Languish for you (My soulmate)

by Daniel, Serafina

  “Do you understand?” he asked me, narrowing his eyes dangerously. He wanted to give me a clear sign that he wasn't joking around. He was out of limit for me and I had to understand that, even if it was so magnificent to kiss him.

  I didn't answer or give a sign that I heard his words. I just frowned and made a bolt for the door. Christopher didn't strive to stop me this time. Maybe he fathomed out that it would be a bad idea or maybe he just wanted go give me some space to contemplate his words and this situation. Whatever the reason was, he did the right thing; I needed some time to be with my own thoughts.

  I sat on my bed, my face in my hands. Snow jumped on my bed and tried to nestle on my lap. I let her and soon I even found myself stroking her. It really was amazing, how animals could calm you down with just simply being with you.

  Snow mewed and I put a tiny smile on my face. On mature reflection, I really didn't have a strong reason to act like a jealous or angry girl. Christopher wasn't mine and I wasn't his. I didn't know him and he didn't know me. Nothing really connected us, if not that fact that he was my protector.

  I lifted my chin up to the window. The sun tried to let some rays into the world while the angry dark clouds put all their effort not to let anyone feel warmness.

  I heaved a sigh.

  “Reality sucks,” I said with a half of smile on my face.

  Snow mewed and jumped from my lap to the bed. Her moist and cold nose touched my arm. She agreed with me.

  I changed my clothes quickly, called Tobias to pick me as soon as possible and then left my home without even taking a second glance at Christopher or Avery. I wasn't in mood to have breakfast with them both over the same table and pretend that everything was okay when it wasn't.

  “What did you do?” I heard Avery asking Christopher when I was about to close the door.

  Yea, I was angry, because I didn't know what I should really do and feel. In books everything was easier; to find the right answer, to live. Lucky for me, it was strange reality in which I had a privilege to take part in.

  Tobias met me in the U-bahn. He seemed still one foot in the dreamland. Under his eyes I could see dark circles. He didn't sleep at night or couldn't.

  “Tough night?” I asked as I leaned closer to him.

  He lifted one corner of his lips.

  “You can say that again,” and kissed my forehead. Tobias soon took my hand into his. I felt warmness in my body, which threatened to become a bonfire.

  “Like to share?” I asked, closing my eyes. I didn't want to see people around us, who stole glances at us.

  “Not really,” he said openly. “And you? What troubles you?” he asked, pulling me closer to his embrace.

  “My stupidity,” I said laughing.

  “What do you mean?” he sounded alarm suddenly.

  “I just ...have a bad time at home. I fastened a quarrel upon Christopher.”

  “About what?” he said through his greeted teeth. Tobias didn't like my protector. Was he jealous? If so, he shouldn't be. Christopher drew boundaries between us; he was my protector and every single feeling I had toward him, had to greet a rubbish bin. It was a sharp sense of disappointment. I had never been a person, who liked to cherish some kind of feelings toward someone, and if I did that, I wanted that it would be mutual.

  “Well,” I didn't want to tell him the truth, but also I didn't have plans to lie him. So, I decided just to tell half of the truth. “We have different opinions about one thing. And you know what happens next,” I tried to sound careless and convince him that it was pointless to talk further about this meaningless thing.

  He didn't notice my warning to leave that topic and start a new one.

  “About what?” he kiss my head.

  “About relationships,” I said flatly.

  “Rela...”

  “Did I tell you about a fund-raiser?” I cut him off. He shook his head. He didn't seem determinate to find out more about my and Christopher's disagreement. “Well, my family is invited to one because of Avery,” I lied and felt sadness, but I knew that I couldn't just tell him that there was a guy, who wanted to see everyone in action. He would think I was nuts. “Would you like to go with me? You know, be my escort. There would be a dance, food, beautiful women,” I said in teasing voice.

  One part of me really wanted to go to that fund-raiser with him, to wear a beautiful dress, to dance, but another part disciplined myself that I shouldn't even have a second thought about going there. In that party would be the bodiless. I didn't know much about them, but I wasn't eager to fill those knowledge gaps.

  A wrinkle appeared on his forehead, giving me a sign that he was thinking very seriously about my proposal. I had some ideas what he could think; not everyone was asked to take part in a fund-raiser. Only rich people had possibility to go there and they did that with pleasure, because in them they could show how wealthy they were. At least, this kind of thing had existed before I was killed. But I really doubted if something really changed during these years; new things, new fashions, but the same need to show that you were better than others.

  “I don't know,” he said as the U-bahn stopped and a few people got off. “I don't have a costume here,” he said, letting red color to touch his cheeks.

  “Christopher can lend you one. He has a lot of them in his wardrobe. You are pretty much the same high and build,” I said, lifting my head up.

  Hesitation. That was what I saw in his face, and that was what I felt rush to erase from his face. I knew that I had to do something, because if not, he would start thinking about money and that he was poor. I didn't need that. Because really, I was poor. That money, which was in my bank account, wasn't mine.

  “I am not...”

  I kissed him deeply. He kissed me back.

  “What will you say now?” I asked with a huge smile on my face. Our fingers were tangled.

  “Are you sure about that? I am not that person...”

  “And you think I am? Really, I don't have my own car, diamond rings and so on. I wouldn't go there if not Avery, who got those invitations,” I explained. If he had even had a thought of me being rich, I had just trod that underfoot.

  “And how did Avery get them?” he suddenly got suspicious.

  I shrugged simply.

  “Something related with her job,” I said rolling my eyes. “So, you in?” I asked in playful voice.

  “Okay, sure,” he agreed and planted a quick kiss on my lips before we had to stand up and meet a new day in university.

  Chapter twenty two

  Before returning home, I decided to take a visit to Eduard. So, I told Tobias that Avery will pick me up and he could go home freely. Of course, he offered to wait for her with me, but I didn't let him, saying that he should take some sleep as soon as possible, because he looked really awful. Those dark circles only got darker during the day. He needed sleep.

  He left me reluctantly, saying that he would call me in the evening. I smiled and nodded. It was really easy to be with Tobias. It seemed to me that we had known each other for ages. That maybe was another soulmates' thing. If so, it let me be sure that I was with the right person.

  After a half of hour I was standing in front of Eduard, who was sitting, studying my face, my body, like he had to writer a paper about me later.

  Now he was wearing simple clothes, nothing special or eye catching.

  “Cookies?” the woman offered me, but I shook my head. I swore myself not to eat anything in the bodiless home.

  “But I will take,” Eduard said and took all plate into his hands. The woman smile grew in her face.

  “Anything else?” she asked, but Eduard shook his head. “We are fine. You can leave,” and she did. “So, what are you doing here now?” he asked, taking a cookie into his mouth.

  I put my hands on my lap and stared at them for some second, like trying to get courage from them, but they were just my hands, nothing more. So, I lifted my eyes up, took a deep breath.

  “Why do souls
have to connect?” I asked. I was trying to find the answer, how could I avoid that sex thing. The desire to try it wasn't as strong as my attitude towards it. Especially, I didn't want to try it when someone told me that there weren't another solution for me.

  “So curious, Trinity,” he grinned. “How do you think, why that connection is important to the souls?” he gave me a question. His eyes suddenly became serious. He was all about business now.

  “To be happy?” I said unsure.

  “Emotions...” he nodded.” Emotions are things, which can do more damages than a simple gun. For people, the connection means ecstasy, purpose of life. The creature created that connection, because it lets create good things.”

  “But people are good and without that connection,” I pointed out, not understanding something in his explanation. “And some becomes even bad with that connection.”

  “Smart girl,” he smiled with contentment. “You can understand more than another person. It should be because of your gift,” he pondered out loud.

  “Or maybe I am smart enough to see lacks of logic in your story,” I snapped.

  He nodded. Eduard seemed amused by my behavior.

  “That connection is importing, because it opens a door for a new soul. If there are true soulmates, a new soul will enter into the world, giving a chance for lonely soul to be happy. If they aren't...well, the old ones come back.”

  “You want that new souls could come in?” now it seemed more reasonable.

  “New souls, new world. Yes, Trinity, we want to help world to become a better place, because our creator wants that.”

  He stood up and waved his hand for me to follow him. I scanned quickly the area before I lifted my heavy body up. Nothing suspicions was here. For some reason, my body was alarmed, and that really wasn't because of Christopher's words. It was something else. Maybe his eyes, which seemed glassy.

  “What do you want for me to show?” I asked him as we entered into the corridor.

  “So curious, Trinity?” he said, crossing his hand behind his back. I noticed a ring on his right finger. It was a red ruby. I had read an article about them once; if a bad person wears a red ruby, it makes them even more evil. Or course, it was just an article for people, who wanted to believe that there was something more than the painful reality.

  “More like careful,” I declared, turning my head to all sides, studying every painting, statue with my eyes.

  He stopped and opened the door. I peeked inside; it was an enormous room, full with old and smelly things. I almost felt like I was dropped into a museum.

  I looked at him with a question in my eyes. He noticed it, but didn't hurry to give me the answer. He waved his hand for me to enter into the room. I hesitated, but in the end I stepped inside. He followed me as he closed the door.

  I tried to pretend that I was not with the bodiless in the same room, but with a nice guy, who would never do anything bad to me. Easy said than done.

  Eduard took some minutes just to watch my face as I looked around the room, sometimes touched something carefully, because I was afraid that those antique could turn into dust in my hands.

  A few times I saw in my eye corner his reactions; he was interested, a smug smile on his face while his arms were hiding behind his back. Eduard seemed so old to me, although the body didn't seem to go to the graveyard soon.

  “I don't understand,” I said when everything was touched by my eyes. “What do I have to see here?” I folded my arms over my chest.

  “I don't know myself,” he confessed. “Maybe I just wanted to see what you would do. Old things sometimes could trigger memories from your previous lives,” he said as he took one step closer to an old globe. He touched it with his fingers, without any fear, he let it spin around.

  “And it didn't work,” I said dryly, looking, how the globe started to slow down. I noticed many inaccuracies in that map. So, I could only guess that the globe had a value.

  “Don't hurry to judge,” he lifted his eyes from the globe and looked straight at me. Our stares locked.

  “I was told that souls could change their mates by just choosing the wrong one,” I decided to change the topic. He nodded, narrowing his eyes. He had a clue that I wanted to find out something what was strange for me and that turned an alarm in his mind.

  “Because of that it is our duty to help those souls to find their soulmate.”

  “Yea, I knew you will say that,” I licked my lip. “So, in every life every soul could have a different soulmate,” I stated.

  He frowned now, giving me a sign that he didn't like the way my thoughts were going. And exactly that was my biggest stimulus to continue.

  “I see you got the point that soulmates can change, but the bodiless' job is to make sure that it couldn't happen.”

  “Why? You said that every soul was created with another one. So, why could soulmates change then?”

  “Because that everyone could have a change to be happy.”

  “Then why did tutors and protectors refuse to have a soulmate?” I felt like Sherlock Holmes right now. Something wasn't right neither in his story nor in my bodyguards, and I wanted to know what everyone wanted to hide.

  “Did you fall in love with Christopher?” he dropped the bomb. My face paled, eyes became too big to fill in my face. Why did he say that? And the most important, how had he understood that I had some feelings for him?

  “Why do you ask that?” I tried to grip myself. It wasn't time and place, not to mention, that it wasn't that person in whose presence I should be confused.

  He shrugged.

  “”Maybe because I like puzzles too, Trinity. What is the most importance, that in the puzzles are details, which seem not to fit, but in the end it emerges, that those details where the ones whichh you needed. In this case, I think Christopher could be one of those details which seem no to fit in this conversation, but ...”

  “I am not here to play games. I gave you a clear question,” I said in angry tone. Eduard made me furious, because he was telling the truth; one of the reasons why I was giving this conversation food, water and air, was him, my protector. And maybe Avery. But still, it wasn't the main reason.

  “Ah, I see,” he took some steps to me. “The answer to your question is, that creator fool himself. Yes, he created only two souls to be one, but he didn't make sure that those souls couldn't be damaged. To find those true soulmates, are hard these days, because we don't have information about souls, although we would like that. And to another question, protectors and tutors refused to have another soulmate, because they know that no one could ever be even a bit close to what they had.”

  “Cheaters,” I said, finally realizing what I didn't like in this entire story. “You have ticked them. All those people had the offer when they were the most vulnerable.”

  He nodded. I was a little surprised that he didn't even try to deny my words.

  “We need souls, which could help another souls. Those people, such as Avery and Christopher, are the heroes,” he said in a cold voice. He didn't have respect for them. To Eduard, they all were just people, who did a job, important job, but still, only a job.

  “But they find out that you lie to them,” I said.

  He nodded.

  “They do, but still decides to be protectors and tutors, Trinity. Sometimes beauty, youth and helping to others are more worthy that having your own happiness.”

  He was telling truth, of course, but still, I wasn't so sure if I would be one of those people, who could sacrifice even a little hope that one day I could be happy. After all, a little was still something.

  “I think it is time for me to go home,” I said casually. I didn't know what else I could say to Eduard without making myself even angrier. I knew that I shouldn't take all this to my heart, but still, all this system seemed wrong. Okay, souls had possibility to choose. That was a good thing. They chose what they wanted. I shouldn't be furious with that.

  “Trinity, I could see on your face tha
t you are not happy with this knowledge which I have given you, but there isn't any regime, which wouldn't have advantages and disadvantages. Remember that,” this time emotions were in his words, giving me the sign that he was sincere.

  I nodded. These words put a tiny smile on my face and erased my anger. Eduard was right; a perfect regime didn't exist. I knew that better than anyone else, because I had created many worlds with different regimes, and I had to confess, I wasn't able to create a perfection.

  “I understand that.”

  “And about Christopher,” he didn't want to let me go so easily as I which he could. I squeezed my lips tightly, waiting for his other words. “It is said that sometimes a soul could recognize his previous soulmate. But if he was ever your soulmate, it doesn't mean that he will be now. He had a soulmate, Trinity. She was taken and because of that, he decided to become a protector. And plus, the bond between you and him, if you really were soulmates in the past, won't be as strong as your and Tobias's.”

  In his words was a hidden message for me: don't tear yourself between two men, when only one of them is destined to be with you.

  Maybe I would have listened to him, if not that strange nagging voice in my head that I need to know more about this world before I could really decide what I should do.

  I nodded, rewarding him with my warm smile.

  “I really need to go,” I said in the end.

  He lowered his head a bit and waved his hand to the door, giving me a permission to leave this room, this flat and this building. But what was the most importance, he let me leave him. At least for now.

  <<>>

  All days till the fund-raiser, I had been thinking about this strange world in which I had an opportunity to leave in. I took even my computer, created a new document and started describing it in it. That was what I had written.

  1. I was alive.

  2. My true mate was Tobias, my cousin.

  3. I had feeling to Christopher.

  4. There were the bodiless, who ruled this world.

  5. The souls could change and that influenced who their soulmate will be.