by Natasha West
‘How did you meet Caitlin, anyway?’ Ellie asked abruptly, desperate to change the subject.
Jordan looked up in surprise. What was with Ellie tonight? She was being weird.
‘She modelled for me at a life drawing class’ Jordan said.
‘Wow’ Ellie responded.
‘Why is that surprising?’ Jordan asked.
‘I guess it’s just… So, you saw her naked before you spoke.’
Jordan laughed and said ‘Yeah. I guess so.’
Ellie looked down at her menu quickly. Her head was spiralling. Caitlin had simply stood naked in front of Jordan and that had been enough to win her over. Ellie could barely get into a swimming pool without feeling self-conscious in her swim suit.
Whatever Ellie had hoped this evening would hold, she’d just ruined it for herself by pulling at the Caitlin thread. She’d never be able to get that out of her head now.
Jordan thought Ellie had gone a bit quiet but she wasn’t going to dig. She didn’t dare get into anything deeper than a pizza topping right now. It felt far too risky.
For the rest of the meal, they stuck to the usual conversation. The settling of scores.
Around the time that Jordan and Ellie sat down to eat, Zoe was starting to wish she were dead.
‘How can you not know that you put sperm in the fucking freezer?!’ Caitlin was demanding of her, for what seemed like the two hundredth time.
‘I didn’t think I had. Maybe Ellie did it.’
‘Yeah, right’ Caitlin snorted.
‘Honestly, I could swear I saw it in the bathroom bin.’
‘But it wasn’t in the bin, was it? It was in with the frozen peas and the fish fingers’ Caitlin said, unconsciously reiterating Jordan’s words on the subject of sperm storage.
Zoe heaved a deep sigh. She’d known something was wrong from the moment she came home. Caitlin’s face had had an unusual bull-dog-chewing-a-wasp look about it. And so Zoe had innocently asked, ‘Hey gorgeous, something up?’
She’d spent the last few exhausting hours discussing precisely what was ‘up’ with Caitlin. Round and round they went, having the world’s most repetitive argument. They couldn’t seem to move forward.
‘I suppose it wasn’t in the bin if you say so. I wish you’d kept hold of it, though.’
‘Why? Because you wanted to keep it?’ Caitlin demanded.
‘For Christ’s sake Caitlin, no! I wish you’d kept it because I’m almost certain I didn’t put it in there. It would have been nice to see it with my own eyes, that’s all.’
‘Are you saying I’m making this up?’ Caitlin asked, with a short, nasty laugh.
‘Of course not! I’d just like to be able to see the alleged thing that’s ruining my night.’
‘Well, I threw it out of the window.’
‘Isn’t that a bit of a dramatic reaction?’
‘Are you saying I’m dramatic?’ Caitlin asked angrily. If there was one thing she hated, it was that word. Jordan had told her she was dramatic numerous times. Hearing it now from Zoe, she began to wonder if she’d really gotten the girlfriend upgrade she’d believed.
‘No! I’m just concerned it might have hit an old lady in the face or something!’ Zoe explained.
‘Now who’s being dramatic!?’ Caitlin countered.
‘I’ve had enough of this’ Zoe said miserably. ‘If you can’t believe what I’m telling you, what’s the point?’
‘The point?’
‘Of us’ Zoe finished. And she meant it. Whatever had been lacking from her relationship with Ellie, she would never have called her a liar.
Caitlin sat down on the sofa, frightened. Had she taken this too far?
‘I just want you to be honest about how you feel’ she begged.
‘Feel about what?’
‘You know…’ Caitlin said, deeply uncomfortable with the direction she was having to take this. Arguing over the sperm was one thing. But what Zoe was forcing her to ask now? It was unfair. Caitlin had absolutely no desire to have this talk, not now. Possibly not ever. ‘Just tell me why you kept it? Were you hoping I’d want to use it with you? That we’d be starting a family soon?’
Zoe was also not ready for that conversation. She’d been worried about this very talk from the moment she’d said yes to Caitlin. And now didn’t seem like the greatest time, in the middle of their first row as a couple.
‘But I didn’t keep it!’ Zoe cried out, anxious to steer the conversation away from the hot button that was glowing red in the middle of all this.
Caitlin let out a wild scream of pure frustration. It scared the shit out of Zoe. She hoped the neighbours hadn’t heard it.
Once Caitlin’s wail subsided, she took a deep breath and declared ‘Right! Forget it. You didn’t put any sperm anywhere. That’s it. End of. Alright?’
‘Great!’ Zoe said.
But it wasn’t great. It was quite the opposite. The honeymoon was apparently over.
Chapter Thirteen
Jordan and Ellie had arrived home around eleven, having eaten the best that Mic Macs had to offer, which had not been amazing but reasonable tasty. And now Jordan was about ready to hit the hay, feeling safer on the other side of the almost-date.
But as she watched Ellie struggling to move pieces of her bedframe into her room, she couldn’t help but feel pity for her.
‘Do you have to do that tonight?’
‘I’ve been dreaming about this moment all week. If I have to stay up till the small hours of the morning to get this thing up, I’ll do it.’
Jordan turned to leave Ellie to it, thinking ‘If she wants to put a bed up after the world’s longest day, that’s her lookout’, but before she could walk into her bedroom she stopped. For some reason, she just couldn’t let her do it on her own.
‘Christ, hold on would you?’ Jordan said and picked up the other side of the wrought iron headboard that Ellie was sluggishly dragging toward her room. Ellie looked at her over the headboard with a grateful smile.
‘Thanks.’
‘Don’t thank me. Just hurry up’ Jordan crabbed.
But Ellie didn’t care about the attitude. Of course there was attitude. Jordan was helping her. And Jordan never did anything nice without trying to pretend that she wasn’t.
A few minutes later, all the pieces of the bed were in the room, ready for assembly.
‘There’s no chance this is one of those beds that just slots together in about ten seconds is there?’ Jordan asked hopefully.
‘What do you reckon?’ Ellie asked.
‘A girl can dream’ Jordan replied.
‘I’m going to be dreaming tonight, wonderful dreams about a town made of pillows and blankets’ Ellie said wistfully. ‘Since I’ve been here, all I’ve had so far is nightmares.’
‘The sofa’s not that bad’ Jordan said.
‘No’ Ellie said, turning a little pink. ‘I think they’re more Zoe related’ she confessed.
Once she’d heard that, Jordan knew she wouldn’t be leaving the room until the bed was fully assembled, mattress in place, sheets tucked into hospital corners.
‘Okay’ she said gruffly. ‘Let’s get this done. Hand me that Alan key.’
Forty minutes later, Ellie and Jordan had the bed put together and the mattress was in place.
‘Thank you’ Ellie said. ‘This would have been hell without you.’
‘As furniture assemblies go, I’ve had a lot worse. One time, me and Caitlin were trying to put this shelving unit together and… Well, words were exchanged, I’ll leave it at that.’
‘Did you and Caitlin fight a lot?’
‘Constantly. What about you and Zoe?’
‘Never.’
Jordan and Ellie considered that. They both came to the conclusion that clearly, neither was good.
‘Well, thanks. I can take it from here’ Ellie said, sure she’d taken enough advantage of Jordan for one evening.
‘What? No. I’ve come this far. I leave when there’
s a made bed. And not a moment before.’
Ellie laughed with relief and said ‘Great, because that bit’s also pretty difficult with just one person.’
She went out of the room and came back with a full set of clean sheets.
‘These were in one of the boxes we picked up from the lockup. I’ve been fantasising about sleeping on them while I was washing and ironing them, preparing for this moment…’ Ellie’s eyes closed as she smelled the sheets.
‘Maybe you and the sheets should be alone’ Jordan said.
‘Sorry’ Ellie said, broken from her moment with the brushed cotton bed linen. ‘Okay, mattress protector goes first.’
They put the protector on, then the fitted sheet. Then they began to slide the duvet into the cover, gently easing it in. After that, they each held two corners and began shaking it out together until every corner of the duvet cover was filled with goose down goodness. They dropped the blanket down and began to pull it back and forth across the bed, until it fell evenly. And then they both began to run their hands across the sheet, smoothing it out until it was taut.
They didn’t look at each other as they worked. But it didn’t matter. Their movements were in complete harmony.
And at last, they came to the pillows. Ellie handed Jordan a pillow slip and began to fill the other one. Once she’d finished, she noticed Jordan was a little behind. She was still filling her pillow slip. Ellie watched her delicate, slender, artist’s hands at work from the other side of the bed. It began to affect her, the sight of those hands. She could still remember how soft they were.
They began to place the pillows at the head of the bed. They both gave them a few little clouts, punching them into shape. And it was done.
They looked down at the freshly made bed. It did indeed look as heavenly as Ellie had hoped. But something had happened to her while she’d been performing this task with Jordan. The idea of Caitlin’s naked body, once possessing Jordan’s devotion, had gone from her mind, replaced with a building ache. And now she had a serious desire to mess the freshly made bed up.
But she was fairly certain that she’d ruined any chance of that with her weirdness. She’d had a shot and missed. Twice now, if she counted what happened this morning.
But those hands… They forced a memory into her head, of how those hands had felt on her, touching her face, caressing her hair. It was enough to make anyone take a stupid risk.
‘Hey’ she said and Jordan looked up at her. ‘Remember what happened the last time we were near a bed?’
Jordan, who was usually fairly unflappable, began to look a little flush in the cheeks. Her normally loose frame became stiff, her body language uneasy. Ellie’s eyes went wide with horror at the sight.
‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to come onto you or anything’ Ellie said. And then shook her head at herself. ‘Actually, that’s a lie. That’s exactly what I was doing. And I’ve obviously made you uncomfortable.’
Jordan touched the back of her neck uneasily.
‘But you were the one to call it off this morning’ she said quietly.
‘What?’
‘You said we shouldn’t. ‘Maybe this isn’t such a good idea?’ Wasn’t that what you said?’
Ellie was stunned. Had she hurt Jordan when she’d called a halt to things? Was it even possible for Ellie to hurt her? It was strange but Ellie found it difficult to believe that she had the ability to upset someone like Jordan. She always seemed so resilient. Not like Ellie, who felt like a walking bruise most of the time.
And yet, what Jordan had just said indicated that perhaps there was a sensitivity in her that Ellie had missed.
‘That was stupid of me. If I had that moment again, I would have kept my mouth shut. Well, not shut, obviously…’ Ellie trailed off. She’d babbled enough.
But the babble was music to Jordan’s ears. It was enough to push Jordan’s intellectual uncertainty out of the way, if only for a moment. Her body took charge. She walked slowly around the bed, toward Ellie. Ellie took a deep breath, watching Jordan come to her.
But when Jordan was standing in front of Ellie, mere inches away, something went wrong. She paused, unsure why.
And then she knew. She was scared. Something about Ellie, about taking this step with her, it terrified her. It was lunacy to be so frightened of Ellie, Jordan knew. But it wasn’t something she could rationalise. Jordan was stuck, so frozen in her fear that she couldn’t seem to do anything other than stand there like a dummy in a clothes shop window.
Ellie braced herself. But Jordan made no move. Ellie realised she didn’t have to wait. She shouldn’t always wait for other people to make life happen. She’d been making things happen lately. Bad things for Zoe and Caitlin. And now there was the chance for something good to happen. Maybe even wonderful.
She leaned in and kissed Jordan softly. And Jordan began to kiss her back, feeling her fear melt. The relief was enormous. She didn’t have to be scared of Ellie. She wasn’t Caitlin. She could never be Caitlin. Once upon a time, that would have been a bad thing. But not now. It was finally OK to admit to herself that she wanted the good girl for a change. Jordan was done fighting it.
Jordan and Ellie fell onto the bed, holding on tightly to each other while the kiss went deeper, stronger. And this time, no one was pretending this was about anything other than pure want.
Again, off came the jacket and the cardigan. And they both knew that those articles of clothing wouldn’t be going back on for quite a while. No one had any thoughts about calling it off. In fact, it would have been hard to pull them apart. It might have taken the roof coming in to give either of them a moment’s pause.
Before either of them quite realised it, they were naked. Jordan had been trying to take it slowly for Ellie’s sake, but apparently, that was not how this was going to go down.
And Jordan needn’t have worried about being gentle and measured with Ellie. She didn’t want that any more than Jordan did. They’d both been pushing this attraction down so much that now it had finally broken the surface, it was exploding like a volcano.
The brushed cotton sheets didn’t stand a chance.
Chapter Fourteen
Jordan woke the next morning and the first thing she saw was the place on the wall where Caitlin had thrown a malfunctioning glue gun at it, creating a crack she’d promised to fill in and never had. Her only thought was ‘What the fuck am I doing in the craft room?’
But then she turned and saw thick, wavy golden hair splayed out on the pillow. And it all came back. She was in bed with Ellie Hopkins.
Jordan couldn’t help but imagine going back in time to about a month ago and telling Month-Younger-Jordan that this was going to happen. Month-Younger-Jordan would have probably called her a liar. But it didn’t matter. Because now she was Month-Older-Jordan. And Month-Older-Jordan had no regrets. Last night had been magnificent.
Ellie began to stir and Jordan felt a twinge of panic. Was she supposed to be here now? Would Ellie have preferred it if she’d gone back to her own room?
That thought led in turn to a whole separate pile of worry. She’d just slept with her new flat mate. Everyone knew that was a bad idea. It wasn’t as though they were eighteen and living in some sprawling student house, where those kind of things were expected to happen. They were adult women in a two-person house share, for god’s sakes. They weren’t supposed to do something like this unless it was really worth it. Jordan wondered if Ellie would think that it had been.
But when Ellie’s hazel eyes opened, she smiled to see Jordan.
‘Hi.’
Jordan smiled in response. And then they simply looked at each other. No one knew what to say.
Ellie suddenly looked her watch.
‘God, I have to get to work!’
She jumped out of bed and became aware that she was completely naked. Whatever had happened in the dark, it was now the harsh light of day shining on her nudity. She quickly grabbed a robe.
‘You weren’t
so shy last night’ Jordan observed.
‘That’s easy to say when you’re under the covers’ Ellie said over her shoulder as she began to look through the case she was still living out of, searching for suitable clothes.
It took Jordan all of a second to know how she was going to react to that comment. She obligingly threw the covers off and stood up to reveal her naked form. She stood confidently behind Ellie, her hands on her hips.