Riding Lies

by Eshkar Erblich-Brifman

  They stop to rest beside one of the strong streams that feed the Besor Stream. The flow is slow and has created small natural pools surrounded by rustling cane. He sits under a tree and puts his backpack down next to him.

  She takes hers off and tosses it carelessly aside. Then she removes her sweaty shirt and exposes her tiny breasts. “Sweat-wicking fabric my ass!” she says contemptuously and spreads her shirt in the sun to dry.

  He laughs in surprise and lies down under the shade of the tree.

  She unties her shoelaces, takes off her shoes, socks, and her tight, wet pants. There are two thick strips of sweat on the sides of her panties. She takes them off too, leaving herself naked.

  “What are you doing?!” he roars with laughter.

  “Going for a dip,” she says.

  “What?” he sits up, “You’re unbelievable!”

  “You’re the one who says you only live once, no?” she teases him. “So I’m fulfilling a fantasy of my own!”

  “Am I part of it?” he asks hopefully and removes his wet shirt.

  She nods and tiptoes into the water. The stones are sharp and the moss slippery, but she doesn’t care. The water is crystal clear and full of black freshwater snails gleaming in the sun.

  She squints at him and sees he’s taking off his pants. He’s not wearing underwear.

  “Come on, get in already,” she urges him. He stumbles toward her, shouting with pain. She laughs.

  “These stones are hell!” he complains.

  His penis is still shriveled from the cold, but she’s confident that it will soon stand proud. She wades slowly through the water, to the middle of the pool. The water becomes murkier and greener the deeper she goes. “You have no fear at all, do you?” he says admiringly.

  “Fear of what?” she turns her head to him.

  He shrugs. “Leeches? Crocodiles? Water snakes? Sharks?”

  She bursts into rolling, uninhibited laughter and lies down in the water, floating on her back. A short cry escapes her lips, “It’s freezing!”

  He moves slowly toward her, a little wary of the cold, leeches, crocodiles, water snakes and sharks. She looks at him with a small grin, and then he attacks her with a passionate kiss, presses his lips hard on hers and leans her against a slippery wet rock at the edge of the pool. Her body is still in the water but her head is leaning on the rock. He doesn’t stop kissing her, moving from her lips to her ears to her neck to the dip between her shoulders and down to her breasts, kissing them, sucking her hard, erect nipples.

  She closes her eyes, allowing herself to get swept up in the icy pleasure, shivers running through her body. How wonderful this feels, who needs a luxurious bed and fancy satin sheets. Not her She loves how natural it feels She wishes she could live like this—wild, uncivilized, being truly herself. Where did she find the courage? She would never have believed herself capable of this A short, happy giggle escapes her. She spreads her legs so he can penetrate her, and he does. He’s inside her, gripping her and moving her forward, to him, then back to the rock. She feels the release coming, and then he stops and lets her go.

  She’s panting, what is he doing? She looks into his eyes, begging him to continue. Right now, and quickly. He smiles, controlling her, and she allows him to, there is nothing holding her back. He pulls her close again and enters her again. Her eyes close and she waits for the climax, it’s so close yet so far, and then again, he stops, pulls out and gently bites her breasts.

  “Why did you stop?” she cries and opens her eyes, beating his hairy chest and demanding him to go on.

  He laughs and penetrates her again, spreading her legs so wide that it hurts, pressing her against the rock and moving her again, fast and steady. Her groans are loud, in time with his. The hair on her body is standing, every muscle tense, her mouth gaping. She waits expectantly for release, which she reaches with a wild intensity moments later. He comes with her, inside her, and for a few minutes they are one entity, in almost perfect harmony.

  “I hope that was good for you,” she says after calming down a bit, but still breathing heavily. Gently, she pulls him out of her, “I want you to have something to remember when this ends.”

  “It doesn’t have to,” he says and kisses her shoulder.

  She exhales. “Sure it does. It’ll be over soon.”

  “How will you manage without me?” he says with a smile, although she’s not sure he’s joking.

  “Like I did before,” she answers serenely and splashes cold water on him.

  “I wouldn’t want to see you crawl back into your shell,” he says and she notices a touch of criticism in his voice.

  “Koby,” she replies coolly, “don’t patronize me and don’t fuck with my mind. I’m a big girl and I can make my own decisions.”

  He raises his hands in surrender. “No doubt, but it’s a pity you make them based on fear.”

  She feels her face turning red and her heart pounding. What a cheek! Who does he think he is?

  “Maybe we should get going,” she suggests, starting to wade her way out of the cold water.

  “Hey,” he stops her and pulls her arm, “don’t be angry.”

  “I’m not,” she says but her eyes are still impenetrable.

  He pulls her close and kisses her tenderly on the lips. She doesn’t respond and she doesn’t kiss him back. She doesn’t want to fight now. She made a bold decision, coming away with him for the night, and she wants to get the most out of this trip. She also needs to create memories, so she’ll have something to remember in a few years, or months, or even days. He certainly takes her to heights she never knew existed. And he is certainly different from anyone she’s ever met before. But as she plods out the water, careful not to slip on the green moss covering the rocks, she knows that soon it will all be over.

  They arrive at the B&B after dark. The moshav they’re staying at is in the middle of nowhere. They’re at the edge of the world, so different from the city. They road all day along deserted trails, without meeting a soul except two servers in the restaurant they stopped at. Finding the restaurant was also no easy feat. How do people live here? They don’t even have normal street lighting! Still, the quiet and utter darkness has its charm, at least for a vacation. She knows she could never live here. On a big, well-lit kibbutz, yes. Here in the Negev—no. Ben-Gurion and his ideas, she thinks to herself with a smile. Make the desert bloom, really! How did Paula agree to it?

  “Hello,” a woman says with a bright smile. She’s the third woman they’ve seen today. She wonders how many people she walks past in a single day in Jerusalem.

  She shows them to the room, explains how to operate the jacuzzi and asks what time they’d like breakfast. She’s not used to being pampered like this and feels embarrassed by the explanations and questions. She wonders if the word adulteress is written on her forehead, or if they look like a typical married couple.

  Koby asks if seven-thirty is too early. She raises an eyebrow. Seven-thirty? They’re on vacation!

  “What?” he smiles, revealing his dimples. “We want to make the most of the day for riding. What did you think, we came here to rest? We came to work!”

  The woman assures them there’s no problem. At seven-thirty she’ll put their breakfast by the door, just take it in right away otherwise their two cats might devour it in no time.

  She shivers. She can’t stand cats. Dogs, she likes. She knows it’s a stupid distinction, but something in their nature drives her crazy.

  The woman gives them the key and smiles as she says goodbye.

  He takes off his pants and bounces back onto the bed. His legs are parted and his limp penis is resting on his hairy balls. “Ahh!” he says, “This is what I was looking forward to!”

  She shakes her head and laughs.

  “I’m exhausted!” he says.

  “Come shower,” she says
, “you’re stinking up the bed!”

  She undresses and steps into the largest shower stall she’s ever seen. Water sprays wildly from every direction. She looks for the jets on the walls.

  A few moments later he joins her and together, they silently examine the jets, the miniature fragrant soaps that leave a soft lather on her skin when he soaps her, the shampoo he washes his hair with. They linger over every detail, observing, attuned, their eyes open.

  ***

  She ends it with a message. She knows she’s awful, that it’s not the way to behave, but she’s afraid of being trapped again in his net, afraid he’ll try to change her mind. It’s easier this way. She has to get out and she doesn’t really owe him an explanation. He shouldn’t have seduced her and she shouldn’t have allowed him to.

  “Koby,” she writes, “I’m sorry but this no longer suits me.” She sends the message and takes a deep breath, trying to ease her tension.

  He answers with three question marks. She looks out the window and sighs. Her boss won’t be coming in today, so she can write freely, certainly more so than at home.

  “I don’t regret what happened,” she writes, “but I can’t go on this way. It’s poisoning me from the inside. Hanan doesn’t deserve it, and nor do the kids.”

  He answers immediately. “Let’s talk about it.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” she writes back.

  “Want to come over after work?”

  “No. I’ll ride with the group as usual. See you Friday.” She presses send and waits.

  He doesn’t answer. She leaves WhatsApp open and tries to concentrate on work, but without success. She’s at peace with her decision, she knows it’s the right thing to do, and yet, she’s overwhelmed with grief. Her body is heavy, exhausted, and she feels dizzy. Perhaps her potential cancer is finally rearing its head. What a perfect time to punish her for her reckless behavior.

  ***

  She waits on the curb, her bicycle on one side, her backpack on the other. It’s six o’clock in the morning and still chilly.

  Anat arrives at six-ten. They’re traveling together to the Besor region, it’s so much nicer that way, and safer. She likes Anat, so much that her heart aches for her sometimes, the way she traipses behind him as if in a trance. Was she the same? She’d like to believe that no. She’s better at protecting herself and was good at controlling herself, at least most of the time. He’s such an idiot. He gave up on her so easily. She knows she’s one in a million but still, she expected him to fight a little more for her. But he chose not to. Perhaps he knew it was a lost battle. He’s been cold and indifferent since she ended it. He still smiles at her when they ride, but differently. He’s kind and offers her coffee but no more. Is he playing with her? Waiting for her to break? To feel jealous? She really doesn’t want him to try to change her mind. Still, somewhere inside she’s disappointed, hurt. She’d like to believe that she’s worth fighting for.

  Anat gets out of the car and gives her a warm hug. She hugs her back and hops from foot to foot, grinning. “How great is this!” she says. She won’t allow Koby to ruin the trip for her. She’ll ride along the trails, cross the suspension bridge, stop by the observation tower and maybe this time, she’ll also get to enjoy the view. She’ll pass by the streambed, and in the end, she’ll sit by the natural pool surrounded by cane. She knows she’ll look at it and smile sadly, reminiscing, but she’ll be at peace with her decision.

  ***

  The public park is bathed in sunlight. She spots colorful balloons and can see Anat busy hanging them up. Her heart fills with warmth. She likes her, she really does. Perhaps that’s why she came to Nadav’s birthday party. She hates birthday parties. She hates holidays and crowds. And to be honest, she hates children too. Not her own, of course, but she’s never felt anything for other people’s children.

  Anat walks over and gives her a bearhug. She’s so happy to see her.

  She holds out the gift for Nadav and apologizes in advance if it’s not suitable, there’s a return slip inside.

  She looks around. He’s already there. Of course he is. Anat told her she’d be inviting him. She knows how close they are. Well, if you could call it that. He’s taking advantage of her, of that she’s sure, just as he takes advantage of all of them. Idiot. How did she allow herself to get involved with him? On the other hand, she did end it when she realized that it wasn’t for her. But Anat? Anat is buried deep in this story. She’s head over heels, you can see it in her eyes. She behaves so differently when he’s around…she looks like a teenager with a belly full of butterflies. How can her husband stand it? She turns and looks at Dror. Interesting, this is the first time she’s seen him. Until today, she’s only heard stories about him. Somehow, she pictured him differently. More pathetic. He actually looks quite good for his age. She studies him curiously while he tries unsuccessfully to light the saj. A young man goes over to help him. That must be Ido, she notes to herself.

  Anat is busy and has almost no time for her. That’s okay. She didn’t expect them to sit and have coffee together. Koby comes up to her with a smile. She notices his dimples and feels nauseated.

  “How are you?” he asks warmly, as if everything is fine. Maybe everything is, and she’s just imagining things. Maybe he’s being mature about it and has moved on, since he doesn’t really need her. He has a few more just like her.

  “I’m doing great,” she says and forces a smile, then turns her back and goes to pour herself a glass of reconstituted orange juice, but it’s so sweet it only makes her nausea worse.

  And then Hagar arrives. She’s so annoying, in her tight jeans and short blue shirt with its deep neckline. How does she manage to always look so good? It’s Saturday morning! How much time did she stand in front of the mirror? Her eyes are hidden behind black designer sunglasses but she’s sure there are layers of makeup underneath. You can’t miss her red lipstick, or the dazzling diamond ring on her finger. She’s the only one wearing loose jeans, a plain T-shirt and sandals. She wouldn’t be able to survive even a minute in Hagar’s jeans, a person can’t breathe properly in them, or in her heels. She has no idea how anyone can walk in them or what purpose they serve. She wonders how many women have broken their ankle walking around in high heels.

  Anat looks delighted as she walks over to them. “Hi Ofer!” she says to the boy by Hagar’s side. “I’m so glad you’re here! Where’s Ilai-chick?”

  She sighs. She hates all this sickly-sweetness. Maybe she’ll say that she must go. Soon. She’ll be polite, but she doesn’t really have to stay until the end, or at all. She showed up with a gift,, and that’s more than enough. She doesn’t want to offend Anat. She knows that these events are important to her. But she’s not obliged to stay for long, is she?

  She sits down on a large white rock. Dror has finally managed to light the fire and the saj is steaming. Anat suggests to some of the girls to start making pita bread and sprinkles flour on the tablecloths. You can see she’s a preschool teacher. She’s good at all this. She herself has no idea how to communicate with children. She’s also not sure how to make dough and she certainly wouldn’t have thought of sprinkling flour on the tablecloth to prevent the dough from sticking.

  Koby goes over to the girls who are pulling at the dough and offers to help them. In a few years they’ll be all grown up, she thinks to herself, and then he’ll be able to add them to his collection. Moments later, the activities begin. Anat told her that her Neta and Koby’s Noam are good friends and that they prepared the activities for the party. What a couple. She hopes for Neta’s sake that Noam doesn’t have his father’s genes.

  Can she go yet? It’s not that she has anything better to do at home, but at least it’s quiet. Hanan and Ben have gone to the pool or the gym, she’s not sure which, and Uri is at his base for the weekend. She hates it when he has weekend duty. She knew it would be hard, but trying not to f
all apart exhausts her. Anat and Hagar are standing by the activities looking engrossed. Koby is standing between them with one arm around each It’s disgusting, how happy he looks with his harem women. It’s obvious that he’s conquered Hagar as well, she looks totally in love when he’s in the vicinity. How could she not? Has anyone ever managed to escape his net? How the heck does he do it? She has no idea. He’s not even that good-looking, just an ordinary, shabby riding instructor with impressive sexual experience and a high dose of self-confidence.

  She turns to look at Dror, ostracized and squatting behind the saj. He’s clearly not a part of it, he was clearly given a marginal role in this show. She feels sorry for him. She can tell that he knows, that he understands exactly what’s happening around him, but he doesn’t have any right to say anything. No one asks his opinion, not his wife, and definitely not Koby. And then she remembers Hanan. Does he also know? She would never dare to behave so brutally to him. But maybe that’s not the issue and the proof is in the pudding. She did exactly as Anat is doing, just more humanely.

  She exhales, takes her phone from her purse and writes a message to Hanan. “I’ll be back early. I’ll make lunch for you, don’t eat there.” And with a decisive smile on her lips, she goes over to Anat and mumbles her apologies. She has to go.

  ***

  Again, she finds herself waiting for Anat’s little car, her bike on one side, a small backpack on the other. They’re going on a trip to the desert. Again, she has to argue with her boss and to almost force a day’s vacation out of her. This time, Hagar is also coming on the trip, and not only Hagar, but her husband too. It’s not clear if he’s coming with because he doesn’t trust his wife, or because he just likes riding. Either way, from what she understood from Anat, he didn’t give her much choice. Anat appears moments later, and she’s struck by a feeling of déjà vu. It feels like yesterday that they travelled together to the Besor region.