by Elle Linder
All her grit from a week ago had vaporized in twenty-four hours. Marie wobbled through the house, locking doors and turning off the lights. Her dark, lifeless dwelling mirrored her inner self. She climbed up the stairs, pulling on the railing as she dragged her sorry, pathetic self to the bed where she dropped into unconsciousness.
Marie jerked from the pounding in her head. No, the pounding on the door? A violent, chorus of ringing commenced, followed by more pounding. Her first thought was that juvenile delinquents were having a post-fireworks heyday on her doorbell. Little turds. She gripped her head; there was a definite pounding it. In the three years, she’d lived in the complex she had never had a problem with obnoxious, disrespectful kids disturbing her, never.
No amount of pressure her hands provided covering her ears helped muffle the ringing and pounding. And then it hit her… “Shit.” She glanced over at the clock…ten o’clock!
In a careful, methodical motion she rolled off the bed, and as she stood, she paused in place to get her bearings. All the signs were present spotlighting her drink-fest; fuzzy mouth, scratchy eyes, gurgling stomach doing flips, and the excruciating pain that pounded in her head. Oh, the pounding. Slowly she walked down the stairs, pausing every third step. The pounding on the door and the ringing of the doorbell infuriated her…that bitch. As she opened the door, a powerful punch came from the brilliant sunlight, smacking her in the face. She stumbled back, covering her eyes.
“What do you want?!” she cried out in agony. Ann and Tessa walked in, closing the door behind them.
“Holy shit Marie, stop this now!” Ann rebuked. “I called you over a dozen times, sent you twenty freakin’ texts, and you haven’t even so much as sent an emoji flipping me off.”
Marie leaned against the stair railing, eyes downcast, taking Ann’s tongue lashing. The humiliation of the entire scene compounded her grief and feelings of worthlessness. If she had had an ounce of strength or care in her, she might have tossed Ann out on her creamy white ass and would never speak to her again. Of course, those were just the foul musings of a self-loathing woman, post-inebriation.
“Come on, babe,” Tessa said, touching her shoulder. Marie swayed forward letting Tessa help her walk back up the stairs. Without saying a word, Marie went with her and Ann followed them.
“Don’t coddle her!” Ann shouted at Tessa. “She’s a grown woman who needs to act like a freakin’ grown woman. So she has a hangover, let her suffer like the rest of us have to.”
At the top of the stairs, Tessa turned to face Ann with disgust on her face. “If all you’re going to do is bitch, then leave. I have no patience for your mouth today. If you stay, shut the hell up and help me take care of our best friend.” She glared at Ann, who was stunned speechless.
Tessa helped Marie into the shower while Ann sat on the bed, crossing her arms with her lips pursed. Her eyes burned into Tessa when she walked out of the bathroom.
“What in the hell was that? Are we playing good cop/bad cop?”
“No, we aren’t. Sometimes you take it too far with your mouth. Marie is spiraling down into her black hole. If you think being a pushy bitch will help, you’re wrong. She will cut you out of her life if you push too hard. Even she has a limit with you.” Tessa inhaled deeply to calm herself. “She needs us, Ann. She’s hurting. Are you going to help or not?”
“And here we always thought you were the nice, gentle one, but you turned out to be a badass,” Ann teased. “I’m sorry I lost control. Her loser ex did this to her, and it pisses me off! Whatever it was he told her Saturday put her in this place. I want her happy, and she was getting there. Being firm usually works to bring her out of the abyss.”
“I know, but there’s more going on with her. She never gets drunk. So, be pissed, but not at her. She’s all alone, Ann. Her marriage is over, which isn’t bad, but Lexi’s gone, and so is Jackson. She’s alone. And she doesn’t do ‘alone’ well. Those kids have been her world. Do you have any idea how hard this is for her? Cut her a break for Christ’s sake.”
“I’ll go make some strong coffee and toast for when you come down,” Ann said, hugging Tessa.
Marie was better after her shower and two cups of coffee, but she wasn’t in the mood for talking. The three women sat out on the patio in silence for the next hour.
“Where’s your phone?” Ann asked, breaking the silence.
Marie looked at her blankly.
“Where’s your phone? We need to check it to make sure there aren’t messages from the kids.”
“In the junk drawer,” Marie whispered.
Tessa looked at her with compassion. It had been a year since the last time Marie spiraled into nothingness. Everyone had hoped she’d never go there again.
Ann returned with the phone, which sounded, ping after ping as notifications loaded. “Huh.”
Marie’s eyes shot up with worry.
“Looks like some bitch named Ann was blowing up your phone,” she snickered.
Marie exhaled in relief.
“Nothing from the kids. You have two missed calls and a text from Parker.”
The mention of Parker didn’t do anything to Marie. Not a flinch, a gasp, or a tear rolled down her face. The walls had gone up.
“I’m gonna fix us something to eat,” Ann announced.
Another hour had passed, and Marie was still unresponsive and lost in herself.
In her sweet, gentle voice Tessa talked as she watered the plants. She looked like the brunette version of Tinker Bell. It was her peaceful, whimsical side Marie adored. “Brooke told me what an amazing time you had in Vegas. She really likes Dave. What do you think of him? Is he good enough for our Brookie?” Tessa’s questions didn’t even draw a blink from Marie. “She also said Parker doted on you like a love-struck puppy.” She giggled softly. “I bet that made you feel cared about and wanted.” Tessa paused, looking at the lemon tree. Marie remained unfazed, but she didn’t usually snap out of the funk quickly.
And then Tess continued. “Did you hear Brooke and Dave had sex that night and in the morning at Parker’s? Our Brookie doesn’t waste time when she likes a man does she? She said she thought you might have slept with Parker too. Did you?”
Marie’s eyes filled with tears.
“I hear the mansion is to die for and you appeared right at home there with him. Brooke said his eyes were constantly on you and his hands never left you, not even for a second. I love that for you, honey. It’s about time you had a man in your life who treats you the way you deserve, because you’re a treasure.”
Marie’s chest rose and fell hard with every word. Miraculously, Tessa was getting close.
“I bet Parker’s worried about you. He’s probably wondering why you haven’t called him or replied to his messages. Do you think he’ll come by check on you?”
Marie’s eyes shot to hers; blinking hard she covered her face, then the sobs ensued.
“Oh honey, let it out,” Tessa said, taking Marie into her arms. She held her for the next several minutes while Marie fell apart. The pain she had been holding back broke free in earth-shattering wailing, and forceful gasps. Tessa held Marie’s shaking body firmly as she had many times before. “Let it out Marie, let all out.” And Marie did, she let out every ounce of grief, pain, and regret.
Marie gasped as she tried to get control of herself, her ragged breathing winning the battle. “I... I can’t be with him. He deserves better than me,” she sobbed.
“What do you mean he deserves better than you? Honey, you are the best,” Tessa comforted.
Marie shook her head. “No, I’m not. I can’t be with him. I’m too afraid.” She sniffled as she wiped her tears away.
“Afraid of what? Was he mean to you?”
Marie saw Ann standing at the sliding glass door eavesdropping. She knew it was never easy for Ann to watch her fall apart. Even a hard ass has a soft spot and she was Ann’s. The coward had hidden inside while Tessa took care of Marie. But now, she ventured out, guarded
ly.
“No. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body,” she defended. “I’m afraid of disappointing him. Jesus, I’m older than him…what if he wants children? Could you imagine it? I already have two kids…I have baggage. He shouldn’t have to deal with it. He deserves to find someone younger. Someone pretty, sexy, and who will satisfy him in bed. I’m not that person and he deserves someone like that.” She choked back tears, wiping the running snot off her lip, and Tessa handed her a tissue. “Thank you,” she said as she hiccupped.
Ann sat next to Marie with a rare look of hesitation on her face and embraced her. “Whatever you want, we’ll do. No more bossy bitch from me. I’m here for you, and we’ll help you no matter what.”
“Then help me walk away from him,” Marie whimpered, her voice thick with emotion. “Please.”
“Marie, we all have baggage. You’re not the only one. Parker isn’t a fool, he knows this, and he wants you, honey. You’re an incredible, fun and sexy woman. That’s why you caught his eye. You can learn about sex with Parker.” Ann snickered, trying to lighten the mood.
“No, I have to do this. It’s for the best,” Marie said, digging in her heels. She was not going to let them change her mind.
“Okay, babe. Are you sure?” Ann asked.
“I am, and I think I’ll go out with Seth.”
“What?!” Ann said as Tessa’s eyes widened.
“He’s a regular guy. He’s the real deal, not the fantasy. He’s walked the road I have. It just makes sense,” Marie said. She was numb, trying to convince herself that Seth was the right thing.
“Yeah, but are you attracted to him? You light up like a fucking beacon when you’re with Parker. You even said he melts you when he touches your fingertips,” Ann remind her.
“It has to be lust…or the fantasy of him. I was pretty swept away by it all—the whole actor, mansion… everything,” Marie said.
“What makes you think Seth is the guy? Are you going to ask him out?” Tessa asked.
“I already know he wants me.”
Their mouths gaped open, and their eyes bulged.
“Why are you looking at me like that? Are you disgusted a man might want me? Well, he does. He was here yesterday, and we almost had sex.”
Ann and Tessa gasped simultaneously.
“What do you mean you almost had sex?!” Ann asked.
“He stopped over to bring me food, and we talked right here on the patio for a while. He’s sweet and understands what I’m going through. When I walked him to the door, I’m not sure what happened.” She shrugged. “He kissed me, and I didn’t stop him. I was in a bad place; sad and hurting. And he wanted me. But not in a gross, ‘I’m using you for a piece of ass’ kind of way.’ He carried me up to my bed.”
The girls were hanging on her every word.
“He has a magnificent body. I liked his hands and mouth on me…but all I could see was Parker. And I wanted to forget him.” She hung her head and inhaled before continuing her tale of yesterday’s activities that didn’t include fireworks. “Just before we, uh, did it, I stopped Seth. I told him it wouldn’t be right in the state of mind I was in. I was just using him.” A few tears of regret rolled down her face, and she dabbed them quickly with a fresh tissue.
“You didn’t go all the way?” Tessa asked for clarification.
“Did he stick his dick in me, no.”
Both Tessa and Ann gasped again, shocked by Marie’s choice of words.
“What? I’m frustrated with myself. Angry! So, I drank myself into the toilet after he left. Guilt swallowed me whole for screwing around with him and with Parker. I’ve thought about it, and I’m giving Seth a chance and setting Parker free. It’s not like we’re an official couple or anything. He’s already free. We’ve only been seeing each other two weeks. I’m just going to stop.”
“Wow, I’m not sure what to say,” Tessa said.
“Parker isn’t a fantasy. He is the real deal, and he really likes you,” Ann said.
“No, he won’t stick around because my life is messy. He doesn’t understand what getting involved with me will be like. At least Seth knows divorce, and he’ll be able to deal with it. My mind’s made up. Do you support me?”
“Yes. I don’t agree, but I support you,” Tessa said.
“I think you’ve lost your mind, but I’ll support you,” Ann said.
Chapter 12
Yes
Wednesday was a subpar day compared to the previous week when Parker had brought her lunch and she floated on cloud nine. Marie hadn’t responded to any of his texts or calls. She figured she’d just let whatever was going on between them die off. And it wasn’t easy at all. She missed him, but in the long run, she believed it was for the best. After her talk with Ann and Tessa, she called Seth and agreed to dinner with him. Dinner with Seth was her focus for Wednesday. Her phone buzzed.
Ann: Happy Hump Day! Want to go out to dinner tonight?
Marie: Sorry, I can’t. I’m having dinner with Seth.
Ann: That was fast. Let me know how it goes.
Marie: Sure. Just remember we’re grown-ups. TTYL
A knock on the door diverted her attention away from texting, Natalie peeked her head in. “Hey Marie, the office is ordering Thai, do you want anything?”
“That won’t be necessary, I’ve brought her lunch,” Parker said from behind Natalie.
“Oh, Mr. Nichols,” Natalie said, surprised.
“You weren’t at your desk, so I just walked back. I hope that’s okay?” His eyes connected with Marie, who was more than a little unnerved to see him.
“Nope, not a problem,” Natalie said as Parker walked past her. She promptly closed the door behind her.
“Hi beautiful. I’ve been worried about you. Is your cell phone broken? Did you drop it in the ocean?” he teased, but she didn’t laugh.
Her eyes darted around the room; she didn’t so much as say hi.
“When you didn’t call or respond to my texts I just figured you were having fun with Jackson and I didn’t want to interrupt your time with him.” Parker walked closer to her desk and she stiffened. Marie didn’t flash him a flirty smile. Only a panicked tension filled the air. “Marie…what’s going on?” He set the bag down on the table near the sofa. “Talk to me. Please.” He walked over to her and turned her chair to face him. Crouching down before her, he cupped her face, forcing her to look at him. “Talk to me. What happened? Were you avoiding me?”
“Stop,” she said, moving his hands away. Then she pushed her chair back and stood. “I thought if I didn’t respond to your calls or texts you’d get the hint.”
He furrowed his brow.
“I think you’re a great guy, but we’re not going to work.”
“What?”
Marie inhaled, holding her breath.
Parker stood from his crouching position and walked to the middle of the room, then turned to face her. “What happened? Everything was magnificent and don’t tell me it wasn’t. I’ve felt your feelings for me every time our eyes connect, when I touch you and kiss you. I see it. I feel it.” His words rolled off his tongue, tender and poetic, and pained with confusion.
“Parker, I like you. But…”
“No buts,” he interrupted her. “Stop at; ‘I like you.’” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She squirmed to get away, but he didn’t stop, moving over her mouth resolutely like he needed to prove her wrong.
Just like the other times they had kissed, the passion enveloped her, but she fought the feelings that wailed inside to surrender.
“No, we can’t do this.” She pushed him back hard, and with the astonished look on his face, she could swear she heard his heart shatter.
“Is this about Craig? What did he say to you Saturday?”
“Parker, my life is a mess, and I don’t want to bring you into this…”
“I’m a grown man. I can take care of myself,” he shot back.
“Right, and when it gets too rough, yo
u’ll walk out of my life.” She turned and walked away from him. “We’ll never work. Try to understand. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Marie, no estar solo,” her dear Abuelita’s words spoke to her heart. However, she banished them just as fast as they appeared.
“Then don’t,” Parker choked out. The pain in his voice stung, but she held strong. “I really like you, Marie. I understand your life is complicated and I still want to be with you. You matter to me.” He took her hand, touching the tips of her fingers softly. She’d cave any second.
“I’m going out to dinner tonight with another man.” There, she had said it. Now he’d hate her and walk away.
“Who?” he asked guardedly.
“I don’t think it’s any of your business.”
“There’s another guy?”
“I’m not lying. He lives in my complex. I met him in the gym the day of the barbecue.”
“And you like him? You want to go out with him?”
“Seth understands me and what I’m going through with Craig and Jackson. And he’s divorced like me with three kids. He’s real.”
His mouth fell open. “Real? What does that mean? Shit, Marie! I can’t even believe what I’m hearing! He gets you. I get you. He understands you? I would understand you better if you’d let me in.” His brooding blue eyes burned into hers.
Marie walked into his path, forcing him to stop. “Parker, I’m sorry. I really do think it’s for the best.” She swallowed hard trying to keep control of herself.
“You’re afraid, aren’t you? But afraid of what?”
“Parker, are you hearing me?”
“Don’t push me away. We belong together.”
“No, we don’t. We’re different. Night and day. Can’t you see that?”