by Natasha West
‘How about now?’ Jordan asked.
Ellie wasn’t aware that Jordan was naked until she glanced hurriedly away from her case to reply to Jordan’s mysterious comment with ‘How about wha…’ And her words fell away at the sight of Jordan’s body. ‘Perhaps I could be a bit late’ Ellie said quietly, as she closed her case and stood up.
Jordan, who couldn’t have been more pleased to make Ellie late for work, walked over to her and removed the robe from Ellie’s shoulders, dropping it to the floor. Back to bed they went.
Sometime later, it was time for Ellie to try and leave the bed again.
‘I can’t believe I let you get me back in bed. I’m so late now’ Ellie said, getting up and beginning to get dressed.
‘I didn’t exactly club you over the head and drag you into my cave’ Jordan said from the bed. ‘Why’re you freaking out, anyway? Janice’ll cover you.’
‘Janice has been doing a lot for me lately. I don’t want to abuse her generosity. And I’ve got about’ she checked her watch ‘forty minutes before the crèche opens. And it’s two unreliable buses to get there.’
Jordan stood and began to pull her own clothes on.
‘Don’t sweat it. I’ve got a Jack Russell to get to and you’re on my way. It’ll take about fifteen minutes to reach the crèche direct.’
Ellie sighed with relief as she tried to drag a hairbrush unsuccessfully through her thick, messy locks.
‘Thank you, you’re really saving my behind.’
Jordan was now fully dressed.
‘Just give me a few minutes in the bathroom because I completely smell like sex.’
Jordan left the room. Once she’d gone, Ellie gave herself a little sniff. She immediately grabbed a can of deodorant and began to spray liberally.
‘I told you, we’re only a few minutes away. Relax’ Jordan assured Ellie. But Ellie wasn’t going to relax until she was standing on the premises of Little Tykes. And on time.
But that was still a few minutes away. They were currently sitting at some traffic lights, waiting for the amber.
Jordan began to wonder if this was a good time to get a sense of how Ellie felt about last night. What had it meant to Ellie, if anything? In fact, what did it mean to her?
And even though Ellie was slightly panicking over her lateness, half of her mind was wondering the same about Jordan. Last night had been a wonderful thing. But what could really come of it? Her and Jordan were two very different beasts. They moved through the world in completely opposite ways. Even if it worked in the bedroom, what were the odds it would work outside of it?
Jordan cleared her throat and Ellie looked over at her.
‘Yes?’ she asked, apprehensively.
‘What?’ Jordan asked.
‘Were you going to say something?’
‘I don’t know. Were you?’
‘You don’t know if you were going to say something?’ Ellie asked, confused.
Jordan was thrown. She had been trying to ask something but she hadn’t been completely sure what. But now Ellie was going to make some words come out of her mouth that were probably going to be thoroughly awkward and embarrassing for all concerned. What would they be, though?
‘I…’ she began.
‘Wait’ Ellie broke in tersely.
Jordan broke off, wondering if Ellie had anticipated what was coming and wanted to nip it in the bud. Which made Jordan immediately irate. She hadn’t been about to declare her love or anything. Had she? No. She’d just wanted to open up some sort of sodding dialogue about the fact they’d been going at it like bunnies all night. That was perfectly reasonable. So why had Ellie cut her off?
And then Jordan realised why Ellie had interrupted her. She was staring out of the window of the van, across the road to a café that had tables outside. And at one of those tables were Zoe and Caitlin. And they looked completely miserable.
At the table of the café, Caitlin and Zoe were having a tense breakfast before Zoe headed to work. After last night, she had to try something to get things back on track with Caitlin.
She’d waited too long for this to see it blow up in her face in a matter of weeks. She’d up-ended her life for Caitlin. And her reward so far had been a series of stupid fights. And for what?
Zoe had been awake all night, tossing and turning next to Caitlin (fast asleep) wondering what was going on and how to fix it. She knew it was obviously about more than some misplaced sperm. The more she thought about it, the clearer the answer became. Caitlin was jealous.
Zoe had built a life with Ellie that had been close to taking the next step. And Caitlin was clearly envious of that life. Even though logically, it would take time for them to grow together in their relationship, maybe Caitlin was having a crisis of faith. Maybe she was worried that Zoe might want to go back to Ellie?
She had to find some way of letting Caitlin know that wasn’t the case. But right now, it was hard to know how to do that. They’d been sitting in a difficult silence for a few minutes.
‘Hey’ Zoe said. ‘I’ve got to go soon. But I don’t want to leave things on a bad note between us.’
Caitlin gave an angry little shrug as she looked down at her untouched croissant.
‘Me neither.’
‘Can you look at me then?’
Caitlin wasn’t sure if she was ready to forgive Zoe for the lie she’d plainly told. But when she did as Zoe requested and looked at her directly, she only had to see Zoe’s imploring face to start to feel herself soften. She looked sad. And Caitlin knew that she was sad because of her. That made Caitlin feel kind of good, she couldn’t deny it. Maybe this horribleness had gone on long enough. Perhaps it was time to forgive Zoe.
She gave Zoe a generous smile. Zoe immediately reached for her hand, which Caitlin let her have. Zoe gave it one, soft kiss.
They smiled across the table, hope in their hearts. Maybe it would be OK.
It was on those coy little smiles that Jordan was forced to drive on, the light finally changing to green.
Jordan and Ellie were livid. They’d seen Zoe and Caitlin and initially, it had been everything they could have hoped for. It had been a dream come true. They’d looked so fantastically unhappy.
And then that bloody hand kiss.
‘Fuck me, how could they spring back that quick? They looked about ready to call it a day!’ Jordan was ranting.
‘I know!’
‘We’ll have to move up the plan. Stage three needs to happen now, while they’re still a bit fragile.’
‘You’re right’ Ellie agreed.
‘But I’m glad we saw that’ Jordan said.
‘Why?’
‘Because something was up with those two. The plan was working. And now we know it.’
‘That’s true. I have been wondering what affect our machinations have actually been having. It was nice to see it in the flesh.’
‘Did you see Caitlin? The ‘I’m-so-angry-that-it’s-sexy’ thing she was trying to do?’
Ellie clapped her hands together gleefully.
‘Oh my god, she was so pouty!’
‘That’s her total go-to. When she’s miserable, she always wants to at least manage to look pretty at the same time’ Jordan said, sniggering at the memory. Ellie snorted with laughter at the insight into Caitlin’s vanity.
‘And Zoe’s face was even better. Did you get a look? She looked like one of those videos on the internet of babies trying a lemon for the first time!’ Ellie said.
Jordan laughed riotously and then pleaded ‘For god sakes, we’ve got to stop this. I’m gonna crash the van!’
Once they’d wiped the tears from their eyes and calmed down, they were at Little Tykes. Ellie hopped out of the van and turned at the open door. She checked her watch.
‘With ten minutes to spare. See you later for some hard core scheming?’
‘Absolutely’ Jordan said.
Ellie smiled and shut the door.
And only then did Jordan realise they
hadn’t talked about their sexcapades. Maybe they wouldn’t. And maybe they shouldn’t? Maybe it had just been a tension release for them, in the midst of all this heartbreak and change.
Jordan was more disappointed by that thought than she wanted to be.
Chapter Fifteen
‘Well’ Janice said as Ellie walked into the staff room. ‘Do you want to tell me that’s not sex hair?’
Ellie couldn’t help the impish smile that crept onto her lips.
‘Thank god for that!’ Janice said with relief.
‘Why are you so excited that me and Jordan had’ she lowered her voice in case of young ears ‘S-E-X?’
‘I like you together, that’s why’ Janice said nonchalantly as she switched on the kettle for tea.
That threw a spanner in Ellie’s works.
‘You like us together?’ Ellie asked, thoroughly confused.
‘Why wouldn’t I?’
‘Well, we’re very… I mean, she’s quite… and I’m a bit…. You know what I mean?’ Ellie finished, under the impression she’d actually managed to say something. But Janice got the gist anyway.
‘You’re saying she’s perhaps not the type you’d usually go for. Is that what you’re trying to tell me?’
‘Yes.’
‘But you have gone for her.’
‘Yes, I realise that, but long term…’
Janice had had enough of Ellie’s nonsense. The girl needed telling what was what, clearly. And Janice was quite comfortable doing the honours.
‘You think she’s not a good bet, is that right? You thought Zoe was a good bet. And how did that work out?’
Ellie rolled her eyes as she sat down at the table. She was beginning to get a bit annoyed with Janice. She obviously wasn’t listening to her properly.
‘That wasn’t my fault.’
‘Obviously not’ Janice said as she handed her a cup of tea. ‘I’m not saying it was. What I’m trying to tell you is that you have terrible taste in women. Quite horrible.’
Ellie’s eyes went wide. How could Janice say that to her?
‘Everyone you’ve ever chosen has been dreadful to you, all Zoe’s stripe to some degree or another. So maybe you should stop thinking with your brain and let what’s between your legs do the talking. It might have better instincts.’
‘Janice!’ Ellie cried out in embarrassment.
‘Ellie, for crying out loud, this can’t be news to you, can it?’ Janice asked crossly. ‘Take it from someone whose taste in men has led her a merry bloody dance, you can keep making the same mistakes and hoping it works out. Or you can try something different. Jordan’s different. And I think she’s a good one.’
‘How can you tell?’
‘How do I know when there’s a thunderstorm coming? How did I know Zoe was a bad apple? I just do.’
‘You knew Zoe was no good?’ Ellie asked.
‘I had a feeling, yes. Couldn’t say so, of course. You’d never have listened. But listen when I tell you that I can tell that Jordan cares about you.’
Ellie’s head was spinning. Did she have this all wrong? She’d been so angry that Zoe had chucked her for Caitlin. But perhaps she should have realised that Zoe had actually done her a big favour by not wasting any more of her time. Maybe it was always going to end this way, with or without Caitlin’s intrusion. Because Zoe had had been wrong for her. Everyone she’d ever chosen had been wrong. Her entire romantic history was a procession of selfish control-freaks. And Ellie had thought that suited her fine.
But the last few weeks had opened up Ellie’s eyes to a lot of new truths. One of those truths was that she didn’t need anyone telling her what to do. She wanted to make her own choices. And she had a choice right now. She had to decide whether or not last night’s (and this morning’s) earth shattering sex with Jordan had been a one off? Or the start of something real?
She began to consider Jordan, really thinking about her for the first time. She found a sort of movie montage began to play in her head, scenes of Jordan.
It began with the old Jordan, mean and snippy. Ellie had been deeply intimidated by that person, finding her impolite and unnecessarily confrontational. It had been hard to be around her. She seemed to suck up all the oxygen in the room.
Those images segued into that night when they’d teamed up to go to the hotel. Ellie had been at a colossal low. And then Jordan had shown up with her anger and somehow Ellie had found her own anger in the process. And that had been the best thing that could have happened. It had fortified her when she’d most needed it.
Then she thought about the time they’d spent planning out their retaliation. Putting their heads together and finding they did better with each other than they ever could have alone. They’d been stronger together. Because Jordan listened to her and treated her ideas with respect. And Ellie had found that she had a lot of her own respect for the way Jordan’s mind worked.
And then came the memories of Jordan’s sarcastic quips. Ellie had been frightened of them once. And now they brought a smile to her face.
Inevitably came the saucy stuff. And there was no question about their compatibility in that department. Jordan most certainly knew how to rock Ellie’s world. And Ellie found that with Jordan, she was better than she’d ever been before. Ellie had never felt sexier than she did with Jordan.
And just now, how they’d laughed in Jordan’s van. It had been easy. And wasn’t that exactly the word for it? They were easy with each other now.
Had it ever really been easy with Zoe? It had gotten comfortable, eventually. Ellie had found that as long as she was willing to let Zoe lead, it worked well enough. It had never occurred to Ellie that it could be any better than that. But what if there was something better. And what if it was with Jordan?
It had all happened in such strange circumstances that Ellie had failed to notice it. But something had grown between them. Like an unattended garden, the weeds had slipped in amongst them, tethering them together. And those weeds had begun to flower. And maybe they’d turned out to be pretty. Beautiful, even.
‘Oh, for god’s sake’ Ellie muttered, her head slumping onto the table. Janice waited. Eventually the head came back up.
‘Janice, I might be in love with Jordan.’
Janice rolled her eyes.
‘Bout bloody time.’
Unfortunately, Jordan didn’t know the conclusion that Ellie was arriving at about their night together. She didn’t have Janice to discuss it all with. And she wasn’t the type to call a friend and talk her troubles through with them. She tended to keep things to herself. She’d always found it safer to solve her problems alone.
The break up with Caitlin had only confirmed that belief. She’d worked hard to let Caitlin in, to trust her. And Caitlin had buggered off without a backwards glance. That had been the worst thing about it. Jordan struggled with trust. And Caitlin had known that. But what had that struggle meant to her? Jack shit.
She wasn’t sure whose fault it was that Caitlin had turned out not to care. Was Caitlin simply a piece of shit? That wouldn’t have been so bad in the long run. Jordan could just put the whole mess down to a glitch in judgement and chalk it up to experience.
But Jordan was concerned it went deeper than that. She worried that she was the real problem here, that perhaps she could never really matter to somebody else. Not like people had mattered to her. Not like Caitlin had. Not like Ellie might.
That was what was troubling Jordan. She didn’t know how Ellie felt at all. At the moment, Jordan was Ellie’s flatmate, her fellow schemer. And now they could add ‘Friends with benefits’ to the list. But Jordan didn’t know if Ellie wanted anything else from her. And Jordan was finding it tougher and tougher to deny the fact that she wanted more from Ellie.
But who could she tell all this to? She only had her current charge, Peanut, an energetic Jack Russell, to talk to. And at the moment he was off behind a tree, humping Pepper the Maltese, his on again, off again girlfriend.
Jordan was on her own.
She considered the reality of the situation. She’d been dumped by Caitlin. And shortly after, she’d gotten herself tangled up with Ellie out of heartbreak, anger, humiliation and a desire for revenge. What were the odds that was going to turn out well?
Not good, she decided. Not good at all.
Ellie arrived home first that night. She was pleased. She needed time to gather herself. She was going to talk to Jordan that evening.