Love's Image

by Debby Mayne

  “Keep my place?”

  “Yes, dear. It’s getting harder and harder to hold off the clients. They’re all starting to wonder if something’s seriously wrong with you.”

  “They know about the scar, right?”

  “They know you were injured.”

  “What did you tell them?”

  “I said you had some healing to do and that you’d be back as soon as you could. By the way, Armand says you look even more beautiful than before. He couldn’t see even a trace of a scar on your face.”

  “He called you already?”

  “Yes. Right after he left your apartment. You should have heard him. He was giddy with delight over seeing you. That man is completely and totally in love with you, Shannon. You’re one very fortunate girl.”

  Shannon knew she should have been overcome with joy about the news, but she wasn’t. Instead, she found herself wondering how Armand’s feelings for her compared to Judd’s.

  As she got ready to see Armand, Shannon thought about how Armand had come all the way here to drag her back to New York. Judd, on the other hand, hadn’t taken any steps to try to keep her in Atlanta. Even Janie had said she had to make the final decision herself. They’d all been praying for her, which was good. Maybe the answer to her prayer was Armand’s surprise arrival.

  After sorting through her jumbled thoughts, she made the decision on the way to see Armand to give modeling another try. Melinda had told her that was an option, and she didn’t have to make a long-term commitment. She wouldn’t sign any new contracts that would tie her down, so if she decided to go back to Atlanta, she could at any time.

  As always, Armand was five minutes late. He didn’t bother with an apology because punctuality wasn’t in his vocabulary. This suddenly became a sore spot with Shannon, but she didn’t say anything. Why had she put up with it for so long?

  Throughout dinner, Armand worked on her, telling her about all the excitement in New York. Finally, she couldn’t stand his sales job any longer, so she figured she might as well put him out of his misery.

  “I’m going back, Armand.”

  “You’re what?” he asked, stunned.

  “I think you heard me. I’m going back to New York.”

  “This is wonderful news! Have you told Melinda?”

  “I figured I’d call her first thing tomorrow.”

  Armand’s eyes flickered with excitement through the rest of dinner. Neither of them ate dessert, but Shannon was dying for the chocolate cheesecake she knew the restaurant was known for. With a sigh, she resigned herself to living without desserts for as long as she remained in the modeling business.

  By the time Shannon got back to her apartment, there was already a message on her machine. It was Melinda letting her know she had a test photo shoot scheduled for the following week.

  Shannon knew that a test shoot meant they weren’t sure she still had what it took. There was risk involved here, but she didn’t feel the pressure like she once had. She’d done all this before, and it didn’t matter to her any longer whether she succeeded or not.

  Now all she had to do was tell her friends in Atlanta.

  “Please don’t go,” Janie begged. “I tried my best to hold back, but I can’t anymore. I think you’re making a huge mistake.”

  “Why didn’t you say something before?” Shannon asked.

  “I thought you needed to make this decision without my interference.”

  “Since I’ve already committed to the photo shoot, I have to go. I’m still not sure that’s what I need to do. It’s only a test.”

  “Well, I hope you fail miserably.” Shannon laughed out loud. “Some friend you are.”

  “I’m the best friend you ever had,” Janie said with a pout.

  “You’re right.”

  At the Bible study, when Shannon announced her big plans, Judd just sat there and stared at the wall. When the session was over, Shannon walked up to him and nudged his arm.

  “You didn’t say a word when I made my announcement.”

  He shrugged. “There wasn’t much I could say.”

  “What do you think about me doing this?”

  Judd reached down, took her hand, and held it as he looked into her eyes. Her heart stood still for a moment before he spoke.

  “I think this is something you need to do, Shannon, if for no other reason but to find out if it’s something you still want.”

  Suddenly, her heart fell with a thud. That wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

  nine

  As Shannon left Judd, she felt empty, almost as if nothing really mattered anymore. And there was nothing to keep her in Atlanta other than her own desire to stay.

  She’d expected her mother to be overjoyed, but she’d expected something completely different from Judd.

  All the way to her parents’ house the next morning, she braced herself for the smug satisfaction her mother was sure to show. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with it, but she might as well get it over with.

  “I would go with you, but I have commitments at the club,” Shannon’s mother said.

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m a big girl. I lived alone in New York for years.”

  “I know, but this is such an important event for you, sweetheart. A turning point.”

  Yes, it sure was a turning point. But Shannon wasn’t sure it was turning in the right direction.

  “I’ll be just fine. My old apartment still hasn’t been leased, so I’ll be able to stay there.”

  “I really think you should have taken Melinda up on her offer to find some roommates for you.”

  Shannon almost laughed at her mother this time. When she’d first moved to New York, her goal was to make enough money to move out of a crowded apartment with three other roommates. Her mother had done everything in her power to help her. And now she wanted her right back to where she’d started. No thanks. Shannon enjoyed the peace and quiet of her own place after a long day of being in front of cameras and crews who told her where to stand, what to wear, and how to look.

  The time between announcing her decision and leaving went by in a blur. She stepped on the plane, hesitating for a moment as her insides lurched. Finally, she steeled herself, put one foot in front of the other, and found her seat. Why she’d bothered with booking a first-class seat was beyond her. As numb as she was, it was a total waste of money.

  Melinda had a car waiting for her at LaGuardia. The driver, a stodgy middle-aged man with a frayed jacket and cap slightly resembling an old navy officer’s uniform, held the door for her without uttering a single word.

  He didn’t wait for her to tell him where she was going before whisking her off toward Manhattan. He seemed to have a destination in mind, so she focused on the sights whizzing by.

  She should have known. He pulled up in front of the mirrored building that housed the Glamour Agency, where Melinda and a few of her underlings held court. He promised to deliver her bags to her old apartment as he waited for her to go inside the building.

  As she remembered, the lobby was crowded with dozens of young, fresh faces, all of them hopeful of having a career at least half as good as hers had been.

  “There’s Shannon McNab,” she heard someone whisper.

  “I don’t think so,” the girl next to her whispered. “I heard her face was burned beyond recognition in the car accident.”

  Shannon flashed her trademark smile. “Hi. I hope you girls get the contract of your dreams. Have a wonderful day.”

  Their eyes all widened as she breezed past them. “That is her,” she heard as she went through the double doors without stopping at the receptionist’s desk.

  “Shannon!” shouted the agent in the front office. “Hey, everyone! Shannon’s back!”

  People came out of offices like bees out of a honeycomb, all of them hugging her and laughing with pure delight. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea, after all. It felt good to get such a warm reception.

  “Shannon!” Melinda sai
d as she came out of her office, her arms open wide. “How wonderful to see you!”

  “It’s good to see you, too, Melinda.” Shannon leaned over for the shorter woman to do her cheek-to-cheek greeting.

  “Are you ready to get started?”

  Shannon nodded. “I’m probably a little rusty, though.”

  Melinda flipped her hand from her wrist. “Nah. You’ll do just fine. I’ve got several test shoots lined up.”

  She narrowed her eyes and studied Shannon’s face.

  “The scar’s on this side,” Shannon offered, tapping her left cheek and leaning forward.

  Melinda’s face lit up with delight. “I can’t see it at all. Now we only need to wait and see what the camera tells us. The lighting they use will tell the whole story of your future in a second.”

  Shannon gulped. So that was what it all boiled down to.

  Throughout the years she’d been modeling, Shannon hadn’t deluded herself into thinking she’d get this much attention if she hadn’t been beautiful enough to land such great modeling gigs. But she did feel like once people got to know her, they liked her for who she was deep down. However, the doubts continued to plague her—even now, seven months after Armand had walked away from her.

  “Let’s get moving, shall we?” Melinda had already started gesturing and motioning for her assistants to get back to their desks and get to work putting Shannon’s career back in motion.

  By the end of the day, Shannon was exhausted. The driver dropped her off in front of the building she’d once called home. At least she knew where everything was.

  The stark white furniture and light wood floors nearly blinded her when she walked inside and flipped on the light. She walked through the apartment and saw that everything had been cleaned for her homecoming. Melinda had thought of everything, all the way down to stocking her refrigerator with Shannon’s favorite yogurt and bottled water.

  Someone had unpacked her suitcases, which were lined up in the back of her room-sized walk-in closet. All she had to do for herself was eat a quick snack, change into her pajamas, and turn down the covers.

  Sleep came easily for Shannon, as exhausted as she was. But when the alarm clock buzzed at five thirty, she was already awake. The sounds of the city had startled her from her sleep, and she hadn’t been able to turn off the thoughts that had popped into her mind.

  She met Melinda at seven to get her schedule. Then she let the driver take her around to get quick snapshots and fifteen- to thirty-second takes on film. In spite of how busy she was, images of Judd flashed through her mind, and she wondered what he was doing. Was he lecturing? Or was he spending time going over an assignment with one of the seventh-graders he cared about so much? She’d never known anyone like him before, and she doubted she ever would again.

  Judd’s suggestion about doing what she was called to do played over and over in her mind. Had the Lord sent Armand to her so she could go back to modeling? Or was this just temptation designed as a test? Whatever it was didn’t feel right at the moment.

  “Stop frowning, Shannon,” the photographer said. “Where’s that spark?”

  “I’m sorry, Pete. I’ve sort of gotten out of the groove.”

  “Think happy thoughts. You and Armand strolling through Central Park.”

  Shannon took a deep breath and imagined herself with Armand. That doesn’t do it, she thought as she felt her forehead growing tight. Then she remembered Judd’s kiss.

  “That’s it, Shannon! You’ve got it, girlfriend!”

  The quick clicking sounds of the camera were familiar to Shannon, bringing back all sorts of memories of France, Italy, and Spain. She’d spent several summers in Europe doing photo shoots and developing an international presence.

  After three days of grueling photo and filming sessions, Shannon sank back on the sofa in Melinda’s office. “Now what?” she asked.

  Melinda shrugged. “Now we play the waiting game. We have to see how you do on film.”

  No matter how well known Shannon once was, in spite of how she’d recovered, her entire future modeling career hinged on lighting, cameras, and illusion. That very thought put a knot in her stomach.

  Playing the waiting game didn’t mean they sat back and did nothing. Melinda had arranged for Armand to escort Shannon to various functions, dropping hints in the media that he’d been by her bedside, worrying over her, being her motivation to get back to work. She even had the nerve to capitalize on Shannon’s desire to help others who were less fortunate than her.

  “I haven’t done all this,” Shannon growled at Melinda as she read the package put together for her new media campaign. “This article says I’ve been working with the homeless in Atlanta.”

  “You haven’t yet,” Melinda offered. “But you will. As soon as we get the results of the photos, we’re setting up a homeless shelter with your name on it. It’s such a brilliant move, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. In fact, I think I’ll do it for all my top models in their hometowns.” She leaned back in her chair and added, “Just think of what it’ll do for your career.”

  This whole thing made Shannon sick to her stomach. Her motive hadn’t been to help her career. She sincerely wanted to help people. And she wanted to do it because she felt like that was what Jesus wanted her to do.

  The following week, Shannon noticed that Armand had suddenly disappeared from her itinerary. He’d been outwardly attentive to her lately, but she felt like they’d lost a deep personal connection. He smiled at all the right times, and he knew exactly when a camera was about to click. That was when he gazed lovingly into her eyes or gently placed his hand on her back to guide her as they walked to a celebrity function. It was all show and had no substance.

  Life for Shannon was beginning to feel like an empty shell. Nothing had really changed. Why had she not seen this before?

  “Where’s Armand?” Shannon asked Melinda the morning they’d agreed to get together to go over the results all the photographers had sent by courier.

  “He’s getting ready to go back on the European tour,” Melinda said as she stuck her letter opener in the envelope and started ripping.

  “Isn’t it a little early for that? They usually have the European tour during the summer, don’t they?”

  “You know how this business works, Shannon. We have to move schedules up all the time to get a head start on the competition.”

  Funny how Armand never mentioned he was leaving. If they were as close as the media said they were, surely they would have discussed his tour.

  Deep down, Shannon didn’t care. However, it did hurt her pride. The whole thing with Armand was forced and awkward. It didn’t feel right.

  Being with Judd felt right.

  Shannon blew out a sigh as Melinda read the reports. When she looked up with a twitching grin, Shannon knew the results were good.

  “You’re back in business, Shannon. Not a single camera saw your scar.”

  “Great!” Shannon replied, although she didn’t feel as good as she hoped she sounded.

  “No doubt you’ll get contract-renewal offers from all the former clients. We’ll have to review them and see if they’re worthwhile. I’m also putting out some feelers for some new contracts.”

  “But why? If the old companies want me back, don’t you think you should consider them first?”

  Melinda glanced at her from above her glasses perched on the tip of her nose. “Bargaining power, Shannon. This business thrives on competition. People want what someone else has. That’s how you make money in the image market.”

  The image market. That’s what Shannon was in. It was all image. Illusion. Nothing real.

  She slowly nodded. “I understand.”

  Melinda grinned. “Yes, I know you do. That’s why you’ve done so well. You deliver what the client wants. Every woman wants to be you, Shannon. As long as we have that, you have a career in modeling.”

  How sad that people wanted her life when she wasn’t sur
e she wanted it. Shannon stood and crossed the room to the door.

  “One more thing, Shannon, before you leave.”

  Shannon stopped and turned to face Melinda. “What’s that?”

  “Armand is having an intimate get-together at Pierre’s. Sort of a going-away party. He’ll pick you up this evening at eight thirty.”

  Shannon nodded. All she wanted was to hang around in her apartment and read her Bible, but she knew she had to maintain this image thing Melinda had stressed from the moment they’d met.

  On the way to the party that night, Armand turned to her, lifted her hand to his lips, and looked into her eyes. “Shannon, I’ll be gone for a few weeks, but I feel that what we once had is worth bringing back.”