An Outlaw Valentine

by Kathryn Kelly

  “That would never happen,” Kendall said with certainty. “Meggie would save you.”

  Unable to believe she was that naïve, Johnnie growled. He raised the gun from her head and fired, shattering the pane of the room’s lone window. It shocked him that he’d had the presence of mine to do that, but it also clued him in to a grim reality. Somewhere inside of him, he still felt something for her.

  Pitching his Glock against the wall with a vicious curse, he turned and thrust his fingers through his hair, yanking at the strands.

  “I can explain,” she sobbed, shaking like a leaf in the wind.

  He spun to face her and narrowed his eyes, enjoying the way she trembled. “Really? You can explain how you told the enemy that Megan was more valuable than any other old lady in the club as Christopher’s wife? When you know that’s a fucking lie. We’d rescue Club Ass under our protection. You know we’d tear the fucking planet apart for any of our wives, not just Megan. Outlaw would be right there helping us to get any of you back. But you singled her out. You knew what the fuck you were doing. You wanted her dead. Or raped.”

  “I didn’t!”

  “At least have the fucking decency to be truthful,” Johnnie roared.

  “Okay, fine! I don’t know why I said what I did, and that’s the truth. I just wanted…” Her voice trailed off and she covered her face. “I don’t know.”

  “You wanted her gone, because you think you’d finally get to fuck Christopher.”

  She gasped. “That isn’t true.”

  “The fuck it isn’t. Every chance you get, you throw innuendoes at him. You’re too fucking ignorant to realize he hates your fucking guts. That’s why I let that bullshit continue. I thought you’d wise the fuck up.”

  “Please! I can explain.”

  “I can’t imagine how. Sherlock Holmes couldn’t explain any of it. Regardless, I’m not interested in more of your fucking lies.”

  Kendall stood. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Until the next time,” he reminded her, unimpressed by her display.

  “Please, Johnnie,” she begged, falling to her knees and crawling to him. She wrapped her arms around his thigh. “My actions put Megan in danger and the club in jeopardy. But I swear. I swear I’ll change. I’ll do whatever you want. Only, please, forgive me.”

  Johnnie stared at his wife. At the moment, he didn’t hate her, or love her. He felt drained. Empty. Dead inside. He backed away, and she fell forward. Scrambling back, she looked at him with the most pitiful expression he’d ever seen.

  “Are you leaving me?” Her voice was hoarse and teary. “Knowing I’m pregnant?”

  “Try again. That guilt card won’t work on me anymore. And, no, I’m not leaving you. You’re leaving me.

  “I…I…what?” She shook her head wildly. “I’m not leaving you.”

  “Oh, yes, my gorgeous wife, you are. You’re leaving the club’s compound and surrounding properties. You’ll have no connections to the Death Dwellers, which means you’ll be free to practice law or work at any job that suits your fancy.”

  “No! I don’t want that.” She jumped to her feet and ran to him. “Please, forgive me, Johnnie.” She flung herself into his arms, crying hysterically. “If you love me, you’ll forgive me.”

  Unmoved, Johnnie disentangled her arms from around his neck.

  He had harsh realities facing him. The humiliated biker, the killer in him, wanted her dead. But the man in him, the one who loved her with everything in him, and had made it his life’s mission to protect her and uplift her, was heartbroken. “At the moment, I don’t know how I feel, Kendall,” he admitted tiredly. “You want my forgiveness, when all I want is your honesty and reliability. I want to be able to take a fucking glass of water from you without wondering if it’s tainted. How can I forgive you if I don’t trust you?”

  Weeping uncontrollably, Kendall bowed her head into her hands. “I know I have a lot to be forgiven for, but I promise I’ll earn your trust again, Johnnie, and I’ll make you love me again.” She hurried to him once more and held her hands out in supplication. “Please, give me a chance. Don’t desert me and the kids.”

  He glared at her. “Save the theatrics. I have no intention of deserting my children. However, there will be changes, effective immediately.”

  “What kind of changes?” she asked around sniffles.

  “Ella is out. They’ll have a normal nanny and they’ll be allowed to go into any room in the house that they want to. They can blabber and babble, spoken to or not. You will not make robots of my children. From this moment forward what I say goes. I’ve said that before and then let you convince me as their mother you know best. You have to learn how to be a mother. You’re raising our children the way your mother raised you.”

  “I am not!”

  “The fuck you aren’t, and it stops, or so help me, I’ll divorce your ass and cut you out of their lives for good.”

  “You’re serious?” she whispered.

  He lifted a brow. “No, Kendall,” he snapped. “I’ve been talking just to hear my voice.”

  “Johnnie, please! You know if you took me to court, with my history, I’d lose to you.”

  He grinned without humor. “Going forward, I suggest you remember that,” he spat.

  Kendall wrung her hands together. “Please, don’t get rid of Ella. She’s my friend and the kids like her.”

  “Ella is a fucking snob and the kids fear her. Just like they fear you.”

  “No—”

  “I’m not finished, so shut the fuck up. I’m going to buy you a house.”

  “Oh my God, Johnnie, no! Please. We won’t be able to survive without you.”

  “Who’s we?” He barked a laugh. “The kids are staying with me. They’re going to a different daycare, and they’ll have a new nanny. All of them will get acquainted with their cousins. I’ll bring them to you on weekends. You won’t have time for them anyway, since you’ll be living your dream of being a working attorney.”

  “You might as well kill me! You’re leaving me and taking the kids. I’ll be all alone.”

  “Funny, I’ve been alone our entire marriage but I was too stupid to realize it.”

  “No! You had me! And I had you. We had each other.”

  “That’s such bullshit,” he bit out with a bitter laugh.

  “Johnnie,” she keened, doubling over, her body shaking with the force of her tears. “All this sounds like you do intend to divorce me.”

  “Maybe, if you weren’t pregnant again, I would.” He shrugged, but the enormity of that statement, of her state, hit him. Bleakness pierced his anger, and he clenched his jaw.

  “You’re going to get a girlfriend, aren’t you?” she said miserably. “You did when I left before.”

  He should torture her with that uncertainty, but she was pregnant, so he couldn’t. He wouldn’t be responsible for a third miscarriage. “No, I’m not. We weren’t married then, Kendall. I take my vows seriously. If I want another woman, I’d divorce you first.”

  “I’m so sorry. What can I do? How can I change your mind? Make you want to stay married to me?”

  “You’re pregnant,” he reminded her. “We already have kids together. Children aren’t a reason to remain in a relationship, but you need to find yourself. Maybe, you moving from the club will be just what’s needed. Who knows? Right now, I want you gone. I’m livid,” he admitted. “Furious. A part of me wants to kill you.”

  Her eyes widened, and she paled.

  “I had every intention of pulling that trigger, Kendall,” he said in a deadly soft tone. “You’ve pushed me one time too many. You’ve humiliated me. Betrayed me…” He drew in a deep breath. “That’s the side of me I’ve always kept from you. But I’m as much to blame for this point in our marriage as you are. I allowed you to play me, so you did.”

  Her face crumpled. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love all of you, even that vicious, dangerous side. Please, don’t throw me away.”
<
br />   He forced himself to ignore those words. But, Jesus, she sounded pitiful. “I think our marriage is salvageable.” The statement lightened his mood somewhat. “I’ll do my part in trying to save it. It’ll be up to you to do yours. You have to completely change your attitude about a lot of things. I’m not leaving my club, and you hate it. That’s a great divider.” His heart was beginning to hurt. “I’ll be there for you and the baby.”

  Sniffling, Kendall nodded, the same anguish creeping into him, showing on her face. “I promise I’ll work on myself. I’ll find a way to regain your trust.”

  Johnnie swallowed. “I’d like that.” Having nothing else to say, he nodded to the door. “Come on. I’ll walk you to the house, so I can get back to the club and get some rest.”

  “You aren’t staying with me tonight?” she whispered.

  “No. I’m not. I need to be alone. Tomorrow, I’ll come back to the house and use one of the guest rooms until you move out.”

  Johnnie didn’t think she could look more forlorn. But she managed it. For the first time since he’d seen her tonight, he felt a twinge of sympathy for her. Which, to him, was a good thing.

  Eventually, when all the hurt and humiliation went away, his love for her would return.

  Devastated at Johnnie’s decision, Kendall couldn’t sleep. Instead, for the entire night, she thought of ways to make things right, but couldn’t come up with any. She sobbed and trembled, and just felt cold inside.

  She’d known drugging Johnnie was pushing it, but she’d never expected him to find out. She’d thought it would be a harmless way to secure his agreement.

  Once she’d seen how sick he’d become, she should’ve stopped. As always, something inside her drove her to recklessness. The one thing she’d always counted on was Johnnie’s love and her ability to bend him to her will.

  That had been wrong, so very, very wrong of her. Now, she’d all but lost him. He wanted to work on their marriage and would do his part, yet she didn’t know how to do her part.

  Or, maybe, she did.

  Johnny wanted her honesty and reliability. He wanted them to be close to Christopher and Meggie. Therefore, Kendall saw only one way: confession.

  Confessing her crimes to Christopher…no, not Christopher…Outlaw…confessing her crimes to Outlaw could be the first step in proving to Johnnie how sorry she was.

  He’d see she was willing to humble herself to Outlaw. Johnnie would know she wanted the same fresh start as he did with no—not many—secrets between them. Admitting her behavior would show how truly sorry she was.

  Outlaw would be angry, but he wouldn’t hurt her—or Johnnie. Meggie wouldn’t sanction it.

  As dawn broke, she grabbed her cell phone and sent a text message to Outlaw, Johnnie, Mortician, Digger, Val, Cash, Stretch and Knox to meet her at the club because she had something important to say.

  Only Mortician gave an affirmative answer immediately. It took another hour for Johnnie and Digger to respond. The others didn’t. However, she’d make her way to the club and see who’d attend.

  Stepping into the clubhouse, Kendall breathed in the scent of bacon that told her Roxy was in the kitchen preparing breakfast for the brothers who stopped in on their way to work.

  “What’s this about, Kendall?” Johnnie demanded, sitting amongst all the other men because he was a biker.

  Whether she liked it or not, this motorcycle club was in his blood. They all stared at her, giving her the feeling of them versus her.

  Bursting into tears, she hurried forward, stopping at the edge of the table, between Mortician and Knox. Outlaw was in the corner, on the other side, glowering at her.

  “Th-thank you for coming,” she said hesitantly.

  “I left Megan side and came cuz of Johnnie,” Outlaw responded. “You his wife and if you textin’ all us, it must be fuckin’ dire.”

  She bowed her head, and sobbed.

  “Red,” Mortician said after a moment, grabbing her hand and squeezing. “Don’t stress yourself. We didn’t know you and Johnnie was on the outs ‘til we got here. It’s okay. You still our family.”

  Mortician’s words tore through her. How could she have been so stupid to not see how much they all cared for her? Even if it was because of Johnnie, she’d had the family she’d always dreamed of.

  “Whatcha want, Kendall?” Outlaw snapped. “I gotta get back to the hospital by Megan.”

  His words made her cry harder. “It’s all my fault,” she confessed, not thinking this decision through, only panicked at the thought of losing Johnnie. “Meggie being kidnapped. Johnnie being drugged and Johnnie strangling her. I even called CJ a little idiot and tried to punch him in his face. And…and…and I withheld Meggie’s location from you. I’m the one who convinced Johnnie to meet with Randolph behind your back, to try and broker a peace deal. I intended to represent Randolph, so, in essence, I fraternized with the enemy against your orders and against Johnnie’s will. I’m so, so, so sorry. Please forgive me.” Tears slipped down her cheeks and she swiped them away. “I’m begging you.”

  Stillness fell over the room and a chill entered, as if a ghost had walked in and sucked the warmth out of the air.

  Johnnie’s eyes widened, then he paled, glancing uneasily in Outlaw’s direction. The other men looked both shocked and concerned. Their gazes travelled from her to Outlaw and back again.

  Growling, Outlaw rose to his feet, and stared at her, then narrowed his eyes.

  “Now, Prez,” Mortician started, standing also, and holding out his hands. “Think about this. Meggie girl safe.”

  “Shut the fuck up, Mortician,” Outlaw ordered. “The only fuckin’ thing savin’ you is you did what the fuck I ask. You saved my girl. Megan reminded me of that. But she ain’t fuckin’ here and you still fuckin’ lied to me.”

  Without another word, Mortician returned to his seat. Outlaw remained standing. The cold hatred in his eyes alarmed Kendall. She should’ve waited until Meggie was out of the hospital.

  Thinking of Meggie, Kendall swallowed. All she knew was that Meggie had been rescued. No one had mentioned anything else about her to Kendall.

  “How the fuck you figure it’s your fault, this motherfucker strangle my girl, Kendall?” he demanded, starting to pace. “Never fuckin’ mind. I already know. You put fuckin’ marks on your own neck.”

  His ability to reach the correct conclusions no longer surprised her, so she nodded.

  Outlaw paused to glance between her and Johnnie. He sat in his seat, ashen, unable to speak. The fear in his eyes almost broke Kendall. He had to know that even if Outlaw killed her, he’d never hurt Johnnie.

  “Don’t make Johnnie pay for my crimes,” she begged.

  All the warmth was gone from Outlaw’s face. She saw nothing of the biker she knew. Yes, he disliked her—hated her. He called her names. But he had a spark of humanity in him. The ability to be reasoned with.

  This man, Outlaw, was a killer.

  She trembled, wondering if she’d erred in her decision to confess. “If there are any repercussions take them out on me.”

  Her words sent him into action.

  He stalked to where Johnnie sat. “I told your motherfuckin’ ass to get control of your bitch.”

  Johnnie swallowed, more color leeching from him. “I know.”

  Leaning down, Outlaw yanked his gun from his leg holster and aimed it at Johnnie’s head.

  “No!” Kendall screamed, trying to rush forward but unable to because Mortician held her back.

  “Anybody hun…gry?” Roxy ended on a gasp. “Outlaw—”

  “Shut the fuck up, Roxanne,” he commanded, then turned back to Johnnie. “Even when you fuckin’ found out this bitch drugged you, you ain’t did nothin’. You shoulda sent her the fuck away.”

  Clenching his jaw, Johnnie didn’t answer.

  “What the fuck I say gonna happen to you if you ain’t stop her bullshit?”

  “You said you’d kill me,” Johnnie said in a hollow
tone.

  “Yet you let her fuck with you, with Megan, any-fuckin-way.”

  “He didn’t,” Kendall screamed. “Please! He didn’t know.”

  Outlaw glowered at her. “Johnnie say Mort told him where to find Megan. I didn’t give a fuck if a unicorn clued him in at that moment. I just wanted my woman. But I been wonderin’: How the fuck Mort knew, and ain’t told me. You know how? Cuz, you, bitch, told Roxanne, and she ain’t know how the fuck to tell me without givin’ you up.”

  “I can explain,” Roxy said quickly, sidling closer to Knox.

  He wrapped an arm around her waist and looked at Outlaw with guardedness.

  “I ain’t fuckin’ interested in no fuckin’ explanations, Roxanne,” Outlaw spat. “My ass pissed, but you did what you shoulda to protect Megan and this cunt.” He nodded to Kendall. “Ain’t faultin’ your loyalty.”

  “Okay, Outlaw, just drop the gun from Johnnie’s head before you fire accidentally,” Roxy pleaded in a faint voice.

  Instead of dropping the weapon, he cocked the hammer.

  “No!” Kendall screamed, again attempting to surge forward.

  Digger blocked her and Mortician pulled her back a second time, but she fought against his hold.

  “Please, Outlaw!” she screeched. “Oh my God! Please, don’t do this.”

  “I love you, Kendall,” Johnnie said quietly.

  “Let go of me, Mortician. I’ve got to save Johnnie.”

  “Letting you go not going to do no good, Red,” Mortician said in a distraught voice.

  In other words, she couldn’t save Johnnie. Nothing she did would help. But she had to try.

  “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry, Outlaw. Please don’t kill Johnnie. Please,” she sobbed, hysterical. But nothing moved Outlaw. She looked at Johnnie, on the verge of fainting and throwing up. “I love you so much, Johnnie.”