He sits down in front of me wiping at his own eyes with the palms of his hands. “Gracie, It’s hard to leave you especially knowing how these dreams of yours have got you scared. I don’t know what to say or do to ease your mind.”
He raises his voice to make a point and grips my shoulders. “I PROMISE YOU I’M COMING BACK!”
* * *
After Sal got back from talking to Pop, he went to the garage and put a tarp over the Beast and one over his motorcycle. He met Gracie in the foyer and handed the keys to her.
“If I’m not back in less then a month, just start up the Viper every now and then and gently rev the engine. I know you don’t drive a stick–I’ll teach you when I return.
He gave her a smile. Her sadness was so deep, so consuming that he thought his heart might break and for a moment, he wondered if Pop hadn’t been right. Maybe he should never have fallen for Gracie…but then, like now, it was never a choice. It was the path he was on and he had no regrets. He could only pray that Gracie didn’t regret it once he was out of sight.
He cleared his throat. “I left Lou’s number for you–he is at your beck and call for anything you need. You understand? Capisci?”
She nodded with a small smile.
“Maybe he can take the beast out for a spin and keep her warm for me. He’ll be close by. I’m gonna go grab my stuff. Be right back.”
Sal went up the stairs. He took a good look around the bedroom. Smelled the air – the scent that was Gracie. He looked at the bed where they’d made love so often just in the past twenty-four hours. His clothes, hanging in her closet. That view through the French doors to the balcony.
He grabbed his duffle bag, went back downstairs and placed it by the front door.
“The cab should be here soon. Come here.” He held his arms out for her and they stood in the doorway in each other’s arms, kissing goodbye.
Silent tears streamed down her cheeks as she clutched the wool of his sweater in her fists. The cab pulled up and honked. Toby barked and went out the door.
“This is my ride, Princess,” Sal whispered. “Be a good girl for me, take care of Toby and Pop. I love you.”
He walked out and gave Toby a good scratching. “Take care of her for me, buddy. I’ll see you soon.” He opened the cab door and looked back at her, gave her a nod and got in the car.
As the taxi slowly pulled away, Sal mouthed the words, I love you and he watched her struggle to give him a brave smile. Toby stood close by her side. As they turned the bend in the drive, he faced forward and put on his game face.
He was soldier first, a man second. But by the grace of God, this time he’d keep that promise to Gracie. He’d do his part to make sure of it.
* * *
After Sal leaves, I got back in the house, I slam and lock the door and collapse on the floor in a pool of tears. I’m not sure that I won’t die of this ache in my heart. Toby wraps himself around me and I hold him, soaking his fur. After a moment I decide to go back to bed.
I wake to the sound of my cell ringing. I check the clock–I had a four hour nap. Reaching for my phone, my heart skips.
“Sal?” I squeak, my throat horribly dry.
“Hey, Princess. What are you doing? I miss you already.”
“Sal,” I begin to cry and then stop. I will try to be brave for at least 2 minutes. I’ll have myself a big ole pity party later, as Celine would say.
“Gracie, I’m sorry.” He sighs. “I just wanted to hear your voice. I landed a little while ago and in a few minutes I go right into briefing so, I won’t have any contact with you or anyone for a while.”
Well, that reality is my undoing. “Oh god, Sal. Please stay alive. Come home to me,” I wail.
“Please don’t cry, Gracie…I promise you it’s gonna be all right. I gotta go now, Princess–they’re calling me up. Try to relax, babe. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I sniff. “I’m going to be okay. Just come home as soon as you can.”
“I will…Love you.” And the line went dead.
I sit there in bed staring out at nothing, my mind working over time. Have I ever loved anyone this much? It takes a nanosecond to realize the answer is no. What Sal and I have is a firestorm that has been ignited through time and will never burn out.
* * *
“Agent Petroni! Nice to have you back. You’re looking well.”
“Thank you, sir. I’m feeling well,” Sal answered his supervisor. They shook hands and Sal took a seat at the briefing table among the other agents assigned for the mission.
“Retirement suits you–or is it a woman? His supervisor chuckled. “We heard you went and finally got yourself engaged. Congratulations! When’s the big day?”
“We a…We haven’t set a date yet. I’m sure she’s waiting till I get home to make a decision.” Sal gave him a small smile.
“I verified you to the police and got you cleared of the situation in Jacksonville.”
“Yes, thank you sir.” Sal says. “The police there know some of my back round so they didn’t question me much, but I knew they would have to follow through. They seemed pleased I took out one of their local scumbags. It would have been nice to question him though.”
“He was a threat, You had to do what had to be done. Okay, Shall we begin gentlemen? Let’s get down to business.”
He tried to get comfortable in the cold, stark conference room as the supervisor, Carl, talked about options and passed out files. Concentration was hard because his heart was back in Florida.
The night before, he’d barely slept. He hated that he’d had to remove his civilian clothes and take a shower, because Gracie’s scent lingered on his skin, on his sweater. He could still feel her soft smooth lips and the taste of her. He felt her body in his arms like a phantom.
When the meeting finished and he returned to his hotel room, he tried to get his head into work but all he could think about was Gracie.
Getting up to stretch, he eyed the sweater he’d had on the day before. He grabbed it and held it to his face, inhaling her in.
He’d never loved anyone as much or as completely as he did her. He’d come back this time–or as many times as it took, to give her a lifetime of happiness.
* * *
“GOOD LORD, GRACIE! Have you been in this bed for three days? You called in sick at work. And seriously, when was the last time you showered, for heaven’s sake? I do hope you got my messages, though now I suspect you didn’t.”
“Yes, you said you’d be here as soon as you could. I don’t need anything. Leave me alone, Celine,” I moan. “I just need some time. I feel sick.”
“Well, you are sick. No food, dehydrated, and baby, you smell. So…” She snaps her fingers at me. “Come on, get up. You don’t want to go to work fine, but you will take a shower, even if I have to hose you down myself.”
I get up against my will, and head for the bathroom. I hear Celine fumbling with the bed.
“DON’T TOUCH THE SHEETS!” I yell and she jumps.
“Jesus, Gracie, what the hell is wrong with you? You just about gave me a heart attack!”
“Don’t change my sheets,” I repeat more calmly. “I’ll do it when I’m ready to do it.”
“Why? Let me help you,” she insists. “You can’t sleep on these anymore….”
“I smell him,” I say, cutting her off.
“You what?” Celine looks puzzled.
“I can still smell him, don’t take it away…don’t take it....” I crack as my tears begin again. “He’s on the pillow, on the sheets...I can smell him. I don’t want to forget…”
Celine’s eyes grow wide. She puts down the blanket and calmly comes over to me. “Baby girl,” she breathes out, “oh my poor, baby girl.”
She holds me as I cry, my eyes now so swollen it hurts to blink them.
“Gracie, listen to me, you can’t continue this behavior darlin’. It’s not healthy. Listen to me now,” she demands. “You are going to march in that shower and I am going to c
hange your bed sheets. Then you are going to call Dr. Brooks and go find that psychic’s number. Taking some action is going to make you feel better about all this.”
I protest but Celine wins the laundry detail. She does agree to leave Sal’s pillow alone, but, for only one more week.
I shower and call Dr. Brooks. After hearing what’s happened since our last visit, he wants me to come right down–he has the afternoon open. Celine volunteers to drive me, and within the hour I’m in his office.
“Gracie,” Dr. Brooks greets me. “Come in, come in.”
If my appearance shocks him, he doesn’t let it show, but I know I’m not looking anything like a human being. That’s okay because I don’t feel very human, either.
I turn to Celine, then back to the Doctor. “Can she come in with me?”
He smiles. “I don’t mind if you don’t. Support is always good to have.”
We follow Dr. Brooks into his little office and sit across from him in front of his desk.
“So Gracie, how were the holidays for you and Sal?”
“They were wonderful, Dr. Brooks. We got engaged,” I say, holding up my left hand.
“Yes, that’s great news indeed,” he says, smiling. “I knew he was going to ask you I just didn’t know when.” His smile fades a bit. “So, Sal is away again, on a mission? Correct?”
I bow my head and nod.
“You said on the phone you’re having bad feelings. Have you dreamt anything? Or is it more like a premonition?”
“More like a premonition,” I answer. “I haven’t really been sleeping sound enough to dream, but I did dream once of water or the ocean–it was cold–and I couldn’t swim–I was tired or something–it was all very fuzzy.”
“When did you have this dream?”
“While we were in Napa at Christmas.”
Dr. Brooks cocks his head. “So what was that, about three weeks ago, you would say? And nothing since?”
“No nothing since, but, like I said, I’m not sleeping soundly. I have feelings of terror. You know, like what I’ve dreamt about. I fear for Sal’s life. How can I not? In every life, he always leaves me, promises he will come back, but it always ends tragically.”
“Okay, Gracie, I comprehend why this is so emotional for you– believe me, I really do. The situation is very complicated and unique. I understand your feelings of fear, because of the past lives. But that being said, the things that are put in place now, may cause the future to change. In other words, Sal and you are, in a way, more aware of the circumstances surrounding your bonds to each other. So both of you might change decisions subconsciously, thus creating a different outcome.”
I look at Dr. Brooks and scrunch my eyebrows. “So you think there’s a chance Sal might make a choice because he is more aware of a danger and not put himself in its way?”
Dr. Brooks nods. “Yes, or, you Gracie, for instance. You might do something or choose to do something that changes the outcome, good or bad. I can see how upset you are, and probably fatigued from lack of sleep. Dehydration and malnutrition will cause hallucinations as well. You will make yourself seriously sick, Gracie. I know it’s hard, but you have got to relax. Let me check your blood pressure.”
Dr. Brooks gets up and snatches the cuff off his desk and wraps it around my arm. He pumps up the valve and waits to see the results.
“It’s a little on the high side, but, you are very upset–as upset as someone who is bereft and grieving. Here’s what I recommend. I’m going to give you a prescription for a sleep aid and something for your nerves.”
“No, I protest. “I have some, but Sal doesn’t like me to take them. I used them to control my panic attacks.”
“Gracie, I’m afraid I am going to have to disagree on this. The way you’re going, you will end up in the hospital if you can’t calm down, and that will be worse. These prescriptions I’m giving to you are mild, but I want you to start them immediately. If anything, you need restful sleep. How are you eating?”
Before I can answer Celine opens her mouth. “She’s not. I know her–my friend has a good appetite normally, and I can tell you she’s not eaten properly for days.”
“Well, the Valium should calm your stomach and lower the adrenaline so your appetite can come back. Get some liquid protein in your system till it does, or else you’ll end up very sick.” He looks at me a long moment. “Sal could be back in a week or so, right? If he returns to find you in a bad way because he had to leave, he will never forgive himself. He’s got enough guilt issues, Gracie. If you can’t take care of yourself for you, then do it for him, okay?”
I nod and for the first time all day, feel an easy smile. “Thank you, Doctor,” I say, exhaling loudly. ”I’ll try.”
As we get up to go, Celine grabs the papers with the prescriptions. She looks at Dr. Brooks. “I’m gonna make sure these get filled while we have an early supper.”
“Gracie, I’d like to see you in about ten days, but if you feel you need me before then, please don’t hesitate to call. I’m here for you.”
We get the prescriptions filled, then drive to our local sports bar on the beach. We go in, get seated and Celine orders herself a salad and me a bacon cheeseburger and sweet potato fries.
When the burger arrives it looks and smells delicious. I pick it up and take a small bite. I chew but I find it’s still hard to swallow, so I wait a minute before trying again.
“You’re going to eat at least half of that. The doctor is right. How do you think Sal would feel if he found out you ended up in the hospital? He killed a man to protect you and then you go and take yourself out? Think about that.”
“I’m not gonna take myself out Celine, and he wouldn’t know it if I did,” I state, the reality hitting home. “He’s off the grid. And he chose to go off the grid. If he wasn’t going to go on the mission, he’d be home by now. He said it could be months, Celine. For months, I won’t know if he’s alive or dead. Maybe I’ll never know.”
“Okay, baby, I can see you’re hurt and scared. And before you met Sal, you couldn’t stand on your own very well. But you’re stronger than that. If anything happens to you, it will kill him, Gracie. You know it. I know it.”
“He shouldn’t have left. Maybe that was the choice right there, Celine. He shouldn’t have gone!” I yell, slamming my hand on the table.
“I get it, I really do, baby, I know you’re scared. Truth be told, I’m scared with ya. But let’s pray for the better–think positive! Being the guest of honor at this old pity party isn’t doing anything for you, Gracie.”
I sigh and drink my iced tea, then take another bite of the burger.
“So, what are you thinking about for your wedding colors? You two are so stunning together, it won’t really matter, but I’d love to help. I was thinking…”
Celine chatters on, trying to cheer me up with talk of wedding plans and color schemes. On occasion, I offer her a smile or take another bite of food.
The waitress comes by and asks if I want a box. “No thank you,” I tell her.
But Celine cuts in. “Yes, she does. Wrap it up she’ll take it to go.
I was never so relived to get home from an outing, I was tired and drained, I felt a headache coming on too.
CHAPTER 25
“Come on baby,” Celine demands when we get home. “Take these.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “Maybe they’ll make me sleep for a month.”
“Ooh, sarcasm,” she replies with a grin. “That’s a good sign!”
I swallow the pills and open my mouth, making a joke to prove I took them.
“Good girl,” Celine chuckles. “By the way, how’s Antonio?”
“I haven’t seen him.” I shrug. “I just…aahh…. I think it’s going to be very emotional. He hasn’t called or come over to me, either. I think we feel the same way.”
“Well, someone’s got to break the ice. I think it should be you.”
“Yeah, I will,” I agree. “Just not right now. I think
I need it all to settle. Doc is right–it does feel like I’m grieving.”
“Well, you remember our plan? Where’s that psychic’s phone number? Tell her your dilemma–she told you to call her. Maybe she can give you something positive to cling to.”
“I have it in the desk drawer in the study.” I yawned. “I put it there for safekeeping. Her name is Amina.”
“Those pills are kicking in Gracie. Go to bed baby, get some rest. I’m spending the night, so I’ll be here if you need anything and I’ll take care of Toby. Tomorrow we can call Amina.”
Even though it’s only six o’clock in the evening, I climb into bed and reach for Sal’s pillow. I curl myself around it as though it is him. I breathe in deep, the scent of him is almost faded, but enough to fill my soul.
I’m so glad for Celine and her friendship. And Antonio’s love, too. Soon I feel as though I’m floating–my body relaxes and I can’t keep my swollen eyelids open any longer.
* * *
I’m in water–the ocean. It’s dark. It’s freezing and rough. I can’t move–I’m so tired. The waves roll me under–the salty liquid in my mouth, up my nose–it’s burning. I hear bells–I can’t breathe…..
Startled and gasping for air, I wake and sit straight up in my bed. Semi confused, it takes a moment to get focused. I’m home. My room. My bed. Sal’s been gone for 4 days.
Catching my breath, I hear my cell phone “bells” as a text comes in. I eye the time: 11:45 pm. I reach for my cell and tap the screen. “Maggie! I sigh with a smile.
11:38pm. R U Up?… then,
11:42pm. Hello??
I tap her name on the phone and the call goes through.
“Gracie!” she answers. “I haven’t heard from you but you are on my mind–something’s wrong, isn’t it?”
“Oh God, Mags.. yes something is really wrong.” And I proceed to tell her all about Sal’s assignment and my fears.
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