A Soul Mate's Promise

by Soprano, Robin H

  I nod my head. She’s right and I know it, but I just don’t seem to have what it takes to overcome the dread that accompanies me day and night. It’s not just that I miss Sal so much, there is something else going on, but I don’t understand it. Even my visits with Dr. Brooks give me little relief.

  I battle to stay focused on each case and maybe for the first time in weeks, Veronica thanks me for my help.

  On my lunch break I go out on the front porch of the clinic and gag down a half a yogurt while I’m mindlessly gazing into the ocean. The sun reflects off of the water and shimmers across the surface like gems. The cool ocean breeze whips around but I don’t feel it.

  “Gracie?” Veronica calls. “Oh, there you are. I thought maybe we’d eat our lunch together and I couldn’t find you. It’s freezing out here–how can you stand it!” She wraps her arms around herself to keep from shivering.

  “Huh? Oh, I’m fine,” I tell her. I hold up my yogurt cup. “I just had my lunch, but thanks for the thought.”

  Veronica stands there for a minute, then goes inside. When she returns, she’s got a blanket and drapes it over me. Taking the chair next to me, she puts her hand on me.

  “Gracie, is there something wrong? Did I do something to offend you? Or maybe you don’t like your job anymore?”

  “Oh, no–no… I love it here!” I assure her. “And you’re a wonderful boss. I’m so sorry I’ve been acting so crazy. I’m not sleeping well because I don’t want to keep taking pills, so that’s most of it, I guess. I’ll get through it.”

  “Is there something you need to talk to me about? I can listen, maybe help?”

  I toss Veronica a little smile and consider telling her the whole maddening story, but decide not to. “Mostly, I’m just scared all the time. I keep getting the feeling something bad is going to happen to Sal, you know, like intuition.”

  Veronica nods and pats my hand. “I suppose that’s normal. Police wives and firemen’s wives feel like this most of the time. I Imagine you’re feeling what a military wife or girlfriend would feel. But, at least he’s not gone off to war and fighting on enemy grounds Hell, for all you know he might still be in this country doing what needs to be done. It’s the not knowing that’s killing you. You need to think positive, Gracie. Sal will be home before you know it, I’m sure.”

  “I hope so Veronica. Thanks for understanding.”

  “Well, it’s too damned cold out here for me” she says, getting to her feet. “I think you’d better get inside too. You don’t look good to me. You’re making yourself sick over this. You need to snap out of it. Sal loves you, he’ll come home safe and sound – but what will he do if you’re in the hospital – or worse?”

  “That’s what Antonio says, too,” I tell her and smile a brighter smile.

  “Come inside, Gracie,” she says, pulling me to my feet. “Just another hour or so, then the surgeries are done and you can go home. Try to relax.”

  Two dogs and an old cat later, I clean up, call Toby and we head for home. The only problem is, I don’t want to go home to the cold, dark mansion. Maybe I’ll go see Antonio, but then again, I think that every day and never do.

  When Toby and I get home, I feed him and curl up on the couch. I glance at the mail–there’s nothing too important and I toss it on the coffee table.

  I think about my conversation with Veronica, wondering what she would say if she knew the whole story. But then Dr. Brooks and Celine know the whole story and keep telling me I’m worrying for nothing.

  I wish I could figure out how to do that.

  * * *

  Camille James was happy today. The bank accounts had been back on track for a while and Richard was headed out of town in a few days for a business trip.

  As soon as he left she would make a final transfer of money into her secret Cayman bank account. Pack her bags. Grab her mom out of the mental home and fly them to the penthouse condo that she put a deposit on.

  She couldn’t wait to get out of this town that had branded her with a crappy reputation–and start over new and fresh. Before she would leave though, there was someone she needed to pay a special visit to.

  * * *

  January turned into February and my days and nights melded into each other.

  It’s almost two months since Sal left. Every morning I wake up nauseous with fear. I battle day to day to eat, to sleep, to keep going to work. I know it’s important. I know it’s what Sal wants. But the dread is winning. I thank God for Toby who keeps me moving.

  Celine sends me a text that she’s stopping by. I don’t answer it. I stay in bed till I hear her knock on the door.

  “Ho-ly Shit!” Celine says, giving me a look of disdain. I move aside allowing her to enter the house. I shut the door and she just stands there staring at me.

  “Gracie you look like shit! Jesus have mercy, you look like something on one of those zombie shows! Oh, no, no, no…I’m taking you to the hospital. This ain’t right.” She waves a hand at me. “You’re not well!”

  “Celine, please,” I huff. “I am not going to a hospital. I’ll be fine.”

  “You don’t look fine, Gracie! Have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? What happened to those warnings about taking care of yourself? About being aware of what’s going on?”

  I walk away from her to make myself a cup of tea. “I don’t need this right now, Celine. My nerves are shot. But I feel it… it’s closer now. Something terrible is coming and I don’t think I can stop it!”

  “Gracie, you need to calm down,” Celine scolded. “Look what you’ve done to yourself! Have you seen Antonio? Has he seen what you look like?”

  ”I wave to him from a distance and at night when I can’t sleep, I see him out on his deck. I know he’s keeping an eye on me. But being with Tony is too painful a reminder that Sal is gone.”

  “Have you been anywhere, recently?”

  “I’ve been to work!” I snap. “And, I’ve seen Dr. Brooks. I went to the store for dog food…”

  She slashes the air with her hand. “Okay, that’s what–a few hours a week? I came here to take you out. Mimi and some of the girls from SWS want to know how you are. They know Sal is away on duty– they thought maybe a girl’s night out would cheer you up!”

  I sigh. “All the girls know Sal’s away?”

  “The whole town knows it, baby. Everyone is truly concerned about you. Come out with us for a little bit, get some air, walk among the living!”

  “I can’t, Celine,” I really want to, but just not up to it yet.. “I just can’t. I’m grateful for your friendship, but please, I need to be alone.”

  “Remember what the psychic said”. She points one of her red fingernails at me. “She told you not to be alone and to take care of yourself. Not join the zombie apocalypse!” I actually laugh at her remark.

  “I know, I know…just give me some time.”

  “It’s been two months, Gracie. And by the looks of you, you are out of time. But fine,” she hissed, her eyes boring into me. “I’m telling you now, baby girl, I’m giving you a week. If I don’t like what I see, I’m getting Antonio and we are taking your crazy ass to the hospital! I don’t care if I have to Baker Act you to do it. We clear?”

  I sarcastically salute her, walk her to the door, and watch her drive away.

  I sit and drink my tea. Toby comes and puts his big head on my lap. He snuggles up with me while I watch the T.V. which is nonstop coverage about the nasty winter weather headed our way for the next few days.

  A little while later, I feed Toby and go outside with him in the yard. Antonio comes out and waves.

  “Hello, caro, How are you doing?” he calls from his deck.

  “I’m doing a little better, Pops,” I lie. “Don’t worry about me. How about you?”

  He looks at me and I see the shock in his eyes. “I miss you caro.” He says.”

  I nod and blow him a kiss. I call after Toby and retreat back inside. Glancing back over at Pop, I see him swipe
a hand across his eyes.

  I get into bed but I don’t have any tears left. I don’t have anything left. Slowly but surely the tiny pill eases my raw nerves and I wander off to sleep.

  * * *

  “Nice work, Agent Petroni. The team is in place and targets are locked.”

  “Good”, Sal said, nodding his head once at Carl. I’ll wait for their return back at the embassy and suit up. I’m going in with them.”

  “No you won’t, Sal.” Carl said flatly. “End of the line for you, agent. You were called in for consulting only. Your work is done here. The team will get the job done just fine, thanks to you.”

  “Sir, they are on my strategic plans. I should be helping the new commander!” Sal countered.

  “Agent Petroni,” Carl shouted, putting a hand up. “Sal,” he said in a calmer voice. “Your duties to your country went far beyond any man’s expectations. You’ve been through too much. You were an exceptional soldier and one of the best agent’s I’ve known. The service is in your debt. I called you in for help on this case for your expertise. As usual, you did not let us down.”

  “Thank you, Carl, I appreciate that. But, I feel I need to see this through—”

  “Agent!” Carl cut him off. “I’ve known you most of my life. I know how you work–you’re not all here–you’re distracted now. Your eyes used to be cold, emotionless, fearless; you’ve changed. You have something to live for now.”

  A small smile spread across Sal’s mouth. Carl was right, Sal had been distracted and he wasn’t going to risk his life again. Gracie was home waiting for him, convinced something was going to end his life and it petrified her. He wouldn’t do this to her–to them.

  He nodded at his supervisor. “You’re right, Carl. I have to go home–it’s wear my heart is. I made her a promise.”

  “I’m happy for you, Sal.” Carl smiles back. “You deserve a real life. Go home, get married, live your life–you more than earned it.”

  * * *

  Within a few hours he was on a jet headed back to the states. The entire flight, his thoughts were about Gracie and how happy she’d be when he got home.

  The whole time he was away, he couldn’t shake the haunting image of how sad and terrified she looked the day he left. Even her brave face had frightened him. It was killing him to be away from her at all, let alone for months.

  He glanced at the time on his watch. It would be over twenty-four hours by the time he touched down in D.C. and another twenty-four for debriefing. Then he’d call her.

  He couldn’t wait to get her in his arms again. He missed her–everything about her. That laugh and smile, her appetite, the way she’d glowed when he proposed; the softness of her skin and how incredibly warm she was deep inside; the desires he saw in her eyes when they made love; every little sound and moan of pleasure. He missed her scent. He missed all of it–all of her.

  * * *

  I jolt and gasp for air. It snaps me awake from a pill-induced slumber and my stomach rolls. I stumble to the bathroom and purge mostly bile. My head swims in and out of dizzy waves until I breathe calmer and steady myself. I’m getting pretty good at calming myself down, now.

  Toby watches me, then comes to my side. “Good boy, Toby,” I say as I pet his thick scruff. “You are such a good boy.”

  I decide to take him for his morning walk on the beach since we can both use some fresh air. I can hear the weather changing. The wind is picking up and howling around the mansion, just as the weather stations had predicted.

  As we venture out I see the clouds building in the distance and the wind is starting to have an icy feel to it. The waves in the ocean rumble like thunder, churning over and slamming into the sand.

  “I guess the Weather Channel was right, Toby. A nor’easter is coming our way, bringing in a cold front.”

  Toby runs all over the beach taking a sniff here and there. The strong winds are blowing us around. I stroll down our little wooden pier while Toby views me from a distance because the loud crashing of the waves hitting the pilings makes him nervous. I stand remembering the morning Sal and I sat here quiet and he held me for hours. Oh god how I miss him.

  Walking back from the beach, I see Pop. He waves. “Hello caro. Come sit with me for a while.” I hesitate for a moment but I go. “Just a little while pop, my stomach isn’t too good today. We chat for a minute about the weather and Toby. He tells me he has missed me, and when the conversation turns to Sal, Antonio gazes at me with dark, sad eyes. Before I break into a blubbering fool I leave and give him a quick kiss on his cheek. As I head home I turn to wave at him. Pop puts his hand over his heart and blows me a kiss.

  I’m not exactly lying. Almost everything I try to eat turns my stomach–even coffee isn’t good. I’ve lost at least twenty pounds and even Dr. Brooks is making sounds about me going into the hospital for tests and care.

  I make some ginger tea and manage to get down some saltines with jelly until my stomach revolts. Breathing in a deep sigh, I pick up the keys to the Beast and with damp eyes, I go to the garage. I stared at the tarp that covers it, then hit the garage door button. The door opens and a rush of cold, salty air filters in, giving me the chills. I go to the car and pull at the tarp exposing just enough of the shiny silver gray Viper so I can climb in.

  The vehicle smell reminds me of Sal–I spot his baseball cap lying in the passenger seat. I pick it up and hold it to my face. His scent is there and I feel closer to him. I put the key in the ignition and start it up. It roars to life and the vibration makes me smile for a moment. I rev the gas like Sal told me to do and I just let her purr for a few minutes.

  As I hang there listening to the car hum, thoughts of our trip and my first ride in this car flood my memories. I’m no longer sure that Sal is not coming back, but bad vibes surround me. They are so strong today it has me jumpy and fatigued. Every sound I hear makes my heart race and my nerves rattle.

  After I shut the car off I stare at the Viper one more minute before putting the tarp back in place. Clutching Sal’s ball cap, I close up the garage and go back inside. The tightness in my chest is so strong that I can barely breathe. I take a pill, crawl into bed and switch the TV on.

  News of severe weather bombards every channel and breaks into every show. Freeze warnings, high winds and sleet are expected for the next twelve hours.

  I hear my cell phone chime and glance at the texts. Celine and Maggie, over and over. I know they want to help, but they can’t. And I know they don’t understand. I’m mad, scared, and helpless. I shut down my phone for the remainder of the weekend. I just want to rest my head for now. I’ll call everyone back on Monday.

  * * *

  Maggie got up from her chair and eyed the painting. She smiled.. I need to get this to Gracie. “Mike, come have a look at the painting I did of Sal and Gracie.”

  He appeared in the doorway. “That’s beautiful, hon,” he said. “Where did you get the idea to make the painting as though it were a Renaissance?”

  “The pictures she sent me. This one here, especially,” she said, pointing to the one at the winery that looked like a castle. “I swear it’s just how I see them. I painted this portrait from my mind’s eye, as though it were a memory I’ve had. Crazy right?”

  “Maggie,” he sighed. “In all our years together I’ve learned one thing–crazy you are not, but, you are creatively blessed. Your talent is a gift.” He laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Speaking of gifts, what are you gonna do with it? You gonna send it to her?”

  She stood and starred quietly at the painting her uneasiness growing. “Mike,” she snapped, “I have to go see her–I’ll bring it to her.”

  “You’re going to fly down to Florida with the painting? Why don’t you wait till spring break–I’ll take the week off, we’ll all go, I’ll drive us down and—”

  “Mike, something’s wrong,” she told him. “As nice as that sounds, I need to go like, now!”

  “What is it, hon? What’s wrong?” Question
ing her with a look of concern, he knew his wife–and he knew Gracie and Maggie shared a strong bond.

  “I’m not sure, Mike, but I just got a bad feeling. Gracie’s alone right now and she’s been very depressed about Sal being away. She hasn’t returned my text or calls. Something is wrong. I need to get on a plane!”

  He looked at her and nodded. He knew better than to argue. “Okay, I’ll call the airlines about a flight, but the weather is bad up and down the East Coast. It might be a day or two before you can fly.”

  “Okay, make the call. I want to go as soon as possible!”

  * * *

  Sal thought he’d lose his mind before debriefing was over. He’d never experienced such impatience with the process before, but he was desperate to get back to Gracie.

  Wasting no time, he got the first flight he could get. Bad weather was coming in and he was lucky to get out of D.C., thanks to the Agency. But he couldn’t reach Gracie or Pop.

  Before the flight he called her cell but it kept going to voice mail–and now the cells were not working on the flight.

  With the heavy winds, the pilot’s weren’t sure if they’d land in Jacksonville or Atlanta. While Sal waits for word on which it will be, it feels like torture.

  * * *

  I wake abruptly out of a dream–coughing. I feel a burning in my throat and stomach. I gasp for air and I am drenched in sweat. I remember seeing Mother Boumont in my dream–she looked panic stricken. I have never dreamt of her before.

  The dream makes me extremely tense and a bad vibe crawls up my spine. “Please God, don’t let me have a panic attack!” I pray aloud. I get out of bed to get a hold of myself. I go into the bathroom and splash water on my face. I’m shaky and my breaths are shallow.