by Maisey Yates
Jackson arched a brow. “That was his story, was it?”
“Yes,” she said, her eyes meeting his in defiance of her embarrassment. Her cheeks were hot, and she was sure they were lit up bright pink.
“Well, he sounds like a Grade A dick.”
In spite of herself, she laughed. “You’re not wrong. And a mama’s boy. I wouldn’t be surprised if his mom threw him right in Elizabeth’s path. She would have suited my former mother-in-law much better. More involved in the community and all of that.” She cleared her throat. “Not just a daycare worker.”
“Sounds like you were in a hell of a situation,” he said.
“Yeah, it could have been better.”
“Doesn’t exactly make me sorry that I haven’t given the institution of marriage a try. Or commitment of any kind.”
“I should have known better,” she said. “My parents were unhappy. I thought that I could do better. I thought that by watching them I could figure out exactly what not to do. More fool me.”
“Are your parents divorced?”
“No,” she said. “They still live in their venom-filled suburban nightmare, trading barbs back and forth over the dinner table I imagine.”
“My father was married four times,” he said.
“Really?”
“Yep. He was not a good husband. A pretty nice guy, all around, but shitty at commitment. He was more married to this land than he ever could have been to a woman.”
“Chloe’s mother?”
“She was the one that stuck. And I could never figure out if that was just the two of them being ready to settle for whatever they got or if they actually changed for each other.”
“You couldn’t...tell?”
He shrugged. “Ella is a great woman. She moved away after my dad died, wanted to be somewhere a little less rural. I don’t blame her. But we still see her. She was the only one that had a kid of her own, and sometimes I wonder if Dad was more attached to being Chloe’s father than he was to being Ella’s husband. Though, like I said... I don’t really know.”
“How old was Chloe when they got married?”
“Ten or so. Them getting a divorce certainly would have been the toughest for us. Because of her.”
“Is that why you don’t do commitment? Your dad?”
“I’m a little bit too much like him, is the thing. I like women, but I love the ranch. I love freedom. I don’t want to be accountable to anyone.”
It was a good answer, and it seemed direct enough, but something in the way he spoke the words made Savannah doubt the authenticity of them. There was something else. He told that story in such a detached way, it made her wonder what more there was. But he was her boss and it wasn’t her business.
She shouldn’t want to know him. Shouldn’t want to get closer to him. Shouldn’t want to press her thumb between his eyebrows and smooth the crease that was there.
She shouldn’t want to touch him at all.
This should be polite dinner conversation only. Nothing more.
“How long has it been since your divorce was final?”
“Eight months,” she said.
“What have you done in those eight months?”
“I moved here.”
“Before that.”
“Came to terms with the fact that I was going to be alone.”
“Why do you think you’re going to be alone?”
“I don’t know. Probably for similar reasons to yours.”
“I’ve never spent eight months alone.”
“I assume you mean that as a euphemism,” she said, picking up her bowl, which was now empty, and heading back toward the kitchen to put it in the sink.
“Yeah.”
She cleared her throat, her face feeling hot. “That is... That is definitely not your concern.”
“Maybe not. But...” In spite of her best efforts, that long pause he took made her turn her focus to him. “He’s not right.”
“About what?”
She regretted asking the moment the words left her mouth. When Jackson’s eyes connected with hers, she felt like all the air had been sucked out of her body. She wasn’t imagining the heat there. She wasn’t.
“You know perfectly well what.”
She regretted that she’d chosen this moment to spill her guts. “That’s not... That’s not for you to comment on. And anyway, you don’t know. Maybe he is right.”
“That you’re frigid?”
Heat prickled her scalp. “Like I said. You don’t know me.”
“If that’s the way he feels, if that’s how things were in your marriage, I’d put the blame squarely on him.”
“This really isn’t something we should be talking about.”
“I’m not an expert on much, Savannah, but women’s pleasure happens to be one thing I am. I don’t know a damn thing about babies, and here I am, thrown into the deep end on that, and you’re helping me out. So, give me a minute to talk about what I know. If things weren’t working out for you, that’s his fault.”
“Maybe it isn’t,” she said.
“No. I’m sure it was.”
Silence stretched between them, thick and meaningful. And she could feel herself being drawn to him. Like a band had been wrapped around the two of them and was slowly contracting, bringing them together. And she couldn’t fight it. She took a step toward him, then another.
He lifted his hand, and stretched it out, like he was going to touch her face. His fingertips on her bare skin... She knew that she would go up in flames.
Unless she froze his fingertips.
That was what they were talking about. About the fact that she wasn’t able to...
She took a step back. “I’m going to go to my room. I have some email and things to catch up on.”
He jolted, his hand dropping back down to his side. “Good idea.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow around lunchtime, I’m sure.”
He took a deep breath, his broad chest expanding. “I’m sure.”
And then she ran, like she was running from the devil himself. And for all she knew, she might have been. Because she had never known temptation like she’d experienced just now.
But it wasn’t the temptation, or the fact she might give in to it that scared her. It was the idea that it would be another disappointment. Another opportunity for her to fail with a man.
More than anything else, she didn’t think she could face that.
CHAPTER FOUR
JACKSON HAD SLEPT for shit that night. He blamed Savannah and the conversation they’d had. Frigid. He wanted to find her ex-husband and pull that bastard’s testicles out through his mouth.
In his opinion, any man who put that kind of thing on a woman was beneath contempt. Jackson might not be a knight in shining armor, but he knew where his responsibilities lay in the bedroom. There was no damned point to sex if your partner didn’t get as much out of it as you did, if not more. A woman’s pleasure was part of his own. Any man who not only put that responsibility on the lady, but also made her feel bad about herself when he couldn’t perform, was a lowlife in his mind.
That kind of man certainly didn’t deserve to get off.
But the problem was, Jackson shouldn’t be thinking about his nanny and getting off in the same sentence. Not at all.
That was the trouble with not having Lily out with him while he worked. He had too much time on his brain to do thinking. And his thoughts were in the damned gutter.
He sighed and lifted the ax he was holding over his head, bringing it down hard on the piece of wood sitting on its end, sending half of it flying across the lot.
He looked up and saw his brother’s truck pulling up toward him, and he swore. The last thing he wanted was to deal with Tanner or Calder right now.
And sad
ly for him, it was both of his brothers. They stopped the truck and got out, the two older Reids looking at him, and then looking at each other.
“Can I help you?” he asked, feeling testy as fuck and just as mean. He had sexual tension to get rid of, and he aimed to chop a cord of wood, not have a discussion with his brothers.
“Just haven’t had a chance to chat in a while,” Tanner said.
“You’re full of shit,” Jackson said. “We work together every day.”
“Yeah,” Calder agreed, “but Chloe’s been around.”
“What exactly do you want to talk to me about that you can’t say in front of Chloe?”
“I want to know what’s really happening with you and the nanny,” Tanner said.
“What do you mean really happening?”
“You’re living with a woman that beautiful in your house, and you want me to believe that you’re not doing anything with her?” Calder asked.
Tanner’s expression tightened, his whole body going tense. It seemed he didn’t find Calder’s questions any more amusing than Jackson did. “It is possible to live with a beautiful woman and not touch her,” Tanner pointed out.
“Sure,” Calder said. “It’s possible. But Jackson doesn’t have any experience with restraint. And we know that with even more certainty than we did a couple months ago.”
“Yeah, because you’re a snow-white virgin,” Jackson said, glaring at his brother.
“I’m no such thing. But I’m not half the manwhore you are.”
“Even half the manwhore I am is pretty bad,” he responded drily.
Tanner snorted. “That is true. Though, I’ve been much too busy running this place to get up to even half of what Calder has.”
“That’s a dirty lie,” Jackson said. “You’ve been a bit busy raising Chloe.”
“I am not raising Chloe,” Tanner said, his tone hard. “She’s an adult.”
“What is she? Twenty-two? And she’s half-feral.”
“At least you don’t have to worry about her sneaking off with guys,” Calder said, humor on his face. “Anyway, if a man gave her trouble, she’d just shoot them herself.”
“We are not talking about Chloe,” Tanner said, his voice taking on an edge when he said their stepsister’s name.
He knew Chloe could be irritating, but she and Tanner had lived together in the main house for ages. It had only been about six months since Chloe’s mother had moved away, but Jackson couldn’t imagine things had changed that much since Ella had gone.
“We’re talking about Jackson. And his transgressions,” Calder said.
“If you call Lily a transgression one more time, Calder,” Jackson said, his tone warning, “I will personally put my fist through your face.”
“That isn’t what I meant,” Calder said, looking contrite. “I was just giving you a hard time.”
“I swear, everything with Savannah is on the up-and-up. I needed someone to help me out. I don’t know shit about babies, and you know that.”
“Neither do we.”
“Neither does Chloe,” Tanner said.
“Yeah, it’s basically a nineties comedy around here, except that we’re not going to magically figure it out, so I needed to do something. And I hired Savannah. End of story. I’m not touching her, and neither are either of you. She’s the only way I’ve gotten any sleep for a week, and if you fuck that up for me I will...”
“Fist through the face,” Tanner said. “I think we got it.”
“Hey,” Calder said, “I’m more worried about you messing it up.”
“I can keep my dick under control, thanks,” Jackson said.
“Can you?” Tanner asked.
He would be offended, but Tanner had a point. If he could keep himself under control, he’d never shown it. He’d never had to.
“I have a reason to,” he bit out. “The best reason I’ve ever had. I know that you might not... I never wanted to be a father,” he continued. “But the fact of the matter is I am one. Everything that I wanted has changed now. I care a hell of a lot more about that little girl growing up happy than I do about when I’m going to get laid next. And hell, I don’t know when that’s going to be. Maybe not till she graduates from high school.”
Well, he hoped that wouldn’t be true. But there was a serious chance he wasn’t going to be getting any action on a regular basis for quite some time. He couldn’t bring a parade of women through her life. That was the kind of thing their father had done, and he wouldn’t do that. He wanted her to have more stability than he’d had. Didn’t want her to go through a series of attachments and separations over and over again. It was too hard.
Her mother had already left, and God knew he understood that pain. Of knowing your mother couldn’t handle you. Couldn’t raise you. Already, Lily’s childhood was a shade too much like his own. For his father’s part, when it came to their mother, at least it hadn’t really been his fault. He had married her. Had tried to have a stable life before bringing children into the world.
Jackson had just been indiscriminate. Yes, he’d used protection, but the fact of the matter was, there was always a chance that protection could fail. And any grown man who was sexually active had to take that risk on. It had never come back to bite him in the ass before.
But now it had, and he had to man up.
“I never realized you were so self-sacrificial,” Calder said.
“I’m not. But what else am I supposed to do? She’s here,” he said gruffly.
“We’re here for you,” Tanner said, clapping him on the back. “Even though I don’t think we’re any more qualified than you.”
“Maybe if we put all of our heads together we can equal one qualified parent,” Calder said.
Jackson chuckled. “You might be about right.”
But he had Savannah. She was qualified, and she was giving Lily a good start. She knew what to do. She knew things like tummy time, which Jackson hadn’t known about. She was going to provide that early stability. Be that mother figure for Lily. And he knew it wouldn’t last forever, but if he could just make it the best situation possible, he had a feeling it could last for a while.
And that meant no more thinking about Savannah, or her problem.
And letting go of the idea it was his to solve.
Lord almighty. He wanted to solve it.
Dick. Under. Control.
His brothers took off, and while he went on chopping that wood, all he could think about was that Savannah wasn’t staying forever. It was already temporary.
And there was no real way to mess up something that wasn’t forever anyway. Was there?
CHAPTER FIVE
SAVANNAH WAS READY to fall asleep on the floor right next to Lily. The baby hadn’t slept at all the night before, which meant Savannah hadn’t, either, and then for some reason Lily had defied every reasonable expectation and hadn’t napped the entire day, either. She really hoped this wasn’t indicative of what was to come.
Finally, the little wiggling thing had fallen asleep on her blanket, and Savannah was stretched out beside her, the ceiling spinning above her head as she fought to stay conscious.
Jackson would be back soon. She had already texted him to warn him that she wouldn’t be cooking dinner. She simply didn’t have the energy. She had managed to eat a few grapes while spoon-feeding Lily some squash, but that was it. She was hungry and exhausted. She wasn’t sure how she was going to go on.
And while she lay there, her thoughts turned to Jackson.
That was the biggest problem with being sleep deprived. She had almost no control over her thought process. All damn day she had thought of him. Of the way he talked about how it was a man’s fault if a woman didn’t find pleasure in bed with him.
It made her wonder.
Wonder a whole lot of things that were ha
lf-formed and blurry. Wonder a lot of things that she knew she should have a better handle on, but she didn’t. Because her curiosity about sex had basically shut down over the past few years. She felt like a failure at it. A failure as a wife. And instead of trying to figure it out with Darren she had just locked everything away. Pretended that she didn’t care. It was better—she had rationalized—than being her parents. Always unhappy and yelling and screaming.
But then she had discovered just how quiet unhappiness could be. How many forms bad marriages could take.
She had tried so hard to be different, and it had ended up the same.
Well, not quite. Her husband had actually cut her loose. Her parents didn’t have the common decency to set each other free. They just suffered together in misery. Savannah could honestly say she felt her choice was the better one. Or rather, the choice that Darren had made for the both of them. Though, she refused to be grateful to him.
But there was Jackson.
His lips were beautiful, and they made her want to kiss them. Kissing she had liked. At least at first. It had always sparked in her stomach the promise of something that she could never really have. So, eventually she had stopped liking kissing quite so much.
She wondered if kissing Jackson would be any different.
He was rarely clean-shaven. Somehow, he always seemed to have a perpetual five-o’clock shadow, and it looked like it would be rough to touch. She licked her own lips in response to that thought, closing her eyes and allowing her vision to fill with images of him.
She heard the front door open and close. Her eyes popped open.
“Hello,” said Jackson softly, looking down at her position on the floor.
“Don’t wake her up,” she said. “I’m desperate.”
“Yeah, your text seemed a little bit on the desperate side.”
“I haven’t slept.” She sat up, rubbing her face.
“Do you need to take a nap?”
“Yes,” she mumbled. “But I need to eat. I haven’t eaten today, either.”
He frowned. “If it’s ever that overwhelming you should call me.”
“You hired me to take care of things. I’m not going to call you away from work. This is my job.”