“When is he coming home?”
“If he comes home at all, it could be a month or more. I don’t know.”
“I thought he was retired?”
“He is or that’s what he told me. He couldn’t tell me much except it was important that he help his team. But what if he gets hurt? What if he gets killed?”
“Gracie, you poor thing! I know you–you’re a mess aren’t you? I knew it! I knew something was wrong–I kept getting bad feelings about you!”
“I totally understand that, Mags. I have been feeling like something terrible has been coming for months and now I know what it is–Sal’s not coming back, I know it. I finally meet my soul mate and start to get truly happy, and again history repeats, like in my dreams.”
“Okay Gracie calm down, take a deep breath. I don’t know Sal, but I guess I’m picking up on your anguish.”
“Maggie, if something happens to him, I will be shattered, knowing he could have prevented it.”
“How’s his father taking all this?” she asks.
“Poor Pop, I think he is as devastated as I am. I haven’t heard from him since Sal left. He was not happy either, I can tell ya that.”
“Gracie, listen–you hang in there. I’m still very worried, mostly about you. Don’t get me wrong, I pray Sal comes home safe and sound, but, watch yourself–don’t get sick, I just feel I need to tell you to be careful.”
“I’ll try Maggie, but really don’t worry. Despite how bad I feel, how terrified I am, I probably can’t cry myself to death, right?”
“No, but you can make yourself awfully sick in the meantime. Toby needs you and so does Sal’s father. I love you, too. I couldn’t bear it if you let this take you down.” I hear her sniff and then blow her nose.
“Don’t be scared, Gracie. I believe you have met your destiny, and I believe it will be different. He’ll come home, I know it. You need to take care of yourself so you’re there when he does!”
“Thanks Mags, you always know how to cheer me up, –even if it’s just for a minute.”
“Go back to sleep, Gracie. We’ll talk soon–it’s all gonna work out.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “Goodnight Mags–love ya!”
“Love ya, too! Sweet dreams.”
But I don’t have sweet dreams or any other kind because I can’t go back to sleep, and I don’t want another pill. I’d rather be miserable than too numb to think about Sal.
On the balcony, the air is crisp and the sky is clear. I hear a little squeak and look toward Antonio’s house. I step to the railing so he can see me if he looks this way – and he does. I wave and he waves back, then puts his hand over his heart and blows me a kiss.
I put my hands over my mouth and whisper, “Pop.”
I retreat back to bed but tears are all I have. Finally, I get up and take the Zanax and let the calm roll over me in waves. Anything is better than the constant flood of tears.
* * *
Toby pulls me out of slumber, with a bark. I bolt upright and my room is freezing. I hear him bark again.
Looking around I notice I left the balcony door open, which accounts for the cold air. Toby is out on the balcony barking. Grabbing my fluffy robe I go to check it out.
“Toby,” I bellow, “whatcha looking at, boy?”
He pads over to me, then trots back to the railing and jumps up with his front paws, keeping his hind legs planted. He yawns and lets out a whine.
I shuffle over and see Pop making his way over to my back screen door. Toby dashes inside, through the bedroom, and down the stairs with excitement. Poor dog’s missed his buddy–and I have, too.
I follow Toby downstairs to greet Pop. On the way, I eye Celine, talking on her cell phone with a mug of coffee in her hand. I breeze by her to open the door for Pop.
Toby just about jumps halfway onto his lap. Antonio returns the love with scratches and pats. It makes me smile. Toby runs off into the yard and Pop rolls in.
“You want some coffee, Pop? I ask.
“No, caro, I’m-a-fine.
“You want some breakfast?”
“No, caro, come-a- here, sit with me.”
I let Toby back in, then follow Pop back into the house. I glance over at Celine who’s still on her cell, but watching us wide eyed.
“Everything okay, Pop? I ask hoping this will not turn me into a weeping wreck.
“Mio caro,” he starts. “I know your-a scared and sad, it’s breaking my heart. Sal told me before he left how much it hurts him to leave you. I told him not to leave then–I told him that if you were right and he got himself killed it would destroy you. ‘Stay here,’ I told him. But he would not change-a-his decision.
“Gracie…” he quietly goes on. “The Sal I thought I knew, the one I thought-a-was avoiding his mother in her last days was a selfish boy who was incapable of loving anyone except himself. I now know how wrong I was. My son turned out to be a man; a strong-a-man with honor. A man me and-a-his momma can be proud of.” Pop wipes at his moist eyes, then continues.
“I never seen him love anyone the way he loves you Gracie. Watching him with you opened my heart. My eyes see him differently than before. He was dark and distant until you. I told-a-my son that I will trust his word, when he says he will come home. He needs you to believe it to. He told me the mission should be a secure one, no danger. Caro, he loves you, he won’t put himself in danger now like he did before. He won’t take-a-that risk.”
“I know, Pop. But my mind won’t stop thinking of things that could go wrong–’its driving me crazy!”
“I know what you have-a dreamt, and all the promises… Caro, he’s going to come-a-home this time. Have-a some faith.”
“I want to Pop. I will try.” I can see how my pain adds to his and I take a good breath and smile. I’m so sick of crying. So sick of the nauseating fear.
He looks at me and winks like the old days. “Now, give this old man a hug.” He stretches his arms out wide.
I gave him a hug and he pats my back just like any dad would do. “It’s going to be all right Caro, its-a-gonna be all right.”
I help Pop out the door, keeping an eye on him as he makes his way back to his deck and disappears into the house. Then I head to the sofa. The pills make me groggy like I was out drinking all night. Celine follows and sits next to me, handing me a coffee.
“Thanks,” I say without looking in her direction. I just sit still waiting for my head to explode. That must be what happens when you lose your mind…
“You okay?” Celine asks, tugging on my robe.
“Yeah, I guess. Talked to Maggie last night. She gets ‘feelings’ too. She had one about me. She thinks Sal will be okay. She’s more worried about me.” I take a sip of coffee and stare out the lanai doors. I shake my head in confusion.
”Well, I’m worried about you, too. We’ve got to get you back on your feet, baby.”
We sit quiet for a while not talking, just drinking our coffee. Finally I look over at Celine. “I really need to talk to Amina.”
* * *
After I shower, dress and pull my bed together, I go into the study and rummage around the desk drawer to find the card with Amina’s number on it.
“I found it! I yell to Celine.
“Oh good,” she hollers back. “Call her!”
We sit down in the parlor, making our selves comfy on the couch. I pick up my cell phone and hit the numbers Amina had scribbled on the back of the card, remembering she told me to call her anytime if I had more questions. Well, holy hell did I ever! As it rings I put the phone on speaker so Celine can hear her, too.
“Hello?” A young female voice answers.
“Hello. Umm, I’m calling for Amina,” I say. “I had a reading a while back and she told me I could call her if I had any questions.”
“Oh? Who is this please?”
“My name is Gracie. I met Amina in St. Augustine at the psychic fair back in October. She read me and my boyfriend–well, now he’s my fiancé.�
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“Oh, hi, Gracie! I remember you. This is Yvette, Amina’s granddaughter.”
“Yes! I remember you, too! I don’t think I will ever forget that Halloween as long as I live. How are you?”
“I am fine, but grandma passed on about a month or so ago. She died peacefully, in her sleep.
Celine and I look at each other in horror. “Oh my god, Yvette! I am so sorry!” I wail.
“Thank you. But it’s all right,” she replied. “She was old and had some health complications.”
“Yvette, I will never forget her. Even though I met her once, she touched me so deeply and told me things that blew me away! I had a dream one night and she was there. I saw her so vividly!”
“Yeah, she was something. She touched a lot of people’s hearts. Hey, tell me something?” Yvette paused for a second. “How did you get my private number?”
“This is your number?” I repeat. “Amina gave it to me. She wrote it on the back of her card and told me to call her if I needed anything. I just assumed it was her number.”
“Gracie, when did you have the dream that you saw her?”
“About a month or so… maybe... Oh, I remember. It was the night of the benefit–December seventh.”
“Gracie, Grandma died on the fourth. She must have come to you–and I just bet she gave you my number on purpose. Grandma had a very special and powerful gift and she didn’t share that with many people. I’m positive she knew what she was doing. So, tell me, why did you call? Is there something wrong? I am picking up some mixed emotions from you–sadness for one–can I help?”
Celine’s blue eyes grow wider as I shoot her a glance.
“Well, maybe you can,” I answer. “I am sad but I’m also frightened. Amina mentioned to Sal and me that we should never separate now that we’d found each other. Just recently Sal had to leave me for a while, I’m not sure for how long and I can’t contact him. He’s military, so he’s on a job, I’m nervous for his safety. Giving her the quick version of my visions. “I guess I wanted to ask your grandmother if she could help, maybe see something that would help me to believe this time will be different.”
Yvette blows out a breath. “Ooh.. Gracie, I’m not as talented as Grandma was, but, I can sense something is wrong. Around you. Did you get hurt or have you been sick recently?’
“No… well, the night of the benefit I was mugged, but Sal saved me. I didn’t really get hurt…”
She is quiet for a few seconds. “Do you have friends or family with you now that Sal’s away? Or are you alone most of the time?”
“I have some friends around, but I’m mostly alone, why?” I ask.
“I’m not picking up any danger around Sal. I can feel he deeply loves you–he killed that man who attacked you, didn’t he?”
“Yes! I shout. Celine’s mouth flies open in surprise and playfully slaps my leg.
“Okay, so he’s not a danger to you anymore… But something is…hmmm… I am sensing something, but it’s foggy like if I was under water–it’s just not very clear. I just feel I need to tell you to be careful while you’re alone. Try to surround yourself with friends. And, you might feel better if you do. Take care of yourself Gracie. Right now, I feel that’s very important for you to know.”
Wasn’t that what Maggie said last night? I look at Celine, then back to the phone. “Can you see Sal at all? Is he safe?
I hear her take a deep breath and blow it out. Then I hear a friendly chuckle.
“I don’t have a crystal ball, Gracie. And honestly, I don’t see danger around Sal – I see it around you. Our futures can always switch lanes. I see you right now at a crossroads. It’s just so scrambled I can’t say for sure what I’m really seeing and I think sometimes your past lives interfere with my ability. That’s what happened when I first tried reading you. I’m sorry I’m not as good as my grandmother was. But I hope I helped you a little.”
“I’m sorry I’m difficult to read,” I say with a little laugh.
“Don’t be sorry!” she says, sounding like she’s smiling. “You have a very old and strong soul–you’ve had many lives–it shows me too much at once and that makes it hard for me to tune into.”
“Okay, I can understand that,” I say, surprised that it does make some sense.
“I have learned a lot from my grandmother,” Yvette confides, “I can tell you souls don’t die, even if there is a suicide–it always comes back to learn something, realizing that wasn’t the answer. Gracie, I can feel you are sensing a danger coming. Be careful, as I said. Use your ability of strong intuition to help you.”
“Okay, I will try to stay alert and be positive about Sal. I do have one question I wanted to ask Amina, but maybe you can answer it. Sal is my soul mate, I have no doubts. But, why didn’t we meet earlier?”
“Destiny,” she blurts. “Destiny helps us out.” Maybe it knew your chances were better at this point in both your lives.”
Celine and I both look up at each other. Celine mouths, “WOW.” I shrug and nod my head.
“Okay, Yvette,” I say, “I will take all this in–thank you. I think Amina would be proud. How can I pay you for your time?”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. Grandma gave you my private number for a reason–it’s my gift to you. I hope it helped. Please take care of yourself, I can’t stress that enough. Oh - watch what you eat or drink - and get rest. Maybe we’ll chat again soon!”
“Thank you so much Yvette! I so appreciate your time. You did help. Bye, and take care.”
“Bye, Gracie. God bless.”
I tap the end button on my phone and put it down between Celine and me. “Well, that was interesting,” I murmur.
Celine tilts her head at me., “You’re not feeling any better, I can see it.”
“She can’t read me, so, yeah.. not so much.” I sigh.
“Well, she’s got a point – you knew she didn’t have a crystal ball. But I do like what she said to you about taking care of yourself and paying attention to your gut feelings.”
“Celine, my gut is telling me Sal’s gonna get killed! If she saw that she wasn’t going to tell me!” I shout in frustration. Damn it, why did the one person who could help me have to die, just weeks ago?
“Actually, she said she didn’t see danger around Sal. She wasn’t so sure about you, though. Maybe you’re confused about what your intuition is saying to you? I think it’s also a positive that destiny has stepped in. The answer she gave you about why you and Sal met now instead of years ago. That sounds like there’s a damn good possibility the ending will be different this time.”
“I don’t know,” I say, tossing up my hands. “If I met Sal instead of Richard, maybe Sal wouldn’t have gone on this job– maybe I could have prevented it–what if our destiny just keeps repeating itself?”
Celine smiles wickedly, waving her empty coffee mug in the air. “What if, destiny made you marry Richard who brought you here, to meet Antonio, which led you to Sal. Like she said, it knew your chances were better now. When Sal was younger, he was full- blown military, right? It would have never worked out. It makes perfect sense to me Gracie!”
“Okay, I chuckle, you have a point,” I admit, feeling just a bit lighter. “He was everywhere and he did survive being a prisoner in Bosnia. But my intuition is still telling me something terrible is going to happen. Do you think I’m just confused”?
“Baby girl,” Celine says with a motherly tone. “I think you’re in love, and you’re missing your man, and it’s making you very sad and a bit crazy. Maybe your mind is playing tricks on you.”
“I hope so, Celine, I just don’t know anymore. I just feel it–everyday it gets stronger.”
Celine takes my hand in hers and looks me in the eyes. “You can choose to mourn something that probably will not happen, or you can be very careful, take good care of yourself, and go on with your plans for a lovely wedding and a happily-ever-after life. It’s up to you, baby.”
Celine leaves a few hours l
ater, after we eat a light supper of salmon and salad. As I watch her pull away, the emptiness in my chest feels deeper. I return inside the house and look around. The cold lonely silence of the mansion is back as though it’s mocking me. But this time around it’s worse.
Now that Sal’s gone the loneliness feels colder and darker.
CHAPTER 26
The tears have slowed down some. Not enough sleep and still no appetite I decide to go with Sal’s method and stay away from the pills. But, I’m not sleeping more than a few hours at a time and the constant sense that tragedy is just around the corner is wearing me down.
Two days after Celine left, I call Veronica and tell her I’ll be coming back to work–if I still have a job, that is. She laughs and tells me my job is not at risk.
On one particular day I get to work at the animal clinic ten minutes late. Veronica is standing right by the door as Toby and I blaze through it. I’m almost breathless.
“AH, you made it!” Veronica chimes. “I was getting worried.”
“I’m sorry. My head is just not where it should be, I guess. I was in deep thought and drove right past the office,” I confess with some embarrassment. “By the time I realized what I did, I was a good five minutes up the road. I had to turn around.”
“We’ve got a full morning, Gracie,” Veronica says, eyeing me with concern. “Are you here now? All of you? I mean mind and body?”
I give her scrunched up eyebrows and a salute. “Yes, I’m all here.”
“Good!” she says. “Because the past couple of weeks you have been an absolute freak show. You’re physically here, but mentally you’re far away. I kind of miss you.”
I sigh, knowing she’s right. If I were the boss, I’d have fired me by now. I give her a little smile. “I’m so sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Yeah, no doubt. With Sal away I’m sure you’re missing him and I know it’s making you nervous that you can’t talk with him or know where he is.” Veronica ushered them inside the office.
“Just be thankful this is the last one, I don’t think you’d be able to handle it if he wasn’t retired from this line of work. And to top it off, planning a wedding without him,” she shakes her head. “It’s a lot, but you need to relax sweetie–you don’t look good.”
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