the moment. That meant that this was worth the endeavor. I only had to deal with the pain, which didn't seem so bad at the moment.
My mind was concentrated on my child.
The next days were filled with all kinds of talks. I could tell that the doctors hated our idea of trying to stay alive long enough to give the baby a fighting chance, and they weren't hiding that fact.
Most of my usual tests couldn't be done because of the pregnancy. It would be harder to know how much longer I had.
Gideon supported my decision completely. The doctors had even asked him to speak with them alone in the hallway. I heard them telling Gideon that I was in pain and suffering unnecessarily.
“She looks happy to me. We have already lost a child. The pain she felt after that was a lot worse than what I'm seeing now. We will play this by ear. She's the boss. Whatever she says goes. Right now she wants to keep the baby, and she is happy. What could be wrong with that?”
They came back saying that the baby might be handicapped because of the medicine I was taking before we knew.
“So? It would still be my child!” Gideon came back into the room and took hold of my hand. He was pretending that the whole scene outside of the door hadn't happened. “Have you been thinking about a name?” he asked me.
“Umm – yes, I have. I have a feeling that the baby will be a girl this time. I want her to have a beautiful name.”
“Should I get us a book of names with their meanings?”
“Yes, I'd like that. And maybe you could get me some knitting things.”
He frowned a little as he nodded at me.
“Gideon, I know that things are hard for you financially. But I really want to give the baby something that I made for her. Please take the money out of my account and help me make my last days a little happier. Please, swallow your pride and take what I'm offering you.”
This was a talk that we had a couple of times before I left the farm. Gideon was too prideful.
“I told you that I have enough money. Don’t worry about that. I want you to know that you are giving the baby a lot. She owes you her life. You don’t have to worry about anything else.”
“Still, I want to help pick out her pretty little dresses and her toys.” I felt tears running down the side of my face. I needed to do for her what I could now because I wouldn’t be here later.
“Of course. I'll hurry back.”
That month I felt better. Being preoccupied was the best painkiller. I made Anna Rose a beautiful pink blanket, a couple of pairs of socks, two sweaters, and a jacket with a matching hat for going to church.
Gideon would read to me about farming, and we talked about which crops to plant. I had talked him into going home for the spring planting.
He spoke of taking me along. The way he saw it I could knit in my bed at home just as well as at the hospice.
I was starting to think that he was right. I didn’t need to be here if I was refusing the medicine they offered.
When I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw that I was getting some color back. I was able to get up more often. Mornings were a hard time for me, but that was normal.
Gideon wanted to know how far along I was. I was starting to show, a lot. Now that a bump was there people were starting to see the baby as we did, as a real person.
Arrangements were made and I was brought to a gynecologist at the hospital. I felt ridiculous being brought to the hospital in an ambulance. I could have walked.
Gideon was right by my side. He whispered into my ear that he wanted Anna Rose even if there was something wrong with her. That wasn't a deciding factor he told me.
I had to agree with him. A child was a gift, and we would take what we could get.
“I hope I live long enough to hold her in my arms.”
Gideon kissed me and squeezed my hand.
A doctor came over to us and introduced herself. I could see the look of pity in her eyes.
Gideon helped the nurse roll my bed into her room. There was an ultrasound machine and a few other machines.
“We are going to take a very close look at your child.”
My tummy was bared, and I rubbed over it lovingly before the doctor came with her machine.
“Let's see what we have here.”
The room got very quiet, and the doctor said nothing. But she traded a look with the nurse helping her. I couldn't make out anything on the screen.
The doctor swallowed hard. “As you can see this is one of the babies hearts. The heart has a good strong beat. And this is the other baby's heartbeat. Both boys look very healthy.”
“Boys?” I asked.
“Twins?” Gideon asked.
“Yes, your wife is expecting twin boys.”
Gideon started to chuckle.
“Is something wrong?” the doctor asked, unsure.
“My wife has been preparing for a girl.”
The shock wore off quickly. I snapped my jaw shut. I simply couldn't believe that all the stuff I made had been for nothing. I had wasted so much time, and now I needed to make twice as many things but in a different color. “How far along am I?”
“The beginning of the fifth month.”
“So this is likely. I could do this?” I asked.
“I can’t make any guarantees about something like that. However, twins are often born early. I think it is fantastic that you’re doing this for your sons.”
“Thank you, doctor.” Gideon shook her hand, pumping it up and down.
“I still have a question. Are the boys all right? Is there anything wrong with them? We are worried because of the tests and the medicine I was taking.”
The doctor did another test, taking a sample from each baby's umbilical fluid.
Gideon was glad that the boys weren't identical. It was clear that he could already see them wrecking havoc on the farm.
Gideon
We were at the hospital again. The results were back. Those didn't matter. We were packed and ready to go home. I had convinced Jessie that she should be at home. The babies needed to hear their surroundings.
I peeked over at Jessie. She was biting her lip. She was worried about the results. I was glad that I wouldn't be left completely alone once Jessie was gone.
It was getting harder to believe that she was going to die. She was one of those glowing mothers who beamed when she was pregnant. That hadn't been the case with Aaron. She had suffered the entire pregnancy, but the twins were suiting her. She looked adorable.
Maybe we could even have a little fun in bed when she wasn't having one of her spells. That was what I was calling her headaches.
She insisted that they weren't that bad. She was one tough cookie. I admired her with all of my heart.
“Mr. and Mrs. Thompson, the doctor will see you now.”
The doctor greeted us and listened to our plans. She was glad to see Jessie on her feet. My beautiful wife impressed everyone.
The doctor was all smiles. I figured that we were about to receive good news. I helped Jessie change into a paper gown and helped her get up on the doctor's table. That took awhile. Jessie was still so weak.
I planned on bringing our bed down to the living room. I didn't want her anywhere near the stairs.
The doctor came in and looked Jessie over. We got to see our boys again. That had Jessie in tears. She looked so happy.
The doctor told us that both of the boys were doing fine. Neither had anything that would cause her to really worry. She expected them to be healthy if Jessie could go without medicine. Jessie was almost in the seventh
month. She just had to stay strong for them.
Jessie promised she would without batting an eye.
I got to take her home. Before Jessie got into the car, I moved her seat back and reclined it. Once she was in, I buckled her seatbelt for her. It was hard to decide where to place the straps because of her round tummy.
She was grinning at me. “They're beautiful, aren't they?”
“All three of you are.” I covered her up with a blanket.
I got in next to my wife and off we drove. I could hardly believe that we were going home.
The drive home hadn't sat well with Jessie. I was amazed to see how quickly she got out of the car. She quickly waddled into the house with her hand covering her mouth. Her dog was right at her side from the second she stepped out of the car.
So much had changed. It was spring now. The trees were filled with blossoms, and the flowers in the beds were blooming.
I gathered a few, so I could give them to Jessie. She was a sucker for flowers. I saw it in her eyes each time I held some out to her. Her features would soften, and she would smile so nicely.
I never thought that she would come back home. Her being here was a gift from God.
I went in and stood outside of the bathroom. She sure was being quiet.
“Jessie?” I called out.
“I'm up here.” Her voice came from our bedroom.
No. She had gone up those damn stairs. I hurried up and found her lying in our bed. Pumpkin was in her arms. She was whispering to him about the two little boys who were on their way to play ball with him.
“I picked some flowers for you.” I held them out to her.
“For me?” she lifted her head up a little and looked at them. “They are so nice.” Her head flopped back down on the pillow.
I was starting to think that this had been a stupid idea. I certainly hadn't wanted to drive her home just to have her die.
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