by Maisey Yates
He’d already had to explain this to his brothers, his stepsister, and to their stepmother. He’d never been bothered by his behavior before. Until this.
Because when people talked about him and his reputation it was all euphemistic. Elbowing, winking and nudging. Nobody came right out and said that he had sex with every woman he talked to in a bar, but the fact of the matter was he did. And Lily was undeniable evidence of that.
The fact that he didn’t really know her mother was further evidence of who he was. And put all out in public like that, it shamed him. Knowing that someday he would have to explain to his daughter how he’d acted bothered the hell out of him. Knowing he was the kind of man that he would never, ever want Lily to even speak to was another layer of that altogether. Because he was raising her. And he had to find a way to be better.
“So, she wasn’t your wife.”
“She wasn’t even my girlfriend,” he admitted. “I didn’t know she was pregnant. I hadn’t seen her again, not since we hooked up. And she showed up a couple of months ago with the baby. Told me that she couldn’t do it. I had a paternity test, and I have full, legal custody. Permanently. Lily’s mother gave up her rights.”
“Oh,” Savannah said, looking down.
“It’s not a great story,” he said. “But when I said I was in over my head...”
“You really meant it,” she said softly.
“I sure as hell did.”
Their eyes met and held, and he felt something stretch between them, something that was definitely mutual, and clearly unwelcome. Both for her and for him. He looked away.
“For a while I could wear her for a lot of the ranch work I do, but it’s getting harder.”
She was staring at him, a perplexed expression on her lovely face.
“Yeah,” he said. “I can’t believe those words all just came out of my mouth, either.”
“I have to admit, you don’t look like someone who would have a lot to say on the topic of baby wearing.”
“I never thought I would.” He sighed heavily. “Babies are scary. And I say that as someone who is not scared of much. But...I can’t tell you how many times a night I have to check and make sure she’s still breathing.”
“I don’t have any children of my own,” she said. “But I’ve heard that before.”
“It’s a hell of a thing.”
“Hopefully I’ll make it a little bit easier.”
“What exactly are you getting out of it?” He couldn’t help but ask. After all, she was living in his house and taking care of his daughter. He had a right to know exactly why. Another thing that was hitting him a day late and quite a few dollars short.
“Room and board? Pay?”
“I imagine you could get a job taking care of kids a whole lot of places.”
“I needed to get away,” she said.
It occurred to him then that he maybe should have done a background check on her or something. But he didn’t know how to do a background check on someone. He’d never had to. He’d never had to concern himself with anything like that, but he was letting this woman take care of his baby.
“I’m going to have to ask you why you needed a fresh start,” he said, lifting his coffee mug to his lips. “I want to keep this as professional as possible. But I do need to know a little bit about you personally. And I realize asking you now, on the first day, is maybe a little bit late, but I’m new to all this. I’m not exactly thinking of everything here.”
“I feel the same way,” she said. “I mean, I don’t know anything about you, either. Except for what you told me. But I wanted to get away. I needed to. I’m not running from the law or anything. I just got divorced. Actually, I got divorced about eight months ago, and I tried to keep on living where we were. I loved our little town. But my husband—ex-husband, that is—has lived there all of his life, and there’s no way I can combat that local mentality. His whole family is there and they own half the businesses in town. And they are... They’re angry at me for leaving him.”
“So the asshole made it impossible for you to live there?”
“Basically. And I was not going to go back home to live with my parents. I lived with them until I could legally leave, and as far as I’m concerned, a phone call home once a month is enough.”
“Fair enough. I work right here on the property, and I’ll be back to check on you probably more often today than usual. Just a warning.”
A smile curved the edge of her lips. “Are you afraid to leave her?”
“It doesn’t feel real yet,” he said, his voice rough. “I’ve been afraid to take my eyes off her since the moment her mom handed her to me. Still. And I’m not going to lie, sometimes the responsibility feels so big I almost wish the whole thing was a dream. But then, the minute that thought enters my head...it’s followed by total terror. Because sometimes I feel like nothing in my life was anything until her. I’m not sure I can ever go back.”
That was the worst part. Wanting something of his old life, and knowing it wouldn’t feel the same. He could never see himself or the things he used to do the same way again. Not now. “I better head out.”
“I’ll be fine. I remember where everything is.”
“If you need anything...”
“I have your phone number. I have your stepsister’s phone number. I have both your brothers’ numbers.”
“And I’ll be back.”
“I know.”
For the first time in three months, Jackson Reid stepped outside with empty arms and headed out to work.
CHAPTER THREE
THERE WAS A larger housekeeping element to this job than Savannah had expected, but she didn’t mind it, either. In fact, over the next couple of days she found a strange kind of bliss in it. Jackson was gone most of the time, and she usually woke up to coffee he had made and some leftover bacon, which she helped herself to, and then set about to preparing Lily’s first bottle, and getting set up to change diapers.
She read to her. Made sure she had the recommended amount of tummy time, and sang to her off-key. But at Lily’s age, the bulk of what she did was sleep and wiggle. And that gave Savannah a decent amount of free time. So she cleaned the tiny cabin, she made herself lunch, and then she prepared a dinner for both herself and Jackson.
Jackson had come in late the last couple of nights, and they didn’t take dinner together, but Savannah didn’t mind eating by herself.
It was a revelation, to be in a new setting like this. She had lived on her own for the last eight months, and had been distant from her husband before that, but still, she could feel his specter looming over her the entire time. Actually living in this new place with this fresh start was awfully blissful. Tonight she was making pot roast, which was even more blissful. She had never made it before. She hadn’t done a lot of cooking even when she’d been married, not because she couldn’t, but because she’d worked full-time and had usually been too exhausted at the end of the day to put together anything more spectacular than a pot of spaghetti.
She and Darren had often eaten out, or gone to his parents’ house for dinner. He didn’t really enjoy her cooking. That was the biggest part of it. And so they had settled into a routine where they had what he liked to eat, when he wanted to eat it. And often, his mother facilitated that. Darren had certainly been the one in charge in their house, but if there had been anyone pulling rank above him it’d been his mother.
She frowned. It had all been so slow and insidious, and she hadn’t realized that nothing in her life was hers until the end, when Darren finally pulled the plug on that marriage by announcing he had found someone else.
That was the worst part.
She’d been unhappy for a long time, but she had been primly pressing on because there was nothing else to do. Because she’d made vows and she would honor those. And that someday, maybe they would
find the kind of happiness they’d had when they were dating.
It wasn’t until they’d divorce that she realized she’d walk herself right into the same marriage her parents had had.
She hadn’t given it the necessary amount of thought until it was too late, but somewhere, deep down, she’d believed her parents had always been unhappy. That they’d never been giddy about each other, that they’d never felt reckless and young. And so, when she’d met Darren and fallen in love for the first time, experienced attraction and infatuation for the first time, she’d imagine she’d gone and sidestepped her great fear.
But then it had just been...bad. Such a quiet bad that it had seeped into every pore, every crack in her life before she’d fully realized. Like the slow settling of a fog over the tops of the mountains, creeping over the peaks and rolling down until she had forgotten how high they were supposed to be. Until she had forgotten what it was like to look out on a clear day.
It was clear now. In this little cabin, with Lily. Right now, it was clear enough.
Obviously, Jackson wouldn’t need her forever, but it was a great place to land for now. If only she could get her reaction to him under control.
He came in to check on Lily at varying points during the day, and Savannah wasn’t prepared to deal with his random appearances. He was always somehow taller and broader than she remembered, his jaw more square, his face more arrestingly handsome.
It was a problem.
But most especially with the memory of her marriage so bright and clear, she shouldn’t allow those feelings to mean a thing. Feelings like this were a lie. She knew it. What was real was this cabin. This beautiful part of the world. And the beautiful baby she got to take care of.
She’d always loved children. She’d gotten into child development because she wanted to do what she could to bring happiness to children who might not have the best home lives. Or to be extra support for those who did.
Her own home life hadn’t been so great. Void of affection and any meaningful attention, it was her teachers, her coaches and her Girl Scout leaders who had provided the support she needed in her life.
It had inspired her to want to do the same. Lily needed her. Jackson didn’t, and her hormones needed to get a grip.
That was the one drawback to living with Jackson, really. She didn’t know what to do with what he made her feel. It was a restless edginess that she would put down as attraction if she didn’t know that she just...wasn’t all that sexual. She tried to put that thought out of her mind and busied herself until the smell of dinner was beginning to kill her. When she couldn’t wait any longer, she opened up the cupboard and took down a bowl, ready to serve herself some food. Right then, the front door opened, and in came Jackson, wearing a cowboy hat, heavy boots and a flannel shirt.
She didn’t know why that was particularly sexy to her. She’d never been into that kind of thing. Darren had been polished. A small-town businessman, nothing like the kind of men strolling around Fifth Avenue, but his neat style had appealed to her at the time.
Jackson was rugged and a little bit dangerous and there was no earthly reason she should find that interesting. But she did.
She looked over the counter, and their eyes collided. She felt it hit her square in the stomach. It was...attraction. On a level she had never experienced before, something she would have thought was completely impossible for her to experience until this moment.
She’d been married for nearly five years. Had shared a bed with a man for most of that time, and for some time before. She thought she had known all about sex, and what her limitations were in that arena. But Jackson made her feel more with one look than Darren had made her feel with dinner, foreplay and the main event.
He made her feel more like a woman than anyone or anything else had before. More aware of her body, of what it meant to be feminine to his masculine.
It was a problem. A serious problem. They were sharing this tiny house, and she was taking care of his daughter. They needed boundaries.
So many boundaries.
For a moment, she thought she saw the heat that burned her stomach reflected in his gaze. But then he looked away, took his hat off, and hung it up on the peg by the door. “What’s for dinner?”
“Pot roast.”
She suddenly wished she hadn’t cooked something so domestic. It added a strange layer to the whole interaction. Or maybe that was just her. Her and her completely inappropriate thoughts about her boss. Her boss that she lived with.
“I’m starving,” he said. “How’s Lily?”
“Getting in one more nap before she eats again. Before she sleeps for a while longer.”
“Did you stay home today?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I took her outside for a little while. She seemed to enjoy the leaves crunching under my feet while I walked.”
“You know,” he said, walking into the kitchen, his presence so intense, so imposing that she had to take a step back, “it’s Friday night, and normally I would be heading down to the Golden Valley saloon to have a drink. Or three. Pick up a woman.” His lips quirked up into a half smile. “Instead I’m eating pot roast.”
Her chest was tight, and she could barely breathe. “You’re welcome to go out if you want.”
“Looking to get rid of me?”
“I didn’t say that,” she said.
She was frozen in the back of the kitchen, holding on to her bowl, waiting for him to finish dishing his own food. She didn’t want to walk past him. She felt like if she got that close, she might spontaneously combust.
She needed to get a grip. This was ridiculous. Profoundly ridiculous.
She took a fortifying breath and walked past him toward the little table set against the wall in the open living area. When she walked past him, she could feel him. His energy. His heat. He looked...so hard. Like he had been carved directly out of rock.
She had never touched a man like that. She had never particularly wanted to before. But...but her hands itched when she looked at him, and her body ached.
She blinked and sat down quickly, pulling her bowl of food close, and turning her focus resolutely onto it. For his part, Jackson stayed in the kitchen, standing against the counter, the bowl placed in front of him.
“Have you gotten a chance to explore the town much?”
He was being polite, which was very nice of him, and she supposed a lot less self-conscious than sitting there in silence, like she was. “A little bit,” she responded. “When Lily and I went grocery shopping yesterday I made a few stops. It’s cute. It reminds me a little bit of Colville.”
“That’s where you’re from?”
“Yeah. Well. I mean, that’s where I’ve lived since college. Since... Since I got married.”
“You mentioned something about that. The divorce, I mean.”
“It was...messy.”
“What happened?”
“That’s kind of personal,” she said, looking back down at her pot roast.
“You’re living in my house taking care of my kid. You might work for me, but it’s a pretty personal situation.”
The way he was looking at her made her want to tell him. She hadn’t told anyone. In the end, she hadn’t had anyone to tell. Darren had made her feel so stupid she hadn’t wanted to tell anyway. But suddenly here...with him, in another town, another state, in his house in the woods...she wanted to tell someone.
“Okay,” she said slowly. “He cheated on me. And then he ended the marriage. So...it doesn’t even really matter that he cheated. I didn’t even get the chance to get righteously angry and say I’d never take him back. He didn’t want to be with me. He said we were unhappy. And that I wasn’t...” She wasn’t going to finish that sentence. She wasn’t going to tell Jackson that Darren had told her she was disappointing in bed. And that he never should’ve married a virgin just
because he felt guilty for being her first.
All of that was way, way too personal. And it might be fine for him to get the bare minimum details, but that was too deep.
“He sounds like a prince.”
“Unfortunately, he was. The Prince of Colville. His uncle is the mayor. His family has been there for generations. His dad owns the hardware store, and his mother owns the flower shop.”
“Did that relate to you losing your position at the daycare?”
She sighed. “Yes. The woman he ended up with was a single mom at the place I used to work. She convinced all of her friends to withdraw the kids, because of course she couldn’t be around me.”
“And the place had to close?”
“The owner was close to retirement anyway. Otherwise, she just would’ve fired me.” She thought of Eliza Elton, who of all people had been kind to her when everything had fallen apart. “Well, maybe she wouldn’t have fired me. She was about the only person who took my side. Or, if anyone else did, they certainly didn’t tell me.”
“I don’t get that. How did this guy cheat on you and end up with people on his side?”
“People love to blame the woman,” she said drily. Again, that was far too close to the personal for her to want to get into it. “The woman he... His new fiancée... She’s very popular. She’s lived there most of her life. She’s a widow, and her husband was much beloved in the community. And Darren was helping her out, which was why me feeling weird about him going over and hanging up curtains for her at ten at night was immature. It’s an example of what a good guy he is, don’t you know. And I was only ever an outsider. One of Colville’s own needed Darren and he was there.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “How could he resist when all he had at home was a frigid wife?”
She’d said it. Frigid. She hated that word. She hated it. And Jackson didn’t need to know that about her, but...she was just angry. And she hadn’t told anyone all the ugly things he’d said to her. Who would she tell, when they were all whispering similarly ugly things behind their hands?