An Outlaw Valentine

by Kathryn Kelly

That wasn’t a lie. She felt exhausted, almost dazed. She needed Christopher. She wanted him to hold her, comfort her, and love her.

  CJ laid his head on her lap and yawned.

  She glided her fingers through his hair, black and glossy like Christopher’s. “Come on, big boy. Let’s take off your shoes and snuggle under the covers.”

  “Okay, Mommie.” CJ’s little voice sounded small and sad.

  Christopher glanced over his shoulder at their son’s words. His green eyes, a mirror to CJ’s, were dark and tortured. Meggie gave him a gentle smile, then busied herself removing CJ’s saddle oxfords.

  “I love you, Mommie,” he told her and hugged her tight.

  She gave him a kiss on the forehead. “I love you more, potato,” she said with a smile.

  “You sound like a boy,” he said.

  She nodded. “I know.” As long as she didn’t make a big deal out of it, neither would Christopher or CJ.

  He scrambled toward the pillows, kicked the covers aside, and scooted under them. She and Christopher grinned at each other, before she followed CJ. The moment she laid next to him, he plopped his head on her arm.

  “Varoooommmm,” he started, doing his impression of a motorcycle at full throttle. “Va-va-va-va-va….roooooom.”

  “Shhh,” Meggie coaxed. “It’s quiet time.”

  “I don’t like quiet time.”

  “Just for a few minutes, buddy.”

  “MegAnn tired?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Silence and then, “How long I gotta be quiet?”

  “Five minutes.”

  “Then can I have ice cream?”

  Meggie wrinkled her nose. She still hadn’t gone grocery shopping yet this week, and they were all out of ice cream. “How about cookies and milk after dinner?” That she hadn’t started yet.

  “Okay, Mommie,” he agreed, giving her a silly face.

  Laughing, she tickled his belly, enjoying his little boy squeal. He rolled away from her and sat up. “Do you wanna play Candy Land?”

  “After dinner,” she promised, then countered with a question of her own. “Do you have homework or anything for me and Dad to look at?”

  He threw himself back on the bed and tilted his head to look at her upside down. “Nope.”

  “Are you hungry?” she asked.

  Sitting up, he turned and frowned at her. “I want ice cream.”

  “That’s a snack, not a meal.” She was trying to wean him away from so many sweets. “How about apple slices?”

  “That’s a snack, too, Mommie,” he pointed out, raising up on his hands and feet and crabwalking toward her. He flipped over and dived on her stomach.

  “Ooomph,” she gasped.

  He popped up and smiled. “Can we have pizza?”

  “You want pizza, boy?” Christopher asked.

  “Yes, ‘Law,” he answered, resting half his body on Meggie before he began to roll from her chest to her ankles and back up again.

  Christopher grabbed him by the shorts and lifted him into his arms.

  “Spin me like a propeller, ‘Law!” CJ demanded.

  Instead of complying, Christopher situated CJ on his shoulders, not bothered when their son grabbed handfuls of his hair and yanked.

  “C’mon. Let’s find some pizza. Leave your ma rest.”

  Meggie wouldn’t protest, although being left alone was the last thing she wanted. Especially in this bedroom, where Johnnie had attacked her. Even if she was tired, heartsore and outraged.

  After Christopher and CJ left, she laid on the bed, not sure what to do next. The day had started out filled with the promise of an afternoon spent in her husband’s arms. Now, her world had been thrown completely off its axis.

  Five minutes later, the door creaked open and Meggie tensed. Johnnie constantly took it upon himself to waltz into her bedroom as if he belonged there.

  “Baby?” Christopher called.

  Her muscles relaxed and she sat up, finding her husband minus their son. “Where’s CJ?”

  “Mort takin’ him to Roxy,” he answered, coming to the bed and climbing in. He pulled her into his arms, spooning her before nosing her hair. “Talk to me, Megan.”

  “I have nothing to say.” That was true in a way.

  He chinned her hair aside and laid his cheek against hers. “That ain’t true, and we both fuckin’ know it. You coulda died today, Megan. Don’t think I ain’t knowin’ you tryna spare my fuckin’ feelins by shuttin’ the fuck up. You can’t fuckin’ ignore how the fuck you feel cuz of me.”

  “I’m not ignoring how I feel,” she corrected. “Just not making a big deal out of it. I don’t want you to kill anyone.”

  “Ain’t gonna fuckin’ kill any-fuckin’-body. Just Johnnie.”

  Meggie elbowed him. “That’s what I mean.”

  He turned her onto her back and stared down into her eyes. “It’s my fuckin’ soul, baby. Not yours. I ain’t lettin’ you keep shit in to save me. We here for each other. That mean, if shit on your mind, you talk to me.”

  Remembering Johnnie’s hands around her throat made tears rush to her eyes. Determined not to cry, she cleared her throat, which only hurt worse from her effort.

  Christopher touched his nose to hers and closed his eyes. “Megan, baby, if Ida came here and found you gone,” he started in a shaking voice. A tear slipped out of the corner of his eye.

  Meggie thumbed it away, encouraging him to look at her again. His watery gaze broke her heart.

  “My whole world woulda ended.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “I was so scared,” she admitted, the words starting her own tears. “I thought I was going to die. I thought I’d never see you or CJ or the rest of our kids again. I don’t even know what was going through my mind at that time. I just knew I had to fight. I had to live.”

  Instead of responding with words, Christopher covered her mouth with his. She welcomed the taste and feel of him, sighing against his lips, mingling her breath with his.

  She parted her thighs, allowing him to settle between her legs, lifting her hips and grinding against him. She only had the dress on, not having the chance to dress herself completely with all that had taken place.

  “Christopher,” she murmured.

  He slid her dress above her waist and leaned back on his haunches, his fingers going to his fly as his eyes strayed to her private area. They widened.

  “You shaved your cunt?” he got out, and swallowed.

  “You like it? I did it after you left this morning. I wanted to surprise you.”

  In response, he ran a finger over her bare mound and down her seam, to her clit, teasing it. She gasped and rolled against his probing hand.

  “I gotta get in your pussy, baby,” Christopher growled, fisting his erection.

  Stretching out over her, he kissed her frantically and sank into her. He started a gentle rhythm that turned harsh and frantic. Meggie matched his every move, clinging to him, each reminding the other that she’d survived. When he would’ve slowed down, she bit his shoulder, inciting him to a frenzy all over again.

  He grabbed her hips and pounded into her until her orgasm broke over her.

  “Christopher!” she cried.

  He grunted and stiffened, pouring into her, then collapsing against her. After a moment, he rolled to her side, pulled her back into the crook of his arm and caressed her cheek. In his eyes, she saw everything she already knew. How much he loved and needed her.

  After a moment, he dropped his hand and held her in silence, staring at the ceiling.

  “You been through so much shit,” he said finally.

  “Yes, I have been,” she agreed, seeing no use in denying his words. To her, that would minimize however he was feeling. “But so have you.”

  “On top of every-fuckin-thing else, a motherfucker you say ain’t Johnnie choked you,” he told her, ignoring her comment.

  She had to redirect his thoughts. “I’ve been stabbed, kidnapped, beaten, shot, and strangl
ed. I don’t think anything else can be done to me, since all the basics are covered.”

  “That ain’t fuckin’ funny, Megan,” Christopher snapped. “I almost fuckin’ lost you too many fuckin’ times. All that shit fuckin’ happen to you cuz you with my ass. When the fuck you gonna get tired of bein’ fucked up every five fuckin’ minutes and say I’m out this motherfucker?”

  “Never,” she swore. “You’ve been shot more than once, buried alive, locked up with dead bodies, beaten, and a whole bunch of other things and you’re still here.”

  He kissed her forehead. “Whatcha want me to do, baby? Tell me. I’ll do any-fuckin-thing to keep you safe.”

  “Nothing. Everything is fine.” She raised her hand to his cheek, and smiled when he leaned into her palm. “I love you, Christopher. I’ll fight to the death to save you, to love you, and to be with you. I’d die for you and I’d kill for you. I’m going to stand at your side forever and ever, no matter what the future holds.”

  “My ass got too fuckin’ relaxed. Ain’t been watchin’ you like I should.”

  Again, she needed to steer the conversation in a different direction before she slipped up and admitted the security footage had been tampered with.

  “I’m fine. You’re fine. Our kids are fine. There’s nothing left to be done to me now, so you don’t have to worry anymore. I’m in the clear.”

  He grunted. “You fuckin’ better be. Cuz my head ain’t gonna be able to take another motherfucker layin’ their fuckin’ dirty hands on you.”

  “Wait and see, Christopher. Twenty years from now, we’ll be looking back on this day and smiling at what a quiet life we’ve had between now and then.”

  “Okay, baby, if you say so,” he said with a sigh, then bent to kiss her lips. “You wanna tell me ‘bout this Valentine Ball?”

  “Not right now.” The ball was the last thing on her mind. “I want you to make love to me again and then I’ll get up and cook dinner for us.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me, baby,” he murmured, rolling onto her and burying himself inside her again.

  The next morning, Kendall banged on Roxanne Doucette’s door. She was Mortician’s mother-in-law, who had taken the women under her wing. Especially Kendall.

  “Roxy!” she called, just as the door swung open and Knox Harrington, Roxy’s live-in boyfriend, greeted her. She and Knox didn’t have the best track record, but they’d learned to be cordial to each other.

  Sighing, he stepped aside and indicated she come in with a sweep of his hand. She rushed through the door and headed to the kitchen without further invitation. Roxy had made it clear that Kendall could count this as a second home.

  It was rather small, a mother-in-law’s quarters attached to Mortician and Bailey’s house, but Roxy had her own entrance and her own kitchen, as well as a living area, decent-sized bedroom, and luxurious bathroom.

  “Baby, what’s the matter?” Roxy asked as Kendall barreled to where she sat at her breakfast bar.

  Kendall threw her arms around Roxy’s neck. “Roxy!” she sobbed. “I haven’t slept all night. Oh my God. Johnnie’s going to die and it’s all my fault.”

  “Shhh,” Roxy soothed, wrapping her in a motherly embrace and patting her back. “I’m sure it isn’t as bad as you think.”

  “It is!” Kendall screeched, her shoulders shaking. “I’m so selfish! Johnnie’s going to die and I want to die, too.”

  Roxy pushed Kendall away and grabbed her face between her hands. “Take a few deep breaths and calm down, baby.”

  Sniffling, Kendall nodded and pulled out of Roxy’s hold, but did as she was told.

  “Now, explain to me what’s going on.”

  She was so scared to confess. One day, Roxy would turn against her and hate her, like everyone else.

  “I’m waiting,” Roxy prompted.

  “Oh, Roxy, I’m so bored. All my talent is going to waste. That’s slowly killing me and Johnnie refuses to campaign on my behalf.”

  Rubbing her temples, Roxy sighed, then gave Kendall a level look. “Listen, sugar. I know you’re a career woman and don’t want to be a just a housewife. I’ve been waiting for you to figure this shit out.” She sighed again. “I guess I’m going to have to spell it out to you. Find another career. Outlaw said you can’t practice law. He never said you couldn’t work at all.”

  “That’s not fair!” Kendall wailed, stomping her foot.

  “Life’s not fair,” Roxy said sharply. “And you brought this bullshit on yourself, baby. If you’d sit the fuck down sometimes, you’d still be practicing law. How many different ways do we have to say that to make you understand? I know you’re not a dense bitch, so get your head out of your ass and act like you have goddamn sense.”

  “You hate me! Just like I always knew you would.”

  “Girl, you know me better than that. If I hated your ass, you wouldn’t set foot in my house. I wouldn’t use the breath it took me to try and get you in line.” Roxy stood from the stool. Although she was shorter than Kendall, her presence filled the room. She put her hands on her hips. “If you’re not getting what I’m saying, fuck it. Let’s move on to confession time. What have you done that you think is endangering Johnnie?”

  “I went to ask Outlaw if he’d allow me to work and…and…and…” She covered her face with her hands and sobbed.

  “And?” Roxy persisted.

  Dropping her hands, she sniffled again. “And I stupidly threatened Meggie and he put his fingers around my neck. I thought he was going to choke me, but, in the end I realize he was just trying to scare me. But…but…” She swallowed, and her lower lip trembled. “I made the bruises appear worse than they actually were and called Johnnie. And…and…oh God! He flew into a rage and tried to strangle Meggie to death.”

  Roxy’s brown eyes widened, shock drifting across her face, then she nodded slowly. “Yeah, baby. Johnnie’s fucked. Outlaw is going to deaden his dumb ass.” She scrubbed a hand over her face. “I can’t believe that stupid motherfucker. What in the hell possessed him to go after Meggie? Even if Outlaw had choked the fuck out of you, Meggie didn’t have anything to do with it.”

  The words made Kendall plop into the stool Roxy had just vacated. A feeling of impending doom swept through her, and she couldn’t stop her tears. Roxy must’ve been really concerned about Johnnie. She wasn’t chewing Kendall out for leading Johnnie to believe her injuries were worse off than in reality.

  “There’s more,” Kendall whispered in a teary voice.

  “Oh Lord Jesus. What else did the boy do?” Roxy positioned herself on the other side of the breakfast bar, right across from Kendall. “I thought he liked life.”

  “It wasn’t him, Roxy,” Kendall admitted. “It was me. All me. I just wanted Johnnie on my side, so I started drugging him. The pills always made me agreeable. I thought they’d do the same for him. The first medication made him so sick I thought he was going to die. The second one has made him a…a monster.” She broke out into loud sobs again.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you, Kendall?” Roxy shouted, sudden fury darkening her eyes. “You could’ve killed that man.”

  “In essence, I have killed him! All because of the stupid job I took.”

  “Wait a goddamn minute! You took the job? You’re representing someone?”

  “The enforcer of the Imperials,” Kendall admitted woefully.

  Roxy folded her arms and stared at her.

  “Say something,” Kendall pleaded after a moment.

  “Last I checked, my eyes were in pretty good condition. But I’m starting to wonder because when I look at you, I see a beautiful, intelligent woman not a no-sense, no-good, selfish, narcissistic, self-pitying, destructive lowlife who’ll betray her own family to have her way.”

  “Roxy!” Kendall cried.

  “Shut up, child. Just shut the fuck up. Do you know what the fuck you’ve done? You’ve jeopardized your life and your husband’s life just to have your fucking way. Yeah, you want a career,
Kendall, but it’s more about breaking those men down to your fucking will than really wanting to fucking work. Know how I know that?”

  Kendall couldn’t answer at Roxy’s yelling. She could only cry.

  “Ask me the fuck how I know you don’t want to work, Kendall?” Roxy commanded.

  “How do you know?” Kendall said, her voice so thick with tears it surprised her how clear the words sounded.

  “Because your sadity ass prefer to be on the boards of charities and visiting art galleries and going to recitals and operas and having champagne or tea.”

  “I’m not Meggie,” Kendall almost snarled. “I want a career.”

  “The fuck you do. And the only motherfucker that’s trying to turn you into Meggie is you. If it wasn’t for Meggie and Outlaw, you’d be happy and content. You’re so fucking miserable, because you’re so fucking jealous. I can’t believe you. I hope your fucking case is worth it.”

  “I don’t want it anymore. I’ve lost my nerve for it. I’m so sorry.”

  “That can be you and your husband’s epithets when Outlaw bury you two in the same miserable grave. We were sorry.”

  Roxy started out of the room, but Kendall jumped off the seat and ran behind her.

  “Please!” she screamed, halting Roxy. “Please, don’t leave me! Please. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any friends. Even Meggie is tired of me.” Kendall fell to the floor. “Please. If you walk away from me, I’ll have no one. Please.”

  Roxy spun and marched back to where Kendall had fallen to her knees. “I’m so fucking angry with you, but I’m not leaving you. I’m taking a break before I find a shoe and spank your ass. Johnnie takes a lot of bullshit on your behalf from Outlaw and the others. He handle you wrong a lot of times, but I give him points for his patience. He listens to you and tries to understand you and all the fuck you do is give him heartache.”

  “I don’t deserve him.”

  “No, you don’t deserve your self-destruction. As for Meggie, that little girl is tired of trying to be your friend, when you make innuendoes about her husband and still find ways to criticize her.”

  “Who cares if I say suggestive things about Christopher. Other than some obligatory jealousy in the beginning, he doesn’t even say anything.”