Coffee and Cockpits

by Jade Hart

  A small smile graced my lips and I stepped out of the car. My neck was mainly healed, which was good considering I could’ve caused some serious damage at his abrupt arrival.

  The moment I was free, he squeezed the bejesus out of me.

  “Shit, Poppins. I was so worried. I heard all about the crash. You alright?” He broke the embrace and dragged me toward the aeroclub. “Come on. You deserve a drink.”

  My heels dug into the driveway gravel. “Um, no, I’m—” How could I tell the most wonderful flight instructor, even if he was a blabbermouth, that I couldn’t fly anymore?

  He stopped, eyeing me. “Don’t tell me you let a crash get to you?” He put hands on his hips. “I thought you were stronger than that. What happened to the girl who loves to test the rules of gravity? Who doesn’t care about what others think ‘cause you’ve got your eye so firmly on your dream?” He sighed. “Why haven’t you called me? You’ve been back two weeks. I know. I checked with Kiwi Air.”

  Oxygen was gloppy and hard to breathe. “Theo… I.” I steeled myself. “I can’t go in there. That part of my life is over. Flying almost killed me. It brought me pain and grief.” Then my eyes widened. Theo was friends with Liam. Why hadn’t I thought to ask him if he’d heard anything?

  “Well, that is the most stupid bunch of crap I’ve heard you say, yet. So you crashed. I’m sorry. But if you don’t get back on the bike or horse or whatever, you let your fear win. You share the name of a magical nanny, open your little umbrella and fly.” He grabbed my elbow and pulled, giving me no choice but to stumble beside him. “And after all the time and energy I put into training you? I don’t bloody think so, missy. You’re a kickass pilot and you’re gonna get your commercial wings.”

  The aeroclub loomed above me. Normally the sight of the logo with red wings on black ground made my step light, eager. Now, it stifled me like I was going to the dentist.

  The airplane hangar had been converted to house a bunch of classrooms, meeting rooms, and a small bar nook.

  As Theo dragged me across the stark foyer, housing bits of old plane and hanging engines from the ceiling, I asked, “Have you heard from Liam?” Did that sound blasé enough? I hoped so and not my wretched soul desperate to know any snippet of information on him. Was he even still alive?

  Theo turned to me, a glint like emerald-fire in his eyes. “That’s why I’ve been trying to get hold of you, little lady.”

  He knew? What did he know?

  “Come have a drink with me and I’ll tell you.” Theo pointed to the small open bar.

  I managed a nod and settled on a barstool as Theo poured himself a pint. Everything was on an honesty system, and we could serve ourselves. He poured me one, even though I didn’t like beer, and shoved it down the slippery bar like he was a pro.

  My hands splattered with sloshing beer and I gave him a small smile. “You’ll never get better at that. I’d stick to flying, and leave the bartending to others.”

  He chuckled, taking a seat next to me. He took a long drag of beer before wiping the foam off his upper lip and pinning me with his stare. “Now that I’ve got you here, I’m going to say a few things.” His blond shaggy hair glinted under the lights humming above.

  I wanted to slouch into my seat like a wayward student, but a twinge of fire built in me. If he tried to convince me to come back to finish my license, he’d have a fight on his hands. Just the thought of going up stole the air from my lungs.

  “Nina.”

  Uh oh. He was pissed. Theo never used my first name.

  “You’ve lost weight. I don’t like it.”

  A laugh burst from my mouth. I startled… crap, when was the last time I laughed? “I was in a coma for almost a month. I guess you tend to lose weight.” That wasn’t entirely true, I’d lost more since arriving home.

  “Well, I’m going to stuff you with junk food so get used to grease.” He gave me a soft smile. “And, you’re going to fly again. No arguments.”

  Ignoring that, I asked, “You’re not going to ask what happened?” I took a sip of beer, cringing.

  “What do I need to know? Kiwi Air 93 crashed. Lives were lost, including crew. And you suffered. Do we really need to talk about something that upsets you?” He touched my wrist. “If it isn’t something you want to relive, then talking about it is pointless.”

  I stared into the amber liquid. But if I talked about it, I remembered Liam and what we shared. He captured my thoughts and the loss went away for a bit.

  Theo continued, “You asked me about Liam.”

  My eyes snapped to his, my skin whizzing with hope. “Yes.”

  “I always knew if you two had the chance to get to know each other you’d hit it off.” He stood. “Wait here a moment. I have to go get something.”

  Before I could say anything, he charged off to his small office. As second in command in running the aeroclub he inherited a poky closet.

  He jogged back with a print out in his hand. Oh God, more paper. The last time I took something to read, I didn’t like the outcome. First, with the news article from Joslyn, and then Liam’s note from Nikolai.

  Theo held it out. “Go on, take it.”

  I pinched it with unwilling fingers. “What is it?”

  He grinned, motioning with his eyebrows for me to read.

  I scanned the page. It showed my account with the areoclub. My heart sped up to gallop around my chest. “This can’t be right.” My balance, which normally equalled a few hundred for my next flight or exam, had exploded to over thirty thousand dollars. The exact amount, not including the ten thousand from the pay out from Kiwi Air, I needed to pass my commercial license. Chills pinpricked my spine. “Where did this cash come from? Someone must have made a mistake.”

  He shook his head. “I checked when I saw it a week ago. It’s not a mistake. It’s yours.”

  “That can’t be true. I don’t have that sort of money.”

  “It came from Liam. With explicit instructions the money is to be used in the next six months to finish your license.”

  My eyes flew wide. “Liam paid for me? He can’t do that.” The memory of him telling me on the beach, just before we awoke, crashed into me. He wanted to pay for me. It was a business expense. I jumped off my stool. “Do you know where he is? Has he done it?” Was he opening his business? How could he though, he didn’t know how to fly…unless… did he remember? Damn him for not having a phone or an address or something so I could track him down.

  “I don’t know what you mean by ‘has he done it?’ but I’m telling you everything I know. The transfer came through with a few lines of instruction from the bank. That’s it. I can’t even track where the money was deposited from. If I knew, I’d go and speak to the man myself. I heard about his injury and hope he’s not wallowing somewhere. I’d help him relearn in a heartbeat if he needed help.” He yanked the paper out of my hands. “But he’s given you a gift. You don’t have to go back to work for Kiwi Air. You and me, we can focus on your lessons fulltime. You’re so close. Don’t stop. Don’t let fear win.”

  Anger blossomed. “I don’t want to let the fear win, Theo. But it has. I get shaky and clammy when I think of going up there again. I don’t think I can.” Why did Liam pay for me? He must’ve known I’d struggle with going back, or was I just being a big wuss and making it a lot harder? The money taunted me—if I could find the courage, I could be fully qualified in months. I could leave for good. But I couldn’t leave. I’d have to find a way to pay Liam back. I wouldn’t take his money.

  A small trickle of who I’d been before the crash settled into me. Liam gave me the tools to turn from airhostess to commercial pilot. The knowledge he believed in me, even when he wasn’t with me, slowly unlocked my prison of terror.

  Theo stood and pulled me into a hug.

  I froze. Two hugs in one day… wow.

  “I love it when I witness that.”

  I pulled back. “Witness what?”

  “The passion seeping bac
k in. I see the spark that is Nina Poppins building again. She’s in there… you just need to move forward.”

  I dropped my eyes. Was Theo right? Was the tickling, unfurling sensation inside the real me breaking free?

  If Liam could face dealing with a brain injury on his own, I could go back to who I truly was. I wasn’t a moper or a weak-willed scared little thing. I loved heat and dance. I loved color and corsets. I loved flying and… Liam. My eyes widened as I made the connection. Flying equalled Liam. In a roundabout stupid way, I associated my loss of Liam with the loss of flying. God, I was screwed up. If anything, flying would bring me closer to Liam. Being inside a cockpit would remind me of him. And it would give me back my future.

  “You’re right,” I murmured.

  Theo cocked his head. “Oh, I like it when you say that. Say it again.” He laughed.

  The banter that flowed so easily between us came back, and for the first time since I awoke from fantasy-Liam-land, I grasped the small ribbon of happiness. “You’re right. I will fly again.”

  He clapped his hands. “Excellent. No time like the present.” Holding his hand out, he said, “The sky awaits you, Poppins. Let’s see if you can tame her.”

  The controls taunted me with skipping memories. Try as I might, I couldn’t hold onto any of the fleeting thoughts or knowledge from my past. I still couldn’t understand why the wayward shrapnel destroyed my training as a pilot. Why not erase my memories on how to tie a shoelace or ride a bike? Other little things were missing too, like forgetting recipes I knew by heart, or not remembering any phone numbers for family that I dialled almost every day before the crash. And the majority of my education was gone. Right down to dreaded calculus I took as extra credit when I was sixteen.

  “You ready, Mikin?”

  My eyes flew to Jeff, my flight instructor, mentor, and soon-to-be business partner. His island skin and dark hair complimented his black eyes. The nerves I’d battled with for three months galloped back. What if I crapped out and crashed again? God, did I really want to do this? I was kidding myself to think I was ready. I wasn’t.

  Swallowing hard, I nodded. “Yep.”

  Jeff motioned that I had control and I inched onto the runway, lining up for take-off. Every judder of the tires sent coils of apprehension through me. It was second nature—how to direct the plane and what button to push—completely ingrained into my muscle memory. I did things unconsciously. Things that showed me I knew how to fly, even if my brain pretended otherwise.

  Traffic control came clear and loud through my headset with a French twang. “Air Tahiti Nui, india golf sixty-three you have permission. Open skies in front.”

  “Roger that.” My voice was tight, concentration screaming with intensity. This was it. My first solo takeoff since I crashed with John Anderson. The thought of Samoa buried me with emotions. Every day was an inhuman struggle not to lift the phone and call Nina, to reach out and talk to her. God, I needed someone to talk to. But at the same time, I made a pact to do this on my own. To save myself and not be a burden to anyone.

  Jeff cocked his head. “Ready when you are.”

  Taking a deep breath, I pushed the throttle forward. The Boeing 737-300 lurched into motion, gobbling up tarmac until the Papette Aeroporto was a blur of arched roofs and French-Polynesian architecture.

  My stomach stayed behind as I eased on the controls and pulled the heavy beast into the air.

  Two hundred metres above ground.

  One thousand metres.

  Three thousand.

  I pressed the button to retract the landing gear, and suffered a flashback of the airplane dissection Nikolai had overseen. Then again, what I remembered wasn’t true. I hadn’t had the guts to go and see what the real damage was. The moment Nik agreed to get me off the island, I’d cleared myself with Doctor Ali’tasi, grabbed some clothes from the hospital gift shop, and requested he drop me off at the airport.

  He hadn’t done it willingly. His hazel eyes reprimanding me for leaving—for not having the guts to stay.

  When I’d given him the note to pass to Nina, my heart wrenched. What if she fell in love with him in my absence? I hated my insecurities, but it just confirmed why I needed to leave. I couldn’t ask Nina to support me—not when I didn’t know whether I could relearn. Doctor Alea had mentioned the pathways to learn something as complicated as flying might have been damaged too, and if that had happened, I wouldn’t want to be around myself, let alone Nina. She’d be better off without me.

  It helped already having connections in Tahiti, being in touch with a few officials while arranging my future business permits meant I was able to pull a few strings. Now I sat beside the guy who’d offered me three aircraft in turn for a commission cut, let me crash on his couch, and was a qualified pilot willing to help me relearn how to do the thing I loved most. Well, second most.

  I sighed heavily. Nina.

  God, I was an ass to leave her. Would she hate me? Would she understand? Would she wait for me or had she moved on?

  My fingers flew over the control panel, taking a reading of air speed, fuel levels, and cabin pressure. Everything was how it should be.

  Jeff leaned back in the co-pilot’s seat, grinning. “I knew when you stopped over thinking it, you’d be fine. You did most of that on muscle memory. A newbie wouldn’t have had the presence of mind to do an inflight check and bring up the landing gear without me telling him.”

  Some of the heaviness that lived on my shoulders lightened. It had taken three months to trust myself. Three long months to allow Jeff to talk me into taking the controls. Maybe I hadn’t forgotten everything… there was still a chance it would come back. Eventually. But I wasn’t going to wait around for it. I resat some of the exams, barely passing after a lot of late nights. All I’d done since arriving in Tahiti was study. In between my doctor visits to check the progress of my healing, of course.

  I threw him a grin, letting the calm, hushed world of the cockpit soothe me. “Thanks for helping me out, Jeff.”

  We were the only two souls on board. Air Tahiti Nui kindly let us use their off duty training aircraft. Mainly because I promised to shuttle a lot of their passengers to outlying islands for a mortifyingly low price when I started my business.

  “No worries. I know I made a good investment in you. I expect you to be up and running soon.”

  Engaging autopilot, I looked below to the sparkling crystal sea. The water was so clear the sandy bottom and occasional sprinkling of coral reefs were visible. Resorts hugged the coast like bright flowers on a vine. Their assortment of pools and manicured gardens morphed into idyllic beaches.

  I sighed again. Nina would love it here. Shit, I loved it here. If it wasn’t for the headaches and setback on flying, I’d be in my element. I missed her. So much. Every night as I lay alone in Jeff’s lounge on my makeshift bed, my entire body ached for her. I couldn’t stay away much longer. I didn’t know how I’d stayed away this long.

  “Right. Let’s start the test shall we?” Jeff pulled out a laminated ring binder chock-full of things a pilot must know.

  Nerves catapulted again, but I wiped the anxious sweat off my palms and nodded. “The sooner I have my wings back, the sooner my life can start again.”

  Six months had passed.

  Six lonely, hard, miserable months.

  My heart, still bruised from never hearing a word from Liam, thrummed in anticipation. Today was the day my life began again. It was a day for closure and a day for renewal. I couldn’t pine after Liam any longer. I’d promised myself when I took Liam’s money that I’d wait for him until I finished. And I had. But no longer.

  My hands shook as panic took hold. I didn’t know where I was going after today. I had a few flying interviews in Glasgow and Dubai. It seemed female pilots were in demand over there. My bags were packed, my terrapins rehomed, and my apartment lease had ended. After today, I wouldn’t be going back. After today, Liam wouldn’t be able to find me as I didn’t know where I�
��d end up.

  Joslyn squeezed my hand. “So proud of you, girl.”

  I smiled, forcing my melancholy away. I would not mope. I was happy. “Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without your support.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Please. All I did was supply you with cocktails on Friday nights and make sure you remembered to live while absorbing text book after text book.”

  I laughed. “That was a very important part. I wouldn’t have found my way out of code and terminology if it wasn’t for you.” Plus, I would’ve missed her. After quitting Kiwi Air, I wouldn’t have seen her if we didn’t make the effort when she was in town between overnights.

  She nudged my shoulder, dropping her voice as Theo came toward us. We were in the back row in the hanger. The entire aeroclub had been decorated in gold and red banners with all manner of wings painted and stitched. In front of us sat thirteen new, about to be decorated, pilots. We’d completed enough hours and sat all the requirements to join the ranks of commercial.

  “Do you think he’ll forgive me for snogging him again the other night? I didn’t mean to… it’s just, I had a bit too much to drink, and I mean… come on. He’s delicious. I still think about the hickey he gave me.”

  I smiled. I could understand what Joslyn found attractive. I mean, what wasn’t there to like? Theo was smart, funny, tenacious, and kind. I hoped they’d stop playing games with each and do it already, but I didn’t think they’d last. Joslyn needed someone less… like her. And Theo was a little too similar.

  A small worry griped. Where was Nikolai? I hadn’t heard a thing about him since Samoa. I’d wondered if Joslyn was being secretive and had seen him recently, but I supposed if she was after Theo, my concerns were unwarranted.

  “You ready, Nina. You’re up next.” Theo squatted by my chair. “Aren’t you pleased you didn’t let fear win?”

  I groaned. After every lesson he’d asked me that, rubbing my face in my weakness, strengthening me in some strange way so I’d never relapse into letting my dreams go again. “I was too afraid of you to give up.”