Sinfully

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by Riley, Leighton


  Chapter 11

  Payton

  It was sad how just seeing him again tore me apart. I felt like I was in a good place and was now back to square one. Going out on dates with the men Chloe set me up with was only a temporary distraction and Ryder was still on my mind every day.

  Chloe and a few friends repeatedly asked me to go out with them throughout the week but I wasn’t up for it. I stayed at home, in shorts and a tank top, caught up on America’s Next Top Model, The Originals, and reruns of Gossip Girl to fill my time. Each night, after I couldn’t stand to watch any more TV, I would pull out my laptop and begin writing whatever came to mind. I wasn’t writing for a purpose, but it felt good to get my thoughts out. I wasn’t a pen and paper type of girl and it was kind of like an online diary.

  After a week of writing like that, I had thirty-two pages of thoughts. I missed the feeling of writing and creating your own world for your characters and began thinking of what I could write that wasn’t about my life or geared toward pre-teens. I liked dark romances with hit men, mafia, and cold-blooded killers but wasn’t sure how much I knew about actually writing that genre. I would probably get the jargon all sorts of wrong and didn’t want to piss those types of people off.

  I could have a girl who’s on the run from her abusive CEO of a husband who had the resources to find her no matter how far away she traveled. The alpha male character could be an accused murderer of his fiancée that flew somewhere exotic to get away from being prosecuted. I wasn’t sure where they would meet but he could make her feel safe, then break the news that he really did kill his soon-to-be-bride and he would give a random explanation that somehow made sense. They would learn to be on the run together but have close run-ins here and there.

  I thought about it and started coming up with an outline and thrived on the feeling of having the power to create a man any girl would fall in love with, one who left you wanting more of him. I had the power to make him confident and masculine, with humor and sweetness mixed in. The girl could be weak but grow stronger throughout the story. They would get their happy ending but not before many trials and tribulations.

  I woke up, realizing I had passed out with my laptop on my lap, screen still open to Microsoft Word, and realized I was all alone. Not just in my home alone, but I had no one significant in my life besides Chloe, and even then, she had Grayson. My thoughts went back to my childhood days when I was in the system, getting passed over for younger and cuter kids. I had no one to rely on then and it was my norm. After my adoptive parents died, I went back to that lonely place and felt like I deserved to be alone for whatever reason I chose that day.

  Chloe taught me that everyone who entered my life wasn’t going to leave me, but I always wondered when and why friends and boyfriends were going to leave me. I had hit the ‘bottom’ quite a few times over the years, where I wasn’t talking to any guys and my friends were more like acquaintances. What I really wanted was a damn Whiskey and Coke cupcake, but Swizzlesticks was closed and I was still too scared and confused to confront Thomas. My whole creeper situation was another ordeal that I didn’t want to have to deal with.

  The next morning, I felt refreshed and ready to deal with whatever life happened to bring me. I went to my kickboxing class and got a massage shortly afterward. It was too cold to head to the beach and I needed to relieve some of my tension. It was sad, but I loved the feeling of being touched, and since I didn’t currently have a man to satisfy that need, I settled for frequent massages by attractive male masseuses. They were professional, sadly. I would have totally been open to a more thorough massage but I respected that they were skilled at their job and left customers feeling satisfied, non-sexually.

  The afternoon breezed by with errands I needed to run and I felt a sense of accomplishment as I headed back home. I could be single, have friends to go out with, and not wallow at home. As I was unpacking groceries, I thought out how I would spend the rest of the night. Hopefully, Chloe would be up for getting drinks with me. I was curious to know if Tucker ever asked about me, but figured my freak out might have steered him in the opposite direction. Regardless, I wanted a night out to have fun and flirt with some hot guys.

  After everything was put away, I slipped out of my jeans and put on a pair of workout shorts. I settled into my recliner and started up my laptop on one knee and placed a stack of mail on the other. I knew there would be a few bills I’d have to pay, so I figured why not take care of it now and be done? I logged onto Facebook, went through messages, and caught up on the latest gossip and a book-turned-movie. Thirty minutes later, I finally got to my mail. I hated paying bills. At the bottom of the stack, there was a letter with no return address but had all my information included.

  My heart skipped a beat. I was terrified when I turned over and saw the wax ‘R’ on the seal. I hadn’t received a letter or anything since Vegas and figured Ryder or whoever sent it had given up. I mean, I hadn’t been to Vegas anymore, which I thought was what bothered him…them?

  The tips of my fingers moved uneasily over the hardened wax and I was suddenly enraged at whoever sent it. Why couldn’t they just leave me the fuck alone? I wasn’t interesting enough to earn me a stalker, damn it!

  I ripped open the envelope, eager to find out what twisted and cryptic saying they had for me that time. I was yet again confused by a simple, yet powerful, statement.

  Watching from afar is getting harder...and harder…to do my sweet Payton.

  You can’t hide from me

  Why couldn’t my stalker just tell me in normal terms what I was doing wrong or what he wanted? It’d make the whole process easier. Just saying. I wasn’t sure if Ryder had seen me at the zoo but the note pretty much confirmed it. He hadn’t tried texting or calling me once since Vegas. We probably could have worked things out if he had tried to talk with me. The letters were too over the top, though, and I was tired of dealing with them.

  I remembered from his emails to ‘Reece’ that he worked for Warrington Strom. Typing it in the search box, I looked up the address and typed it into my phone. He didn’t get to be secretive about shit anymore and I was ready for some confrontation.

  I texted Chloe and let her know I was heading up to Los Angeles for a few days and that I would explain after I got back. If I told her before I found Ryder, she would try to talk some sense into me and I wasn’t in need of that. I threw some clothes, make-up, and my charger into an overnight bag and headed for my car. I would have a few hours to figure out what I wanted to say to Ryder. I needed to hear his side of the story but mine needed to get out there, too.

  During my stop to get gas, I checked my messages and found I had four unread texts.

  Chloe: Better not be going after nerd boy.

  Chloe: Love you girl. I know you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and whatever you’re going to LA for, I trust your instincts. Thomas said he misses you by the way. I couldn’t stay away from those Buttery Nipple truffles.

  Unknown: I got your number from Chloe. Hope you don’t mind. It’s Tucker. Maybe you’d like to go out with me again sometime?

  Tate: Hey baby, I’ll be in Vegas in two weeks. Let me know if you wanted to meet up. Miss you girl

  I figured I’d text Chloe back tomorrow. Tucker? I was about to text him back when I saw Tate’s name underneath. I missed him, too, but in more of a friendly, occasional fuck buddy kind of way. I messaged Tate back first, smiling at the fact that he truly cared about me and wanted to spend time with me.

  Me: I’ll see if I can make it up there. Save me a dance?

  I thought about how I should respond to Tucker and wasn’t sure how the next few hours were going to play out with Ryder. I place my phone back on the console and started the drive again, realizing the man I really wanted to text and talk to was only forty-five minutes away from me. I would deal with Tucker later. First priority was figuring out what the fuck I was going to do when I saw Ryder and how I had to promise that I wouldn’t give in to his good looks an
d devastatingly handsome smile.

  As I neared Los Angeles, I was still angry as hell. I wanted to see Ryder insanely bad but I needed to get my shit together. I knew I probably looked like hell from the drive but I didn’t give a fuck anymore. Ryder could see me ‘as is’ and take it or leave it. I pulled into a nearby parking lot and headed into Warrington Strom Publishing Agency’s building.

  The building was immaculate inside. The light marble flooring led you to a sparkling turquoise water fountain in the center of the foyer. Two banks of elevators were hidden in their respective corners and I wasn’t quite sure where I was headed. I couldn’t find Ryder’s suite number or anything, just the general address. I took a chance and headed for the elevators to my right and hoped I would find my way.

  As I waited for the next available car, a short and stout man in his fifties came up beside me. “I haven’t seen you around before. Do you need any help getting around? I wouldn’t mind giving you a tour, beautiful.” Gross. The dude smelled like stinky cheese and mushroom ravioli and I couldn’t tell if he still had some on his graying beard. He might be able to help me, though, unfortunately.

  “I’m actually coming to surprise my…uh…my sister’s boyfriend. He works here but I can’t remember what floor she told me.” I feigned disappointment. Sister’s boyfriend? Good job, Payton, that’ll convince him.

  “What’s his name, sweetie? I can’t say I’m not excited that you’re not here to see your own boyfriend, which you have I assume. Right?” This might not be worth it. I could feel the bile rising in my throat. The man was sleazy and repulsive. Luckily, the elevator bell dinged and I was saved by the bell.

  “Ryder Strom. I’m sorry, but I’m kind of in a hurry. You see, he has a meeting in five minutes and I need to get him his paperwork for it. It really is urgent. Can you help me?” Please just give me the office number. Don’t drag this out any longer.

  “Eleventh floor. Corner office on the right. You’ll make it, sweets. I’m down on the third floor, in the second cubicle on the left. Come find me afterward and I’ll show you…everything.”

  Yep. I could feel the vomit and swallowed it back down uneasily. When the door opened to the third floor, I thanked the heavens and finally took a breath of fresh smelling air.

  As the car ascended higher, I felt nervous and anxious to see him but forgot that I was supposed to be angry. I stepped out into Warrington Strom’s offices and headed to his office on autopilot. I kept replaying the reasons why I was supposed to be mad in the first place, and by the time I got to his door, I was remembering seeing him at the zoo with skankasaurus.

  I raised my hand up to knock but decided he hadn’t earned the option to let me in or not. Twisting the handle, I peeked in and saw a distraught Ryder at his desk with his hands covering his face. He looked defeated. A glass of whiskey sitting next to his computer, he had yet to look up at me. I wanted to run my hands along his back to comfort him and kiss his worries away, but I knew it wasn’t the time or place. Realizing I needed to let him know I was there, I pulled the letter out of my purse, walked quietly over to his desk and slid the letter toward him. It took him a moment to glance up, and when he did, he looked even more confused.

  Ryder

  After getting back to Los Angeles, I knew without a doubt that I needed to end things with Kylie. She kept talking about meeting her parents next time we were down in San Diego and that was a no-go for me. She didn’t mean enough to me for a sit down with her parents. The more distance I gave, the more she clung on.

  After work one day, I met her over at her place to talk. I let her know I had already eaten and I wasn’t going to be staying long. I broke the news to her and waited for some sort of yelling or breaking of objects, but nothing came. She walked into her bedroom and locked it without so much as a word out of her mouth. I waited five or six minutes before heading out myself. I didn’t need to console her or make her feel better in the situation. I just hated that it didn’t give the finality that it should have.

  We saw each other in passing for the next week but said nothing to one another. I assumed she had gotten the hint when I noticed her walking by me and a cute redhead talking in front of my building. We were just being friendly, but when the new girl took hold of my phone, adding her number to it, I figured why not play it up a bit? I whispered in the girl’s ear about how exhilarating a night with me would be and she giggled in response. I could hear Kylie’s ‘hmph’ from ten feet away and thought to myself, mission accomplished.

  I never called the redhead but I did successfully get rid of Kylie, or so I thought. I was at work when I got a text from her.

  Kylie: I overreacted that night at my place. You said you didn’t want serious and I pushed you. I don’t care if we’re just fuck buddies again, come over tonight?

  Well, I thought I had made it clear to her. I knew going back to just fucking her wasn’t an option. If she had feelings for me, I needed to let her go. Otherwise, I would just keep hurting her, and if I was honest, the sex wasn’t all the great. I could find better pussy to satisfy my needs.

  I hated dealing with shit like that at work. It was distracting and I needed a moment to deal with my thoughts. I still wanted Payton. I hated that I did, but my dick got hard just thinking about her sweet, luscious lips on mine. I could almost feel her with me if I tried hard enough. I fucked up with her and I needed to figure out a way to mend things between us. It was crazy how I felt her presence when I thought about her. Things weren’t normally like that with me.

  All of a sudden, I heard the swoosh and saw the letter land on my desk. Confused, I looked at the unfamiliar piece of paper. Looking up at who was in my office, I’m pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. That was why I felt her presence. I was too consumed in my thoughts to hear her come in. What was she doing there? Looking at the note, I instantly became worried for her. It wasn’t a friendly letter from a friend. It was from someone sick and twisted.

  I felt the urge to bend her over my desk and spank her for making me leave. Even with casual clothes on and bare minimum make-up, she looked stunning. My memories of her didn’t do her justice. I wasn’t sure what to say and was worried that if I opened my mouth to speak, I wouldn’t be able to control myself.

  “Why do you keep trying to scare me? You know who I am now. Why do you keep sending these?” I could hear the quiver in her voice, and from one look at her face, I could tell she was holding back the tears. Standing up, I stalked toward her to wrap her in my arms but restrained myself and sat on top of my desk.

  “What do you mean ba-Payton? Those aren’t from me. Why would you be scared?”

  “They have an ‘R’ on the seal, Ryder! How are they not from you?” She was getting upset. I loved a feisty Payton. I adjusted my pants and moved a step closer, only to have her take the same step back. I had a strong urge to hold her in my arms but held myself back again.

  “I haven’t sent you anything. Now, tell me again, why would you be scared of them?” I was curious about the damn letters.

  “Th-they talk about how they know my secret, and how they are tired of just sitting back and watching me, saying I can’t hide. I don’t think they like me going to Vegas but I stopped! They know where I live, Ryder. They knew where I was staying in Vegas.” Her tears were flowing freely by that point. Poor thing. I closed the gap between us and took her in my arms.

  My mind wandered to what she had been through with the letters since it wasn’t the first ones she’d received. The idea of her being alone and scared of someone, whether it be me or a stranger, made me my stomach churn.

  “I swear to you that it wasn’t me but I’ll help find out whoever this sick fucker is, Payton. Man, I missed you so much. I’m sorry for finding out you were Reece, but I wasn’t going to do anything you didn’t want me to. I would do whatever you asked.” I kissed a tear on her cheek and looked into her stunned and confused eyes.

  I held her tightly and hoped that she wasn’t about to pull away. “I figured it
had to be you. You knew I was in Vegas and you knew my secret. The only other person who I’ve told is Chloe and she wouldn’t tell anyone. I thought you came to Vegas because I was Reece and you wanted that side of me. I can’t tell you how much that hurt me.” She twisted my dress shirt into her fists and held on for dear life. I remembered her saying something about a letter during her scream-fest in Las Vegas but I didn’t have the chance to question it then.

  Did she just come here because of the letter or was it also because she wanted to see me? The way she gave in to my touch left me wondering and I craved being close to her again, smelling her sweet strawberry shampoo as I drew closer. The past few months had made me realize how much I cared for her and wanted to change for her.

  “You were with that girl at the zoo. I saw you, and the little girl.”

  “Yes. She was a fling, to help me move on from you. We aren’t talking anymore and the little girl was her friend’s. We set her up with Tristen, my best friend back in San Diego. I saw you with him, Payton. Just so you know.”

  Her eyes shot up to mine, guilt and sorrow showing through. “I didn’t even know he was coming with us. Chloe’s been trying to set me up. I met him that day.”

 

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