Cowboy Blues

by Jamie Craig

  He's a cowboy. And a young man. I imagine he's just like that.

  Rising to her feet, she rubbed her shaking hands against her shorts. “Do you need your meds just yet? If not, I'm going to get back to work."

  Spencer's brow furrowed, and she couldn't tell if he was confused or in pain. Maybe a combination of both. “I guess you didn't pick up any ice cream."

  "No. Getting blindsided by Travis kind of distracted me."

  "Oh. Was he...if you want, I can tell him to go when he comes around later today."

  She itched to reach out and smooth away the creases in his forehead. He seemed so genuinely confused, much like the first few days she'd brought him home. “No, you don't have to do that. He got you all that stuff in Salt Lake. You might as well use it."

  "Yeah, I guess so.” He pushed himself to his feet, moving stiffly. “I'm going to go take a nap. When Travis gets here, just holler at me."

  A part of her thought he expected her to stop him. Or help him. Or do anything other than stand there and watch him take those uncomfortable steps down the hall. Rebecca never moved. She only exhaled after the bedroom door clicked shut behind him, and then, it felt like all the energy had been sucked from her body.

  She did not want to step back from Spence. They had been in such a good place. If she chose to ignore all the signs, they could still be in a good place. But the signs were there. They all pointed to Spencer starting down a path that would only lead to a world of hurt. Not just physical pain, but emotional grief for her, as well. Because she cared about him. A lot. And it would be so easy to care for him even more.

  She couldn't watch him die. Which meant doing the right thing now.

  Even if it hurt more than watching him spin out with that bull.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  CHAPTER 13

  Spencer had been in the habit of seeking out Rebecca's company, even if it meant sitting on the couch in the living room while she worked in the dining room. He would at least be able to see her, if he angled himself right, and hear her as she muttered and sighed to herself. But after she distanced herself again—even further than before—he didn't have the energy to stick close to her.

  He didn't know why he insisted on staying in her house. He could handle his own medication. At the very least, he could move out to his own trailer. But if he went that far, why not just leave Oakley with Travis? Why not just bid her farewell, give her what cash he could for her time and his room and board, and go to Tempe like Travis suggested?

  Why stick around somewhere he clearly wasn't wanted?

  Spencer knew he'd never make Becca understand. If she didn't now, she simply never would. There wasn't anything to be done about that. But the thought of leaving her hurt him. Even if he might as well be gone because she was just the nurse he didn't necessarily need, he was just her patient she didn't necessarily like, and his future lay elsewhere. He needed to come to terms with that, because if he caved to her wishes and gave up his dreams of riding again, he wouldn't be any better than a bum, living off her good graces. He had more pride than that. She deserved better than that.

  But every time Travis suggested Spencer move on, echoing his own thoughts, Spencer's temper would rise and he'd lash out. It didn't matter if Travis was right. Spencer didn't want to go anywhere until he was damned good and ready. Or until Becca kicked him out. He thought that day would come sooner rather than later, and he tried to prepare himself for that, without much success.

  In an effort to win back some of her favor, Spencer made sure he stayed on his best behavior. After she informed him Gil would be joining them for dinner, Spencer told Travis to stay away on Sunday. He even found his best shirt and pants, hoping she would notice he at least made the effort to look presentable. He resolved not to snap at the older man or otherwise embarrass Becca. He didn't even let Jake jump on the couch and get hair all over the upholstery he knew Rebecca had just vacuumed.

  The phone rang just before noon, and in the kitchen he heard Becca swear under her breath when something clattered to the counter. Her soft voice murmured from the other room, comforting in its nearness. He'd missed it. He'd missed hearing her laughter, and seeing her accompanying smile. She wasn't laughing now, but just the reminder kept him distracted from the television.

  She appeared in the doorway to the dining room, most definitely not smiling. “Dad canceled.” The declaration came without fanfare, like she'd been expecting nothing less. “He wants me to get over to Coalville and get pictures of the county fair for tomorrow's run."

  Doesn't he have an intern to send on such stupid jobs? Spencer bit his tongue. Regardless of his feelings, this was Becca's job. And she took it seriously. So he would not antagonize her.

  "The fair sounds like fun."

  She had already started to turn down the hall, but his words stopped her. She searched his gaze with soft, hesitant eyes. “Did you...want to go and get out of the house?"

  "If you don't mind being stuck with me while you're trying to work."

  "Shooting a bunch of pigs isn't exactly work.” But her tone was teasing, and a hint of a smile lingered on her mouth. One he hadn't seen in far too long. “But it's not fun going to the fair all by yourself, so yeah, I'd love for you to come with me.” Her smile widened. “You can be my assistant. Help point out all the good stuff I might miss."

  "I'm not sure I'd recognize a good looking pig if I saw one.” He gestured at his clothes. “Should I change?"

  "Probably.” Her head tilted. “When was the last time you went to a fair? Just to have fun, I mean."

  "I don't remember. Maybe when I was six or seven."

  She laughed. God, it sounded good. “Then yeah, you need to change. Jeans and a T-shirt. We're going to be out in the sun all day."

  The T-shirt sounded more than a little daunting. He could get in and out of his button-down shirts easily enough, but T-shirts were another matter entirely. Rebecca hadn't been helping him with his clothes, and he wasn't sure if he should ask her now.

  "I don't mind wearing this."

  "You're going to get too hot.” When he didn't move, she glanced down the hall, at the room she hadn't entered since their fight. “If it's too hard to change, I can help. If you want."

  Spencer didn't know if it was the best idea to be half-naked with her, but he certainly was not going to discourage her from helping him.

  "It is too hard with T-shirts, since I can't straighten my shoulder."

  "Well, come on then.” With a smile, she started down the hallway. “Far be it for me to shirk my duties."

  Duty. The word echoed in his head as he followed her. He didn't want to be just a chore for her. But he had the feeling things weren't going to change, so there was no point in dwelling on it. Much.

  Once they reached the bedroom, Spencer went directly to the top drawer of the dresser. Rebecca kept everything very orderly, and he always knew exactly where to look to find the shirt he wanted. He pulled out a faded blue T-shirt that had been with him for years.

  "This work?"

  Rebecca nodded, and then she stood in front of him instead of hanging back. Her fingers danced along his buttons, barely touching though he felt every degree of heat, every glance of her skin. She couldn't quite meet his eyes, but the way her breathing quickened hinted that maybe it wasn't just duty for her. Sliding it off his shoulders, she tossed it onto the bed before taking the T-shirt from his hands.

  "Let's get it over your head first,” she said quietly. Bunching it up, she stretched and pulled it on, hiding her from his view for the seconds it took to get his head through the neck. Her soft breasts brushed against his bare chest, and he had to bite back his groan when he realized her nipples were hard.

  Just the thought of her nipples made his groin tighten in response. When she had the collar around his neck, he looked over her shoulder to the wall behind her. The wall wasn't exciting or as interesting as the fresh lipstick on her bottom lip.

  He thought she hesitated a
bit before moving to his arms. “You looked good. In the other.” She shifted slightly to pull the shirt onto his good arm first, which pressed their upper bodies a little more tightly together. “Dad would've been impressed."

  "He wasn't necessarily the one I wanted to impress,” Spencer admitted.

  Rebecca looked up then. “It's been hard.” She didn't phrase it as a question, but more a statement of fact. He didn't know whether he meant it had been hard for her, or hard for him. “I liked where we were."

  "I liked it, too. I want to get there again."

  "I don't know if we can.” She chewed at the corner of her lip. “I like you a lot, Spence. More than I ever expected. And I know we've never really talked about anything more, well, except for last summer, but...” Her voice faded away for a moment before she shook her head. “And then I look at you like this, and I forget everything I told myself. That's not fair."

  "Sorry. I don't mean to use my killer looks against you. I'll try to be better about that.” He straightened his elbow as much as he could and helped her fit the other sleeve over his arm. “But why can't we get back to where we were before?"

  She swallowed. “Because I'm afraid of losing you. Because I think it would be really easy to do more than like you."

  Spencer wanted to assure her she wouldn't lose him to anybody. He didn't want anybody more than her. Except, he realized, she wasn't worried about another woman.

  "Yeah. I...well...I understand."

  Her hand smoothed up his strong shoulder, stopping to touch the slightly rough skin of his jaw. “Yeah, well, I'm glad you do. I don't get this at all. Because right now, I wish I could just forget about everything and drag you out to the fair and eat cotton candy and then make out behind the beer tent."

  "So, let's do that.” He caught her wrist and brought her fingers to his mouth. “Let's just have some fun today. I owe you a bit of fun, I think, since I missed our date this year."

  She rewarded him with another smile as she leaned forward, bringing her breasts back into contact with him. “The only problem with that is we don't usually actually get out on our dates,” she teased. “Though I think I'd be willing to try something new."

  "I like the thought of something new.” Spencer grinned. “Especially if you let me get fresh with you behind the beer tent."

  "Let me get my pictures, and I'll let you get fresh anywhere you want."

  "Yes, ma'am.” He wanted to get fresh with her right there, but he didn't want to stop her from getting her photos. Instead of wrapping his arm around her, he plucked his hat from the top of the dresser and pulled it low over his eyes. A thrill of excitement went down his spine.

  The same sort of thrill he experienced right before the bell chimed and the chute door flew open.

  The Summit County Fair was not the most impressive fair he had ever seen. There were several long barns for the livestock, and a giant field boasting the standard fair rides he had seen across the country. Another series of sheds contained the organic goods, the baked goods, the handmade items, and 4H exhibits. On one end of the grounds, the fair was set up, and on the other end was a rodeo arena. A long line of vendor booths marked a trail leading from one to the other. The air was rich with the smell of sugar, deep fried food, barbeque, popcorn, and a host of other aromas he couldn't name.

  Spencer felt like he was on sensory overload as soon as he stepped out of Rebecca's truck.

  She came around the front to join him. “How're you doing? There's a lot more people here than I thought there would be."

  Spencer pulled his hat lower to shade his eyes. It had been a month since he had seen this many people in one place, and the sun was almost unbearably hot against the back of his neck, but he felt fine. Better than he expected, given the circumstances.

  "I'm good. Where do you want to start?"

  Rebecca caught his hand with hers and curled their fingers together. Her camera hung from her other shoulder, safe in the case he'd given her, but she didn't make any move yet to pull it out. “How about some cotton candy and chili dogs? We didn't get lunch, and I'm starved."

  "You're going to let me have cotton candy and chili dogs? I must truly be on my way to recovery."

  Spencer pulled her toward the lights, bells, and whistles of the midway. He liked fairs because they had something in common with rodeos—no matter where he found one, it was always the same. Comforting in its familiarity.

  Her bare arm brushed against his every step of the way, making him very glad she'd insisted on changing his shirt. She had brought his pain meds, just in case his shoulder started hurting while they were out, but honestly, Spencer didn't think he'd need it. His earlier trepidation had been replaced with excitement, and he only focused on how natural it felt to walk hand in hand with Rebecca through the crowd.

  They stopped at the first booth they found serving hot dogs, and after they had placed their order, Rebecca leaned into Spencer's side.

  "I think this was a great idea.” She pressed a kiss against his cheek, her breath sweet and warm along his skin. “I'm sorry about the past few days. I know I didn't make it easy."

  "I think I'm the one who doesn't make it easy. Maybe this was why your entire family and all your friends wanted you to stay away from cowboys."

  "Trouble with that is I've never seen you as just a cowboy, Spence."

  "But that's what I am. Born and bred. What else is there to see?"

  "What I see.” Her eyes searched his, but what she expected to impart, he wasn't sure. “The man inside. The one who makes me laugh. Makes me believe.” Their food arrived in the tiny window of the food stand. “The one who buys me chili dogs."

  Spencer smiled and took the tray of drinks in one hand while she juggled the dogs and fries. He scanned the area and found a table in the shade. There were few things in life that made him smile like finding a decent table in a long patch of shade. Maybe the only finer pleasure was Rebecca's soft mouth against his cheek.

  "I won't stop at chili dogs, ma'am. I'll also be the man who buys you cotton candy, kettle corn, and funnel cakes."

  She sat at right angles to him so her knee kept brushing along his. She didn't seem nearly as worried about incidental contact as she had been the past few days, but Spencer didn't know if she was throwing caution to the wind while they were at the fair or if it was a permanent change. Either way, he wouldn't ignore it. He was going to take every drop of contact and make sure she knew how much he wanted it.

  Taking a big bite of her hot dog, Rebecca made a sound usually reserved for sex as she closed her eyes and chewed. “God, I love fair food,” she said after she'd swallowed. “I know it's bad for you, and maybe it's not the most hygienic place, but there's just something about it."

  "There's something about it because it's bad for you and full of germs. You just can't get this type of food in a clean kitchen."

  Her gaze grew contemplative. “Do you think about it a lot? How different it is staying with me instead of your trailer, I mean. Do you miss this kind of thing?"

  "I...I don't know. Your bed is more comfortable, and though you insist on feeding me real food instead of grease and sugar, I can't say I mind it. But sometimes I miss the freedom. Waking up in one city and knowing I'd fall asleep in another. Seeing everything the country has to offer. Never having the chance to get restless or bored."

  "You know, I was always so jealous you got to see so much.” She sipped at her drink, her full lips drawing his attention even though he was sure she didn't mean for them to. “I mean, having to turn you down last year? Probably the second hardest thing I've ever had to do. I wanted to go so badly."

  "The second hardest thing? What was the first?"

  Her lashes ducked. “Getting into the ambulance after your accident."

  Spencer wanted to touch her again. He wanted to know why he deserved to have somebody like her care for him. “I'm grateful you did. Even if I wasn't awake for it."

  She dipped one of her fries into the chili. “I wo
uld've gone into the ring if Max had let me. But, you know, there's rules. Even if they're stupid rules."

  "I think most of the rules governing rodeos are stupid rules.” He wiped a spot of hot chili from the corner of his mouth. “Do you have pictures of that ride?"

  "Well, yeah, but...” She chewed slowly. “I didn't think you'd want to see them."

  "Why not?"

  "I figured you'd just want to move on. That you wouldn't want the reminders."

  "It's not really a reminder if I can't remember it, is it? Besides, trying to pretend it never happened isn't going to help me."

  Her head cocked at his declaration. “Can you really not remember? I mean, the doctors said you probably wouldn't, but I guess I figured they were exaggerating.” She blushed. “I thought that kind of stuff only happens in the movies."

  "I really can't remember. Most of that day is gone. I remember when I got to the arena, and I remember looking for you. The last thing is finding out I got Rusty Jack Knife. Everything after that?” Spencer gestured with his fingers. “Gone."

  "Wow. I didn't realize it was that extensive. But yeah, if you want to see them, you're more than welcome to. Anything you want to know, I'll tell you. Only...can I make one small request and ask that we not do it today? Tomorrow, I promise. I just want today to be everything we wanted, all the fun and getting to be together."

  "No, we don't have to talk about it today. It is a bit of a downer. What would you like to talk about instead?"

  Rebecca smiled. Leaning in, she licked along his lower lip before brushing a kiss over his mouth. “If I asked, would you let me get some new pictures of you? We can make a trade. I'll give you the ones from the ride. You let me shoot some of you in the shower."