Riding Lies

by Eshkar Erblich-Brifman

  She watches him in admiration. He’s so self-assured, and he seems to know what he’s doing. She, too, wants to feel that way. But how can a person develop confidence at forty-four?

  ***

  She walks in at six-thirty. The house is quiet. Neta is in her room, still studying with her friend. Nadav is still at his friend’s, and Dror is at work. No one’s missed her. The world hasn’t fallen apart or collapsed. And she got to sit in a café all afternoon! Bursting with energy, she goes to prepare dinner, but not before she says hello to the girls and sends Dror a message to pick up Nadav from his friend on the way home.

  She sinks into thought as she chops vegetables for salad. She’d love to meet Koby’s children. She’s curious—maybe she’ll suggest getting everyone together. Nadav will certainly be happy to make a new friend. Neta will be distant and say that she doesn’t have the time, and Ido is out of the question, since he’s not home most of the time. Yes, it’s a good idea. She scoops the tomatoes out with a knife into a bowl. Maybe they’ll come here, and then Neta will have no way to escape. She puts down the tomato and wipes her hands on a kitchen towel. Then she goes into WhatsApp.

  “How about coming over with the children sometime?” she writes and immediately clicks send, before she can regret it. Her heart is pounding. What a wild idea!

  “Gladly,” he answers immediately. She’s trembling. “Just say when,” he adds. She sees he’s still typing and waits impatiently. “I had a wonderful afternoon,” he writes and sends a small, colorful bouquet of flowers.

  She smiles. “Me too,” and a moment later, she sends another message, “Are your children with you?”

  “Tomorrow,” he replies.

  “Then come over tomorrow,” she writes boldly, “Ido won’t be home but Neta and Nadav are around.”

  He sends a thumbs-up.

  She wonders if it means yes. Can it be that simple? Her fingers tremble as she types the address and adds that she’ll be home from three. He writes back “You’re on,” and disconnects.

  She smiles happily and continues to chop the red pepper. If she has time, she’ll bake a quick sponge cake, so she’ll have something to serve. Or maybe she’ll make it tomorrow, so it’s fresh.

  When Dror gets home from work, along with Nadav, the table is set and dinner is ready. Two long loaf pans are in the fridge with banana cake batter. She’ll bake them tomorrow, that way they’ll be fresher. Neta’s friend goes home and they sit down at the table. Dror is staring silently into space and focusing on chewing. Nadav tells them how school was, then Neta tells them about the horrible exam in biology that she has to take.

  She nods, listening to her children as she dishes up salad for each of them. Vegetables are very healthy. She asks questions, shows an interest. No one cares where she spent the afternoon, and luckily so. It’s not all that interesting, and nor is it anyone’s business. Maybe she’ll suggest going for coffee again, or a bite. They could make it a regular custom. He seems to have plenty of free time, and he really goes with the flow. He’s so nice to talk to…there is something open and different and original about him, like a breath of fresh air. She’ll invite him again, for sure, and she’ll pay. He did say his financial situation was far from being great. Not that their situation is wonderful, but it’s probably better than Koby’s.

  The children get up from the table. Neta announces that she’s going to take a shower.

  “Don’t use up all the hot water!” she shouts after her, “And be quick. Nadav has to go in after you!”

  “Hmph, do I have to?” Nadav collapses wearily on the floor.

  “Yes,” she says firmly, “and please help me clear the table.”

  ***

  The next day at four, she opens the door for them.

  “Come on in!” she says. He kisses her cheek and compliments her on the amazing smell wafting through the house. “Banana cake,” she giggles, “it’ll be ready in a few minutes. Hi…you must be Shaked,” she turns to the girl with the big curious eyes and the long loose hair encircling her face, “and you’re…Noam?”

  The tall, slightly gawky boy with a wild mane of hair nods but doesn’t say a word.

  “They’ll warm up soon,” Koby smiles and gently nudges his children inside.

  Nadav runs out of his room. “I’m Nadav!” he declares.

  Koby laughs and holds out his hand to shake, “What a reception! I wish my children were as open and friendly!” he exclaims.

  “Actually, Dad, I’m very friendly,” Shaked corrects him and introduces herself to Nadav. “Do you have your own room?” she asks and Nadav says yes and asks if she wants to see it. Shaked nods and the two of them run to his room.

  “Please, sit down,” she tells Koby and Noam, who are still standing in the entrance, “I’ll call Neta.”

  Neta emerges from her room with obvious reluctance, “I have to study for biology!” she grumbles.

  “I also have a biology exam in a couple of days,” Noam finally opens his mouth, “that’s weird.”

  “Well, it is a national assessment exam,” Neta answers, “and I understand we’re in the same grade…”

  Noam shrugs. He doesn’t care, or maybe he just doesn’t know.

  “Do you want to study together?” Neta suggests, “Because I really have to study…”

  “Cool,” he says and follows her to her room.

  Koby smiles, “Well, we have that sorted. Now we can finally have some privacy!”

  She laughs, walks to the kitchen and takes the cake out of the oven. She tries to slice it, but it’s steaming and still too soft.

  “Wait a little,” he suggests, watching her movements, “otherwise it’ll fall apart…”

  “I know,” she says, “it’s no big deal, I just wanted to serve it already…coffee?” she suggests and Koby gladly accepts the offer.

  By six o’clock the two banana cakes have been completely devoured, only partly by the children. The children are in their rooms and the adults sit in the living room talking. She’s hungry for information, interrogating Koby about himself and trying to remember everything he tells her. He compliments her on the cake. He wishes that someone would make him cake like this every day. Dror is lucky.

  “Dror doesn’t know he’s lucky,” she snorts, “and this is the easiest cake in the world. I’ll be happy to make it for you regularly. If it’ll make you happy.”

  “You’re such a sweetie,” he says and strokes the back of her hand lightly as she places her empty cup on the small table.

  She smiles. This feels good. And even the children are getting along. It’s too bad that Dror will be back soon.

  ***

  The next day, they plan to go together to the public library. She takes Nadav there once a week, so why should she mind picking up Koby and Shaked too? It’s almost on their way, a tiny detour at the most.

  When Shaked gets into the back seat, Nadav’s face glows. They quickly compare books and recommend what to read next.

  Koby gets in the front seat and rests his arm across the back of the driver’s seat. He smells slightly of soap. She inhales the smell, wondering what soap he uses.

  “Are you also borrowing books?” he asks.

  She nods and points with her chin at two books next to her purse, which she pushed haphazardly under the seat. He bends over and picks them up, then examines their covers.

  “I like women who read,” he says and leans over to her, “I find it very attractive.”

  She giggles in embarrassment. “Do you read?”

  “No, I don’t have the patience for it anymore,” he says dismissively, “but I used to read a lot when I was young and handsome.”

  She laughs and parks the car next to the library. The children leap out and run ahead, deep in conversation.

  “We have a lesson tomorrow,” he notes, “I’ve been looking
forward to it.”

  She locks the car and says, “Me too.”

  “You know,” he suggests as they walk leisurely toward the building, “maybe you should start taking two lessons a week. I feel that one’s not enough for you, that you could do with a boost if you want to progress.”

  She grins, enjoying his warm words, and his caring. Finally, someone is thinking about her. She’s already learned that it’s not something to be taken for granted. “I’m not sure I can afford two lessons a week,” she hesitates, “although I’d love to.”

  “I’m sure you can indulge yourself a little,” he says, “You’ve finally reached the stage when your children are grown and need you a little less. You can see that the house doesn’t fall apart because you’re not there for two hours in the afternoon…”

  “That’s true,” she agrees, “but it’s quite expensive.”

  “Then maybe you can join the group?” he suggests, “We ride together twice a week. Whoever wants to can join. It’s more economical, and you’ll still be riding. It’ll keep you fit and that way you won’t have to wait a week between rides.”

  “It sounds like a great idea,” she says enthusiastically, and he explains how it works. He has only good things to say, and markets it carefully.

  “Mom, I chose one book!” Nadav waves a book with a black cover and a golden inscription.

  “That’s wonderful, honey,” “choose another, and I’m also going to look around a bit.”

  “Do you want company?” he stands close, “I can recommend a few.”

  “Wonderful!” she says and locks arms with him. They march like that toward the shelves of books for adults. They look through the rows of books in silence, concentrating, when suddenly he pulls out a book and laughs, “Oh, what a book! I read it at least twice, wow, it was so long ago…”

  She doesn’t know it. She takes the book from him and carefully reads the back cover. “I’ll take it,” she says, “if you recommend it so warmly…”

  “Wait, I’m sure you’ll find a few more good ones soon…”

  She’s curious, wondering which books he liked when he was young. Has he developed since then? If he did have the patience, what would he read today?

  Shaked appears from one of the aisles, her huge eyes aflame. “I found the fifth book in the series!” she shouts and Koby hushes her. “We’re in the library,” he says and she repeats herself, but quietly this time.

  Nadav is behind her, holding two books. “I’m done,” he says, “can we go for ice cream?”

  She smiles. She also doesn’t want their time together to end. “That’s a wonderful idea! Let’s go, it’s my treat!”

  Nadav and Shaked are interested only in their chocolate ice cream cones. Their chins are dripping brown ice cream. Koby suggests they share one. She agrees willingly and treats them to three flavors. Koby nobly lets her choose two of them. They sit beside the children, sharing the ice cream. They each have their own teaspoon. Her heart is racing with excitement. Her hand touches his when they both try to take a spoonful. Despite the cold ice cream and the overcast weather, she feels warmth rushing through her. It feels good. And Nadav is happy, what more does she need?

  ***

  “We had a great time yesterday,” he tells her the next morning when they stop to rest halfway down the trail.

  She’s gasping for breath and can barely speak. She’s still not quite used to the intensity of riding or the adrenaline rush it gives her. Her muscles are aching and her lungs are almost bursting with the effort. But she’s feeling great. She can’t remember the last time she felt so alive, so vibrant.

  “Let’s sit down,” he suggests and removes his helmet, “you look exhausted. Have you had enough to drink?”

  She notices her parched throat and drinks some water. “I’m okay,” she assures him, “but maybe we really should sit down for a few minutes.”

  They sit on an ice-cold white rock. She removes her helmet and gloves and runs her hand over her sweat-dampened hair, which is clinging to her face. He also removes his gloves and puts them down by hers, his hand passing over hers and brushing it gently. “What a difference in size there is between us,” he says, “look at the gloves…”

  She looks down at the gloves, although they don’t really interest her. Her heart is pounding from the effort of riding, but not only. She’s not sure what the whirlwind of emotions inside her are, but her stomach is churning. She hasn’t felt this way for years, so awake and aware.

  “I feel that there’s something special between us, am I right?” he asks quietly, resting his head lightly on her shoulder. She swallows. Her head nods almost imperceptibly.

  “It’s not just me, then?” he checks, whispering in her ear. She can feel his warm breath on her earlobe.

  “No,” she answers hoarsely.

  She’s looking away. He touches her chin softly and turns her head to face him, trying desperately to make eye contact. She feels like a little, inexperienced girl with no idea what to do next. She quickly tries to determine her boundaries. No one has ever challenged her to look for or find them. She’s always been just a mother to Ido, Neta and Nadav, and a wife to Dror, and no more.

  As if spinning the head of a marionette on its axis, he turns her head slowly before lowering his face to hers, their lips almost touching, their breathing rhythmic. He pauses for a moment and then kisses her tenderly. It’s just a flutter of lips, a tender caress, a taste. She responds. Her eyes close and she abandons herself to the pleasure and elation she hasn’t felt in years, that she never expected to experience again. His lips open and a careful tongue penetrates her mouth. She tunes out the thoughts racing through her mind, the questions firing ceaselessly at her. She says nothing, just lets herself respond. She’s present and abandoned, allowing the sensations in, sensations from a lifetime ago, when she was young and in love.

  He strokes her face, her hair, and kisses her All over her lips, cheeks, neck, ears, until the sun begins to set and it grows colder.

  “We should finish the trail,” he finally whispers to her, “you probably need to be getting home.”

  ***

  Dinner passes in silence. As usual, Dror is self-absorbed. Neta has nothing to say and Nadav has already told them about his day. She eats some salad, the taste of his kiss still in her mouth. She wishes she didn’t have to eat at all, that she could preserve the taste. She doesn’t want to ever forget it. She casually touches her lips and her dreamy gaze suddenly focuses again when Nadav asks when they’ll have ice cream again with Shaked. Neta adds indifferently that Noam is quite nice and that she wouldn’t mind getting together with him again. She smiles and says she’ll invite them over soon, they’re such a lovely family. Dror grimaces but says nothing. . She wouldn’t listen to him anyway. He has no right to a say in the matter. She watches him eating and feels repulsed.

  At night, when they get into bed, she finally starts reading the library book that Koby recommended. Dror looks at the cover, surprised. “That book’s rubbish,” he declares dismissively, “I read it years ago!”

  She looks up at him angrily and says that she’d prefer to reach her own conclusions.

  He becomes defensive and says no problem, he only wants to spare her the anguish, the time wasted by reading a bad book. She doesn’t answer, she’s reading.

  Suddenly he puts his hand on her stomach and strokes it. She doesn’t respond. She already knows where he’s going. He grasps one of her breasts tightly and massages it, then leans in and kisses her neck. “Are you in the mood?” he whispers in her ear.

  A feeling of nausea washes over her and she sighs.

  “Come on, Anat, we haven’t slept together in a month…” he begs and keeps on kneading her breast. Her nipple hardens against her will.

  “You’re counting?” she snaps at him and puts the book down, knowing that she can’t keep avoiding th
e obligation he imposes on her every now and then. She takes off her shirt, removes her pants and gets under the blanket. The children are asleep and the bedroom door is closed. He takes off his clothes and climbs onto her. She closes her eyes and drifts off to the frozen white rock, the wind, her pounding heart, and the softest touch of tender lips she’s ever felt.

  ***

  That Friday, she summons up the courage to ride with the group. They’re a friendly bunch, mostly around her age, and they smile kindly at her. Noga, her new assistant, is also there.

  She gives her a quick wave and continues to observe the group. Her eyes immediately notice a woman, who comes right up to introduce herself. She looks nice, nonthreatening and real, with short hair, a great body and no makeup or jewelry.

  “Orly,” she holds out her hand warmly.

  “Anat,” they shake hands, becoming instant friends. It turns out that they’re almost neighbors.

  Koby goes over to each person, checking that everything’s all right. They’ll be starting the trail in a moment. He calls out to them and asks them to arrange themselves in a line. Today they’re riding a single flowing track, naturally without a lot of twists and turns and not too many bumps, more importantly, without drops. The paths are still covered in mud, so they need to be careful not to slip. There are a few downhills, a few uphills, so don’t forget to play with the height of the seat, he reminds them. Keep your eyes on the path at all times, there may be one drop, he’s not sure, and if so, anyone who’s afraid should get off their bike. No one wants to break anything today. The emergency room on Friday afternoon is a nightmare, with only the interns on duty. The doctors are at home, resting.